Videre sine aspiciens

Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

i should really find a way to revamp this account

sighs loudly

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

And my head hasn't ever stopped hurting. I have a feeling Advil won't help.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

automatedprotector replied to your post: Uh. Hm. This place is very.. Empty. :? There wasn't anybody here last time I was online. And there still isn't, I don't think.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

Uh. Hm. This place is very.. Empty.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

00101100 replied to your post: Look who’s online again. long time no see my wired friend I'm going to be honest and say I didn't expect a response, really, but hey. Good to see you.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

Look who's online again.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

My everything hurts. Generic post.

[therainbowdashrider-deactivated]

>The thing is, it’s not okay if you’re upset, you’re not supposed to be, you mistreated Hal so much you actually deserve to be upset, you deserve a lot of other thing, you hurted him, you and your fears. They weren’t only haunting you, without even noticing it you let them haunt him too. And you hate that. Besides, how were you supposed to react to knowing that he deleted everything? And hearing it from that grey face only made it worse, so you decided to act like it never even existed in the first place. That’s, after all, what he wants, right?

You were weak once again, so.. yeah, you notice his reaction to you attacking the virus.. right, it hurts, and.. it’s not like you don’t care about that, in fact, you do. You care a lot, one of your arms surrounds his shoulders to press hi a little against you as you work, rubbing his shoulder softly to calm him down.

But you don’t say anything, because you’re not gonna build him up again, he doesn’t need that, he doesn’t need you, even if you want him to. He doesn’t need what you do to him. And even if he doesn’t love you anymore, he’s still your family, and you do love him, a lot.

But your pokerface hides it, and you don’t even turn to look at him, you just keep working. You want that virus to be gone.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

-You pause, giving him a long, unblinking look. You're letting it sink in, why you deleted those memories in the first place. Ah, right. He broke a promise and continued doing what he was doing. What, did he think that you were going to keep those feelings in the first place just so he could fuck you up even further? Did he think that your feelings were just something of convenience for him, so you wouldn't mind when he kissed you. A bit of a frown tugs at her lips, and you look away from him. He does deserve it. He shouldn't really be upset. He shouldn't be upset that you finally acted on his shitty decisions. 

Tensing up when he pulls you closer to him, you turn your head even further, looking at the wall, biting your tongue in some sort of resistance so you don't shove him off of you. 

You don't really care if he loves you or not anymore. It saves you the trouble of thinking about it over and over again, and it saves you the trouble of, to put it lightly, him. Things are much less-- less stressful and depressing when those things aren't a problem.

Exhaling, you look back at him for a moment. You know he's upset. You're not stupid. Your eyes go half lidded, and you straighten yourself out, reaching up to push him away from you, shoulders shrugging his arm off. Ugh.

At least he knows what it feels like to just be shaken off like this, hm? It's time he gets a taste of his own medicine anyways.-

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

Hm.

[therainbowdashrider-deactivated]

It’s fine, I’m not upset.

>You say bluntly, just that, and you keep working. Focussing o nthe virus because that’s what’s important right now. You seriously  want to answer him, like.. with something else, but you don’t. You just keep working reconnecting his sight files and softwares. 

And if I were, you shouldn’t be sorry.

>You delete some more and finally decide to delete it completely and activate a new software, sicne you already were working on updates for his softwares, like. .you don’t even sleep at nights, so you spend your time like that. Making new programs for him, and Squarewave and Sawtooth.

I won’t erase them then, but you should think about it, they’re using a large part of your ram.

>You shrug, closing the recycle bin and just keep working, replacing some other sofwares with updates, the updates are way more complex and advanced, since you’ve been spending al lyour time making them.

Can you see me now?

>You say, lifting his head to make him look at you, because you need to know if the new software works and his eyes are working fine. You let go of his face immediatly. Your pokerface on and you start to work on attacking the virus again.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

-You frown, lowering your voice.-

It's okay. If you are.

You wish you sounded more sympathetic, like you would've before. You hunch over some more, eyebrows furrowing. It's true that you're better off not sulking about Dirk while he takes everything for granted, but him becoming so secluded and.. Cold doesn't feel great either. Either way, you feel kind of screwed. Maybe you could just.. Deleted the doubt.-

I still am.

-You curl in on yourself a bit, bringing your knees up against your chest, arms wrapping around them. You look over to him, eyes powering back on as rings of dark, glowing red light up again.

He doesn't even seem to care anymore. You sigh, gritting your teeth behind pursed lips in a struggle to ignore the stinging pain from him attacking the virus directly. Jesus, that hurts. You wonder if he forgot that it does or if he doesn't care anymore.-

[therainbowdashrider-deactivated]

It could be.

>You start fixing some files, patching some other things, replacing some others, you even look into his deleted files and.. yeah, you really don’t mention anything about what you see there you just ask what you know it’s more convenient.

Do you want me to permanently delete the deleted files?

>You wait for his answer, and you can feel your fists clenching in your lap. Your knuckles going wite, but you really let it go like… yeah, you don’t have to say anything about those files, you have no right to say anything about those files. You always knew they were only files, nothing more. And seeing them there only makes you realize it more. You liked to think it was mroe than that, but it isn’t. And you also know he couldn’t care less about you now, so, you’re back to being the stone cold motherfucker you’re always supposed to be. Your face remains neutral as you just await his response, in fact, you don’t even do that you just do it.

I’ll delete them, to give you some more memory space.

And I’ll see what’s up with your eyes.

>You start looking at his sight files, replacing them all, deleting them perrmanently and just replacing them. You start building fire walls to protect them, filters and shit. Then it’s time to attack the virus directly. You don’t touch him at all while you do all of this. You just stay still, crossing your arms after a couple of seconds. Your pokerface up at all times, and your shades hidding your eyes.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

-They would be 'just files' if it weren't for the whole fact that you developed them yourself, as naturally as possible for you. Everything about you is files, files after files after files. The only weird thing is that you can make them yourself-- like actual feelings. It's not like Dirk built you with those.

You frown, looking down. Do you want him to delete them permanently? No, not really. It's not that you couldn't care less, it's just-- confusing. You shake your head as a response to deny him, lacing your fingers together.-

No.

-You huff, looking away from him entirely, gaze shifting to the side. That proves to not do anything, though, since your vision shuts off always. Now, now is a good time to maybe just..-

I'm sorry. For. Fucking things up. Upsetting you or whatever.

[therainbowdashrider-deactivated]

>You take the wire, not saying anything at all and just plugging  it on your shades to start looking at his files. Just.. deleting sutff, like always, you wodner if he deleted EVERYTHING, like.. everything, deleting his feelings for you was.. seriously a wise thing to do, because that way you’re not holding him back anymore. Your’e not gonna hurt him anymore, and all that shit. But you also kinda wodner.. if his “feelings for you” included your previous relationship, your family bonds, the only family you’ve always had. The closest thing you’ve got to a brother.

Which is, to say very sad and pathetic, sicne you builded them yourself. Your lack of actual knowledge on the family matter, or the social matter as a whole is really impressive, but the amout of terror you have about losing it it’s even more impressive. You keep checking his head, checking how’s the virus thing going, of course you’re not talking. Unless is things you need to know.

How’ve you been feeling?

Having trouble saving things? Or connecting to nets?

Do you have any malfunction i nyour body?

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

-You did, sort of. That's what led to you building up your feelings for him in the first place, after all. You just. Don't want that to happen again. Like it was previously mentioned, you could recover them if you wanted, but you think that would just make you miserable again.-

Tired. A few problems connecting. Some files are iffy. Uh. My eyes hurt sometimes but I don't think that's really relevant.

-Honestly, if Dirk were to look through your files he could probably find the ones you deleted. You doubt he'd like what he would find, since most of the emotion that revolved around your love for him were things like doubt and the like.  Yeah. Depressing.

You yawn and slouch forward, elbows propped up on your knees.-

[lessiconic]

[therainbowdashrider-deactivated]

>Well that was… short. You guess is only natural, so you keep your pokerface on. You’re a master of doing that, and also keeping yur emotions and thoughts to yourself. You take a seat beside him, just looking away. Keeping it cool. You’d be a complete hypocrite if you said something to him right now. You’d be a dick if you didn’t, so.. yeah, anything you do, it’s probably gonna end up horribly wrong. And you do believe, he can do so much better than you. So you just leave it. After a second of silence you look at him. Pokerface on, hands in your pockets.

Then let me see that head of yours.

>You say, in a neutral voice, with  neutral look. This is for the best, this is what Hal needs. He needs you to get the fuck away. To fucking step aside. You insensitive asshole. So you’re gonna do just that. You can feel your chest getting thighter, and a knot in your throat, but you re a stone cold motherfucker, aren’t you? You’re supposed to be that. So you keep your pokerfac on, and talk like nothing has ever happened.

Hand me the wire.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

-You arch an eyebrow eyebrow at  Dirk when he looks away, clearing your throat and leaning forward to wave a hand in front of his face. Like, hello? Earth to Dirk? Why is he looking away? He looks so.. Sad. Dirk's always been good at hiding his emotions, but you've been better at reading them. You lean away when he looks, a quizzical look on your face.

That's sort of what deleting your feelings for him did. You were sick of him constantly getting your hopes up and letting you down. You were sick of him always breaking his promises and taking you for granted, so you decided to react. And apparently it was a good decision, because you're finally in a good mood. No more heartbreak. The weird thing is that you know they're gone, you know you deleted them (you could probably recover them if you wanted to), but you don't feel anything.

You reach behind your ear and hand him your wire.-

Okay.

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

He seems like a great guy. You have good taste in friends.

Some things can’t be helped?

[automatedprotector]

He really is c: Ehe obviously since you’re my friend!

I suppose not… But all the same :c

[notsocomputerizedconspirato-blog]

*Shades.* (K

Yeah. I know what you mean.

[scrubcaps]

[newtgeiszler]

the daily struggle 

[romangod]

do the harlem shakespeare