GET OUT OF MY BASE.

|| vortian-alecai

… hmm.

aren’t most of your species supposed to be on vort?

that’s been taken over, right? i mean, that’s what i hear.

vortian-alecai

"Unfortunately yes… But you should also know a lot of us escaped via hiding in trash. Not that it was good for our ego, but it was a splendid idea at the time that did work."

Alecai paused a moment, tilting his head. “Uh, that’s also why I’m not on Vort. I’d rather stay as far away as possible… Don’t wanna get myself caught again.”

#i'm just checking.#i'll not die because of your own hygenic negligence.#even if technically that'd be mine.#because alternates.#theamazingzim

"Just in trash? Really?" A brief, confused perk of his antenna, as if he was straining to hear the other's words, or was at least trying to confirm that he hadn't made an auditory mistake in regards to interpreting what the Vortian had said. "Was that all you had to do to get out of that prison planet? That's... That's kind of sad."

Zim frowned a little, eyes hidden behind green lenses gazing through the dark atmosphere of his base to watch the newcomer in thought. "Why Earth, though? While it certainly makes sense if you want to avoid the Empire... This place is dirty. It's covered in disease, you know. I wouldn't call it a very safe hiding spot. Surely there could be other places.

"I believe I recall seeing some Vortians on Foodcourtia that one time, for example."

It was probably kind of funny that the Irken had difficulty recalling things from faces to names, and yet the memory of seeing a stranger while trapped once again by Sizz-lorr rang rather clear for him.

#vortianalecai

|| the-amazing-zim

try not to break an antenna tripping over the ENTIRE ARMY OF BACTERIA YOU'RE PRESUMABLY BRINGING IN HERE.

have you been taking regular baths, alternate?

|| vortian-alecai

... hmm.

aren't most of your species supposed to be on vort?

that's been taken over, right? i mean, that's what i hear.

#i don't think i've kept up to date with the latest news on irk.#i suppose i should do that.#vortianalecai

my head hurts.

something is wrong

At one point… Though I could see my Maker losing interest fairly quickly. He has the tendency to lose interest in things and while he has a relationship where he needs Dib to give him a drive to conquer or destroy earth only to be thwarted… I can predict that too will end, he will lose patience and interest with it. By that point he becomes dangerous, I cannot allow him to destroy Earth.

He happens to dislike that others do a better job than he does… except when I do it, because I’m his “perfect creation.” I am “supposed” to be better than him at everything. Or so I perceive. I’m not soldier material, however, while I was trained on basic combat on the Massive for my Scientist position I’m not any better than top class invaders. However, having been able to study the biology of us irkens… I know plenty of ways to kill an advanced soldier without needing the use of excessive force.

I’ve spent all my life in Science, studying everything I could get my claws on, dwelling in every category that exists. While I’m exceptional at some things, I can still do all branches even though it would not be as perfect as I would’ve wanted it to be. Mind you, I’m nearly four earth years old.

#fucking alternates though.#i don't like him.#thiscouldbemylastrequest

you're only four earth years old? really? not even irken ones?

i don't know whether to be embarrassed for my alternate or myself. i'm fairly certain already that you're one of the more brilliant minds around, and you clearly know it just as well, so i actually assumed you'd be older.

i wouldn't be able to say how old exactly, but... you're practically a smeet. you basically are a smeet. no offense, because you're obviously capable of taking care of yourself and presumably others, i'm just surprised at your age.

you're very large for four years.

uh, anyway, i would have offered to help you with more irken-related science, since as far as i can tell your version of me is basically useless and overall unwilling to share anything to do with it for some reason? he basically told me to stop telling you.

so screw him, i'll do it for free. no favours necessary.

well, unless you don't need it. and even if you don't i... i'm not positive how much of it i recall clearly either. some of it might be a bit muddled. but seriously, ask and i'll tell.

though i am wondering why you're so adamant about keeping earth safe. i think you said something about not caring about what i do to mine - not that i'm doing anything to mine - but i don't know why you want to keep yours.

OH, hey.

did you ever get your ant farm, by the way?

A better Zim, none the less. But I am quite driven on my own, I like to experiment especially when it comes to such actions.

…I never really could imagine any Zim would be the scientist type.. or stick with doing it long enough before they get bored. Most of them usually soldier material… but even in that they don’t do much of a good job in. They’re more of an outcast, a drifter, stuck in a fantasy that they are still worth something for the great of the empire.

oh no, i'm fairly certain all of my alternates have been at one point. it uh, wasn't exactly voluntary. i think the empire figured that i'd be better off making things to destroy other races than continuing to cause blackouts on ours? i don't believe it was voluntary in any case.

maybe i just figured my blazing intellect would help me when i invented, if i did choose it? in either case, i was assigned in a vort lab - number 9, i believe. uh, anyway, i wasn't there for particularly long... for reasons. i became an invader instead!

but yes, i was a scientist at one point. though i suppose it might have just been me that got involuntarily inducted? i don't know, maybe you should ask your version of me about it.

if he doesn't get all offended again. what's his problem, anyway? it's not like i told you anything you didn't ask for.

|| ofcoursetheysayimcrazy

ofcoursetheysayimcrazy

I’m pretty sure you’re talking about your own mission. What do you need to conquer planets for when the Irken empire is apparently huge? And whatever you say.

What? Don’t know the seconds? How do you keep track of something like that? And I actually didn’t do anything this time. I mean, I’ve tried hacking it to shut down your defenses to- Wait! Why am I telling you this? You don’t need to know that.

Well I should have expected that one with you apparently developing OCD. And we are not that filthy. Sure we have bacteria everywhere, but filthy’s an overstatement.

How can you do that? Doesn’t it get tedious? There’s no point. They keep coming back. You must be getting really paranoid for you to be able to do this.

Haha. Very funny, Zim. I mean I’m in your base, and you’re actually giving me permission to be here. I would think that you would use this to your advantage to gain some sort of leverage.

Of course you don’t. Do you mean human cleaning fluid or alien cleaning fluid? There are health risks to all the chemicals and stuff they put in cleansing products. For all I know, you could be using the most deadliest one we have here. And who knows what other species use in their cleansing products?

You are not pouring anything into my mouth. Can’t you just accept that I’m clean and that whatever bacteria I may have on me isn’t going to kill you?

hmph. haven't you heard of your sin of greed? 'to acquire or possess more than one needs' - just because we're huge doesn't mean they don't want more.

it would have been pointless for me to say the seconds, as they would have passed already and therefore become inaccurate by the time i finished talking. surely you at least have a basic understanding of how time works, petty though your comprehension is otherwise.

and my pak, of course. just because you're fully organic and consequently need to rely on a clock or a watch to keep track of things doesn't mean i do.

i have both, because human cleansing fluid is most efficient on earth bacteria, but that's not the kind i use to clean myself. these things do have water in them, you know. just because the stuff is an effective cleaning agent doesn't mean i don't still burn when i come into direct contact with 'em.

but i highly doubt the soap i have is corrosive to you.

i can see all the disgusting things you have crawling on you with these goggles, you know! it's gross, how you're such a breeding ground for them. i'm sure there's more in your mouth. don't you floss? you're supposed to floss, you know.

as for it being tedious due to repetition -

no more than trying to talk to you. at least one of the two soothes my nerves, no matter how briefly.

#ofcoursetheysayimcrazy

You’d probably be loud, yes… but the kind of loud sound I detest is basically like running your claws on a chalkboard nonstop.

We don’t really have to do it, but if it does happen… You won’t need to worry about smeets, I’m completely sterile.

oh. well, in that case you probably don't need to worry, i haven't screamed like that in a good while. it usually tends to hurt the throat unless you practice it a lot.

i really don't mind. heh, it makes perfect sense that you'd want to get with me, you know? i am zim, after all.

like i said though, it's still only a maybe. i don't know if i'll be able to stop working on cleaning ever again, but if i do i can't say i'm not curious either. i was a scientist at one point, you know.

You are more competent than my creator, I would be a little curious about your abilities. At least I don’t have to deal with irritating shrieking that comes out of his mouth, he’s just as annoyingly loud as when he’s not committing the act.

Before you ask, yes.. I’ve indulged on the subject with my Maker, while he’s… good… It didn’t take long for me to get tired of his shrieks.

well, i am still him in soul. while i can't vouch for myself since i haven't tried, there's every probability i'd still be as loud during something like that. i wasn't even smeeted this quiet or anything, you know. i'm not naturally calmer or anything, so i don't know if i can guarantee i'd be not loud.

eh, i don't know. it's not really something i'm interested in now anyway, honestly, any more than then. too busy, not safe enough. if i ever get some downtime though... then we'll see.

Irkens do not contract diseases unless you have a poor immune system.

]

Though, I can assure you, I’m cleaner than you think.

{Yep, he got Zim set up right there.}

still, the fact that the diseases could be there is gross. i suppose there's something to be said that our superior biology allows us to safely.. not be sick, however.

... oh.

was that why you were asking? i didn't know you were interested in me in that kind of context.

I was just curious.

{As he, himself, had indulged in such things. But it was more of curiosity if this one was a little experienced in the subject. Perhaps it may be something they would cross fully in due time, never know what would happen.}

ah.

well, in any case, i'd probably be too cautious about running the risk of becoming diseased now to try it either.

such things are covered in germs, and then there's the whole problem with the other being dubiously clean, you know?

{Makes a hip thrusting motion. Totally not going to be blunt.}

....

[His antenna shoot straight upwards in response once it finally clicks - which honestly doesn't take more than a second - though whether in consternation that he had needed the other to do so for Zim to realise what he meant or otherwise wasn't exactly clear.

The goggles that obscured part of his face presumably didn't help.]

oh.

oh, uh, no. that's never usually, uh, been a thing on my mind. even before i was more preoccupied with the mission than frivolous things like that.

...why do you ask?

|| irken-tenn

irken-tenn

"Yeah, I didn’t pay attention to any of that. It didn’t sound important. But if I need to remind you, the name’s Tenn. Ex-invader Tenn.

that's your problem because that was a really great metaphor. you totally should have listened, it was amazing.

very well then, enh, tenn. you probably already know me, of course, so i'm sure i don't need to remind you who i am!

#irkentenn

|| irken-tenn

oh.

huh, i don’t believe i know who you are.

irken-tenn

"You’re memory must be failing you. You should know me from the invader academy. I was the one who was assigned planet meekrob."

#[hey! it's fine you should go sleep if you have to]#irkentenn

ehh, probably, then. that does sound sorta familiar, but it doesn't ring many more bells other than vaguely. like if a church nun went to ring theirs, but they slipped on their stepladder and fell out of the tower and only somewhat bashed their head against the huge bronze bell itself.

you know, a really faint little toll.

though to be fair, i can't even remember where everything in my base is anymore, so i'm not that surprised.

you'll probably have to reintroduce yourself, if we've really met before.

|| irken-tenn

oh.

huh, i don't believe i know who you are.

#irkentenn

I rather you don’t. I’ll take a bath before I come over.

take three and i’ll let you by unblasted.

.. Have you ever done things…?

that's just about the most unspecific question you've ever asked me! 'things', what things? have i ever killed? have i ever fallen down a staircase and broken one of my antenna off? have i ever taken three showers in a row and then nearly drowned myself in a bathtub?

you need to be less vague than just 'doing things' if you want me to answer, eh?