Trashier Than A Dumpster And Living On Fandoms

Bouncing from one hyperfixation to the next in this stupid little thing we call life. Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoThoughtsJustVibes

[thememedaddy]

[dailyshanehollander]

[avantgarden-er]

Harris recognizing the traumatized ex-racing greyhound in the corner of the function but its just Troy Barrett eating off a paper plate

[thethirdromana]

How lovely that cream rises deliciously to the top of the milk rather than clumping sadly at the bottom. The world is kind in so many small ways.

[thethirdromana]

#milk I guess.

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

out and married hollanov having drinks at a non-hockey friend's house. maybe shane's old stylist who he really got along with and then her friend group absorbed him, which in turn meant they absorbed ilya.

anyway they're all sitting around a fire pit having cunty little cocktails or smth and just enough has been consumed that the convo turns scandalous. someone (we'll say his stylist) is waxing poetic about her gorgeous new fwb and their equally gorgeous friend and says "that's a sandwich i'd love to be the jelly in."

and shane - tipsy but ever present - his ears sort of perk up puppy style across the fire like, "sandwich...?"

which inspires this whole conversation about handsy threesomes. and shane's gonna be honest, in theory that sounds hot. he's had his fair share of late-night jerk offs around the idea, don't get him wrong. but he's got ilya locked down - he's not sniffing around for a third. the concept, however...the physical sensation of being caught between two hot sweaty dudes? yeah that's juuuust enough to get him zoning out into the fire, tipsy mind having a field day filled with sweaty muscles and tight, delicious pressure crowding him in on all sides.

ilya recognizes this look in an instant, of course. he's sitting right next to him after all. "making your imaginary sandwich in front of your husband..." he tsks, but it's all in good fun. he's obviously very interested, just like everyone else who has tuned into the convo because shane's kinda-

"panini..."

"what?"

"meat in a panini," he drowsily explains, in what he thinks is a perfect and impressively cohesive explanation of the image in his head right now. "absolutely fuckin' crushed..."

ilya can't even pretend to be surprised because he knows his man. and his needs. and his frequent desires to be smashed into oblivion under ilya's full weight. not even fucking him, most times. just squeezing him. pressure for pressure's sake. "ah... of course." this makes perfect sense. even if the rest of the group doesn't seem to be following. "and who is bread for your meat, my panini?"

that gets a couple giggles, but shane is fucking locked in, brother. like he's making plans already. "well you, obviously."

"obviously." okay thank god. "and who else?" he's reaching out to run his fingers through the back of his husband's hair while he speaks. "who will help me keep you still? maybe bood would if we-"

"marleau."

ilya pauses. blinks. "what?"

"cliff marleau," shane says. as if ilya is seeking clarification on which marleau is being discussed and like-...

ilya tilts his head and it's a little judgy. he knows. like the careful tone he carries with what he says next but like...hello? "sweetheart, cliff marleau fractured your collarbone and put you in hospital..."

and shane, god love him, he's just sitting there with this dreamy, almost blissed out haze over his eyes as his mind wanders. "exaaactly..."

[newtype-lila]

rb to tell prev they're being so brave right now and pat their head a little please

[gojira007]

[komaami]

I like this trend 😄

Like father Ilya like son Luca

Can we get this kind of view of all the Centaurs? Please? 🥹

[theatsthetic]

female-presenting vitruvian

[theatsthetic]

i appreciate the amount of people reblogging this despite me not really tagging this at all. im glad many of people feel the same anger i do.

[shilyas]

see I can’t be convinced that Shane would be against the idea of a sex tape bc he’s had phone/skype/facetime sex w/ Ilya for Y E A R S. I mean, Shane has more than likely thought about the possibility of their devices getting hacked or accidentally pressing something & a clip leaking or whatever, sure, but ultimately, I think if Ilya proposed it, he’d be down & oh boy would he put on quite the performance. plus I also think he’d love to watch Ilya fucking him, plain & simple

he’d view the tape for what it is, which is fucking hot, yes, but also similarly to a video meeting w/ the team & make mental notes on what Ilya really enjoyed or what position he looked great in, what made Ilya lose control or what made Ilya make a specific face or noise & then their collection of tapes would grow & grow bc so would their sex life

[shanyushahollander]

‘rachel reid totally forgot what she wrote in HR and randomly made ilya want to come out and set up a contrived conflict in TLG for no reason!’ wow look at what i found written on the pages of HR:

[giveemhales]

I’ve seen discourse about “Shane Hollander walks Ilya Rozanov like a dog” and whether or not this is a correct reading of their power dynamic. But like… have we considered that they are walking each other…

Ilya loves listening to his “nagging” husband who tells him to stop smoking and makes him wear sunscreen. He loves cooking healthy meals for both of them because he knows how much Shane cares about both of their healths. He loves listening to his husband plan out their future ten years out. He loves when Shane holds him tight and it feels like he will never let him go. He loves when Shane makes him shower and washes his hair when he’s having a Bad day, or makes him rest and drink plenty of fluids even when he swears he’s not sick (but definitely is). He loves when Shane snaps at him and shoves him into a wall and calls him an asshole. He loves when Shane takes what he wants from him and demands more. He loves pleasuring his husband, sexual and not. Most of all, he loves how loved he feels when he lets Shane take control.

At the same time, Shane loves when ilya takes control and lets him turn his brain off. He loves when ilya will take the lead in conversations because he can tell that Shane’s social battery is drained. He loves when Ilya pushes him outside of his comfort zone, pushes him to be brave in ways he would never be otherwise. He loves when Ilya makes him desperate, makes him beg, makes him put on a show. He loves when ilya sees him spiraling and makes him stop and breathe. He loves when he can nuzzle his head into Ilya’s lap and the rest of the world falls away. He loves watching how Ilya can control a room and dominate on the ice, and loves it even more when he gets to have his husband as his captain. He loves when Ilya makes decisions for him, frees him from the fear of making the Wrong choice. He loves when he feels like he exists for Ilya, like he was made for him, like he is owned by him. Most of all, he loves how loved he feels when he lets Ilya take control.

They are both taking control when the other needs/wants it. They are walking each other like this

And they are both exactly where they want to be.

[gaynehollander]

I do think Cliff was very proud of Ilya for pulling Shane motherfucking Hollander when he found out. I do also think we was very confused about Ilya suddenly having gone gay. He didn't have a problem with it, he just didn't see it coming, and he's not really sure how to act around him the first time he they hang out together, just the two of them, after the leak.

He wants to show Ilya that he's good with him - that he can be his gay self around him - so the first time they meet up, Cliff suggests they go shopping. Ilya's a little confused. He and Cliff have never gone shopping together and, though it could be fun, he's not really feeling up for a full outing. Cliff then suggests brunch and, when Ilya shoots that down too, he asks if Ottawa has any gay bars they could go to. Although the idea of watching Cliff get hit on by guys all night is vaguely tempting, Ilya suggests they just meet at home and play some video games.

Cliff feels a little disappointed Ilya isn't ready to share his gay side with him but he gets it. He knows how the hockey culture is and maybe he just needs to show Ilya he's a proper ally and then he'll let himself be his gayest self.

Throughout their hang, he keeps trying to subtly show Ilya that he's safe around him. He talks about the latest season of Drag Race, he asks him who's his favourite Will and Grace character and says he likes Jack the most, he asks who his favourite pop diva is and tells him he thinks Beyoncé is rad. Ilya doesn't seem to take the hint though. Apparently he isn't watching the latest Drag Race season, he doesn't know who his favourite Will and Grace character is and he tells Cliff he already knows Ilya's more of a rap guy but Beyoncé's cool. He prefers Megan Thee Stallion, though.

When Ilya brings out a couple of beers for them, Cliff carefully tells Ilya that if he wants a White Claw or something instead, then that's okay. Apparently, that's Ilya's breaking point and he goes off like, "Cliff, I'm the same fucking person I was, okay? I still like the same stuff. The only thing I didn't share is that I also like fucking men. I drink beer. I drink vodka. Shane and I play video games, we watch hockey, we watch rugby, we work out together." Cliff is a little confused, "and then you fuck?" "Yes, Marley, and then we fuck. Do you have a problem with that?" And all Cliff can say is, "that sounds pretty awesome." And it really does. If what Ilya's saying is true, it sounds like being gay is just like having a best bro who also makes you cum. That sounds like a fucking dream, to be honest.

[scunthotter]

I think when they are out and married Ilya continues the cryptic Shane picture instagram posts but now he can simply caption them as 'my husband'. Just subtle brags that also afford his Shane the privacy he deserves. Like a heavy set of dumbells, Ilya’s tattoos, or a neatly folded pile of clothes.

He also posts an annoying amount of pictures and videos of Anya, who I cannot stress enough is a very ordinary dog doing ordinary dog things like sniffing at a plant.

[scunthotter]

Shane working on verbally complimenting Ilya more, expressing the appreciation he's alway thinking but rarely saying. He sets a little vibration alarm to go off on his smart watch every two hours. When it goes off he tries not to overthink and just says the first thought that comes to mind. Ilya is too busy to notice, feeling extremely gooey from Shane turning to him and in an earnestly serious voice saying things like "I love your smile" or "I married a fucking sniper boys" or "your new haircut is really fucking hot" or "you were a fucking beautician on that powerplay Roz."

[mutinsfromthemoon]

ilya and shane with the wags when caitlin asks them “you guys are always glued to each other, don’t you have a me time?” and ilya asks “what’s a me time?” and cassie responds “it’s when we have at least an hour for ourselves without our partners” and ilya asks “and what purpose does that serve?” and cassie responds “so we can take a break from our partners sometimes” and shane asks “take a break from your partners? don’t you guys like them?” and caitlin says “well, we love them but there’s no way we’re spending all day together right?” and all the wags agree and shane and ilya look at each other like they’re genuinely trying to understand the concept. later that night at their home shane asks “do you need a me time?” and ilya’s like “shane’s there’s no me time in this household, just us time. you need to be with me all the time, that’s what we agreed when we got married” and shane goes “is that true?” and ilya’s like “yes, and if you move even 50 meters away from me, I’ll die” and shane chuckles and open his arms so ilya can lie on top of him “new rule” shane says as he strokes ilya’s curls “no me time in this house” and ilya hums in agreement

[cannibalchicken]

[garaks-padded-cell]

I just mowed my 88 year old papas lawn and when i came back inside he lifted my arm to reveal a bug that was attempting to hitchhike into the house. At which point he said "you will NEVER escape my garden." And flicked it back into the grass