a well of Catholic Guilt

Mauro, Brazil, 20-something [derrogatory], MomFriend™. Multifandom. A03.

[notasecrettelepath]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Posting something I’ve been obsessing over for the past month and a half!

Chapters: 2/20 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Post-Season/Series 05, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Introspection, Eddie Diaz has Religious Trauma (9-1-1 TV), Catholic Guilt, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Minor Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tapeworm Guy, Good Friend Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, POV Alternating, Firehouse 118 Crew as Family (9-1-1 TV), Coming Out, Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Friends to Lovers, Eddie Diaz Needs a Hug (9-1-1 TV), Shannon Diaz Haunts The Narrative, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Coma dreams, Eventual Fluff, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has Abandonment Issues, Evan "Buck" Buckley has Coma Dreams

Summary:

Evan Buckley rips open his wild heart and explores his yearning to be part of a family; what it means to learn the difference between being desired, being wanted and being loved. In the process, he discovers he could love a man, if only it wasn’t his best friend.

Eddie Diaz dons his armor and tries to come to terms with what it means to be a man and a father; what it means to grieve not only for Shannon, but also for the once-hallowed image he had of himself. In the process, he discovers he could love his best friend again, if only he wasn’t a man.

Christopher Diaz surprises his father at work and is told he looks a lot like Buck’s son, which is a thought he’d entertained more than once before.

And, above Los Angeles, a lightning storm brews.

Read it on AO3. I have around 13 chapters and 100K+ words done, I’ll be posting them periodically!

[notasecrettelepath]

aisha hinds truly the CEO of objectifying the boys i love her SO MUCH. no one is doing it like her

[lkbh]

Adam lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan's worship into one downtown block.

[buddienetwork]

We got it covered. 9-1-1, S08E17

[butchdiaz]

is it casual now?

tags! lmk if you wanna be added/removed

@goldenbcnes @chronicowboy @poughkeepsies @ilostyou @911onabc @anirudhpisharody @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @peetamellarky @eddiebabygirldiaz @leothil @canondiaz @jjudaslips @exhuastedpigeon @shitouttabuck @bvckandeddie @wearherlikeanecklace @oneawkwardcookie @diazly @canonfageddie @freakazoidfag @buddiecanon08x13 @buddiecanon8x11 @chappellroanofarc @cranberrymoons @fruitydiaz @hunybody @piningbuddies @henswilsons @spacediscos @daughter-of-winterfell @gayedmundo @watchyourbuck @bucksbeagle @evcn @iinryer @saryasy @treasurehuntbuck @buckevanley @rainscenes @namesnamesandmorenames @socialistwh0r3amv @epiaphany @trudayss

[bilosan]

listener eddie diaz

[ineedabreakbadly]

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you he loves you, but he loves you.

[pumpkinpietimb]

Ok I need everyone to understand that Buck and Eddie are both products of their upbringing. Buck was a child of neglect, which led to him having abandonment issues. While Eddie was a child forced to grow up too fast, which led to him having hyper-independence. Two different kind of traumas. Two different kinds of trauma response. Which would require two different kinds of help.

Buck and Eddie help each other overcome these things and because they are two different kinds of problems, the way they help will ALSO be different. Ever since they met, Eddie has always been there for Buck (don't even fight me on this) and Buck has always given Eddie what he needs. It will look imbalanced, but it's really not. They both need SOMEONE in their lives, just in different ways.

Buck doesn't need someone to take over his lease, or to take care of his son, or to help him figure out childcare, he needs someone to Not Leave Him Alone. Eddie doesn't need someone to tell him he's not expendable, or to be reassured he's trustworthy, or to be promised he's not going to be abandoned, he needs someone to Give Him a Helping Hand. And the moment they became friends they have been those SOMEONES to each other.

They are each other's persons. Equally.

[rainscenes]

8.09 | 2.01

[bilosan]

listener eddie diaz

[cakegatedisaster]

I caved, ok? Is that what people want to hear?? I fucking caved. I thought y'all were exaggerating. I thought it was subtle. But by God those firefighters were eye fucking by the second episode-

[rainscenes]

EDDIE’S HANDS in season 8A

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[ceeberoni]

you have to understand the glass shattering over my head i felt when THIS was the first message i saw from noa after his surgery

[buckleysibz]

this point has probably been beaten to death but i still can’t get over the fact that buck’s hazardous childhood was a direct consequence of the buckley parents’ emotional neglect. and they still weren’t really there for the aftermath and the healing. it’s maddie we see clean up his cuts, wiped the blood of his face etc etc.

meanwhile bobby nash has a permanent seat at buck’s hospital bedside. he was one of the only people there when buck choked on bread. (abby was already at the scene of the crime.) he was there for the months of rehab after buck’s crush injury, despite buck’s admittance that he wasn’t the easiest person to be around during that time. he’s praying for that (his) kid whenever he’s in some sort of trouble. he knows what medicines buck’s allergic to and what should be used instead. they were in the middle of the biggest twist of miscommunication and hurt we’ve ever seen them through (aka lawsuit era) but when the hospital rang bobby to say buck cut himself, he rushed straight there.

ugh bobby loves that kid so much it makes me emotional

[thealogie]

I am genuinely not advocating for a return to queerbait tv, I was vocally against it the whole time it was happening that was like my whole shtick for a while but it is kind of wild that when gay people weren’t allowed on tv, gay characters (who weren’t allowed to be gay) would be drinking poison for each other and killing bad guys for each other romantically and offering to go to prison in each other’s place and now that we are allowed to have gay people on tv…gay people will just be having a healthy conversation and going going on a date like normal people. Get OUT of my face with that

[zyprexazydis11]

[inklingowl]

[bark-barkley]

Buck & Eddie | Talking With Your Boyf Best Friend

(2x01) (3x09) (8x06) (8x07) (8x08)