A/N: Hey everyone this is my first fanfic in a loooooong time, like in probably ten years, so I am a little rusty, so be patience. Also english is not my first language so you may find some incohernet things, but I think I did the best to convey what I wanted.
So if you find any error please feel free to tell me, and I would also apreciate any feedback because like I said it's been more than 10 years, so any critiscism, feedback, comments are welcome.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy xoxo
Ridoc didn’t have many rules regarding his loving life, the man likes to explore the small and big pleasures that life has to offer. But that was a certain primary standard on his life, especially his rider life, that wouldn't trespass his love life.
One of them was that he didn’t sleep with cadets, not now that he was in his second year.
The second one was not sleeping with his squad's flings, they were a family after all and Ridoc did NOT like family feuds.
And his third and last one was he didn't sleep with infantry, scribes or healers.
It isn't like Ridoc didn't find some of them attractive, he did. But as a rider he just found them inferior or boring. It was a standard for him, even though in the last months getting with some of the riders wasn't too appealing for him, now that the first year was over most of the riders felt like his family, it was weird being attracted to someone of your family.
And that would have stayed true if it weren't for a certain girl. Ridoc hadn’t thought much of her, but his second year was a little bit rougher sending him a few times to the infirmary. That is where he met the apprentice healer for the first time.
Havoc. Wildness. Despair. Chaos. Those were the words that Y/N would refer to at this moment. Cadets and riders were entering the infirmary left and right, the smell of smoke and burned meat infiltrared her nose. Madness. She had not figured out yet what had happened, and she couldn't definitely understand what would have happened to leave so many students burned, burned by flames of a dragon.
But she couldn’t focus on that right now, not when another cadet, with his body so burned that she could see the bone of his cheek, was put in the infirmary bed before her.
“Holy shit.” Her friend gulped. Gods, even though this was their second year, she and her classmates have not seen such damage like that before.They have dealt with burns before, I mean learning to deal with burning degrees from dragon flames were a basic thing on their learning, but they haven’t ever dealt with this kind of level.
Both girls pushed their emotions aside so they could start attending to the poor boy, who was now crying of pain.
“You're gonna be okay, we are going to treat you then your body can heal and take the pain away, and it will heal, you will be fine.” She reassured the poor boy.
“ I wanna go home, please.” His voice came with nothing but a small begging whisper, both learners looked at each other. She had a lot of respect for what the riders did once they graduated, but She could never understand or accept the brutal ways they did to get to graduation point.
She took his hand on hers while attending a small burn on his elbow and promised that everything would be okay. She didn’t want to lie to him, but the only things she could do right now was trying to offer a little comfort.
“You shouldn’t lie to him.” A graved tone came from her back, she turned around to see a man, standing on the bed beside the one was attending. - “He’s gonna learn that this place is not for the weak sooner or later.” - The brown hair man said, his tone was serious and he looked at you like riders normally looked at anyone who wasn’t a rider. She shrug at his ignorant words and kept working on the boy laid in front of her until one of her professor came to continue since the boy's burns degree was way more grave than students could secure.
Then she turned to face the bed beside where the rider, from the fourth wing as his (emblema) showed , was still waiting.
“Do you need help too or are you just here to supervise our work?” She said with sarcasm and accusation. Before he could answer, Jonah, her friend and classmate, who was attending to the boy on the bed chimed in.
“His friend has some second degree burns but I’m already taking care of it, but I can see a slight burn on his back.” Jonah said while putting some leaves on the boy's arm and pointing with his chin to the annoying man on my side indicating that he also had been injured.
“I’m okay, I don’t need help.” The rider said before I could say anything. She gave him an annoyed look while appointing a chair nearby.
“If you’re here we can’t let you leave without doing a check up first. Let me do my job and this will be over so you can go back to mounting dragons.” He let out an annoyed sound but followed her to the chair. “Can you please take your shirt?” Her question left as soon as he sat on the chair wanting to get rid of him as quickly as she could.
“Wow there, people usually go on a date first, although healers are not really my type.” His tone was full of mischief but also tardiness, like the joke came automatically to him.
“Oh my poor heart, how am I going to live after this?” Her voice was so flat at this point that the man just slightly flinched and took his shirt off. She went behind him, and he really had a burn on his back, but it was a first degree, probably just needing disinfection and then some medication to calm the skin. She grabbed the cloth putting one hand on his back to stabilize him and he instantly gave a slight flinch.
“Gods, your hands are freezing.” He said rapidly between teeth.
“Good thing for someone who has a burn on his skin.” She put my hand on his back again while gentlying using the cloth to clean his injury. A shiver ran down his spine, not even the largest, biggest rider was immune to pain.
His strong back tensed with each contact, pulling his muscles together on his beautiful tanned skin. Gods, riders and their fucking beautiful bodies. It was rather annoying actually, but they definitely made up with their personality, especially this one. So annoying.
“Are you trying to kill me or something, woman?” He hissed again, pushing his back away from me.
“Crybaby” she whispered to herself while grabbing him by his shoulder and continuing to work on his back, but she Guessed her whisper wasn't as silent as she expected because he whipped his head around to look at her. She stared back with a pointing look, and he just smirked and turned around. And a small smile threatened to appear on the girl’s lips.
After finishing up on his back, she started checking for any more injuries on his backside, finding a small one on his neck right on the line where his thick brown wavy hair started. She asked for him to look down and gently touch his stiff nape, and he immediately reacted.
“Sorry.” She apologized knowing from experience that most people were very sensitive around their necks.
“It 's okay.” He assured me gently, unlike his interaction with her before. He settled his body back to her again and started cleaning the burn with the most delicacy that she could. She still could see the shivers that went on his body, and for a minute it felt like there were just she and him on the infirmary, she was so focus on his responsive body and trying to be gentle with him that her brain fogged the cries, the whimpers, the pain shouts. It was just her and the nameless beautiful rider. She shook my head finishing up and turned around to see if there were any injuries on his front. And she thanked the gods that her cheeks had not heated.
“I'm just gonna do a final check up before we are done.” His face lifted to the sound of her voice and when his eyes met hers, she could see something sad then, but quickly his facial features turned on the playful side again. She rolled her eyes and quickly moved to do her job, checking pupils. Checking for concussion, and lastly checking his abdomen to see if it had any injuries, and she swore she would try her hardest to not linger too much on his strong body.
“Do you need more time to check up on me up?” He asked so smudged that she could hear the smirk on his lips. She rolled my eyes again.
“You are done. I would recommend not wearing anything too tight and sleeping without a shirt and on the front side to avoid inflammation, giving access for your skin to heal and breathe.” She recited the recommendations almost automatically since it wasn't the first or last time she would be saying that tonight. Before he could answer, Noah stepped beside me.
“Sorry to interrupt but Leith it’s looking green again and I think he's going to… “ He hesitated looking at the rider seated in front of them paying close attention to them. But she didnt need for Jonah to complete, she knew, Leith was a really great student, if not one of the bests in class, but when came down to the practical part of it, especially on this case when wasn’t not a premeditated test, he would let his emotions ruled him, and she personally believe that he had an aversion for certain lacerations.
“ I’m finished here, I’m going to check on him, how severe is the situation?” And his face changed the minute the question left her lips, he also didn't need the words, she could see on his face. She gave him a small nod, and he left. She counted to ten to steady her breath, this was going to be a long night. When she turned to the man still seated, his eyes were already searching hers, eyes that once again show that tiredness that she saw before, his eyebrows were lower and slightly closer. And in that instant the man who had looked at her with disdain, sarcasm and playfulness, now had what she accessed as a worried look, and sincere one. She fidget her hands on her coat, not used to the kind of expression, not towards me at least.
“Remember to follow my instructions and unless if you have a family member or someone real close to you, please go to your courts, this place it's already too packed up tonight.” His expression changed to neutral and he lifted from the chair, with that done she turned to go find Leith, when his voice reached me in a low tone.
“Thanks, I am Ridoc, by the way.”
She was surprised and studied his face, his brown light eyes and the soft strands of his hair sticking on his sweaty forehead.
“Y/N. And I hope I don't see you here again.” she turned before he could answer and went to take care of the poor young life they were about to lose.
you and ace are having a silly little argument in your shared bedroom, something about him eating the last of the pudding that you'd been saving for tonight. and of course, he'd just shrugged it off with that sly little smirk of his, planting a soft kiss to your forehead — without even apologising.
and so here you are, eating his head off about the stolen dessert.
"you know i love that pudding and you know how difficult it is to get that around here!," you complain, crossing your arms over your chest and glaring at him from across the room.
"baby, i know," he huffs. "it's an honest mistake. what do you want me to do?"
"well you can at least offer to go and buy more for me!"
he lets out a little whine, treading towards you with careful steps because he can feel your stare searing into him, "that'd take me so much time! like. . . hours! isn't there anything else i can do for you?"
"hmph so you clearly don't love me," you scoff, a pout forming on your lips.
"don't say that now!," he whines again, shooting you the saddest puppy dog eyes. "i love you so much!"
"not enough to go get me my favourite dessert."
"doll. . . i'm just feeling a little tired now and it's getting late so —"
ace stops himself, face flushing a bright pink, the colour reaching to the tips of his ears all the way down his neck. you even swear you see a little bit of steam emitting off the top of his head. he's just staring at you, completely enamoured with little heart eyes shooting out of his eyes.
all because you'd lifted up your top.
"is this your way of getting me to do what you want?," he pouts, burying his face in between your breasts and gently fondling the supple skin. "because it's working."
"yay!," you squeak, ruffling his hair and tugging his head back so you could look at him. his eyes are soft and needy, lips curled into that giddy smile of his.
"you're an evil woman," he says, nipping your flesh and practically using your breasts as pillows now. "using your tactics to use me."
"you said it's working so get to it," you say in a stern voice, trying your best to stifle your giggling from seeing just how smitten your boyfriend is with you (well. . . mostly your bitties right now). "chop chop. i'm not waiting forever."
"gimme a moment," he mumbles, cheeks tinted an even deeper shade. "ace junior's getting too excited and he needs to calm down."
". . .please don't call your dick that ever again, ace."
forwards, beckon, rebound | Monkey D. Luffy x fem!Reader
plot. You, an ex-headhunter and new member of the Straw Hat Pirates, are dealing with changes. Your past haunts you to the point of sickness, but your captain Monkey D. Luffy is determined to show you the same kindness he sees in your eyes. And that you deserve to be loved.
word count. 2.9k
tags. angst, hurt/comfort, fluff and angst, physical touch as love language, cuddling, night comfort, falling in love, feelings realization, Reader is an ex-headhunter, Reader is a Straw Hat, sort of sick fic, fainting, Reader faints and cries a lot but the ANGST is REAL, worried Luffy.
TW! MENTIONS OF ABUSE, TRAUMA.
a/n. damn for my first Luffy fic this came out more angsty than I thought, but I'm happy with the result! Promise the next one will be a bit more light-hearted.
It started with vertigos, palpitations and your skin getting scorching hot. The usual. Then you almost passed out, you registered the feeling just in time to curl up and close your eyes in preparation, but somehow you didn’t feel your body hitting the ground. Soft hair touched your forehead, it’s Nami’s for sure. Then you started trembling and, before you could even register what Nami was saying to you as she shook your shoulders, your mind went blank.
You’re dealing with changes. And the past you’re trying to leave behind. Your body is not handling it the way it should. All of it is catching up to you right now that you’re trying to make amends with yourself. But when you spend your whole life going after people’s lives to take them with you and exchange them for money, it’s everything but easy. Headhunting was all you knew, all your father thought you to do and to be. Through training, and words, and violence. He beat you up when you failed, locked you outside the house in sheer cold when you told him you were too sick to train, called you a failure and starved you when he caught you playing outside with other kids instead of working out. Your father was in it only for the money, but raising a little girl with only violence isn’t enough. Hatred is needed. Hatred and resentment can make a person unstoppable. Just make sure that they don't develop their own perspective on things.
And when the poster of a pirate with a 30 million bounty and a straw hat appeared in town, your father gave you a mission. Kill Monkey D. Luffy, bring back the bounty, or else your life is over. And so you followed Luffy all the way through islands and waves, attempting to kill him in cold blood. You sparred, and fought, and you got bruises and cuts and he did too, but he never, ever finished you even when he had the possibility. And vice-versa. Until one last time, you broke down crying for your life. Not the one threatened by the straw hat pirate, but the one your father sought to kill if you failed. And, instead of killing you when you were kneeling on the ground, Luffy got down and wiped your tears with a strip of his red shirt that you tore away in battle.
«Crying looks weird on you, you have kind eyes» he just said, his thick eyebrows furrowed.
Your face rose too meet his in shock, only a confused “uh” escaped from your mouth. Next thing you knew you passed out out of exhaustion and woke up on the Going Merry, inside a bed, with food by your side and your wounds bandaged.
«Luffy insisted on taking care of you, I don’t know why he would do that so don’t make any false moves» a girl with red hair, Nami, said to you soon after.
And without even realizing it, you became part of the crew. Luffy basically took you in without even asking you. At first, you would try to run away and reject his attempts spitefully. But you were too far from home as of now, and every island the Going Merry docked at in the Grand Line was life-threatening for you to deal with alone. So every time, Luffy ended up taking you back to the Merry and trying to bandage you. Trying because he was terrible at it, so Sanji or Usopp had to fix it afterwards. All the while he started asking you about your life, why you were a headhunter and after him, and if you cry often or not. All questions asked with a big grin on his face. At first, you kept your mouth shut. But then, you didn’t even know why, you started opening up to him a little, bit after bit. You told him about your resentment towards pirates, and what your dad taught you, and how, still leaving out the abuse part for now. You’re not ready. After listening, he only said.
«Your dad sounds mean, good thing we found you!» and with that, he just chuckled and walked away without questioning you even further.
That time, when you got into your room on the ship, you broke down crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. Thinking about how he smiled at everything you said, how he wiped away your tears the last time you tried to kill him, and you realized something. Luffy was the only person to show you kindness, ever.
So you stopped trying to evade. You started to reciprocate his questions, grins, and gestures. He complimented you on your smile, said that it suited you way more than tears. He repeated that you had kind eyes every time he considered it necessary. The rest of the crew grew accustomed to you, started to trust you, and you were leaving behind the life you had before. No more prejudices about pirates and which lives were worth it or not in this world. You became one yourself.
But the more you felt love towards them, the more it was harder to escape your past self. The lives you took away, the people you did wrong. It wasn’t something you really wanted to deal with, you thought that escaping would be enough. You thought that Luffy, the one boy you swore to kill to save yourself, would suffice. But then the vertigos began, along with the palpitations and the random burning in your stomach. The same things you started feeling as you spent more and more time with Luffy. Until, in Little Garden, you realized that you were in love.
Ironic, you fell in love with the one guy you were hunting down. But you couldn’t deny it anymore, and when he took you by the waist with his stretched arm to ride a dinosaur with him you accepted it. With a smile on your face, your hands latched around his waist and your cheek pressed against his back. The moment came crashing down on you when he turned around and looked at you with the most gentle smile you’ve ever seen and the deepest brown eyes. You didn’t look away, your lips parted, so close to his face and you said to yourself “yeah, I really am in love with him”.
But as soon as you accepted your love for the captain, your body started rejecting your past life even more, to the point of sickness. You didn’t want to be the person you were before, you wanted to be good, to be kind like Luffy said. But how can a former blood-lusted headhunter allow herself to forget and just go on to be a pirate? How can she forgive herself, and the abuse? Zoro too was a headhunter, and he didn’t bother that much about his past, but it was different, he had perspective. You didn’t gain it until now and it’s too much to handle so suddenly. Today, it reached the point of exhaustion, and you passed out on the deck on a sunny, calm day on the Going Merry.
You wake up a few hours after, sweaty and trembling. An ice package is carefully placed on your forehead, but your temperature is as high as ever. There’s no one else in the room, but you can hear voices outside the door.
«I just wanna check on her!» someone said.
Luffy. You recognize his voice even in febrile exhaustion.
«I just told you, you can’t Luffy! Not until I figure out what she has! We can’t risk you getting sick, or the rest of the crew» a tender, child-like voice. Chopper.
«Chopper, move» Luffy repeated.
You hear stomping, and the voices of Zoro and Usopp raising. Nami and Sanji joined soon after. More thuds and stomps, voices mixing but Luffy trying to be louder. He was clearly growing angry. The door beats a few times, you hear a struggling noise and restraining.
«Luffy…» you whisper under your breath.
But before you can even try to get up, your head falls back and your eyes flutter close again.
It’s night now. Pale moonlight softly envelopes the room, and you can hear the calming sound of waves crashing against the Merry. The ship is decked, it’s not moving. And you feel warmer than before, but not because of the fever, even though you still feel sick to the core. It’s because someone is cuddled next to you. When he notices your open eyes, a relaxed and joyful smile extends on his tan face. Your heart skips one or two beats.
«Luffy?» you would’ve jolted, normally, but you’re too weak to do anything more than whisper his name, vaguely confused.
Maybe it was an hallucination. Are you really that down bad for him? But not, by the tender touch of his hand on your waist under the covers and the tickling of his black curls against your cheek, he’s very real.
«Hey, you’re awake!» he whispers, but with a note of evident excitement «how do you feel?»
As you try to collect your thoughts, your worries have the best on the butterflies that bloomed in your stomach due to his proximity. Luffy was cuddled up next to you in your bed, one hand carefully on your waist and one between your hair, caressing them slowly.
«Luffy, you know that I’m sick right-»
«Don’t worry! We decked not long ago and Chopper and the others went to find some medical herbs, you’ll get better I promise»
«That’s not the point, you could get sick too we don’t know what I have yet! It could be viral!» you try to protest.
But the captain doesn’t flinch. His smile doesn’t even falter in the slightest.
«While the others are out searching for meds my duty is to check on you. You were trembling lots, so I’m doing my job perfectly fine!» he replied.
In reality, things went a bit differently. That afternoon Luffy had a big fight with the rest of the crew, because he insisted on seeing you so hard that he had to be physically restrained. Which wasn’t an easy job, even with a transformed Chopper and Zoro’s muscles. He was worried sick about you. Even when Nami got sick he was preoccupied and willing to climb a snowy mountain bare handed for her, but with you it was visceral. Since Luffy was so agitated, they came up with a compromise. Everyone will go out to find medicines on the next island, and Luffy could stay with you on the Merry to check on you, but absolutely no touching. He could sit next to you, bring you food and water if needed and give the crew a signal for an emergency, but no physical touch. And there he is, cuddled up with you.
«You could’ve just brought me an extra blanket…» you murmur.
«Do you want one?»
He asks you innocently. It’s his way of asking you if you’re uncomfortable with him so close, but you don’t want to let go. So you just don’t answer, and silence falls in the cabin. The only sounds audible are the waves pleasantly crashing against the nearby shore, and your breathing. You try to make yours as steady as possible.
After a few minutes, one of your hands travels up his arm. Your other hand moves to touch his face, the tip of your fingers caressing his face, grazing his nose, his left eyebrow, carefully tracing the scar under his eyes. And then between his locs, rhythmically stroking his hair, paying attention not to move his straw hat. No one dares to say a word, until he breaks the silence.
«’s nice…» he says softly, content.
You can’t see his face very well in the moonlit room, but you know that if you just moved your face a little, you could easily kiss him. The idea that he might reciprocate doesn’t sound even that absurd as of now.
But instead of daring to do so, you tear up.
«Why are you like this?» you ask, voice breaking.
Luffy comically frowns and lets out a confused “uh?”.
«What do you mean?»
«I said» a sob escapes your lips «why are you like this? With me? Why are you so nice to me?»
He doesn’t understand where this conversation’s going, at all. He’s dense about it.
«Why shouldn’t I be?» he repeats, still genuinely confused.
«Because I’m a bad person, Luffy!» you snap, raising your voice. The hand that was stroking Luffy’s hair is now covering your tearful eyes.
«That’s not even true!» he shakes his head, raising his voice back a little.
«Oh for fucks sake Luffy. I hunted you down for months, killed pirates mercilessly since I was a little kid, took away so many lives. And now? I become a pirate myself and act like my life was never that way? As if nothing happened? The more I spend time with you guys, the nicer you are with me, especially you, the more I refuse to accept it and I end up in this state. I’m so tired!»
One of your hands grips your hair almost painfully, your palm wet with tears. For a couple of minutes, Luffy doesn’t say anything. He lets you cry quietly, not moving a muscle. After a while, he talks again
«It’s not your fault» he says, calmly.
You don’t say anything. So Luffy repeats himself.
«I’ll say it again. It’s not your fault. People sometimes do things because they don’t know any better. All you knew was killing pirates for money and well, all I knew my life was that I wanted to be one. But I’m learning. The world is made of headhunters, thieves, liars, doctors, princesses and cooks. And these people can be kind, like you»
«How can you be so confident about me being kind?» you ask him.
«Because my gut knows, and I always trust my gut» he says.
You can make out the shape of his smile, his beautiful and ever beaming smile. Only now you realize that he stopped grinning when he said those things to you.
As you let out a few more tears, Luffy does something he never did for you. He reaches for his straw hat, takes it, and places it on your head. You jolt a bit, surprised.
«Listen, no matter what, it’s time for you to choose how you wanna live your life. It’s not up to your dad to tell you, or…me. If you wanna stay with us, this is your home. But if you want to go on another path, it’s only up to you. I just want you to be happy, okay? It’s important. Because I mean it when I say that tears don’t suit you»
His smile is faltering again. You bite your lower lip, attempting to stop your sobs.
«If I decided to leave the crew, would you be sad?»
He doesn’t answer for a while, his smile is gone now. He tries to hide it by burying half of his face in your shoulder.
«I just told you, you have to chose for yourself»
«I want to stay, Luffy»
He hugs you a bit tighter now, his legs tangled in yours, and your silhouettes mixing in the dark, undistinguishable from one another. He’s smiling again.
«Good, because otherwise yeah, I would’ve been very sad about it»
Sheets rustle, and Luffy is now moving. He props himself up to take a better look at your face, moving a strand of hair away from your forehead. Then, he kisses your cheek right on the spot your tears ran down on the most. And then he kisses the corner of your mouth, and your temple, and your forehead.
«’s this okay?» he asks in a hushed tone.
Feeling your heart stuck in your throat, you nod frantically.
Luffy keeps on kissing your face everywhere, delicately, weirdly so for a guy like him. Never on your lips, but everywhere his kisses needed to be.
«But if you want to stay, you have to let us, and me especially, be kind to you. Alright? Because I think you’re kind, funny, nice to be around and that you have nice eyes. ‘mkay?» he casually says, in between kisses. Your eyelids flutter close and he places a kiss on your right one too, before stopping to let you answer. You realize that your tears stopped running and that your temperature feels lower now.
«Okay, I’ll let you be nice to me. And I’ll stay» you whisper.
You allow yourself to kiss him on his forehead, then between his dark hair, and then right under the scar under his brown eyes.
The next morning, the crew found you two soundly asleep, still cuddled up. Most shockingly, you had Luffy’s hat sitting on your head. Sanji let out a sigh and a chuckle soon after, Zoro looked away and Nami groaned. Usopp covered his eyes, mistaking the situation for something a bit different, while Vivi reassured him that you and Luffy did not just have sex.
Meanwhile, Chopper had his hooves gripping his antlers, letting out a small screech.
«Luffy! Get out, now!» he shouted.
Both of you jumped awake, you barely had time to open your eyes before Chopper transformed and yanked Luffy out of your bed, dragging him outside the cabin as he tried to explain himself. You couldn’t help but chuckle.
A stress-induced flu, that’s what Chopper diagnosed you with soon after giving you the proper medications. And with time, the vertigos and palpitations slowly started to disappear. And if they happened to come back, Luffy always knew, and he would cuddle up with you in bed just like that night.
dear lord, please take all life problems and responsibilities away from fanfic writers but also make them financially stable and happy with nothing to worry about so they can happily focus on writing and posting fanfiction. amen
Contains: Angst, touch-starved Bucky, fluff, slow-burn, platonic Bob-reader, your hair is described to be long enough to braid and it's also descibed as silk once
Sum: Physical affection and touch comes easy for you, and it's making Bucky wish for the ability to be more like you
10k+ words (I went overboard with this shit)
I have a serious obsession with slow-burns and platonic Bobxreader being clingy besties, sue me.
(I cannot find who created the divider, if you know please tag them so they get credit)
NOT PROOFREAD
Enjoy :)
The Thunderbolts Tower was rarely quiet.
Not because of the chaos; although Alexei belting out 80s Russian rock in the kitchen or Yelena wrestling John over breakfast cereal certainly didn't help - but because it was full of life. People laughing, living, healing. A kind of noise Bucky didn't mind.
He sat in his usual chair on the far end of the room, worn leather, tucked into the shadows like a spectator watching a play where everyone else knew their lines.
And there you were again. Center stage. Sunshine incarnate.
You were cross-legged on the couch, giggling so hard your nose scrunched and your eyes nearly disappeared in the crinkles of happiness. Bob was beside you and you were leaning up against him without a second thought; arms wrapped loosely around one of his, your cheek resting on his bicep.
Bucky watched. He always watched.
It wasn't creepy, he told himself. Not in a leering way. It was just... fascination. You moved through the world like the rules didn't apply to you. You touched people like they were meant to be touched - casually, kindly freely. No tension or hesitation. No fear.
You tousled John's hair like he was your annoying little brother, clung to Ava's arm when you were bored, made faces at Alexei during movie nights, and once kissed Yelena on the cheek for winning at Uno. You were always smiling, always glowing, always warm.
But never him. Not out of avoidance. No, you were never unkind to Bucky. You greeted him with the same energy as everyone else, your laugh just as sincere, your banter just as quick. But it always stopped just short of a touch. A hand wave instead of a hug, a wink instead of a squeeze to the shoulder.
And now, as he sat in his quiet corner, watching Bob shift a little so you could get even more comfortable against his side, something hollow twisted behind Bucky's ribs.
It wasn't jealousy. Not really. Bob was a friend, a soft-spoken powerhouse who loved puzzles and kittens. And it wasn't like Bucky wanted you to lean on him like that. Except...maybe he did.
What he wanted- no, what he missed, was that kind of affection without expectation. Touch that wasn't calculated or careful. No mission, no seduction, no pity. Just... closeness.
He blinked. You were laughing again, eyes shining, and Bob had just placed a hand on your head in that absent-minded, affectionate way people pet their dog without even realizing it. And you leaned into it. Let it happen like touch was a language you spoke fluently and everyone else just stuttered through.
Bucky hadn't been touched like that in... He didn't know. He really didn't.
The realization hit like a whisper, cruel in its softness. It wasn't that you hadn't touched him like that. It was that no one had, not in a long, long time. He could still remember how it felt, though. A hand through his hair, a lazy cuddle on a rainy afternoon. Arms slung around his shoulders, not for protection, but for comfort. But now people touched him like he was either a weapon or a wound.
He shifted in his seat, the leather creaking softly. Ava glanced over at the sound but didn't say anything. She was on the floor, legs stretched out, balancing a tablet on her knees. Your laughter trailed off slowly, and you looked up just in time to catch his eyes across the room.
You smiled. He didn't. Not because he didn't want to, but because he wasn't sure how. You had a thousand-watt smile, the kind that could make flowers grow in winter. His was more... dusty. Like an old light switch that hadn't been flipped in years.
But you didn't flinch, didn't falter. You just gave him that same warm look you gave everyone else. Like he belonged in this room, in this team, in this strange, patchwork little family. And then you turned back to Bob, reaching for a blanket and tossing it over both your legs. Cozy and casual, like touch was no more complicated than breathing.
God, he wanted that. Not even you, not like that. He just wanted someone to lean against him like that. Wanted to be touched without flinching. Wanted to relax against another body without wondering if it would be the last time he ever did.
Later, when most of the team had filtered out, Bucky was still sitting there. Alone in his corner. You passed by with a yawn, blanket still draped over your shoulders.
''You should sleep,' you murmured as you walked past. ''Or at least stop brooding. You'll get forehead wrinkles.''
He didn't answer. Just raised an eyebrow in response.
You paused at that, eyes flickering to his. Something unreadable danced across your face for a second. Concern, maybe? Or understanding? But then, with the gentlest flick of your fingers, you reached out with just a brush of knuckles on his vibranium arm, Barely there. Like asking a question without saying a word.
''Goodnight, Bucky.''
And just like that, you were gone. He stared at the spot where your hand had been, no more than a ghost of contact, and felt something tight and quiet unfurl inside him.
Bucky was a student of war. Tactics. Movement. Survival. But lately, he'd started studying something entirely different: affection.
More specifically - how people touched you.
It started small. A passing observation. The way Ava brushed your arm when she walked by, Yelena leaned into you on the couch like it was second nature, how Alexei let you play with the ends of his beard while he grumbled but never pulled away.
But mostly it was Bob. Always Bob. It was effortless how you two fit together. How you moved around him like you were in your own orbit. How his hand would rest lightly on your shoulder during conversations, how you'd slide under his arm like it was the most natural thing in the world. He gave you piggyback rides in the hall, and you played with his fingers absentmindedly while reading on the couch. You were close in a way that made Bucky ache.
Because he wanted that. And he didn't know how to ask. So, he watched. He watched the patterns, the rhythm, the openings.
He noticed that Bob always smiled first, open and unguarded, and you responded like it was an invitation. He noticed the pauses too, the way you always gave people the space to say no, the flick of your eyes that asked ''is this okay?'' before leaning in.
Bucky started mentally rehearsing those small things. Little touches. A guiding hand to the lower back, a light graze on the wrist when handing you a mug. Not big things, not all at once. Just something.
But he couldn't do it. He'd get close. He'd raise his hand, and then his brain would flood with every warning it had ever learned. Not you. Not yet. Not like this. You'll mess it up. You don't know how. So he'd shove his hands back in his pockets and let the moment pass. Because you deserved better than someone who needed to rehearse basic closeness like a goddamn speech.
So he watched some more.
You first noticed being watched when Bob teased you at dinner. Something about the way Bucky looked up from his plate. Not irritated, not amused, just watchful. Your elbow had been pressed into Bob's side as you leaned over his tablet, your laughter easy and loud. And when you leaned back again, a flash of something flickered in Bucky's eyes. A breath too long, a blink too slow.
He looked like someone trying to memorize the moment. Just... what it looked like. What it felt like, to see it.
You weren't oblivious. You just didn't push. Didn't ask. Bucky wasn't the kind of man you cornered with feelings he hadn't invited yet. He operated like a tide - pulling away before he let anything close.
So you waited. And you watched, just like he did.
The mission was rough. Nothing catastrophic, just... messy.
Bucky took the brunt of it, as he usually did. No complaints, no calls for backup, just relentless movement until the job was done. You admired him for it. Always had. But you also hated it - how he treated his body like it was still someone else's to throw into war zones.
He slipped away afterward, as expected. No one really noticed. John was patching up his arm with Ava's help, Alexei was bragging about his kill count, and Yelena was already raiding the fridge. But you noticed. So, you gave it a few minutes, just enough time for him to think he'd gotten away with, before you padded into the lounge, barefoot and quiet.
And there he was. Facing away from you, shirt off, arms raised as he tried to stretch the tension from his back and shoulders. You could see it - all of it. The stiffness, the tightness, the way his body moved like an old machine that hadn't been oiled in years. He didn't hear you right away.
You stood in the doorway for a second longer than you meant to. Not staring, not quite. Just... seeing. The way he rolled his shoulder with a grimace, the muscles twitching under scarred skin, the metal arm glinting in the low light like something out of mythology. He was strong, yes, but he looked so tired.
''Bucky.''
He turned a little too fast, like he thought you'd caught him doing something shameful. You saw the flicker in his expression - the mask dropping into place. That same unreadable look he wore like armor. You didn't comment on it.
''You okay?'' you asked softly, stepping further in.
He gave a grunt that wasn't quite a yes.
You tilted your head, arms crossed loosely over your chest. ''You look like you lost a wrestling match with a garbage truck.''
''I won,'' he said, deadpan.
Your lips twitched. ''Barely.''
He huffed. Maybe a laugh, maybe just air. You moved a little closer, enough to notice the fine sheen of sweat still clinging to his skin. The tension in his shoulders was visible, like tight ropes drawn too hard.
''Sit,'' you said.
He blinked at you. ''What?''
''Sit,'' you repeated, nudging the back of the couch with your foot. ''I'm giving you a shoulder massage.''
He hesitated. A long beat of silence passed. You could practically hear the war happening in his mind. The part that didn't trust comfort, the part that didn't know how to accept it.
''I'm not gonna charge you for it,'' you teased gently. ''And it's not a trap. I'm just not a monster and I hate seeing you look like you've been folded in half and left in the sun to dry.''
That got the smallest twitch at the corner of his mouth. And he sat. Stiffly, cautiously. Like the couch might bite him.
You stepped behind him, already rubbing your hands together for warmth. But you didn't start right away, gave him that last window to change his mind. He didn't move. Just exhaled slowly, like he'd decided to let the tide roll in. Your hands touched his shoulders and God. You felt the jolt before he even reacted. Like the contact itself was something he hadn't expected to feel. Not like that. Not innocent. Not kind.
You didn't speak. Just worked quietly. Gently. Your fingers kneading into muscle and scar tissue, slow and careful, no agenda, no teasing. Just... touch.
Bucky's jaw clenched. His eyes were closed now, head tilted ever so slightly forward. You could still feel the effort it took him to stay still, to not flinch. Like every cell in his body was trying to not run away.
But you kept going. You worked over one knot at a time. One shoulder. Then the other. Your thumbs dug into the curve of his traps and you felt the smallest, tiniest exhale escaped his lips. Relief, or surrender, or maybe both.
''You don't have to be made of steel all the time,'' you whispered. Still not pushing. Just offering.
His voice, when it came, was rough. ''It's not about being steel. It's just...hard.''
''I know.''
He shifted slightly, just enough to lean a little more into your hands, and it felt like trust. It felt like an entire chapter unwritten. And you didn't need him to explain it. You already understood. And even though he hadn't said a word, it was all there.
You pressed your palm flat against his shoulder blades, heat seeping into him. ''You're allowed to want this, you know,'' you murmured. ''To be held. Even without reason.''
He didn't answer. But his hands unclenched in his lap. And that was enough.
Ten minutes passed. Maybe more. When you finally stepped away, you did it slowly. Gave him space to rise again, if he needed to. But he didn't move. Just sat there, like the couch had claimed him.
You didn't ask if he was okay. Didn't need to.
''Get some sleep,'' you said gently.
He nodded. Still quiet.
You turned to leave, but just before you crossed the threshold, his voice caught you.
''Thank you.''
And when you looked back, his eyes met yours; unguarded. Just for a second. The door cracking open and the warmth finally starting to seep in.
Movie night was always a disaster. Loud, chaotic, half the team arguing about genre and popcorn flavors, and Bucky stuck in the corner, pretending to mind the noise when secretly he didn't. Not at all.
Tonight was no different. You were already curled up on the couch, head in Bob's lap, your legs stretched across Yelena's. Ava was on the floor beside you, leaning back against the couch. Alexei was dramatically recounting the story of the time you once braided his beard into a Viking pattern, and Bucky had to bite back a smile when you proudly confirmed it, already digging through a box of hair ties and clips.
And that was how it started. First, Alexei. You pulled him in front of you, knees to your chest, and with your tongue poking out in concentration, you began weaving his beard with surprising speed. He looked like a grumpy Norse god by the time you were done.
Then Bob. ''Ohhh it's your turn, you big beautiful labradoodle,'' you sang, tugging him down by the hand.
He didn't protest. Just sat cross-legged in front of you with the dopey smile of someone being completely adored. You started working small braids into his hair, murmuring nonsense as your fingers moved expertly, occasionally swatting his shoulder when he moved too much.
Bucky watched from his usual spot. Quiet, still, fascinated. You weren't just touching, you were focusing. You were being deliberate. This wasn't just casual affection - this was attention. Care. The kind that said: I want to do something just for you. He wanted that. Badly. Desperately. Not even for what it would lead to, but just for that. To be someone you focused on. Someone you chose, even just for five minutes, to pour softness into.
You finished with a flourish, tied off the last braid in Bob's hair, sat back with a pleased grin, and then - without fanfare - you pointed across the room. Right at him.
''Your turn, Barnes.''
The room went dead silent. All eyes turned to him.
You didn't flinch. Your smile didn't even waver. You just tilted your head and gave him that same sunlit warmth you always carried, like it had never once occurred to you that he'd say no.
Bucky blinked. What. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. He gestured vaguely to himself like he didn't understand the language you were speaking.
''You've got hair,'' you said, as if it was obvious. ''You've got a good head for braids. Longish, soft, a little tragic. I can work with that.''
''Tragic?'' he muttered before he could stop himself.
''Emotionally,'' you replied, already patting the floor in front of you. ''Now come on, don't make me beg. I'm on a roll.''
Bucky hesitated again. Not because he didn't want it But because the moment was so fragile. So bizarrely, heartbreakingly normal. Like if he moved wrong, it would shatter and you'd realize what you were asking. For him, not just some teammate, not just a body in the room, and you'd take it back.
But you didn't. You just kept smiling. So slowly, he stood up. Crossed the room, sat down, back straight and stiff as a board.
''Relax,'' you whispered behind him. ''I won't break you.''
You ran your fingers through his hair once, and he nearly forgot how to breathe. It wasn't just the sensation. It was the care, the softness, the quiet focus. You smoothed his hair gently, like it was worth something. Like he was worth something. And then your fingers started moving. Slow, practiced, weaving warmth into every inch of him.
The room around him faded. It was just your touch. Your hum under your breath, the warmth of your knees and either side of his back, the way you occasionally brushed a thumb over his scalp to settle a strand.
You didn't tease, you didn't rush, you just touched.
And Bucky sat perfectly still, his eyes closed, letting the door inside him creak open just a little more.
He wasn't in love with you. But in that moment, with your hands in his hair and his heart so soft it almost hurt, he thought: maybe I could be.
Bucky wasn't a man who touched first. He could take a punch without blinking, disarm a bomb with minutes to spare, and walk into a firefight like it was a coffee run. But reaching out to you? Terrifying.
Especially now that you'd touched him. Really touched him. Not on a battlefield, not in passing. But on purpose. With care.
You'd braided his hair like he was something worth decorating, worth sitting with, worth smiling at. And for the first time in years, he hadn't wanted to move. Hadn't wanted to retreat. He'd just wanted... more.
He thought about that moment for days. The warmth of your fingers, the way your voice softened near his ear, the lack of expectation. You hadn't asked for anything. You hadn't tried to pull him out of himself. You'd just sat with him, and for Bucky, that was almost more intimate than anything else.
So now he watched you even closer. Not just to learn - though, yes, he was still studying you like he might someday earn a master's in ''How To Be Near You Without Dying'', but because now... he was looking for openings. Tiny ones. Like the way you greeted Bob with a forehead bump and a grin, or how you'd slip your fingers into Yelena's sleeve when she was anxious. You didn't cling to people. You anchored them, And God, did Bucky want to be anchored.
So he tried. Tiny experiments. He started holding the door for you. At first, it was mechanical, just something to do, but you'd always smile and touch his shoulder on the way past. Every time. Like a thank you, like a secret handshake.
Next, he started handing you things. If you were sitting and someone tossed you a water bottle or remote or snack, Bucky would intercept it. And instead of just tossing it to you, he'd hand it. Palms brushing a second too long. Once, your fingers lingered. Just a beat. It nearly leveled him.
He started sitting on the couch instead of in his corner. Not next to you, not yet, but closer. Close enough to hear your breathing change when you laughed. Close enough to hand you the blanket when you curled up.
But what really broke him, what cracked something clean open, was when you fell asleep on Bob's chest again.
Movie night, a lazy rom-com. You'd started upright and within fifteen minutes had curled up under Bob's arm, your cheek pressed against his chest like you belonged there.
And Bucky? He didn't even feel jealous. He just felt cold. Not bitter or angry. Just... cold. Because now he knew what that felt like; your hands in his hair, your voice at his back, and he was starving for more.
He decided to try after the next mission.
Something low-risk. A simple retrieval, in and and out. You were paired with him this, which was rare, and he tried not to let it mean anything, but it felt like the universe had handed him a cheat code.
The mission went fine. A couple of close calls. You handled yourself like usual - confident, lethal, laughing through it all. And he admired the hell out of you for it. On the way back to the jet, you reached out instinctively and grabbed his wrist to yank him behind cover.
That one moment. That touch. He felt it in his teeth.
Once back in the tower, you peeled off first, stretching and yawning, calling goodnight over your shoulder with a lazy smile.
Bucky stood there in the hallway, still half-armored, heart thundering. Try now.
He walked to the kitchen and found the snack you always reached for after missions - those weird, spicy chips you claimed tasted like ''victory and regret''. You never bought them for yourself, said they were a ''reward food'', but you always lit up when someone remembered. So he took a bag. Bribery. Weak, but a start. Then he walked to your room.
He stood outside the door for at least a full minute. What am I doing? What if she's asleep? What if I look insane? But he made himself knock. Softly.
''...Come in!''
He stepped in like he was walking into a temple.
You were on the floor, stretching, dressed in soft shorts and an oversized hoodie he tried not to notice was Bob's. You grinned when you saw him.
''Well, hey Barnes. What's up?''
He held up the chip bag like it was evidence. You blinked, then beamed.
''Holy crap, you got the good ones!''
He nodded. ''Figured you earned it.''
You sat back, crossing your legs, tearing the bag open with a happy hum. ''You wanna stay?''
His brain short-circuited. ''If- yeah. If that's okay.''
''Duh,'' you said, patting the carpet next to you. ''I don't offer this floor to just anyone.''
So he sat, and you shared and talked. Then finally, he decided: now.
You were laughing at something he said. Your hand was on the floor beside you, his was a few inches away. Just do it. He slowly, carefully, let the side of his hand brush yours. And then... rested it there. Just barely touching.
You didn't look down, didn't call it out. But you did move your pinky until it hooked his. And Bucky forgot how to exist. You didn't say anything about it. Just kept talking, like nothing had changed. But your fingers stayed. Light, soft, reassuring.
And Bucky sat there beside you, pinky to pinky, the contact small enough to be missed by anyone else, but monumental to him. Because he'd finally done it. He'd reached out, and you'd reached back.
Bucky had a plan. Sort of. He'd been replaying that pinky-touch moment for days now. The smallness of it. The deliberate sweetness. How you didn't tease him or pull away. You just let it happen, and he didn't have to explain why it meant so much.
Now, he wanted to try something more. Not huge. Just... bolder. A tiny step forward. He wanted to initiate something. Not because it meant love or romance, but because his body was beginning to crave it. Crave that soft connection. Crave you, in the most innocent, desperately human way. He wanted to know what it felt like to hold you, even for a second.
So he planned for it. Not out loud, not with words, but with a thousand little hypotheticals in his head.
After a mission, maybe. Or in the hallway when you weren't looking. You'd be laughing, or tired, or just there, and he'd go for it - a simple hug. Arms around you. Quick, no pressure. But every time the moment came? He choked.
He was so close tonight.
Mission done. Exhausting but not dangerous. Everyone was filtering into the tower one by one, and you were the last to come in; suit half-zipped, hair stuck to your cheek, laughing at something John said before he peeled off down the hall.
And there you were. Worn out, but happy. Still glowing like you always did. You turned to him, smile softening, and said, ''You did good today, Barnes.''
That's all it took. The moment presented itself like a gift. Do it. Just reach out. He took a breath, stepped forward, his hands hovered awkwardly at his sides. Just a hug. Just a hug. But his body locked. What if she pulls away? What if it's weird? What if it ruins everything? His hands jerked back down.
Too late. You saw. Your eyes flickered to his. Quick and quiet. Understanding dawned across your face like a sunrise. You didn't make it a thing. Didn't joke or ask or tilt your head like are you okay? You just took a small step forward and opened your arms.
''C'mere, tough guy,'' you said.
You stepped in and wrapped your arms around him. A real hug. Chest to chest, face to shoulder. Warm, present, soft.
Bucky stopped breathing. He didn't move. Didn't know how to move. His hands hovered behind your back, unsure, trembling slightly like they'd forgotten what to do. And then you gave the smallest squeeze. Gentle. Safe. That did it, his arms came around you. Slow, careful. And then... all at once. They locked behind you, strong and tight and desperate, like he'd finally given up the fight and was clinging on for dear life.
He didn't mean to hold you so hard. He didn't mean to breathe you in like that. But he couldn't stop. Because your body was real. Warm, solid. And you weren't backing away, you weren't treating him like glass. You were just... holding him.
You shifted slightly to lean into the hug more, and he swore he could feel your smile against his neck. ''See?'' you murmured. ''Easy.''
He could've laughed at that. It wasn't easy, not for him. It was terrifying, dizzying, earth-shaking. But it was also the first time in years that someone had wrapped him up like this without blood or death or adrenaline. No life-or-death panic. Just arms, just warmth. And for the first time, he let himself sink into it. His heart was pounding - slamming, really, and he was sure you could feel it. He didn't care.
You didn't let go until he did. And when he finally eased back - slowly, reluctantly, like his arms had been superglued in place - your eyes met his, steady and bright. No teasing, no awkward silence.
Just, ''Anytime, Bucky.'' And a little smile. The kind that wrapped around his ribs and pulled tight.
He nodded. Couldn't speak even if he tried to. Could barely breathe. And as you turned and padded away down the hall, humming softly under your breath, Bucky stood alone in the hallway like he'd just come back from war. Except this time, someone had brought him home.
Bucky didn't sleep after that hug. He laid in bed, eyes wide in the dark, heart still thundering against his ribs like it hadn't gotten the memo that the moment was over.
You had held him. No flinching or pulling back, you let him cling like he needed it. Because he did, and you made it feel like it was okay. Like it was normal. You never said another word about it. And Bucky walked around the tower for the next few days like someone had filled his veins with warm honey and static electricity.
But with every inch you have him - every smile, every brush of a hand, every shoulder lean or passing touch - Bucky found himself wanting to give something back. He wanted you to know what that hug meant to him. Not in words. He wasn't there yet. And not in touch, his body still rebelled at the idea of starting something again. So instead, he watched again. Carefully, obsessively. And started to notice things about you. Little things.
You hummed when you were nervous, you always pulled your sleeves over your hands when you were cold even though you owned about sixteen hoodies, you liked your tea with honey instead of sugar, and you made up nicknames for everyone. He still wasn't sure if ''Ice Cream Soldier'' was supposed to be a compliment.
But most of all? You loved weird little things. Knickknacks, trinkets, gimmicks - stuff that made everyone else roll their eyes. You kept a plastic dinosaur on your nightstand, and you used pens with flitter ink. And you once got into a thirty-minute debate with Alexei about whether a wind-up chicken toy should be considered ''practical combat gear''. Somehow, you won that debate.
So Bucky made a decision. He couldn't hug you back. Not yet. But he could give you something.
A little mission in Eastern Europe. A side errand in Dubai. A stakeout with nothing to do but sit and watch. And right there, buried in a dusty antique shop next to a faded deck of Soviet playing cards and a pair of rusted brass knuckles, he found it.
A tiny, worn metal figurine. A cat. Its tail curled into a spiral, its ear too big, one eye slightly chipped. It looked hand-forged. Utterly ridiculous and useless. Perfect.
He bought it without hesitation. No one saw, no one knew. He brought it home and sat with it for an hour in his room. Just turning it over in his hands, wondering if this was stupid. If it made him look childish. If you'd even like it.
But then he remembered the way you looked when someone gave you something with no strings attached. He remembered your smile. And that settled it.
He didn't give it to you directly. He couldn't. So, he waited until the next movie night. Same couch, same usual crew. Everyone loud and sprawled and tangled up in a pile of popcorn and dumb banter.
You were curled up in your usual spot with Bob, your legs across his lap, a bowl balanced on your knees, laughing so hard you snorted. And Bucky sat one cushion away. Close enough to hear your laughter, far enough to not panic.
You got up halfway through to refill drinks, and Bucky slipped the little metal cat into the space you'd just left. Just where you'd see it. Not wrapped, not labeled... just there. And when you came back, you saw it immediately. You blinked. Picked it up. Held it up in the light with the kind of gentle curiosity that made Bucky want to crawl under the couch.
''Hey,'' you said aloud, holding it up, ''who left this little guy?''
Bob shrugged, Ava didn't even look, and John made some joke about it being cursed. Yelena grabbed it from your hand and examined it.
''It's ugly. I like it.''
You laughed and took it back, fingers closing around it protectively. ''Well, whoever left it - it's mine now.'' And then you smiled. That kind of soft, knowing smile, and your eyes flicked to Bucky. Just a second. Just long enough.
He didn't say a word. Didn't have to. You tucked the cat into your hoodie pocked and curled up again. And Bucky let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
The next morning, you passe him in the hallway. No one else was around. You didn't stop him. Just walked by, slow and casual, and bumped your shoulder into his with a quiet, ''Thanks, Barnes.'' And kept walking like it was no big deal.
But he stood there in the hallway for a full minute, stunned stupid by how good that felt Not the thanks. The shoulder bump. Small, warm, and his.
From then on, it became a thing. You never asked for more, but Bucky... he started giving it anyway.
A protein bar slid across the table on mornings you looked too tired to grab one yourself, a spare set of hand warmers in your tac vest before cold missions, and a weird sticker he peeled off a vending machine that said ''KICK BUTT, GLITTER GIRL'' that he knew you'd absolutely slap on your laptop.
All of it anonymous, none of it subtle. And every time, your eyes would flick toward him with that soft little grin. You'd touch his arm when you passed, or lean your head briefly against his shoulder, or bump hips when no one was looking.
And Bucky... he thrived on it. Still unsure, still hesitant. But opening, inch by precious inch.
The team didn't mention it aloud. Not once. Not to him, not to you. But they noticed. They noticed that Bucky stopped bracing when someone walked behind him on the couch. That he started answering more questions with actual words instead of shrugs. That he let you rest your head on his shoulder once and didn't move a muscle the whole time.
They noticed how he watched you when you weren't looking. With that quiet awe of someone who's been in the dark so long that the sunlight still hurts, even as it heals.
And on a quiet afternoon when rain still misted against the windows everyone was off doing their own thing - Bob reading a fantasy novel upside down on the couch, Alexei asleep with a magazine over his face, and the rest scattered through the tower. You sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch, twirling the end of your braid between your fingers, frowning.
''It's coming undone,'' you muttered.
Bucky was seated on the end of the couch with a cup of tea he didn't remember making, and glanced over. ''Want help?''
You blinked. Then your eyes lit up, slow and warm. ''Yeah. Will you braid it for me?''
Silence. Utter, world-shattering silence. Bob looked up from his book like he'd just heard a hun go off and Bucky froze mid-sip.
Your tone had been casual, like asking someone to hand you the remote. But Bucky felt his spine lock up like a snapped wire, his pulse suddenly very loud in his ears. His brain full-on short-circuited.
You tilted your head back to look at him, smiling. ''You don't have to if you don't want to-''
''No- I mean-yeah-no, I'll-sure,'' he stammered. ''I can try.''
You turned back around, still grinning like you knew exactly what you were doing to him. Bucky set his tea down, his hand was already sweating. What the hell did he just agree to.
The moment your back was to him, Bucky realized how close you were. Your bare shoulders peeked out from the loose neckline of your oversized shirt, and the soft scent of your shampoo drifted up to him like a punch to the senses. He reached toward your hair, paused, and immediately pulled his hands back.
''I-uh-I don't know how to braid,'' he said, voice strangled.
''That's okay,'' you said easily, not turning around. ''Just do your best.''
That was not helpful.
Bob, mercifully, looked up from his book again and took pity. ''Hang on, Sergeant,'' he said, reaching for his phone. ''We're gonna get you through this.''
Bucky shot him a look.
Bob raised both eyebrows. ''You wanna bail now or impress the girl with your incredibly subpar braiding skills?''
''I'm not trying to impress-'' Bucky began, but Bob had already opened Youtube.
''There are hundreds of tutorials on this. Oh! Here's one: ''How to braid your girlfriend's hair without making her leave you for someone who owns a comb''. Seems fitting.''
''I hate you.''
''You love me.''
The video started playing - hosted by a chipper woman with perfectly braided hair and way too much optimism, and Bob propped the phone against his knee, narrating helpfully.
''Okay, part it into three sections. Three, Barnes. Not two. You're not tying shoelaces here.''
Bucky narrowed his eyes. ''I know what three is, Bob.''
''Do you, though? Because you're holding two and looking confused.''
''Shut up.''
You were definitely holding back laughter now, your shoulders trembled with it. He finally managed to divide your hair into three semi-even pieces.
''Now cross the right over the middle,'' Bob instructed. ''Wait. Your right. No, her right. Shit- that's the same right. Okay... look, follow the lady in the video.''
Bucky glared at the screen. The woman made it look so easy, the braid just formed like magic. Meanwhile, his hands felt like they were wearing boxing gloves. He tried once. Fumbled. You laughed under your breath.
''Sorry,'' he muttered, fingers clumsy against the silk of your hair.
''No, don't apologize,'' you said, voice light and warm. ''This is the most fun I've had all week.''
He tried again. And this time, the strands twisted more like a loose knot than a braid.
Bob squinted. ''That's... something.''
You snorted. ''It's fine. Just keep going.''
And somehow, despite the odds, the braid started to form. Wobbly and uneven. Your hair curled under his fingers like it belonged there. And Buckt didn't realize he'd started smiling. When he tied the braid off with a small elastic you handed him, you reached back and touched it, beaming.
''It's perfect,'' you said, even though it absolutely wasn't.
Bucky looked away, ears pink. ''Glad I could help,'' he said, voice a little hoarse.
You leaned back slightly, head resting against his shin now, looking up at him with bright, grateful eyes. And Bucky carefully, shyly, reached out and brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Not because it needed fixing. Just because he wanted to touch you again. And this time? He didn't panic.
Bob watched the whole thing from behind his book and just smiled. Didn't say a word. Didn't need to.
Gala nights were always chaos wrapped in satin. Everyone was too dressed up, the champagne was too expensive, and the music was more noise than melody. Somewhere between government posturing and forced socializing, it was easy to forget the mission was just to show up and look like you weren't going to level the place.
You, of course, were having the time of your life. Your gown, shimmering and slinky, dangerously backless, drew eyes across the room. But you didn't give them a second glance. You were too busy spinning in circles on the dance floor with Alexei, barefoot now, laughing so hard you nearly tripped over the hem of your dress.
''Is that-? Oh god, is that the cha-cha?'' Valentina muttered from the sidelines, looking scandalized. ''Tell me that's not the cha-cha. In front of the senators.''
''Mm,'' Ava hummed beside her. ''Technically, I think it's the drunk uncle version of the cha-cha. But yes.''
Valentina groaned, lifting her wine glass as if to drink away the embarrassment. ''She's going to give me a migraine.''
''She's not the one doing the shoulder shimmy,'' John said dryly, nodding toward Alexei.
And sure enough - there he was, twice your size and grinning like a man who had never known shame, twirling you dramatically and nearly taking out a waiter's tray in the process.
You didn't care. You threw your arms up, laughed like it was the only thing that mattered, and kept dancing.
Ava turned slightly, her gaze catching on the tall figure lingering near the edge of the ballroom. ''Barnes,'' she said, low enough that only he could hear. ''You gonna sit there forever?''
Bucky didn't look at her. He was too busy watching you. His tie felt too tight, his palm was clammy, and his heart was beating like he was in combat. He hadn't been able to look away from you all night. Your laugh, your touch, the way your eyes sparkled under the chandeliers like you belonged there more than anyone else in the room.
You'd already danced with Bob, who kept spinning you like he'd just watched Dirty Dancing. Then John, then Alexei. You flowed from one person to the next like it was nothing, like joy was just something that spilled out of you onto anyone willing to catch it.
And Bucky wanted to catch it. He almost stood. Almost let himself go to you like Ava was silently urging. But then the music changed. Soft strings. A slow waltz. Couples began to pair off, the lights dimmed slightly, warm gold flickering over crystal and silk. And Bucky panicked. Too intimate, too close. He sat back down, jaw tight.
Missed my chance, he thought bitterly. Typical. But then you were there.
Your voice gentle, like the music itself. ''Dance with me?''
His head jerked up. You were smiling. Hand out, hair a little wild from all your earlier chaos, eyes impossibly soft.
He blinked. ''Me?''
You tilted your head. ''Unless you know another hundred-year-old war criminal with a metal arm in this room?'' That started a laugh out of him, sharp and short. You stepped closer. ''Come on. One dance. I won't even try to spin you. Promise.''
His brain screamed run. But his heart? His heart stood.
Eyes drifted toward you and Bucky as you walked to the dance floor. He didn't look at them. He was too busy not tripping over his own thoughts.
You took his hands in yours and guided them to your waist with a warmth that had no edges. No agenda. Just you, radiant and calm, like you had all the time in the world to teach him what safety felt like.
''Just sway,'' you murmured. ''That''s all you have to do.''
So he did. You led, really. Kept the rhythm soft, let him find his footing. And Bucky was panicking. Because you were right there. So close. Too close.
Your cheek was nearly against his collarbone, your perfume was like summer and sugar and sunlight. Your hands were draped around his neck. And he was certain you could feel his heart pounding.
''Bucky?'' you whispered, barely audible. He grunted in acknowledgment, throat too tight for words. You looked up at him, the corner of your mouth tugging up. ''You're doing great.''
His breath stuttered. I'm not. Because it was too much. The warmth, the softness, the utter lack of fear in you. You danced with him like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he hadn't spent years pushing people away. Like he hadn't built an entire life around silence and distance.
You didn't ask to be let in. You just walked through the door. And Bucky had no idea what to do with that. He kept waiting for the tension to snap. For someone to step in. For you to pull away. But you didn't.
The song ended slowly, fading into something else. And Bucky felt the loss of it like a pulled stitch.
You stepped back just slightly and smiled up at him. ''Thank you,'' you said, voice as soft as velvet. Then you leaned in and kissed his cheek. A brief press of the lips, barely a breath long.
But it dropped like a bomb in his chest. Your smile didn't fade. You just slipped away, walking off with Yelena toward some obviously doomed scheme involving the catering table and the rooftop.
And Bucky stood there. Absolutely still. A hand on his cheek like the world had just tilted sideways. He barely noticed Ava join him a minute later, champagne glass in hand.
She didn't speak at first, just stopped and looked where you'd gone. Then it came, ''So.'' She glanced at him. ''You okay?''
''No.''
Her mouth twitched. ''Realized it, didn't you.''
Bucky didn't answer. Didn't need to. Because holy fucking shit, he did. He didn't just want affection. He didn't just want safety. He wanted you.
He didn't sleep the night after the gala. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling, fully clothes, jaw locked and heart loud, your kiss still pressed to his cheek like a brand. Because it had just been a thank you, right? Just a soft, casual thing. You did that with everyone.
You kissed Ava on the head when she gave you the last slice of pizza, you curled into Bob's side during movie nights like it was your assigned seat, you ruffled John's hair when he was being a sarcastic little shit, and you let Alexei carry you around like a sack of potatoes whenever he pleased. You gave affection like it cost nothing. And maybe it didn't. But to Bucky it cost everything. And now he wanted more. God help him, he wanted you.
It got worse the next day. You were still you - sunlight in human form, skipping around the tower in mismatched socks, humming a tune no one recognized.
You found Bucky in the kitchen, your hair a little damp from a shower, eyes sleepy. ''Hi, soldier,'' you said, bumping your shoulder gently into his arm. ''How are your feet after that dance? Did I bruise you?''
He blinked at you. Then blinked again. Because you were wearing his shirt. Not like, his shirt - but the same Henley brand he wore all the time, one of those oversized soft cotton ones in a color that made his brain hiccup. And he couldn't breathe.
''I-fine,'' he croaked. ''You didn't. I mean. It was fine.''
You beamed. ''Good. Then you can dance some more with me next time.''
He nodded dumbly.
You reached for the cereal box above him, your arm brushing across his chest. He flinched, but not away, from surprise. From the way even the most accidental contact with you lit him up from the inside. You poured a bowl, hummed again, and wandered off like you hadn't just leveled his entire nervous system with a smile.
Later he sat on the couch while you tangled yourself into a pile with Bob and Yelena. Legs over laps, arms slung around shoulders. Bob played with your fingers absentmindedly while Yelena used your stomach as a pillow. You were laughing at something stupid Bob said, glowing with ease, and Bucky watched.
Not like a creep. Just like a man trying not to fall apart. Because every time you touched someone else, something in his twisted. Not jealousy, not quite, just a raw aching hunger.
You're not mine to touch, he reminded himself. You weren't. But God, he wanted to be yours.
And the team noticed. Not loudly. Not with teasing. But they saw.
Yelena caught him watching you over the edge of his book. She didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow when he looked away too fast and pretended to care about page 62. Bob lingered in the kitchen one morning and passed Bucky a mug of coffee with a quiet, ''You know, she really likes it when people play with her hair without asking first.'' Bucky nearly broke the mug. Alexei gave him a firm, understanding nod once when he caught him staring at you. Didn't say a word just nodded like a man who'd once been there and survived it. And Ava? She said it best.
''Don't rush him,'' she told John one afternoon when the he scoffed at Bucky choosing to sit beside you instead of his usual armchair.
''I'm not rushing him,'' John snapped, adjusting his sunglasses. ''I'm just saying - either kiss her or don't, Barnes. This isn't high school.''
Ava, who had been watching you patiently teach Alexei how to play Go Fish, shook her head. ''She doesn't know,'' she said softly.
John scoffed again. ''She's not blind. She kisses that man on the cheek like it's a Hallmark movie.''
''She kisses everyone. But she's patient with him. Slower. Gentler. More careful. And I don't think she even realizes it.''
John looked unconvinced. ''She's affectionate with everyone.''
''Yes,'' Ava said. ''But she waits for Bucky. She reads him. She's been loving him in a language he can understand.
That shut John up for a full three seconds. ''...Disgusting,'' he muttered. ''You should write poetry or something.''
Ava only smiled.
It was a rooftop night. Cool breeze, blankets, and pizza boxes spread out across mismatched furniture like a half-hearted picnic.
You were leaning over Bob's arm, laughing too hard at something Ava said, and Bucky was trying very hard not to be annihilated by it. You wore shorts and an old hoodie that definitely wasn't yours, hair pulled up with strands curling at your temples. Your bare legs were tangled over Bob's your hand casually resting on his chest while you picked a fight with Alexei about movie trivia.
No one else thought twice about it. They were used to you - your sunshine, your warmth, the way you radiated affection like a second skin. It was just you, untamed and fearless. But Bucky? You were shattering him. Every time you laughed at Bob's stupid joke, every time you reached over to adjust John's hoodie string, or brushed Yelena's hair behind her ear. Every time your eyes sparkled and your hand stayed just a second longer than strictly necessary... it burned.
And it wasn't jealousy. It was a need. Please look at me like that. Please lean your weight against me. Please laugh into my chest. Please, please, choose me, without even realizing it.
The ache was getting harder to hide. He'd tried. God, he'd tried. He still sat closer to you now. Still let you rest your head on his shoulder sometimes. Still awkwardly and terribly braided your hair when you asked. But there were limits he didn't know how to cross. Like now.
When you leaned over Bob and mock-whispered something into his ear, giggling when he gasped and dramatically clutched his heart, pretending to faint. It was nothing. A joke. But Bucky felt it like a sucker punch to the ribs. And you didn't even notice.
''You okay?'' Ava murmyred from beside him.
He didn't look at her. ''Fine.''
She didn't push. She never did. Just handed him a beer and let the silence fill in what he couldn't say.
I'm not okay. I want to be the one she teases like that. I want her hand on my chest. Her eyes on me like I'm the reason she's smiling. I want-
He swallowed he cracked the beer open.
When the wind picked up and everyone started packing up, you wandered over to him. Hoodie sleeves pulled over your hands, cheeks rosy from the cold. ''Hey, soldier,'' you said softly.
He looked at you, and God help him - he melted. You gave him that smile. The one that made his lungs forget what to do. The one that used to feel like sunshine but now felt like the slow pull of a tide trying to drown him.
''You looked a little quiet tonight,'' you said, gentle, concerned. ''Everything okay?''
He nodded too quickly. ''Yeah. Just tired.''
Your hand reached up, brushing a leaf from his shoulder. He froze. ''Okay. Well, if you need to not be okay sometime, you know I'm here, right?''
Do you know what you're doing to me? He wanted to ask. Wanted to grab your hand and keep it. Just hold on to something warm for once. But instead, he just nodded. And watched you walk away.
The rooftop cleared, but he stayed behind. Alone, now. Just him and the wind and the echo of your laugh in his ears. And for the first time, the truth didn't whisper. It roared.
I don't just want touch. I don't just want softness. I want her.
In and out. Secure the intel. Light resistance. It was supposed to be simple. It wasn't. And when the explosion went off - too close, too sudden - it was your name that ripped out of Bucky's throat. He didn't see the flash. Just felt the shockwave. And then you were gone from his side.
You weren't dead. You weren't even seriously hurt. Just thrown, bruised, scraped up where you'd hit the wall, comm crackling as you cursed and coughed and told them you were fine.
But Bucky wasn't. He couldn't breathe. His fingers wouldn't stop trembling on the trigger of his rifle. He kept his body moving, eyes scanning, instincts in full soldier mode. But his heart was gone, back there, with you.
He didn't remember finishing the mission. Didn't remember getting on the jet. Didn't remember sitting beside you in the medbay while a nurse patched you up, your voice stubborn and playful as always. What he remembered was the sound of the blast. And the way his entire world collapsed for a second.
He didn't talk on the ride back. You kept glancing at him, frown between your brows, but he didn't look at you. Couldn't He just sat with his hands clenched between his knees, eyes blank, jaw locked like he was holding back a scream. The others noticed, but they knew better than to push.
You knocked on his door that night. Three soft raps. No answer, but you opened it anyway.
Bucky was sitting on the floor beside his bed, back against the wall, breathing hard. Still in his gear. Dog tags clenched in one hand, shaking. He looked up... and shattered.
''You shouldn't be in here,'' he rasped.
You stepped in anyway, gently closing the door behind you.
He shook his head, almost violently. His breath hitched and he pressed his palm to his chest, like he could physically hold something in. ''I thought you were gone.''
You paused. And then moved closer, sinking to your knees in front of him. ''I wasn't.''
''I thought you were.'' His voice cracked. ''I saw that explosion and I thought-I thought-'' He couldn't finish. Just closed his eyes, chest heaving. And then he reached. Arms out. Not confident or practiced, but desperate. Like he couldn't stand another second not touching you.
You moved into the hug without hesitation, and he broke. He held you like a drowning man. Like you were oxygen and he hadn't breathed in weeks. His arms crushed you to him, face buried in your shoulder, fingers twisting into your hoodie like they were terrified you'd slip away again. It wasn't soft, or gentle. It was fierce. A hug with everything he couldn't say.
''I'm here,'' you whispered, hand smoothing up his spine. ''I'm okay.''
His voice was low and hoarse, almost childlike. ''I can't lose you.''
You froze, just for a second. Then melted against him, curling into his lap like you belonged there. You didn't speak. Didn't need to. Because you felt it, now. The weight in his arms, the panic, the relief, the need. You'd hugged Bucky before, but he had never held you like this. And something changed inside you. Because suddenly all the times he'd flinched away, all the walls he kept up - it all made sense. He was afraid of it. Afraid of needing it. Afraid of losing it.
You pulled back just enough to look at him. ''I'm not going anywhere,'' you said softly.
And his eyes- God, his eyes. Like he wanted so badly to believe you, but didn't know how. You cupped his cheek and pressed your forehead to his.
You didn't say anything else. Didn't have to. Because the next day, Bucky sat a little closer on the couch. He lingered when you leaned into him. And when you rested your head on his shoulder? He leaned back.
And you started giving him more. More of your touch, more of your time, more of you. And the others noticed.
It was a quiet change. Not a thunderclap, not a confession, just... little shifts. Like how you still curled against Bob during movie nights, but now your feet somehow always ended up in Bucky's lap. Or how you'd still lean into Yelena's side, tug on John's sleeve, braid Ava's hair while teasing Alexei - but Bucky was the one whose hand you reached for when you needed comfort.
And Bucky... God, Bucky was changing. Subtle things. To anyone else, probably invisible. But not to the team. He never flinched now. Not when you brushed your knee against his, not when you tossed a blanket over both of your legs. Not when your head dropped to his shoulder and stayed there through an entire episode of Jeopardy.
He even initiated things, once or twice. A hand on your back, a squeeze to your arm. The kind of touch that was casual from anyone else, but from Bucky Barnes? It was a goddamn declaration.
Ava watched the way Bucky's eyes always found you first. Not just when you entered a room, but when you laughed, when you moved, when you fell quiet. She saw it like a pulse - how in tune he was with you now. Like he was always listening for your heartbeat.
Alexei didn't understand it in so many words, but he stopped teasing Bucky about being grumpy. Just gave him a single, hearty slap on the back one afternoon and said, ''You are less haunted now. Good. Keep petting her hair, it seems to be working.''
Bob never said a damn thing. He just started sitting a little farther away during movie night, with a small, knowing smile.
John was the only one brave enough to ask: ''So... is this a thing now?'' and got and simultaneous death glare from Yelena and you that promptly shut him up for a week.
And Bucky felt it all. Not just your hands, not just the way your affection lingered now - longer hugs, softer looks, quiet touches that felt like they meant something. No. He felt the way you chose him. You still loved everyone. That hadn't changed. You were still sunshine, still chaos, still a tangle of hugs and shoulder squeezes and kisses on the cheeks and tangled limbs. But when it came to him? You were gentler. Like you were holding something sacred. And it made his heart ache in the most beautiful, terrifying way.
You never talked about it. But one night, when everyone else had wandered off, you padded up to Bucky's room and knocked twice. When he opened the door, you were already stepping in, hoodie sleeves over your hands, bare feet quiet on the floor. You didn't say anything. You just curled up next to him on the bed, on top of the blanket, side pressed to his - cheek on his shoulder. And Bucky wrapped his arm around without hesitation. Like he'd been waiting. And maybe he had. Because something had shifted. You weren't just affection now, or just comfort. You were something that scared the hell out of him. Something he wanted.
You and Bucky were in the common room long after everyone had gone to sleep, arguing about which of you could win in a game of ''sneak tag'' - a stupid version of hide-and-seek Alexei had invented with suspiciously complex rules and the very real possibility of someone getting a concussion.
You were giddy with exhaustion, barefoot and wrapped in a blanket like a cape. Bucky was stretched out on the rug, shirt untucked, hair messy, smiling that quiet way he didn't even realize he was doing now.
''You forget I used to rob people,'' you'd said, gesturing dramatically with a Snickers bar. ''I'm a ghost in socks. A phantom.''
''You tripped over a chair yesterday.''
''That chair moved, Barnes.''
He chuckled, and you decided then and there that the sound was your new favorite thing.
Somehow, between laughter and whispered trash talk, the game actually began. You set the timer. Ten minutes to sneak from one end of the tower to the other, tagging your opponent before they reached the kitchen. Simple.
Except Bucky was fast. And quiet. And probably cheating.
You darted through darkened corridors, ducked behind furniture, and nearly screamed when he appeared out of nowhere beside the elevator. He didn't tag you, just grinned - wild and sharp and boyish - and ran. You chased him like a storm. By the time you skidded into the kitchen and cornered him, breathless and flushed, your laughter was nearly silent. So was his. You had him trapped against the counter, both of you panting, noses inches apart in the dark. He was smiling. But his eyes were wide. Almost awed.
''You lost,'' you whispered.
''I let you win.''
''Liar.''
He didn't argue.
You were both still catching your breath when you looked at him. Really looked at him. The way the moonlight hit his face, the way his hair stuck to his forehead, the way his chest rose and fell like he'd just run through something much more dangerous than a hallway. And it hit you. How much you wanted him. Not affection, not comfort. Him.
And before your brain could catch up to your body - you kissed him. Soft. Barely more than a breath. Your lips pressed to his like a secret. Like a question you didn't mean to ask. And for one perfect second - he kissed you back. Then he blinked, and he was gone.
No words. No anger. Just... retreat. Like he couldn't breathe. Like he had to escape before he shattered completely. And you were left in the quiet dark, your fingertips and lips still tingling from where you'd touched him.
You didn't sleep that night.
You knocked on his door at 7:04 a.m. No blanket, no jokes, just you.
The door opened slowly, and there he was. Hair wet from a shower, hoodie pulled on inside out, eyes tired - but calmer.
''I'm sorry,'' you said, voice small. He stared at you. ''I didn't mean to do that. I mean- I did, but I didn't think, and you panicked, and I get, I just-''
''Don't apologize.''
Your mouth snapped shut. Bucky stepped back, letting you in.
''I wasn't mad,'' he said softly. ''Just... scared.''
You nodded, stepping inside. ''I know.''
''I didn't want to run.''
''I know.''
''I've just never wanted something this much and not known how to have it.''
You looked up at him, something tender folding open in your chest. And Bucky didn't think this time. He just moved. Closed the distance, tilted his head, and kissed you. Not soft. Not unsure. But with all the weight of what he'd been trying to hold in. Days, weeks, months of trying to bury a feeling that refused to die.
You melted into it, hands finding the collar of his hoodie, lips curving into the kiss even as his hand cupped the back of your neck like he was still afraid you'd slip away. But you didn't. You stayed.
And when you finally pulled back, both of you breathless, foreheads pressed together in the quiet...
He whispered, ''You didn't steal that kiss.''
You smiled. ''Did I not?''
''No,'' he murmured. ''I gave it to you.''
And just like that... Bucky Barnes stopped running.
Summary : The Winter Soldier fell in love with his doctor. Bucky Barnes remembers.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x doctor!reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : Protective!Bucky, slow-burn, trauma bonding, whump, bit of fluff and a lot of angst, violence, mentions of death, medical trauma, human experimentation, psychological manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, attempted and threatened sexual assault, isolation. Protective!Bucky, slow-burn emotional bonding, and angst. Reader discretion is strongly advised, especially for survivors of sexual violence or abuse. (Please let me know if I miss anything!!!)
Word count : 9.2k
Requested by : Anon! Based on this request
Note : If you’d like to be on the taglist, message me! It gets lost in the comments sometimes. Enjoy!
When you took the job, you didn’t ask too many questions
The recruiter approached you late—long after you’d sent out resumes, long after your student loan grace period had dried up and your dreams of a hospital residency were smothered under interest rates and rejection emails. They found you exactly when they knew you’d be desperate.
The offer came in a nondescript envelope. No return address and company name. Just a number to call, and a time limit.
It sounded too good to be true. It offered full medical license activation and triple the usual pay. Off-books, but government-sanctioned, they claimed. You’d be working with elite personnel in a high-clearance, undisclosed location. It was a matter of national security, they said.
When you made contact, they brought you to a warehouse and made you read non-disclosure agreements—dozens of them. They didn’t let you take them home to review. You signed everything in a windowless room with a clock that ticked too fast, and signed up to the project.
Your official title was “Classified field medic for enhanced personnel. Clearance Level 6 required.” It sounded impressive, official. You told your parents it was part of a DOD black ops program and that you weren’t allowed to say more.
You were happy you could finally help—
they had far too much medical debt to ever dig their way out.
And… They were proud.
If only they knew.
You were told you’d be assigned to “classified subjects.”
When they finally gave you the details of the work, you noticed the facility wasn’t listed on any public records. The address they gave you wasn’t on any GPS. The car that picked you up had no license plates. You were blindfolded before arriving.
You should have run then. But you didn’t, because they paid in advance.
You paid off your loans in one go and gave the rest to your family, promising you’d be earning more over the next couple of years.
The facility you were assigned to didn’t have windows. The lights never changed. Days bled into each other until even your internal clock began to fail you. The air was too clean, the silence too dense—like the walls were swallowing sound. They injected you with yellow liquid when you arrived, and you weren't allowed to ask for details. Cameras were in the corners, always watching.
You weren’t allowed to ask names. You weren’t given files.
You weren’t allowed your phone. No clocks. No outside contact unless you had prior clearance.
They never called it a hospital, because it wasn’t.
It was a slab of steel buried deep underground in Siberia, and you worked under it like a cog in the coldest machine you’d ever known. The men you reported to didn’t wear name tags or rank insignias. They all looked the same— pale-faced, dressed in black. You didn’t know their names, and you have never heard them use yours, either.
At first, you told yourself it was temporary. Just for a year. Just until you paid off your loans. Just until you figured out where you really belonged.
But then you saw the red flags. You folded them neatly and tucked them away with your conscience.
See, they knew the kind of people to look for— desperate ones. They recruit smart people who were overworked, drowning in debt or grief or fear. The ones who couldn’t afford to ask where the money came from.
And by the time you realised who you were really working for, it was too late. Because no one leaves that facility unless it was in a body bag.
Hydra was predatory like that.
—
You had been patching up STRIKE team operatives for almost a year. You were good—efficient, clean, and silent. You didn’t pry, and what made you valuable.
You never asked where the injuries came from. Bullet wounds, knife gashes, torn ligaments, crushed bones—you treated them all. You developed antiseptics that worked faster than standard-issue cream and learned how to seal a shrapnel wound in under ten minutes. You fixed what needed fixing, and you didn’t get in the way of the mission.
One morning, you were pulled from your bed at 0400 hours without an explanation. Two men in black shook you awake by the arm and took you to an elevator that descended farther than you knew the facility even went. There was a change in the air the deeper you went—thicker, colder. Like the walls were full of ghosts.
They didn’t tell you what your new assignment was, not until you stepped into the white-lit room and saw him.
He was on a reinforced chair, with blood crusted over his ribs and soaked through his cargo pants. The metal arm was twitching with little sparks, the seams dripping oil and blood in equal parts. His right eye was swollen shut and his lip was split.
And still— he didn’t look away.
You’d heard whispers about him before— the Asset.
They called him It.
Not a name. Not a person. A living weapon— built, not born.
You expected more people guarding the cell, but the only other man in the room was his handler— Colonel Vasily Karpov. You’d met men like him before, but none who looked so openly afraid of the thing they commanded.
"The previous doctor had been terminated due to noncompliance,” Karpov said, which was Hydra-speak for the Asset snapped his spine in two like a breadstick.
Your mouth went dry. "And I’m next in line?"
“You’re competent,” he said. “And replaceable.”
He walked out before you could respond.
The door shut behind him with a final hiss, like a coffin sealing.
And then there was just you— and him.
You took a step closer. He tracked your movement with his blue, calculating eyes. You could tell he didn’t know what you were—but knew how to kill you if you got close.
You didn’t speak at first. You just moved slowly, methodically.
Eventually, you became brave enough to clean the blood. You assessed the damage. His injuries were extensive— fractured ribs, dislocated shoulder, deep lacerations across his abdomen. Most people would’ve gone into shock hours ago.
But he sat there, still breathing like a machine.
He didn’t flinch when you treated him.
Not even when you pulled a broken tooth from the inside of his right bicep.
He winced, though, when you put a hand on his shoulder to soothe him. And later, when your gloved hand rested gently on his chest, while rubbing small circles to calm him down, his eyes flicked to your face.
It was the first time he looked at you.
Afterward, you logged the treatment. You followed the protocol. You filed the injury report.
In the official files, they referred to him as an it. But in your private notes, you called him he.
—
Over the next year or so, you were his doctor.
And apparently, you were the only doctor who survived more than eight months.
You’d fix up his ribs when they were fractured. You cleaned bullet wounds from his side, his shoulder, the meat of his thigh. You iced swollen knuckles and stitched torn flesh, always so amazed how quickly his body healed.
But still, they used him until he broke. They froze him from time to time, but after he was out, they dragged him back and told him to put the pieces together.
You worked in silence. He sat in silence.
Most days, his eyes were washed-out and programmed.
But sometimes, during the worst of the injuries—when your hands pressed into open wounds, when you whispered sorry— his eyebrows softened.
At this point, you had memorised his injuries, and the places his enemies targeted again and again. You started pre-packing supplies before he even arrived.
The handlers noticed.
You began modifying your ointments—adding subtle numbing agents, to match his supersoldier metabolism.
You weren’t supposed to. They wanted him in pain.
But you did it anyway.
Once, they brought him in half-conscious, his metal arm sparking at the joint, blood soaked through the tactical gear. There was a knife wound under his ribs— and it was too deep.
He grunted when you pressed gauze to it.
It was not a reaction to pain. It was a warning. His eyes met yours, and they were clearer than usual— as if he was fighting something.
And then, for the first time, you realised: He knew what was happening to him.
Maybe not always. Maybe not fully.
But there was a man inside the machine, and today was awake just long enough to hate it.
That night, they froze him and drilled the trigger words into his brain again.
—
Tonight, he came back worse than usual.
Bruised. Bloodied. Shot in seven different places. His face was partially swollen, split lip crusted with dried blood, a jagged tear across his side soaking his uniform black-red. His metal arm twitched violently, fingers clenching and unclenching with a mechanical rhythm— as if the programming inside him was short-circuiting.
He was strapped into the chair again, the restraints digging into his wrists deep enough to turn the skin purple. Four guards had hauled him in like he was an animal— one of them nursing a broken arm.
They left you alone with him and chuckled, “good luck.”
The Asset’s head was bowed low, hair falling like a curtain over his eyes. The tension in his shoulders was wrong. Too rigid, too coiled, like a wire stretched too tight and ready to snap.
You stepped closer, and he jerked suddenly against the restraints—and his metal hand nearly caught your arm.
You froze.
In your peripheral vision, the guards laughed behind the glass.
He didn’t look at you.
He was breathing hard and shaking violently, as if was trying to stay in his body.
You looked at the camera in the corner, swallowing back a panic and anger.
“I can’t treat him like this,” you said. If he didn’t calm down enough for you to stitch him up soon, he was going to bleed out.
Your voice was sharper than you meant it to be. It was… unprofessional.
A few seconds passed before the speaker crackled.
“That’s too bad,” said Karpov’s cold, detached voice. “It is your job.”
You stared at the glass behind which they watched— always watched.
Then you turned back to him.
You tried, as always, to be gentle. To be careful. You knelt to clean the gash under his ribs. You threaded your needle, soaked the wound with antiseptic.
But his body thrashed again.
You dropped the needle.
His metal arm lunged forward, nearly catching your throat before the restraints snapped him back into place.
He didn’t mean to, you reminded yourself.
But the part of him that killed without asking questions was surfacing, and you were too close.
Your hands shook.
He turned his head away from you as if ashamed. Or furious.
Fuck.
You were losing him.
So you did the only irrational, human thing that came to mind.
You… sang.
“Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool…”
Your voice cracked on the first line. It had been years— you hadn’t sung it since you were small— curled up on your mother’s lap while she ran her fingers through your hair and kept the nightmares away.
You saw his breathing slow down, just slightly.
“Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full…”
He… didn’t flinch again.
You kept singing while you threaded the needle and stitched the worst of the gash along his side. His trembling eased.
You spoke without really meaning to, your voice almost a whisper.
“My mother used to sing it to me,” you lulled. “I only realised later what it meant,” you continued. “‘One for the master, one for the dame…’”
You wiped sweat from your forehead, working on a deeper wound now.
“Servitude, right? ‘One for the little boy who lived down the lane.’ Maybe lullabies sung to entertain children. Maybe they’re for making people… obedient,”
You paused, still stitching, thankful he calmed down.
“Because I think…,” you said, tilting your head as you managed to fish a bullet out of his side. “Obedience it taught. Not born.”
And then, like the thought slipped out of your mouth without permission, “Were you taught well?”
You didn’t expect a response.
But this time, his head turned and he looked at you.
His voice came out rough, underused, gravel dragged across rusted metal. But these sounds were not growled nor screamed.
“It was the only thing I remember learning,” he whispered.
You froze.
It was the first time you had ever heard him speak.
The needle slipped from your hand, fell into the tray with a clink. You were stunned.
Through all that, he watched you.
You knelt beside him, picked up the needle again with shaking hands.
His eyes followed you as you resumed treating him. He was silent the rest of the session.
But something had changed.
—
The first time he leaned into your touch was a couple of months later.
You were bandaging a wound just beneath his collarbone in tight, methodical loops when your fingers brushed the skin of his neck. He let out a deep breath and tilted his head just slightly toward your hand.
He… made a conscious choice.
You didn’t say anything, and neither did he. But your hands lingered a little longer than usual.
Sometimes, when he was lucid, he’d look at your hands while you worked— following their motion like they were the only real thing in the room. You weren’t sure what he was seeing.
Then… you started narrating aloud. It was partly for him, partly for you. “This’ll sting a little,” you’d say, cleaning a wound.
“Pressure here—sorry, hold on…”
He never answered at first.
Then one day, he did.
You were stitching a deep tear in his thigh when your thread caught. “Sorry,” you said under your breath.
“You always say that.”
You looked up, needle halfway through the thread. “Say what?”
“‘Sorry,’” he managed, “it’s not your fault.”
“Sorry,” you mentioned sheepishly. “I’ll stop saying it.”
Then, you resumed your work.
The next time he came in, he was limping badly, and for once, the restraints weren’t used. Maybe they knew he couldn’t stand. Maybe they didn’t care if he bled out.
And he didn’t even make it to the chair. He sat on the floor instead.
When you knelt beside him, your knees touching his, he didn’t pull away. He let you cut the fabric from yet another ruined suit— fifth one this month— or year? You have long lost track of time in this Siberian bunker.
Still, he let you clean the blood from his temple.
“Don’t they ever give you a break?” you asked, not expecting an answer.
“No,” he said simply.
You frowned.
Still, your hands were steady.
You started humming when he came in—low, quiet melodies under your breath. Sometimes lullabies. Sometimes nothing at all—just sounds, like a lifeline tossed into water. He never asked you to stop.
One night, after they’d brought him in burned—his arm singed, the edge of his jaw blistered—you held an ice pack against his skin and whispered, “You shouldn’t be alive after half of this.”
He didn’t speak for a long time. Then, after careful consideration, he said, “Sometimes I think I’m not.”
Eventually, he started helping you—lifting an arm for treatment, shifting his weight when he knew it would help you work faster. He never said much. Never more than a sentence or two. But the words, when they came, were clear.
“Thank you.”
“Be careful.”
One night, he asked for your name.
You told him. But when you asked him what his was, he only said, “I don’t know.”
But for the first time in a very long time, The Asset smiled.
Because it was the first time anyone ever cared to ask.
—
When he wasn’t in cryofreeze, they kept him in a reinforced room that wasn’t technically a cell, but wasn’t anything else either. It had a cot, a chair, and a toilet.
You called it the holding room.
They called it the kennel.
You’d come in for treatment checks once or twice a week between missions— tended his joints, monitored the fluid viscosity in his metal arm, checked for infection.
But the guards watched him too. Always. From the control room, behind the glass, hands on the mic.
They joked about him.
At first, it was petty things— how much blood he could lose before he passed out, how many bones had healed crooked.
But it got worse.
Much worse.
They joked about his body when he was in heat. How he “rutted in his sleep sometimes.” How they’d seen the security feed catch him grinding against the mattress, the cot, the restraints, whatever he could in his animal state after missions.
“He’s always desperate after a kill,” one of them said once, laughing. “Bet he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. Fucking the pillow like a mutt.”
You had frozen when you heard it. But today—today, it went further.
“Bets?” one of them said. “Ten rubles on the mattress tonight. Twenty on the wall.”
All three of the guards stationed to watch that night laughed.
“Stop,” you said, through gritted teeth. “What you’re doing is disgusting. Watching him like that—mocking him— when his agency’s being taken from him? He’s a fucking person and you need to grow up.”
What followed was the longest ten seconds of silence in your life.
And then one of them leaned forward in his chair and sneered. “If you think he’s a person, why don’t you go in there?”
You blinked. “What?"
“Go on,” The other guard grinned and got up from his seat. “If you think he’s man and not machine, let’s test it.”
You stepped back, realising what their plan was. “Don’t touch me.”
“Too late.”
Their hands grabbed your arms.
You fought—kicked, screamed, bit one of them hard enough to draw blood—but there were three of them, and you were half their size. One of them slammed your head into the wall hard enough to daze you.
You didn’t know where the pain began — your scalp where they’d yanked your hair? The side of your jaw where a fist had struck you clean across the face?
Still, you fought. You slammed your elbow into one guard’s windpipe hard enough to make him choke. You thrashed and tried everything, but they were stronger.
And they enjoyed it.
You’d never seen teeth like that — bared in joy at suffering. One of them— Maksimov had blood on his knuckles and another— Yuri had both hands up your shirt before you bit him hard enough to draw blood.
You screamed, “He—we— a person!” not knowing whether you meant yourself or the Winter Soldier.
But they didn’t care.
One of them tore at the buttons of your shirt while another held your arms behind you. The fabric split as your bra snapped and air hit your chest and you curled inward, shaking, humiliated, trying to hide your body with trembling hands.
“He’ll definitely go for her pussy,” one of them muttered like it was a bet at a bar.
“I’d go for the ass first,” another chuckled. “Tighter.”
Then came the worst line.
“I bet the dumb beast doesn’t know the difference and finish in her mouth in under three minutes.”
The laughter didn’t stop.
Your legs gave out once they dragged you through the hallway to the lower levels. You stumbled, bleeding from your lip, your breasts half-exposed, nails broken from the fight. They hauled you back up and slammed your back into the steel door before keying it open.
You saw the inside of the room for only a second before they shoved you in and locked the door behind you with a clang.
“Have fun, soldat!” A guard, Anton, said.
You fell, and started trembling.
Everything hurt.
And then you looked up.
He was there.
The Asset — him. The Winter Soldier.
He was standing in the center of the room. He wasn’t strapped down this time, his long hair damp and clinging to his cheeks. His chest was bare, streaked with drying blood and oil. His eyes locked onto you the moment you hit the floor.
You froze.
Your arms flew across your body, trying to cover yourself as you backed yourself into the wall. You curled in on yourself, heart hammering so loud it drowned out the rush of blood in your ears.
He’ll fuck you, they had said. He’ll take the choice away from you. He’ll use you as a way to satisfy himself.
You believed it for a second.
You’d seen what he could do — seen the machine they’d made him into. You’d see the bloodlust in his eyes when he came back from missions.
You were terrified.
You curled tighter.
He took one step forward.
And… stopped.
You took a chance and looked at your face.
He wasn’t looking at your chest. He wasn’t leering. His pupils weren’t blown wide with mindless hunger. He wasn’t hard, or panting, or unchained from reality.
He was staring at your injuries.
At the torn fabric, at the swelling in your cheek. The handprint rising red on your arm. And the grip marks on your breaks. The blood at your lip. His brow furrowed.
And his whole body… melted.
The heat was gone, almost instantly.
Slowly, he lowered himself to one knee.
“Who…” he rasped, “did this to you?”
His voice was hoarse, barely there. But there was no mistaking the rage that had formed underneath it — nothing like the lust the guards had imagined.
He handed you his only blanket, and you clutched it. He let you wrap yourself in it, and when you couldn’t stand, he helped you sit up, not touching your skin unless he had to.
“Maksimov, Yuri, and Anton,” you whispered, lip trembling.
His teeth clenched.
He reached out slowly — slow enough that you could move away, slow enough that you knew it wasn’t force — and brushed the blanket more tightly around your shoulders, like he was covering you from the world, from the camera, from the three guards he knew were watching.
You were still crying. You didn’t realise it until his human thumb brushed away a tear from your cheek.
He didn’t say anything for a while.
He just sat there, at your level, holding the blanket closed with one hand, eyes locked on yours. Not on your body. Not on your skin.
You folded into his chest, not because he demanded it, but because it was safe.
He wrapped his arms around you like he’d never learned how to hold a person without breaking them. And still — he didn’t break you.
He just held you, shivering, until your breathing slowed.
And in the silence, you heard the quietest thing of all. “I won’t hurt you.”
Once again, The Asset had made a choice.
A human one.
—
Hours passed.
The two of you stayed curled together on the concrete. You had stopped crying eventually, but your body still trembled now and then— from shock, from adrenaline.
You still felt his arm around your shoulders—gentle, not possessive.
The guards who had been watching were probably bored. You thought maybe—maybe—you’d be left alone. Maybe they’d gotten the message. Maybe they wouldn’t push again.
You were proven wrong when the heavy steel door hissed open.
You barely had time to pull the blanket tighter.
The same three guards entered and they were prepared. They carried sleek, matte black rifles. Loaded, to deal with The Asset should he go rogue.
And then you heard the voice.
“Что с тобой, солдат?” — What the fuck is wrong with you, Soldat?
Yuri stepped forward, gun dangling casually in his hands, eyes not even on The Asset— but on you.
“Мы дали тебе дырку, и ты даже не воспользовался ею?” — We gave you a hole and you didn’t even use it?
You flinched so hard your head hit the metal wall behind you.
The Asset stood up and stepped directly in front of you, body between yours and theirs, fists clenched. He was…shielding you.
The guards exchanged glances, laughing now. One of them cocked his gun and slung it over his shoulder like a prop in a theatre.
“Ладно. Тогда мы сами её трахнем,” —Fine. Then we’ll use her ourselves. Maksimov said, smiling.
And then Yuri moved fast. He reached out and grabbed your ankle, hard, yanking you out of the blanket.
You screamed.
And The Asset snapped.
No hesitation, No programming.
Just rage.
The Asset’s metal fist punched Yuri square in the chest and launched him into the far wall. The impact was loud enough that you heard a crack—maybe the wall, but most likely Yuri’s spine.
Before anyone else could react, he twisted and ripped the rifle from Anton’s hands. Without really aiming, he pulled the trigger and shot Maksimov in the throat.
Blood sprayed the walls, and Maksimov gurgled once before slumping to the ground.
Anton raised his hands to surrender.
Too late.
Bucky pivoted, metal arm slamming the barrel of the rifle into Anton’s face with brutal force, then fired— one shot, clean through the eye.
He dropped the gun.
It clattered to the floor, ringing louder than the gunshots had.
He turned back toward you, his shoulders rising and falling with every breath.
He knelt. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
You blinked, still clutching the blanket, hands shaking.
—
Within minutes of the bodies hitting the ground, you heard the sound of heavy boots walking in.
Karpov entered the cell like he owned the air in it.
He didn’t look at you.
He didn’t look at the corpses.
He only looked at The Asset who was still crouched in front of you, body curled like a shield.
Karpov simply pressed a switch on a small black device he held in his gloved hand.
There was a crack of electricity, and The Asset screamed.
You jolted, reaching for him—but it was no use.
His body seized up as the taser pulse ran through his spine, his metal arm locking tight against the floor,
He didn’t resist. He didn’t even try.
When he collapsed unconscious beside the cot, Karpov turned to you without missing a beat.
“Come.”
You shook your head. “He—he was protecting me—he saved me—”
“You’ll have time for your little report later,” he snapped, throwing you some clothes to put on. “For now, come.”
—
The interrogation room was cold.
Karpov stood across the table from you, arms folded.
“You will explain,” he said coldly.
Your eyebrows furrowed, still half in shock. “Explain what?”
He tilted his head. “You calmed him down.”
Your mouth opened, then shut.
"You do understand," he said in his frigid Russian-laced English, “that he should have either killed you, or fucked you.”
You froze.
He watched your reaction like a scalpel watches skin.
“That’s what the programming was designed to do,” he continued. “You are aware of his conditioning, yes?”
You nodded slowly, not trusting your voice.
“Then you know what heat was for.”
You have heard of why it was drilled in his brain— but you didn’t answer.
Karpov did not wait for permission to continue.
“It was an instinct trigger. Embedded in his biological and neural mapping through synthetic hormonal injections and psychosexual conditioning. During these ‘heat’ cycles, he was supposed to be motivated—” He paused, eyes narrow, “—it was supposed to encourage mating.”
Your throat closed. Did he really not care about the dead guards? Was the project really his main concern?
“The Soldier’s DNA is nearly perfect.” he said, as if it was. “Hydra wanted progeny. Super soldiers born, not built.”
He leaned in then, elbows on the table, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth.
“But every woman they introduced… didn’t survive long enough to be useful. He tore through them out of instinct. So the project was abandoned years ago. The heat was too unstable, and he had no control.” He sat down across from you. “Until you.”
Your stomach lurched.
“You,” Karpov said slowly, “calmed him down.”
“I—I didn’t do anything,” you whispered.
“You must have!” he snapped.
You flinched.
“I’ve studied his tapes for years! I've watched him crush skulls with his bare hands, tear out throats. Rip people in half when the words are spoken. But you—” Karpov stood, circling the table again. “—you knelt half-naked in front of him while he was in heat—and instead of fucking you to death, he held you.”
“I don’t know,” you said hoarsely.
Karpov stared at you for a long moment, then sighed. He picked up the file from the table and turned to leave.
At the door, without turning back, he said, “You’re being reassigned.”
—
When you went back to your quarters. Your bunk was gone.
Your locker was cleared and stuffed neatly into a duffel bag.
On the floor was a folded piece of paper.
REASSIGNED TO: THE KENNEL
Effective Immediately.
Observation: Subject Winter Soldier
Objective: Behavioral stabilization
Note: Subject's physiological response indicates reduced volatility in your presence.
Further utility assessment pending.
You sank onto the cot.
Now, to Hydra, you weren’t just a doctor. You were a leash.
—
The cot wasn’t meant for two.
It was military-issue— narrow, hard-edged, bolted to the floor like everything else in the kennel. At first, you didn’t even sit on it when he was there. You’d sleep on the floor with your back to the cold steel wall, too awkward to mention what happened that day. The blanket was wrapped tight, pretending it wasn’t humiliating, pretending you weren’t always cold.
At first, he’d just watch, afraid of crossing a line— especially after what had happened to you.
Then, after a week, he motioned for you to sit beside him on the cot when you changed bandages or administered injections.
Then, a month in, after a mission where he came back with his knuckles broken and a gunshot wound near his ribs, you were too exhausted to curl back up on the floor. You’d been crying silently that night, your hands trembling as you stitched him, your eyes stinging, wondering where everything had gone wrong.
When you’d finished, he looked at you. “…You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”
Your eyes flicked up.
“What?”
He shifted to make room. One side of the cot opened up to you.
You hesitated. Then nodded.
That night, you lay stiff as a board beside him, back to back, flinching to touch. You barely slept, afraid to breathe too loud.
But the next night, when you came back from the showers and the lights dimmed for sleep, he scooted over before you even asked.
By the second month, your backs were pressed together at night.
By the third, you’d curl inward, and he’d curl, too. One of your legs would brush his. Your forehead might graze his chest. His arm, the flesh one, sometimes draped around your side in the middle of sleep and didn’t pull away when you shifted closer.
—
When his heat cycles came—and they always came—you prepared.
You stayed calm and gave him space.
You… would sing to him. Lullabies, mostly— songs meant for children too small to understand how cruel the world could be.
He never moved toward you during those nights. He never touched you without invitation. He’d sit on the cot, the muscles in his neck pulled tight.
Sometimes he’d whisper things to himself, half-delirious.
"No. Not her. Not her."
—
When he was frozen, you stayed in the kennel alone.
You didn’t think you’d miss him, but you did.
You’d find yourself sitting on the floor beside his cot, staring at the sealed cryo-chamber, singing to yourself just to fill the space.
And when they unfroze and reset him, you were still his doctor.
You still iced his knuckles. You still placed his dislocated shoulder back. You still pulled bullets from his flesh and closed the wounds with care no one else gave him.
But after the first few months, he started looking at you differently.
Like he knew you. Even after resets. Even after ice.
—
One day, after a mission that had stretched on far longer than any of the others—he came back. He was quiet when he entered. He did not say a word.
But after two hours of working on his wound, he whispered, “Bucky.”
You tilted your head, confused. You weren’t sure you’d heard right.
Then he said it again, firmer this time. “My name is Bucky.”
What?
Your mouth opened slowly, your breath finally catching up.
He… remembered?
“…Okay, Bucky,” you said, voice quieter than you meant it to be— because anything louder might shatter whatever this was—perhaps a glimpse of the man buried beneath all the programming and pain. “Can you please lift your arm for me?”
He did.
And for the first time, he looked… not just present. Not just there.
He looked real.
—
You were still asleep when the cold hands tore the blanket from your body.
Two Hydra agents stormed into the kennel, and before you could even sit up, they had you by the hair, dragging you off the cot like a rag doll.
Bucky shifted awake next to you, but the third guard tased him before he could fully even register what was happening.
“What—what are you doing—?!”
They didn’t answer. They just manhandled you down the corridor, your bare feet scraping along concrete, your heart still stuck between dreams and dread.
In the interrogation room, one of them shoved you into the metal chair so hard the back of your skull smacked against steel. A hand grabbed your chin, wrenching your face toward him. The other paced behind, a cattle prod crackling ominously in his grip.
You recognised the person in front of you as Karpov. “What did he tell you?”
You blinked. Your ears rang. You were still half-asleep, disoriented.
Then you realised:
Oh.
Someone saw the footage.
Someone saw what happened last night. Someone heard Bucky say his name.
Your mouth opened, before shutting again. You weren’t even sure what to say. He didn’t tell you anything else, but if you said so, would they even believe you?
But Karpov demanded more.
“Did he say his designation?”
“Did he say anything else? Was there a code?”
“What did he tell you, girl?”
The prod surged forward with a snap of electricity, kissing your side. You screamed—more from shock than pain—but the heat seared like fire across your ribs. You convulsed in the chair, gasping, trying to curl away, but the restraints held you firm.
And then—through your haze—you saw a flicker in the hall.
You heard a grunt. A thud.
And suddenly—he was there.
The Winter Soldier. No—Bucky.
His body still shook from the effects of the tasers, but his eyes were burning.
One of the agents turned in time to catch a brutal kick to the gut that sent him sprawling. The other barely got a hand to his weapon before Bucky lunged, using the full weight of his body to knock him back. You saw blood and heard bone crack.
In seconds, it was over. Even Karpov was hauled away to safety.
Bucky was at your side, kneeling, his trembling fingers working clumsily at the restraints.
“Bucky—” your voice cracked. “You’re hurt—your face—”
He didn’t answer right away. His eyes didn’t meet yours.
The cuffs snapped off.
You sagged forward, into his arms before you even realised you were doing it. You felt the thrum of his chest, the rise and fall of ragged breathing.
He cupped your face with his human hand, and for a second you thought he might kiss you — but no. He pulled back.
Because he knew if he did, he wouldn’t have the strength to lose you.
“You need to go.”
You froze. “What?”
“There’s a tunnel—service corridor—they don’t watch it after hours. It connects to the south barracks. You can get outside the perimeter.”
“Bucky—no,” you said through gritted teeth, “I’m not leaving you.”
He clenched his teeth.
“You have to,” he said. “I can’t protect you here.”
“I don’t care—”
“I do.”
That stopped you cold.
His voice cracked on those words. He looked away, just for a second, as if ashamed of how much he meant them. “I— I’m starting to know things I shouldn’t,” he said softly. “I need you to go. If I don’t… if I’m not… If they wiped me…”
You shook your head. “Don’t.”
“I need you to promise me,” he said, almost begging now. “Don’t come back for me.”
“I—please—”
His lips brushed your forehead, right before he shoved you gently but firmly toward the hall.
“Go.”
So you did.
—
Thirty Years Later.
The world had changed.
Until yesterday, James Buchanan Barnes was a congressman. He didn’t go looking for redemption anymore. And he certainly didn’t go looking for you.
What would be the point?
You were probably… what? In your sixties? Seventies? If you’d survived at all— and Hydra said you hadn’t, that they’d caught you in one of the tunnels and killed you— he could only hope you’d built a life—married someone kind, had children, found a place where the past couldn’t follow you. If you had managed to find peace, he wasn’t going to rip it open like an old scar just to ask, Do you remember me?
So he never tried.
But he never loved again either.
Because even if he never said it out loud, Bucky Barnes had once loved you in a place where love wasn't supposed to exist.
He still did.
That kind of love didn’t fade. It just lay quiet beneath the skin, like a healed-over wound that never quite stopped aching.
It wasn’t something he talked about. Not to Sam. Not to Steve, before he left.
Until...
—
New York. Post-Void.
The sky was still clearing after the void had swallowed New York City whole
The Thunderbolts were scattered across the debris-littered street, dragging survivors from the wreckage after Valentina smirked smugly from successfully introducing them to the world as the New Avengers.
Bucky was scanning for movement in the fallen concrete.
That’s when he heard it.
It was faint, like madness like a lullaby from another life.
“Baa baa, black sheep… have you any wool…”
His whole body went still.
He whipped around, scanning the dust and rubble, and—
There.
You were kneeling beside a crying girl on a broken stoop, blood smeared down her shin, and she had a sprained ankle— maybe. Nothing fatal—but you held her like she was made of glass, one hand gently pressing a bandage against her knee, the other stroking her curls as you sang.
And you… you hadn’t changed.
There was not a wrinkle on your skin, not a gray hair on your head. You didn’t look a day older than the last time he saw you, thirty years ago.
He was so stunned, he forgot how to breathe.
“You know her?” Yelena asked, stepping beside him, flicking blood from her forehead.
“Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.”
You calmed the little girl down when she started sobbing, making sure you were gentle with her injuries.
Bucky didn’t answer.
Couldn’t.
His lips parted like he might say yes, but no sound came out.
“One for the master, one for the dame,” you sang as the girl sniffled, “and one for the little boy who lives down the lane.”
It was like his lungs had forgotten air. His heart beat painfully inside his ribs—too much, too fast, too sudden.
And then—
You looked up.
Saw him.
And smiled.
—
You walked over to him like you were in a dream—like every step was an act of defiance to everything that had broken you, bent you, tried to erase you.
He was now sitting on the ground, legs sprawled like they couldn’t quite hold him up anymore. Blood streaked across his jaw, already drying in cracked lines. His chest rose and fell like he’d just come back from drowning.
Your boots crunched over broken glass and gravel as you closed in. You didn’t speak at first. You didn’t know if he could handle words yet—not until your presence fully registered.
You crouched down, and he flinched when you touched his face—not because it hurt, but because he didn’t trust that any of this was real.
“You’re hurt,” you finally said. “Let me help.”
You pulled out the antiseptic, your hands shaking slightly. You dabbed the cotton gently along the edges of a deep cut above his brow. The moment the liquid touched skin, he shuddered.
And then he started shaking.
The tremble that began in his hands and spread to his shoulders, his chest, his teeth. His mouth parted like he wanted to speak, to ask something, but the words got lost
Tears welled in his eyes before he could stop them. His breath hitched before the first choked sob, clawing its way up his throat.
And maybe it had been.
Because it wasn’t just about seeing you. It was about seeing you alive.
Alive.
Not a hallucination. Not a memory. Not like he saw you, in the void.
Alive. With breath in your lungs and heat in your veins and the same look in your eyes that once held him when he was in pain.
His lips moved—silent at first. Then the words came out shaky. “Do you… remember me?”
You froze for half a second, eyes softening in a way that shattered him all over again.
“Of course I do,” you whispered, brushing a stray hair away from his forehead. “I could never forget the love of my life.”
Was that what he was to you?
After all this time, he still meant the same thing that you did to him?
He turned his face away like it might somehow spare him some tears, but it didn’t. The sob that followed ripped from the deepest part of his heart, almost primitive. Not the kind you cry when you’re sad, but the kind you cry when you realise your heart’s still beating after being convinced it was gone.
He collapsed into himself, shoulders hitching, breath stuttering out in ragged gasps. His metal hand clawed blindly at the ground like he needed something solid to hold onto before he slipped under.
You didn’t say anything else. You just moved closer, wrapping an arm gently around his shoulders, resting your forehead to his temple as he wept.
Yelena had wandered off a while ago—probably in search of someone else to pester— most likely her father.
She hadn’t even looked back. She probably knew that this moment didn’t belong to her.
It belonged to him. And you.
He tried to say something else—an apology, maybe, or a confession—but all that came out was, “I—I…” he swallowed, “I— I…”
“Bucky…” You hushed him gently, thumb brushing the tears from his cheek. “We’ll talk somewhere private, yeah?”
He barely nodded.
Because right now, language was too small a thing. All he could do was hold onto you. And all his mind could think was the way your hand fit in his like it always had.
—
You walked ahead of him, leading him down the cracked sidewalk with a hand hovering just near his arm in case he stumbled again.
He hadn’t stopped shaking.
Every so often, Bucky would glance sideways at you—like if he looked away for too long, you might vanish. His eyes were still red, his fists clenched like it hurt to hold himself together. Still, he followed.
It wasn’t far—just a few blocks. Somewhere between tourist traps and bodegas.
The sign above the trauma clinic was clean and professional. Your name etched in utilitarian serif, easily overlooked.
You didn’t take him through the front. Instead, you circled to the alley behind the building and paused before a rusted steel door that looked like it hadn’t been used in years. But then—you looked directly at a small, seamless panel embedded beside the frame.
A red light swept across your retina, and when it recognised you— the lock hissed open with a pneumatic sigh.
“Come on,” you murmured as the door swung inward.
You descended a narrow staircase, the lights flickering on ahead of you one by one—clean, white fluorescence bathing the walls. At the bottom, it opened into a wide, reinforced corridor.
And then you turned the final corner.
Oh.
That was all his mind could manage.
This was not a secret lab. Not some grim Hydra hellhole or impersonal bunker.
No. This place was…
It was your life. A shrine. A sanctum buried beneath the city.
It was a sterile medical bay with sleek counters, an exam table and chair, sealed cabinets filled with trauma kits and gauze and every instrument a trauma doctor could need—but the walls told a different story.
To his right: a newspaper framed in glass. “Harlem Disaster Narrowly Avoided: Doctor Treats Over Fifty Civilians After Abomination Rampage.” Your name was in the byline. There was even a photo—blurry, taken on someone’s flip phone, of you, sleeves rolled up, arms smeared with blood as you performed a field tourniquet on a screaming man.
Then, “Unsung Hero of New York: Trauma Doctor Saves Dozens in Battle of Midtown.”
He kept turning. The memorabilia… evolved.
A cracked Daredevil helmet, dark red and scuffed.
A display case holding a single 9mm bullet, etched with the faint white skull of the Punisher— etched on it.
A shattered web cartridge, unmistakably Spidey’s, with a bit of dried synthetic fluid still crusted at the nozzle.
Even a shelf with a glittery Ms. Marvel Funko Pop, clearly out of place, sitting cheerfully among medical books and gauze rolls.
Bucky’s voice, when it came, was nothing more than a breath. “What is this?”
You stepped beside him, your fingers trailing the little bobblehead. “Gifts from… friends.”
He turned to you. “Friends?”
You gave him a tired smile and joked, “Is it so unbelievable for me to have friends, Bucky?”
He blinked, startled by the levity. You gently nudged him to sit on the exam table, and he obeyed without protest as you cleaned his wounds.
“I just…” he said, voice thin. “I don’t know how you’re still alive. Or how you still look so…” His eyes lingered. “…young.”
You didn't meet his gaze. “Thank Hydra.”
Bucky swallowed, but you continued.
“When I got recruited, they injected me with something— they said it was just a stimulant— to keep me going longer, help me work longer hours.”
He went still.
“Later, I learned that it was something called the Infinity Formula. Not exactly a Super Soldier Serum, but it… slowed my aging significantly. I guess they didn't want to have to train more people.”
You kept working on the cuts on his face.
“When you got me out… I didn’t know how to be in the world anymore. So I built this practice. I wanted to be… useful”
Your fingers paused briefly, then continued.
“But then, vigilantes started showing up. People who couldn’t go to hospitals— people who were bleeding, hunted, scared. It was a small community, so word spread.”
Bucky winced as you moved on to the next cut.
“I patched them up.” You nodded toward the artifacts on the walls. “No questions. Just… tried to keep them breathing long enough to get back out there. It became my life.”
Every artifact had a story, and you were the invisible thread stitching it together.
“A couple months ago, Fisk outlawed masked vigilantes and made everything worse. Not a lot come round anymore, but I still help. How could I not?” You looked up at him.“They show up half-dead, still trying to save people. They just need someone to believe they’re worth saving too.”
Bucky's hands curled into trembling fists at his sides.
You pulled the final stitch and wrapped the wound.
“There,” you whispered. “You’re good.”
But Bucky didn’t move. He was staring again. Not at the artifacts, not at the walls. But… at you.
“You…” His voice cracked. “You never stopped.”
There was no more Hydra. No more handlers. No more needles.
And yet you continued doing what you do best.
Back then, he'd thought he'd imagined it. That flicker of you— the only good thing in that place built to destroy anything good.
But now…
Now, here you were. Standing in front of him. Still real. Still breathing. Still looking at him like he was a man, not a weapon.
His voice, when it came, was hoarse and hesitant, like it hurt to say.
“Can I…?”
He didn’t finish the sentence. He looked at you, struggling to find his voice. “Can I touch you?”
You didn’t move for a heartbeat. But then you nodded.
And that was all he needed.
He pulled you ever closer, barely daring to breathe. He lifted his metal arm so gently, like you might vanish if he pressed too hard— he cupped your cheek.
His thumb brushed along your skin, just once.
It was real.
His other hand followed, cradling your face between his palms. His calloused fingers trembled against you, his lips parting. A man who had faced death a thousand times over… and was now utterly undone by the fact that you were standing in front of him, alive.
Bucky pressed his forehead against yours, and the first sob slipped out of him like a wound opening in real time. His whole body curled inward, as if trying to shield you and collapse into you at the same time.
Your hands came up slowly, mirroring his motion like magnets finding their way to each other after centuries apart, holding him just as gently. “I missed you, Bucky.”
His eyes, that haunted blue, searched your face. “Why didn’t you come for me?” he asked, pain buried deep in his voice. You must’ve seen him in the news— during the Sokovia Accords, the ordeal with the Flag Smashers, or when he became a congressman. You simply have had to have seen him.
You swallowed hard, blinking away the sudden sting in your eyes. “I didn’t think…,” you admitted, “I didn’t think you’d remember me.”
His brows furrowed. “Of course I remembered you,” he said, a little broken, a little desperate. His thumb moved again, tracing circles against your skin. “But Hydra told me you were dead— I never believed them. But after everything, I thought maybe you’d moved on. That you were gone for good, one way or another.”
Tears welled in your eyes now, hot and brimming over, and you let them fall. “After what we’ve been through?” you asked, your voice trembling as a sad smile curled your lips. “How could I ever move on from you?”
He let out a sharp breath, like your words were a punch to the chest. Gently, as if giving you the chance to pull away, he pulled you closer — chest to chest, heart to heart — until he helped you up and you were straddling his lap, your hands finding a perch on his shoulders, his arms caging you in like you were the most precious thing he’d ever held.
His forehead rested against yours again, breaths mingling, warm and shallow.
“God, Bucky…After all this time,” you whispered in amazement, “what are we?”
He didn’t answer right away.
Then, finally, with certainty, he said, “A choice.”
Your breath hitched.
“A choice,” he repeated, eyes locked with yours, his grip tightening slightly on your hips. “The first real choice I made after having my mind taken from me. The first person I cared for that were not orders, not missions.”
Oh.
You let your fingers trail up into his hair, letting yourself touch him like you’d dreamed about for so long. He leaned into it, eyes fluttering shut for a heartbeat.
You swallowed again, sighed when he leaned into your touch.
“I…” you started, but pulled back just slightly so you could see his face, your eyes meeting his. “Can I kiss you?”
He looked at you like you were the only person in the world that made any sense.
He could only nod.
And you kissed him.
It was cautious at first, tentative, like a secret being unravelled — but the second he hummed, the world disappeared. His hand slid to the back of your neck, the other anchoring you to him as he kissed you like he’d been holding his breath for years. You melted into him, your mouths moving together like you’d done this a thousand times in your dreams.
When you finally pulled back, your forehead pressed to his again, both of you smiling like teenagers.
You let out a small laugh, “I’ve always wondered what your lips tasted like.”
He chuckled too, that low, boyish sound you hadn’t heard… ever. “Yeah?” he asked, fingers still tracing lazy lines along your spine. “Was it everything you imagined?”
You grinned, eyes still closed. “Better.”
He kissed your cheek, your jaw, the corner of your mouth and whispered, “I missed you, too.”
—
You and Bucky had taken it slow.
After those first intense days together, you both decided to learn about each other outside of Hydra. Just to see who you were now.
You went on actual dates— coffee that turned into late dinners, morning hikes, lazy afternoons in museums, cooking together and arguing over whether pineapple belonged on pizza.
Turns out, outside the cold walls of bunkers and laboratories and hidden bases, you and Bucky were more compatible than you'd even dared hope. He liked vinyl records and peaceful mornings. You liked stargazing and stealing his sweaters. You both loved old noir films, loved sushi, and had developed a strangely passionate shared hobby for urban beekeeping.
You laughed more. He smiled more. It was like discovering each other for the first time all over again.
You’d kept your medical practice open, still offering your services to non-traditional patients. But when the Watchtower was done and the New Avengers moved in, they asked you to help the team.
Your official title was Medical Liaison and Trauma Consultant, but mostly you patched up a rotating cast of stubborn supersoldiers and spies who swore they “healed fast” and then passed out on your med bay floor.
But today, the med bay was calm — just a light checkup for Alexei, a bruised rib for Yelena, and a lot of banter.
Everyone knew you and Bucky were dating, but no one had the guts (or stupidity) to ask questions.
Until now.
You were cleaning up your tray of instruments when Bob leaned back in his chair and asked casually, “So… how did you guys meet again?”
You paused.
Bucky, seated on the edge of the exam table with his shirt half-buttoned, glanced at you.
“Oh, you know,” you blinked, “Mutual enemies.”
There was a beat of silence.
“What does that even mean?” Walker asked, clearly disappointed.
You smiled sweetly. “It means you don’t want to know.”
Yelena squinted at you from the other bed. “It means the real story is either classified or deeply traumatic.”
“Or both,” Alexei said.
You laughed — a little too brightly for the topic — and handed Yelena her discharge form. “Exactly. Now who’s next for bloodwork?”
Bucky slid off the table, kissing your cheek quickly as he passed. Ava rolled her eyes so hard you could practically hear it.
Mutual enemies? Yeah, right.
The more accurate term would be: the best thing Hydra never meant to happen.
Summary : The princess is engaged to her childhood best friend, though her true love is her royal guard, James Barnes.
Pairings : royal guard!Bucky Barnes x royal!reader (she/her) with a sprinkle of nobility!Bob Reynolds x Royal Guard!John Walker (Sentryagent)
Warnings/tags : Royal AU. Lavender Marriage AU, Medieval AU, Forbidden Love. Fluff, angst, domestic abuse, Cursing, Trauma. Implied sex. Alcohol and drug abuse, withdrawal symptoms. Death (Please let me know if I miss anything!!!)
Word count : 15k whoops
Note : For context, a lavender marriage is mixed-orientation marriage used to hide one or both partner's sexual orientation, in this case, it's Bob's. I have been way into Sentryagent lately lol. Enjoy!
You were eight years old when you met Robert Reynolds, the Viscount’s only son.
Your father, the King, had just finished praising the Viscount in front of the court. “A man of unwavering loyalty,” he said, “and discipline enough to raise a boy a family can be proud of.”
You hadn’t missed the way his eyes flicked toward you after that.
Because… you were a girl. A princess, yes, but not the male heir he wanted— not the warrior he’d dreamed of. So no matter how many languages you spoke or how well you danced, you were never enough.
So when your father summoned you one morning, with his signature stern eyes and stiff voice — “Dress properly. We’ll be riding to Viscount Reynolds’ estate this afternoon” — you obeyed without asking why.
—
The Reynolds estate was vast, but bleak.
The Viscount was a tall man with a voice like gravel and a handshake that left bruises. His wife barely spoke as she flinched at sudden movements and never met your eyes.
And you met his son that day.
He was two years older, pale and with bleached-blond hair and brown roots, standing rigid at his father’s side.
The Viscount’s hand clamped on the boy’s shoulder like a brand.
“This is Robert,” he said. “You’ll be seeing more of him.”
You glanced at your father, who nodded approvingly.
You were a child— you didn’t understand politics. You just knew the boy in front of you looked like he hadn’t smiled in a long time.
—
Over that summer, you saw more of Robert than anyone else.
The adults had their meetings and their wine-filled dinners. You and Robert would wander in the royal gardens and stables. You showed him how to sneak down through the servants’ path to the cliffside chapel. He brought you a book on war magic you weren’t allowed to read and took turns pretending to cast spells.
Over time, you became friends. And you noticed things.
You noticed how Robert always flinched when a door slammed too hard, how he never looked his father in the eye. How, sometimes, he would disappear for a week and come for a visit into the palace with bruises under his sleeves and say nothing at all.
One day, when your father took you to Viscount's estate for another visit, you found him hiding in the wine cellar, his hands shaking.
“He hit you again,” you said. It was a statement, and not a question.
He didn’t answer. You sat beside him on the stone floor, hugging your knees.
“My father gets angry too,” you whispered. “Mostly at me. Sometimes at my mother.”
Robert looked at you sideways. “He hits you?”
“No.” You shrugged looking down. “He just… looks at me like I’m a mistake.”
Robert didn’t know what to say, so you took his hand.
From that day on, you were his best friend.
He taught you how to throw knives, and you taught him how to braid hair (because you said, one day you’ll need to if you fall in love with a wonderful lady, and he had blinked and whispered something about never falling in love ever, ever, ever, especially not with a lady).
You cried into his shoulder the first time your governess slapped you across the knuckles and called you willful. He sat beside you until your hiccups stopped.
He came to the palace, bloodied and shivering the night his father beat him for refusing to spar with full force against a servant’s son. You cleaned his wounds with trembling hands. "I’ll be queen one day," You promised. "I could change everything."
He believed you.
—
When you were nine, the Viscount and King summoned you both to a formal supper.
For the first time in your life, The King — your father — looked at you with a look eerily close to approval.
The Viscount smiled and said, “They’ll make a fine pair one day.”
You didn’t know what he meant then, mostly because you were too amazed to see your father proud of you.
You were ten when your mother told you they had begun properly discussing a union between the Reynolds and royal bloodlines.
You were eleven when she said, “It may not be romantic, but it will be useful.”
By then, you were too smart not to realise, and too loyal to Robert to protest.
Through the years, you and Robert stayed close. He snuck into your rooms during visits and left books under your pillow. You covered for him when he started sneaking wine from the cellars at fifteen. He held your hand when your mother collapsed from exhaustion at the spring festival, and you held him when his father broke two ribs and told him to “walk it off like a man.”
Over the years, you knew him better than anyone, but you didn’t love him like the storybooks said you should. But you did love him like a brother, like a shadow, like a tether.
—
You were a teenager when Robert told you his biggest secret.
That day, you found Robert on the balcony of the southern library during a ball.
He was leaning on the railing, half-drunk— and unhealthily so. Perhaps this was when he developed his drinking problem— but you didn't know better then.
He wasn’t wearing his court clothes. Just a loose shirt, half-open at the throat.
And when he turned and saw you standing at the doorway, he didn’t smile.
“Thought you’d be with the other ladies,” he said quietly.
“I’m never with the others.” You stepped closer, folding your arms. “They’re boring and I don’t like them.”
That earned a breath of a smile from Robert.
You tilted your head. “Why are you up here when you could be dancing downstairs?”
Robert exhaled slowly, taking another swig of his drink. “I… needed air.”
You narrowed your eyes. “Something’s wrong, is it?”
He didn’t answer.
“Robert?”
He gripped the balcony so hard his knuckles turned white. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
You stepped beside him, leaned against the railing with your shoulder just brushing his.
“I…” he started, looking down. “I’m gay.”
There was a long silence.
He stared out at the horizon like it might collapse under the weight of it, like the word was taboo enough all by itself, it might cause lightning to strike.
And then, you snorted a very unprincess-like snort. “Duh.”
His eyes snapped to you. “What?”
You turned and grinned. “Robert, I’ve known since you were thirteen and said Prince Ramires from the southern isles had ‘remarkably sculpted calves.’”
His mouth opened in disbelief. You… knew?
“Also,” you added, ticking off on your fingers, “you’ve never once looked interested in the ladies they parade around at court. And you cried over that squire from Delphia when he got reassigned. And you almost fainted the first time John Walker walked by with his shirt off last summer.”
Robert groaned, covering his face. “Gods, I hate you.”
You laughed and tugged his hand down gently. “No, you don’t.”
He looked at you, and his eyes were glassy. “You’re… not angry?”
“Angry?” You blinked. “Bob, I’m relieved.”
He frowned. “What?”
You leaned back on the balcony, sighing up at the sky. “This marriage thing… We… we knew we were never going to work.”
He stared at you in stunned silence. You smiled, a little sad. “Not in the way mother and father wanted.”
“My…” He swallowed hard. “My father would kill me.”
You reached out and took his hand in yours and squeezed it tight. “He won’t. Not while I’m alive.”
He looked like he might cry, so you bumped your shoulder against his.
“Look,” you said. “You’re my best friend. I love you. If the only way to keep you safe is to pretend to be your loving future wife, then so be it.”
“You’d… do that?”
You gave him a smile that had more steel in it than warmth. “I’d lie to a kingdom to keep you safe, my friend.”
—
The court had been waiting for the royal wedding for years.
By the time you were seventeen, it was no longer a rumour but a certainty — The Princess and the Viscount’s Son. It sounded good on paper. It was, after all, strategic. The Reynolds line was loyal, wealthy, and popular with the merchant class.
So the court waited. And waited. But the wedding never came.
Every year, you would find another excuse to postpone it. Every year, another season that just wasn’t quite right.
When you turned eighteen, the Queen’s secretary suggested spring nuptials.
But Robert had started disappearing into books and wine. He stood before the King and claimed he needed a year to properly study the kingdom’s laws before assuming such a duty.
Your father frowned. You shrugged and folded your hands, “That seems wise.”
At twenty, there was a grain crisis in the northern provinces — shipments delayed by corruption and an early frost that devastated the harvest. You took command of the response personally, traveling with advisors and outmaneuvering five noble houses trying to profit off the shortages.
You stood in court and said, “I cannot, in good faith, wear white while my people are starving.”
Your father clenched his fists. Your mother sighed.
Robert smirked, already halfway into a goblet of wine.
—
By the time you were in your early twenties, you had already postponed your wedding so many times the court stopped asking for dates.
This time you did not postpone it for harvest shortages, nor for diplomacy. This time, it was because the province of Eastmoor had fallen under siege. Foreign banners you didn’t recognise waved over cliffs that had once been the first line of defense to your kingdom. Mercenaries, warships, and whispers of colonisers taking up the coast echoed in the palace.
The court had plans, of course.
Your father chose to wait. He wanted to negotiate. He wanted to let Eastmoor fall, then write strongly worded letters.
Your mother said it would pass. Your advisors said it was “too dangerous” for a princess to be involved in military strategy.
You stood in the council hall in full armour.
“I’m not asking for permission,” you said, “I am riding out there, now, because I cannot let my people — our people — die.”
—
You rode with the army before dawn, hair braided like a crown, and your royal seal tucked beneath your breastplate.
When you arrived in the fortress, no one expected you to last the night. After all, a princess in the first line of defense was unheard of. You weren’t supposed to lead, let alone fight. Generals twice your age scoffed at your orders and whispered behind your back—until you led two successful supply raids and personally pulled an injured soldier from the wreckage of a burning cart.
General Thaddeus Ross nearly had a stroke when he found you shouting orders in the trenches beside his lieutenants.
“What the hell is a royal doing here?” he roared, face red.
You didn’t even look up. “Winning your battle, General.”
—
That night, with blood under your nails, you ducked into the command barracks to meet the new reinforcements from the western provinces. You were expecting another tired unit, maybe another cluster of half-starved recruits.
You talked to some of them, and sent them to eat and rest.
That’s when you met… him.
He was leaning against the support beam, helmet tucked under one arm. He had broad shoulders, long brown hair tied in a bun, stormy blue eyes that tracked your every step like a puzzle worth solving.
He straightened as you approached. He bowed like a gentleman ought to, but his devilish smirk was absolutely insolent.
“You’re her, aren’t you?” he asked, cocking his head. “The princess. General Ross said you chewed out a colonel this morning.”
“Colonel Phillips tried to reroute medical supplies for his personal guard,” you said. “I chewed accordingly.”
He laughed. It was pretty.
You paused, looking at the colours to discern his rank. “What’s your name, sergeant?”
“James Barnes,” he said smoothly. “Reporting for duty, though I wasn’t told duty came with quite such… royal company.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Flattery won’t get you promoted.”
“Good thing I’m not looking for a pay raise,” he reassured.
There was a charm to him, old-school and effortless. You didn’t trust it, but your heart raced anyway.
“I’ve heard of you, Barnes,” you said. “You did the mission at Redwater Pass?”
His mouth ticked upward. “Word travels, huh?”
“They said you pulled eight survivors from a collapsed garrison under fire.”
“Well.” He looked away, like it embarrassed him. “Only seven made it out. But I’ll take the compliment.”
You studied him. “And they also said you flirt with anything that breathes.”
He chuckled. “Only the ones who outrank me and could order me executed."
“Be careful, Sergeant,” You tried not to smile, but failed. “That sounds dangerously like sedition.”
“Then I hope the punishment is merciful,” He took a step closer, voice dropping just enough to be felt. “Or at least memorable.”
You stared at him. Shifting against the sword across your back and your heart suddenly, stupidly aware of itself.
And then — like the gentleman he truly was — he stepped back.
“Permission to accompany you at tomorrow’s briefing, Commander?” he asked, properly now.
“Granted,” you said, clearing your throat. “But only if you behave.”
—
Three months later, you were still in battle
Eastmoor was still under siege.
You were still in your armour, still in a fortress whose stone walls trembled at night with the echo of cannon fire.
Your sword arm ached in the mornings. You’d stopped flinching at screams weeks ago. The nights were colder now, so soldiers whispered of frostbite and horses died of exhaustion. The kitchens served hard biscuits and salt-dried meat. You lost five men last week to sickness and two more to grief.
But you endured.
Because you were the Princess. Because you promised your best friend you would protect this kingdom as long as he was in it.
And in the middle Eastmoor’s endless siege — James Barnes became your companion.
He was not a court ally. He was not a polished nobleman dancing around a title. He was not a childhood bond forged in trauma. Just… James.
He brought you food when you forgot to eat. He stood guard at your tent when the generals whispered seeds of doubt in your mind. He made you laugh on days when you thought you'd forgotten how.
And he introduced you to his two closest friends — Sergeant Samuel Wilson and Sergeant Steven Rogers. Sam had a quick mouth and a quicker wit. Steve was wise through and through, so when he spoke, it felt like stone tablets from a mountaintop.
They called him Bucky.
You didn’t.
You still called him James — because you liked the way it sounded in your mouth, and he never corrected you anyway. Because he always straightened his posture when you said it. Because it felt like something just between the two of you.
You and James became inseparable. You started sharing rations and maps. You shared stories late into the night when neither of you could sleep.
You were close. But not like you were with Robert.
With Robert, it had always been a familial bond.
But James…
With James, it felt different. It didn’t feel… platonic.
He brought you extra rations when he could. He taught you how to dice potatoes with your knife when the cooks refused to make anything decent. He told you stories about the western border, about bar fights and river races and the time he got kicked by a duke’s prized racing goat.
He always flirted — always — but he never crossed the line. Not even when you leaned in a little too close, or let your hand brush his while passing a map, or looked at him too long, like he was a question you were too scared to ask.
Because James Barnes was a gentleman. And he, like everyone else in the kingdom, knew the Princess was betrothed to the Viscount’s son.
He never said it, or asked, or pried.
Even when he climbed into your cot one night, after you woke up screaming from a nightmare.
That night, he didn’t say a word. He just held you, chest to your back, both of you tucked beneath the coarse wool of your blanket.
His hand was over yours, his breath was steady against your hair.
He didn’t kiss you.
But you felt him having to restrain himself. He wanted to, but wouldn’t.
Because you were promised to another.
And you couldn’t correct him. Couldn’t tell him that your betrothal was a lie — a necessary fiction to keep your best friend safe. You couldn’t out Robert like that. Not even for James.
So you said nothing.
And James — Bucky — in his own tent, alone, never said a word.
He just curled his fingers around himself in the dark, thinking of you — and hated himself for wanting a woman he could never have.
—
One night, when you couldn’t sleep and the enemy was just beyond the ridge, you sat alone outside the tent with your knees tucked up and your nerves rattling in your bones.
James appeared beside you with two cups of hot tea in wooden cups, and said, “Didn’t think royalty drank with common soldiers. Thought you lot were made of marble.”
You whispered, “Marble cracks.”
He took a seat beside you in the dirt, his shoulder not quite touching yours.
“Didn’t seem like you were cracking earlier today,” he said. “You had three soldiers shaking in their boots.”
You let out a short laugh. “That was a performance. This…” You exhaled. “This is real.”
He looked sideways at you, but didn’t push.
“Truth is,” you said after a pause, “these last six months…. they’ve been my first real taste of combat.”
His brow rose in disbelief. “Seriously?”
You nodded. “I was trained in tactics since I was nine. Combat, too. Every royal child has to do it—it’s part of some ancient rite of passage. My father hated it and said it was unbecoming of a girl.” You glanced at him. “But I… I did it anyway.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“You’re doing really well,” he finally said. “I’ve fought with generals twice your size who couldn’t hold a line like you can.”
“Thanks.” You gave him a grateful smile. “I think my parents assumed I’d break down the first time I saw blood.”
“The king and queen don’t know you very well, then.”
You looked at him, a little startled by how certain he sounded.
He drank his tea and leaned back, his eyes distant. “I’ve been in and out of the field since I was seventeen. My first real command came just a couple of years ago. Too many of my men were older than me.”
You tilted your head. “That’s… You… I— I always thought you’re young for a sergeant.”
“Yeah,” he shook his head. “But when most of the older men die and you’re the one dragging the wounded out, someone puts stripes on your armour and tells you it’s yours now.”
You were quiet, and he went on.
“One of the worst was near here, at Dry Lake,” he pointed to the horizon, deep into enemy territory. “It was dead land. No real trees, just white stone and thorn bushes that hurt like shit.” His voice dropped. “We were outnumbered two to one. The palace sent no reinforcements. We fought in the dark for four days.”
“I…” you filtered in your mind for the battle of Dry Lake, and remembered one where your father refused to send help because they needed the money to redecorate the throne room instead. You had been mad, but had no real power to do anything. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t,” he shrugged, “We… I— survived.”
You looked at the horizon again, remembering the significance of Dry Lake when you realised…. “That’s where their supply lines are coming from now. Eastmoor intel just confirmed it.”
“Makes sense," He nodded. “It’s hard as hell to reach. But I know it.”
You leaned forward. “You know it?”
He nodded again, casually. “Like the back of my hand,” He confirmed. “I spent a month mapping it before that mission. There’s a blind spot on the southern rise— over the second hill. If you go quick, you can get in and out without being spotted.”
You turned fully toward him. “There’s a blind spot?”
He blinked, confused. “Yeah? Didn’t your scouts report—?”
“No,” you cut him off, eyes sparking into a flame. “They said it was impenetrable. But if there’s a weak spot—”
“We’d need a small unit,” he said, catching the shift in your tone. “Stealthy. No banners, no formal lines.”
You were already moving, setting your cup aside and crawling toward a patch of mud under the tent’s edge. You pulled a stick from the firewood pile and began sketching fast—outlines of the cliffs, the supply routes, the reinforcement paths, the pass to the south.
He leaned beside you, eyes flicking over the map. “Here,” he said, pointing to a sharp dip in the ridgeline. “This is the blind spot. Wind direction covers most of the sound. No direct line of sight from the southern watchtower.”
“And from here,” you said, drawing a curving line toward it, “we could reach the inner depot. Cut them off before they reach Eastmoor.”
James looked up at you with his brow raised. You looked back at him, eyes alight.
“This could turn the war,” you whispered.
He grinned. “Then I guess we’re going for a walk.”
And that night, the princess and the sergeant stayed crouched over a patch of earth and ash, building a revolution from dirt and memory.
—
The next morning, the war room smelled of ink, sweat, and desperation. Maps cluttered the center table, weighted down with daggers and metal pins. The commanders were already gathered when you entered, the scorched royal sigil stitched into the collar of your cloak.
James followed half a step behind, hands clasped behind his back.
“Your Highness,” General Thaddeus Ross said with a strained nod, lips tight like he’d bitten into a lemon. “I trust you slept well. We have urgent matters.”
You moved toward the table. “Indeed we do.”
He pointed to a cluster of red markers near the front lines. “The enemy reinforced at the river bend. I propose we hit them at dawn with another wave of heavy infantry to scare them back. We press their flank and bleed them out.”
You heard James’s teeth clench beside you.
You inhaled slowly. “General Ross, with all due respect… we don’t need to send more people out to die.”
The room turned silent.
Ross scoffed. “This is war, Princess. Not a diplomatic summit.”
“No,” you said, stepping forward. “But we don’t win wars by throwing barely-trained boys into another wall of blades. We win by cutting off the enemy’s legs so they can’t stand at all.”
Ross straightened, his voice rising. “You’re not a general—”
“But I am your princess.” You didn’t raise your voice. You didn’t need to. “We need to take Dry Lake.”
James glanced at you with the faintest trace of a grin.
You reached down, plucked a quill from the board, and moved it with deliberate calm across the map’s surface.
“Dry Lake is the root of their supply chain. Everything—food, weapons, sanitation—flows from there. Our scouts have confirmed it. Sergeant Barnes fought there. He knows the terrain like the back of his hand.”
Ross’s brow furrowed. “You’re trusting a field rat over command?”
“He’s a field rat with more frontline experience than anyone in this tent,” you said, locking eyes with him. “And unlike half the men you’ve knighted for their performative tactics, he’s survived hell and brought others back with him.”
Ross scowled. “Even if what he says is true, the route is suicide.”
“There’s a blind spot,” you said. “We’ll move quiet and fast. In and out before they know we’re there.”
“And who do you suggest we send?” Ross sneered. “Another wave of children?”
“No,” you said simply. “I’m going.”
Ross barked a laugh that died the second he realised you weren’t joking. “You—?”
“I,” you repeated, “will go with a specialised unit. Sergeant Barnes will lead the team.”
James finally spoke. “I’ll take her royal highness, Sergeant Wilson, and Sergeant Rogers.”
Ross opened his mouth, as a murmur spread across the room.
Stephen Strange, the head mage who had been summoned to the camp a week ago to provide shielding spells to the troops, nodded approvingly. “It could work.”
Ross started again, louder this time. “This is highly unorthodox—!”
You held up a hand.
He fell silent.
You… shushed a general?
Then you turned back to the table, marking the Dry Lake pass with a line of soft red ink.
—
Hours later, you stood outside the supply tent, finishing your letter by the light of a setting sun. Your words were carefully inked, but you hastily added the last line.
‘I met a soldier. He’s charming.’
You paused, read it again, then folded the parchment and sealed it with the royal crest.
Peeking from behind you, you heard heavy boots crunched against gravel.
James.
He stepped beside you. “You always write letters before near-suicide missions?”
You slid the sealed message into the courier pouch. “Only when I think someone deserves to know I’m still breathing.”
He nodded, then glanced at the wax seal. His sharp eyes flicked up. “Who’s it to?”
You hesitated. Then, said plainly: “Robert Reynolds.”
James went still.
You saw the flicker of recognition. Of course he knew it.
And his eyebrows shifted—tightened—not angry, not jealous exactly… but you could tell he was… sad. Disappointed, maybe, not that he had any right to be.
“Oh,” he said in a low voice. “Your… betrothed.”
You looked away. “It’s not like that.”
He laughed under his breath, without humor. “Could’ve fooled me. You called him charming.”
You turned to him, and clearly, he only caught a glimpse of the last word. “I was not talking about him.”
“Who, then?” His brows furrowed.
“I said…” you bit your lip, “I said I met a charming soldier.”
That made him pause.
“Is that…” He blinked, brow furrowed. “Is that about me?”
“I didn’t name you,” you muttered, crossing your arms, but you couldn't bring yourself to deny it.
“But it is,” he pressed, “And you’re writing that to the man you’re going to marry. So… forgive me if I’m trying to understand what exactly that means.”
You opened your mouth, but didn’t have the words. Because gods, it wouldn’t change anything, but you hated the thought of him getting the wrong idea.
Your voice softened. “It’s not a love match, James. Robert’s family. He’s… safe. That’s all.”
His lips twitched. “Safe. Right.” He nodded, looking away toward the horizon. “That’s a hell of a thing to be.”
You stepped toward him, just a little— but before you could speak, before you could answer—footsteps crunched behind you.
“Commander!” Sam Wilson’s voice broke through the moment, light and teasing.
Behind him, Steve Rogers followed, far more buttoned-up. “All packed and ready.”
You stepped away from James and straightened your cloak. “Good. We ride in ten.”
Sam clapped James on the back. “Ready to be miserable together?”
“Always,” James said, though his eyes never left you.
—
The sun had barely begun its descent when you arrived at Dry Lake.
Once, it may have held water. But now, it was little more than a cracked bowl of dust and scattered fish bones, the perfect hiding place for the enemy’s supply cache. If you cut their supplies, they’d choke before they even reached the frontlines.
You, James, Steve, and Sam had come here to cripple their colonisation effort, to set fire to their grains and cloths and weapons. And you had succeeded.
The flames had taken root fast, licking greedily up the wooden scaffolding, devouring sacks of food and rows of arrows. Their stores were gone. The next battle would be waged with hunger in their bellies.
The enemy noticed and came running. You four fought well enough as you made your escape until…
James fell to his side, his hand clutching the torn leather at his bicep, blood pouring fast.
An arrow had pierced his arm, perhaps a vital artery.
“Hell of a shot,” he muttered as he slumped to the ground.
You were at his side in an instant, your hands already working, pulling free the satchel at your hip. You pressed your body close, shielding him from the wind. “Don’t talk,” you said, more command than comfort. You tore through the cloth. The arrow was deep. If it hadn’t splintered on the bone, it would’ve gone straight through.
James met your eyes. “Is it bad?”
You bit back panic as your fingers pressed cloth against the wound, your other hand tightening a leather strap around his upper arm.
“It’s not,” you said, even though you didn't believe it.
His breath hitched. “You’re a bad liar, your highness.”
Behind you, Steve’s war cry echoed over the ridge, and Sam’s call followed after. They were buying time.
You had to move.
You hauled James onto your shoulder, refusing to let him die. The ridge wasn’t far, and the horse waited beyond.
As you moved, James leaned against you. His head dropped near your ear. “I owe you a drink,” he whispered.
“You owe me your life,” you replied.
He smiled faintly. “That too.”
The enemy reached the blaze too late. Their supply cache was nothing but smoke and smoldering ruin, and the four of you were gone before they knew it.
—
You returned to camp just as the sun broke over the horizon. Cheers erupted as soldiers recognised your figures trudging through the haze—they saw the smoke of the supplies burning, after all. But the three of you— Sam, Steve, and you— barely looked up. James was still unconscious, slumped across your horse, fever bleeding into his skin. The arrow was gone, you had done what you could, but the wound had festered, spreading like angry red vines like fire beneath the bandages.
You didn’t care for the applause. You cared for the dying man in your arms.
You didn’t slow down until you reached the infirmary tent.
Stephen Strange was already there, sleeves rolled to his elbows, spellwork coiling around his fingers.
“He’s burning up,” Sam said, his voice hoarse.
Strange looked once at James and nodded. “He won’t make it with the arm. The infection's already gone too deep. We have to take it.”
You didn’t hesitate as you helped strip James down, held his shoulders as Strange muttered the sedative spell. Magic laced through the air like incense, orange light brushing over James’s temple. He stopped writhing, his breathing steadying even as sweat drenched his hairline. He whispered your name just before the spell took him under.
You didn’t look away as Strange prepared the blade. If he had to lose a part of himself to survive, you’d be there for him.
The moment a small incision was made, a messenger burst through the infirmary tent, panting with rolled parchment clutched in his hand.
“Urgent dispatch for the Princess,” he gasped.
You didn’t turn around. “Not now.”
He stepped closer urgently. “It’s your mother. She says come home at once. The palace—”
“I said not now!” You snapped, never releasing James’s hand. You could feel the magic pulsing in his body.
The messenger tried again. “Your majesty, please.”
Majesty? You thought to yourself. You were princess. The appropriate title was your highness.
“Go,” you gritted under your teeth.
“Please,” the messenger almost begged, “It’s your father. The king— he had fallen ill last week. Your mother begs for your return.”
Still, you didn’t move. Your voice was tight. “James will wake up disoriented,” you whispered, not caring about your father one bit. “If I’m not here when he wakes up—he’ll think I left him.”
“Your majesty,” the man said, emphasising your title now. “Your father is dead. He passed three days ago, just after nightfall. You are queen now.”
What?
You staggered, hand slipping from James’s for the first time. Everything inside you pulled apart at the seams.
Queen.
You were Queen.
Steve stepped beside you. You didn’t realise you were trembling until he steadied your arm. “Go,” he said softly.
“No,” you breathed. “No, I can’t—he needs—”
“We’ll tell him,” Steve promised. “We’ll tell him you were here.”
“We’ll find you,” Sam added, “But now, the kingdom needs its queen.”
Your throat tightened around a sob you didn’t allow to escape. You turned to Strange, wild, desperate. “Will he live?”
Strange didn’t look up from his work, but his voice was firm. “You have my word.”
Only then did you let go.
You kissed James’s brow, whispered an apology against his fevered skin, and turned toward the exit of the tent, where the world was already waiting for you to wear a crown.
As you mounted the horse that would take you away from him, you looked back once — not at the camp, not at the soldiers — but at the tent.
Where your heart still lay.
—
Two weeks had passed, yet it felt like years.
The first day back at the palace, you were crowned queen. Last week, you buried your father.
You buried him in silence. He had not been a good man. He had been stern, proud, and cruel when it suited him. But he had also been your father, and that wound had no clean edges.
Yesterday, you heard news that the siege of Eastmoor has ended. Steve, Sam, and the others had won. Dry Lake’s victory had turned the tide. The supply line was gone, the coloniser routed.
Robert stayed beside you through it all. He drank every night, though, and did whatever drugs were available to him on the day. He offered, but you didn’t drink, you didn’t take anything that could inhibit your senses. The kingdom needed a leader, after all.
The two of you sat in your chambers that evening.
“We have to get married soon,” you said quietly, as if the words hurt your throat. “After Eastmoor, after my father’s death. The people will want stability. Perhaps a reassurance we can provide an heir.”
Robert didn’t answer at first. He only stared into his cup, swirling the wine before sipping. He knew this wouldn’t change a thing— that he was not capable of falling in love with you no matter what. This was a marriage of convenience. A lavender marriage.
There were worse things to be in this world.
“You’re right,” he finally said. “And… I know it’s early, but when I’m royal, could I… Could I be assigned John Walker from your father’s old guard? I trust him.”
You turned to him, finally chuckling for the first time in days. You always found his crush on the blonde royal guard amusing.
Then, you took the cup gently from his hand and set it on the table.
“You’ve been drinking too much, Bob,” you said with a warning. “If you keep it up, you’ll out yourself in public.”
He looked away, ashamed.
“And yes,” you added more gently. “John Walker can be arranged.”
Robert looked at you with a half-smile, the one he used when trying to be kind without overstepping.
“And you?” he asked. “What about that soldier you mentioned—the charming one? You haven’t said his name once since the coronation.”
Your heart flinched like a wound recoiling from salt. You looked out the window, where the clouds were bleeding pink into dusk.
“He’s recovering,” you said. “His arm is gone. But Strange kept his heart beating. I asked for a raven every morning. If one doesn’t come, I’ll know something’s wrong.”
Robert didn’t press.
—
One morning, the raven did not come.
You waited and waited longer than you should have, but it still did not come.
Strange had said James was healing—recovering well, even—but now, there was only silence.
Your mother, the Dowager Queen now, entered your chambers quietly. She still moved like royalty, even when the crown no longer sat on her head, and she seemed all the better for it.
Your mother can be cruel at times, but she was more bearable without your father hovering over her. Over the last week, you had started wondering if she was as much of a victim as you had been.
“There are three soldiers in the throne room,” she stated. “General Ross insists you grant them their promotions yourself.”
You stood stiffly. “Can’t it wait?”
She frowned. “No. He’s being insufferable about it.” She looked at you then, head tilted slightly. “I told him it was your decision. You are queen, after all.”
You sighed and rose, your steps growing slower the closer you came to the throne room—until the guards pushed open the great oak doors.
And then you saw them.
Steve. Sam.
And… James
Standing tall in worn uniforms, backs straight, shoulders proud.
Steve bowed first, followed by Sam. And then James— James, with his left sleeve rolled back, revealing… a metal arm?
Etched into the steel were faint runes, still glowing with residual enchantment. It must be imbued with Strange’s magic— as the metal arm moved with fluidity, like it belonged to him, like it was him.
He addressed in a bow, voice calm and clear. “Your Majesty.”
You stood frozen, unable to speak. The court watched silently as you stepped down the dais.
And then, without ceremony or hesitation, you pulled all three of them into your arms.
Sam laughed first, surprised. Steve chuckled under his breath. And James— James didn’t say a word, but you felt his human hand pressing lightly against your back.
Behind you, gasps rippled through the nobles, but you didn’t care.
You let the hug linger longer than was proper. “Come,” you said, loud enough for everyone to hear. “We’ll talk somewhere private.”
And with a flick of your hand, you dismissed the court. Your mother raised an eyebrow from her perch beside the throne, but said nothing. Without awaiting approval, you turned on your heel and led them through the gilded doors, down the familiar halls, past tapestries of dead kings.
When you walked into the drawing room, the hearth was already lit.
You gestured to the table and welcomed them to your couch.
As they sat, your guards posted themselves outside. The doors shut behind you with a soft thud.
When James smiled, and your lungs finally remembered how to work again.
“You didn’t think I’d let a little arrow stop me, did you?” he said.
You didn’t laugh. You reached across the table, wrapped your fingers around his metal ones. The Sorcerer’s guild sigil was branded on his palm— further confirmation that this was Strange’s work.
“Stephen didn’t send a raven,” you whispered, eyes misted.
He tilted his head, sheepish. “He wanted me to tell you myself.”
Steve poured the tea, Sam passed the cups.
And in that room, you allowed yourself—for the first time since you wore the crown—to breathe like a girl again, not just a queen.
You had survived the siege, and the best parts of it had survived with you.
—
The tea had long gone lukewarm, the cakes untouched.
The four of you talked about nothing and everything for hours. Sam had made some offhanded remark about the last skirmish near the Black Coast, and Steve had chimed in with a clever observation. The sun filtered through the tall drawing room windows, catching in James's hair, now streaked faintly with gray at the temples, though he was no older than you remembered. The war had just… aged everyone. It changed everyone.
You leaned back in your chair, eyes gleaming. “You know,” you said, swirling your cup a little, “I heard Ross recommended I promote all three of you to Captain and assign you to your own units.”
Sam leaned forward, grinning. “I like the sound of Captain Wilson,” he tasted the title on his tongue, “Not bad, huh?”
“Thank you,” Steve chuckled. “Though I have some notes on the uniform.”
“Of course you do,” you rolled your eyes.
You turned to James, waiting for a grin, a snarky comment, something, anything.
But he shook his head slowly. “No,” he said.
What?
“No?” you echoed, incredulous.
He set his cup down, “I’d like to decline the promotion,” he reiterated..
“I— What?” you asked.
He straightened his posture a little, his metal arm twitching. “If it’s alright with you, Your Majesty, I’d like to request transfer to the Royal Guard. Specifically—” he looked directly at you now, “—as your personal guard.”
You stared at him. “You want…I…?”
“You saved my life,” James’s voice was smaller than you had ever heard it. “Let me spend my life paying that back.”
Your voice came out barely above a whisper. “James…”
His eyes flicked to Steve and Sam, then back to you. “I need to do this.”
You felt something shift inside you, perhaps a crack in the armour you’d built since the war ended, since you were crowned, since the weight of the kingdom had fallen onto your shoulders.
“You…” you took a deep breath, “You don’t owe me anything, James.”
He smiled— a little sad, a little stubborn. “I know. That’s why it matters.”
Steve, ever gentle, gave you a slight nod—no pressure, just support.
Sam leaned back in his chair with a low whistle. “Gotta admit, hard to top that kind of commitment.”
You stood, slowly, and walked over to where James sat. He rose with you, as a guard should. As he would.
You placed your hand over his heart, and felt it beating steady beneath your palm.
“You’re sure?” you asked him, one last time.
James nodded. “As sure as I’ve ever been.”
The others must’ve noticed the shift in the air. Or maybe they’d just known Bucky too long.
Steve stood, handing his teacup to a servant with a quiet “thank you.”
“Well,” he said with a stretch, cracking his knuckles. “We’ll leave you two to catch up.”
Sam followed, giving you a knowing glance as he passed. “Try not to promote him to Head of the Guard just yet.”
You rolled your eyes. “Out.”
They laughed, and were gone.
You smiled, easing yourself into the seat next to him.
The conversation resumed. It was so easy with him. The banter, the side glances, the way he leaned just a bit too close and you didn’t move away.
“Did you miss me?” you teased at one point, resting your elbow on the armrest, chin in hand.
He looked at you as though you were the moon itself. “Every day.”
“I missed you too,” you whispered. “More than I can say.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “You shouldn’t say things like that, Your Majesty.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’ll start to believe them.”
You didn’t answer. You sighed instead. Of course. Of course this was going nowhere. James Barnes was nothing if not a gentleman, and as long as he thought you were Robert’s, he would not touch you.
“Why didn’t you come to the palace sooner?” you said weakly.
“Stange took a while perfecting the magic on my prosthetic,” His eyes flicked to the fire. “I didn’t want to come back half a man.”
“You’re not,” you said fiercely. “You’re more than any man I’ve ever known.”
Your hand reached out and grazed his metal shoulder. His breath hitched.
You leaned in, too close to be proper, too close to pretend. His hand hovered near your waist.
Your eyes dropped to his mouth. His did the same.
And then….. It was almost.
He pulled away right before your lips touched his, like it burned him to be close to you. “No,” James whispered, almost to himself. “No. You’re promised to another.”
“James—”
He shook his head, rising to his feet now, his voice barely controlled. “Let me protect you,” he said, as though offering the only thing he had left. “Even if I can never have you.”
Your voice trembled. “But—this. You can’t deny this. Do you—” You hesitated, heart pounding. “Do you love me?”
His eyes closed, like the truth hurt to hold. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”
You wanted—so desperately—to tell him that Robert was your dearest friend and nothing more. That Robert could never love you the way James did.
But it wasn’t your secret to tell. So you swallowed it and watched him go.
As he reached the door, you spoke up, just loud enough for him to hear, “Welcome to the Royal Guard, James Buchanan Barnes.”
—
James’ first day as your Royal Guard was your wedding day.
The irony wasn’t lost on you.
He stood at your right, just behind the dais, dressed in newly tailored armor etched with the sigil of the Crown and a silver sash denoting his new position. The metal of his arm shimmered with runes. His hair was pulled back, neatly tied, but his jaw was clenched. He didn’t smile— he hadn’t since you’d told him the date.
Across the hall, John Walker stood at Robert’s side. His uniform was immaculate. John was loyal, just like Robert needed him to be.
The musicians began tuning, and the chapel buzzed.
Robert entered quietly through the back, his ceremonial jacket half-buttoned and hair slightly mussed. You found him in one of the side chambers, pacing, a flask of liquid clutched loosely in his hand.
You raised an eyebrow as he turned, clearly buzzing with whatever powder he'd just snorted— his eyes were dilated, mouth was twitching. “Bob.”
He didn’t look at you, as he tipped the small vial back into his pocket.
“Don’t start,” he whispered. “It’s my wedding too.”
You reached out and yanked the vial from his pocket, ignoring the startled glance from a passing attendant. You didn’t care.
“Be sober, Bob,” you snapped under your breath. “Just today. Please.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but you glared. Not as a queen, but his best friend.
He swallowed instead.
Your brows softened, reaching up to straighten the collar of his jacket. “You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t understand.”
He flinched at that, letting out a half laugh, half wounded bark. “Do you?”
You didn’t answer.
Because you’d seen the Viscountess Reynolds, his mother. She had arrived in velvet and pearls, beautiful as ever, but when she leaned in to kiss your cheek in greeting, the neckline of her gown shifted just enough to reveal fresh scars across her collarbone— the kind you only got from being dragged by the hair or shoved down stairs by his father.
Now, his hands trembled as he tried to do up the final clasp of his jacket.
“I can’t stand up to him,” Robert said quietly. “I never could.”
“You will be king soon,” You finished the clasp, brushing imaginary dust from his shoulder. “We will fix things.”
Robert only scoffed, looking down to his feet. Instead, he decided to change the subject. Robert glanced toward the door leading to the main hall and whispered, “Is that your James?”
You didn’t look. “He’s not mine,” you said flatly, though your voice wavered just enough to betray you.
“Sure,” Robert snorted. “And I’m straight.”
That finally earned a weak laugh from you, brittle around the edges.
“He asked to be my guard,” you finally said, eyes drifting at last toward the man in silver. James was standing unnervingly still, eyes tracing the exits, the crowd, your path. “First thing he did when he returned. He rejected a promotion. He didn’t even want gold. He just asked for… proximity.”
“Romantic,” Robert whispered, adjusting his cufflinks. “Dangerously so.”
“He thinks I’m yours,” you said, your fingers tightening around the silk in your hands.
“He thinks wrong,” Robert said under his breath.
You turned to face him fully, seeing through the crimson and gold and inherited guilt to the boy beneath it all. “What do you suggest we do to fix that, then?”
He froze. His mouth opened, then shut again, as if the answer was simple but impossible to speak aloud.
And then— he said nothing.
Because if you both told James the truth—that he wasn’t yours, that he’d never been yours,—and James let that slip to anyone…
Not that he would— James was loyal to a fault. But accidents happen, and the court whispers.
And if his father found out, he would take it out on his mother.
Again.
So Robert could never come out. Not to James. Not to anyone but you. Not while his father was still alive.
And you… you would be breaking protocol if you married a commoner. So no, you had no choice either.
“I’ll let him believe what he wants,” you said quietly, reassuring that his safety was still your priority. “For now.”
—
Half an hour later, you were alone in the small antechamber just off the chapel, when James stepped inside. James knocked once—barely a courtesy—then shut the door behind him.
“I will escort you to the aisle,” he said. His voice was even, but his eyes never quite met yours. “It’s my ceremonial duty.”
You turned from the mirror with a small smile. “You just wanted to see me before everyone else did.”
His jaw flexed, but he said nothing.
“I’m told I make quite the vision in white.” You tilted your head, stepping closer, the hem of your gown whispering across the floor. “Though I assume you might prefer me in nothing.”
“Don’t,” he warned, eyes darkening.
You only smiled wider. “Don’t what?”
He didn’t move as his muscle twitched, the magic plates of his metal arm rippling. “You shouldn’t speak to me like that,” he said eventually, “You’re marrying another man.”
You winked. “I act as I please.”
“Even now?” His voice was hoarse. “Even here?”
You reached out, smoothing a nonexistent wrinkle on his lapel. “Especially here.”
He caught your wrist— gently, firmly.
“I signed up to protect you, to pay my debt,” he said, eyes finally locking with yours. “Not to want you.”
You tilted your head, letting the silence wrap around the two of you like smoke.
“So,” you whispered, “what now?”
He didn’t answer right away, but he looked at you like you were a blade he’d willingly fall on. “I will escort you down the aisle,” he said at last. “And I stand behind your husband while he vows to love you.”
—
During the wedding, James stood at the edge of the ballroom like a statue carved in restraint.
He had watched it all.
The vows. The way your fingers had lingered on Robert’s jaw.
You danced with your new husband like you loved him. And one way or another, you did, James could tell. Your fingers were on Robert’s collar, your lips brushed close when you whispered in his ears.
But then… you threw a smile over your shoulder when you noticed James watching.
He didn’t know when it had stopped being simple. He only knew he hated the way his stomach flipped when you looked at him too long.
And then, when Robert turned to talk to some merchants— you slipped away to a different room, and James followed.
You were waiting in an empty room, lit only by moonlight bleeding through the lace curtains. Your crown had been left behind, your heels discarded. You were barefoot on the marble, still breathless from the crowd.
“Dance with me, James,” you said when you closed the door.
He stiffened where he stood, admiring your beauty, but objected. “Your husband—”
“Is busy,” you interrupted, taking a step toward him. “And besides—” You smiled, half-mischief, half-command. “I am your queen. I demand you dance with me.”
He flinched. He hated the game of it. Hated how quickly he folded when you pouted, like after months in the fortress together, you knew exactly how to gut him.
“Just this once, Your Majesty,” he caved.
Your smile deepened like you’d won a prize at a fair. You pulled him to you, hands on his shoulders, and began to sway to the muffled sound of a distant waltz leaking through the walls.
Your bodies fit too well, your palms too warm on him. You rested your head just beneath his chin, your perfume threading into his nostrils like smoke.
“You hate this,” you whispered.
“Yes,” James said hoarsely.
“And yet…” You lifted your eyes to his. “You’re holding me like I’m yours.”
He said nothing. Just tightened his grip and closed his eyes.
And then his lips brushed your temple. “If I close my eyes,” he choked out, “I could almost believe…” EVen after all this, he couldn’t finish the sentence.
You didn’t ask what. You knew.
So for that one dance, that one stolen moment in a room no one would remember—James pretended he was your bride.
What he didn’t know was that, just beyond the carved stone walls, out in the rose-wrapped garden, your new husband was secretly dancing, too— his hand in John Walker’s.
Everyone was pretending tonight.
—
You danced for far too long.
By the third song, your breaths matched. James held you like he forgot he wasn’t supposed to. You let your cheek rest against his chest, while his hand was on your waist, almost possessive.
The fourth was your undoing.
You looked up at him. Your lips parted as he looked down at your mouth.
Without thinking, you both leaned in. Not fast or sudden, but like magnets pulled across a field—like gravity finally had its say. Your noses brushed. His eyes flicked shut. His mouth was right there—
And then, “Oh. There you are.”
James tensed like a blade unsheathed.
Robert stood in the doorway, composed as ever. He held one glove in his hand and adjusted the cuff of his ceremonial coat like he’d just stepped out of a perfectly uneventful conversation.
“Our carriage is here,” he said casually. “Whenever you’re ready.”
James stepped back like he expected to be burned at the stake. His hands instantly dropped from your waist to his side. He didn't dare meet Robert’s —his king’s— eyes.
You, on the other hand, tilted your head with that maddening calmness. “I’ll be along shortly.”
Robert nodded, gaze flicking to James only once. Instead of anger… The new king smiled at him before turning and leaving.
James didn’t breathe.
“What the fuck?" He said finally, confused that the king was not mad that his queen almost kissed another man on their wedding night.
You looked back at him, eyes unreadable. “What do you mean?”
“You—” His hand gestured toward the door. “Your husband just walked in on us—nearly kissing—and he just… said the carriage is ready?”
You shrugged. “It is.”
James took a step toward you, something like desperation leaking through his restraint. “Are you trying to make me lose my mind?”
You didn’t answer. Instead, you leaned up and whispered in his ear, voice satin-smooth. “Go on, James. Return to your post.”
—
James followed at a respectful distance as the royal carriage rolled into the castle gates.
He wasn’t sure what he expected— perhaps he had to wait outside your door as you consummated your marriage to your new king-consort. Instead, he found silence.
He and John Walker stood outside the great hall as the royal couple disembarked and strolled up the staircase—not hand in hand, not arm in arm, but side by side.
Robert was the first to speak. “I'm exhausted. Tell them to delay any council until after ten.”
“I’ll handle it,” you said, already unpinning the heavy jewels from your hair as you walked through the halls of the castle.
John gave James a look that said this is normal. James didn’t know whether to be relieved or more deeply disturbed.
At the top of the stairs, you paused. Your hand rested lightly on Robert’s arm— not intimate, but affectionate.
“Good night, Bob,” you said.
He gave a lazy, but genuine smile. “Don’t stay up plotting.”
“Don’t stay up snorting your vials.”
Robert gave a short laugh. “Yeah yeah. See you tomorrow.” And then he vanished down the east corridor.
You turned and disappeared down the west.
James stood frozen halfway up the stairs.
John Walker just raised an eyebrow at him. “Something wrong?”
James blinked. “They’re not even sharing a room?”
“Never have,” John shrugged. “Probably never will.”
“But… it’s their wedding night.”
John gave a chuckle and patted his chest, almost condescendingly. “Thought you’d have caught on by now.”
James stared after both vanished figures. His chest felt tight, but not from anger— Hope, maybe.
“You’re telling me there’s nothing between them?” he asked.
John leaned against the bannister. “There is love. But no—not like you think. She’s not his, and he’s not hers.”
James’ voice was barely a whisper. “Then who is?”
John said nothing.
—
Over the next couple of weeks, James watched from the shadows more than he dared speak.
At first, jealousy churned in his gut every time he saw you and Robert together. Every time you leaned toward him at dinner, every time you whispered in his ear, every time his hand sometimes rested on the small of your back — it all grated at James like sand under a gauntlet.
But the more he watched… the more your relationship fell apart.
There were no heated glances or lingering touches. The castle’s rumor mill spoke not of affairs, but of arguments. Of debates in the library, scoldings in the garden. You were often seen chastising Robert like a wayward brother, not a husband.
You and Robert read together most nights in the stone-walled library, the hearth crackling beside you. Robert preferred fantasy books, but you would much rather read books of battle, strategy, and old world histories. When Robert drank too much of the wine, or vanished for hours and returned glassy-eyed from powders he should never have touched, you gave him a long-winded speech about how he should confront his father instead of running.
Then, James saw what you did when Robert stumbled through the courtyard one morning after a long night, barely able to walk straight. You didn’t run to him. You crossed your arms, nostrils flared, and you scolded him in front of his men.
“You smell like horse piss and ruin,” you hissed. “If John hadn’t dragged you back from whatever ditch you fell into, the court would lose their king.”
And Robert had winced, not at the words, but like a boy ashamed before a sister.
John Walker stood nearby, as he always did. If Robert was wildfire, John was the iron cage that kept it from spreading. Ever since he was assigned to the king, he was ever far from his side.
—
Eventually, you and James got close again, relearning how to find conversation without the siege echoing in the background.
It began with quiet moments in the library, when James stood silently behind you while you read, pretending to check the exits.
You’d gesture to a passage you liked. He’d nod.
You offered him tea one night. He took it without a word.
And that was how it began again.
Then came the late-night walks on the outer walls, when neither of you could sleep. He'd fall into step beside you, boots echoing across the stone, the runes on that kept his metal arm going catching the moonlight.
One night, you vented to him. "I’m getting tired of cleaning up Bob’s messes," you said. “He drinks before the council meetings now. Half the court knows and he doesn’t even care. I can’t keep covering for him, and John can’t even pull him out of it anymore.”
James said nothing, but his human clenched.
You leaned against the cold stone wall, rubbing your eyes. “He used to just... disappear sometimes. And that was fine. But now, he stays. He stays and implodes. And I don’t know what to do. And John doesn’t know what to do”
You glanced at him — the man who had followed you through fire, siege, and now, into the palace, and waited for an answer that never came.
—
That night, a nightmare caught up with you
You were back in the fortress, seven months into the siege of Eastmoor— a battle that had taken a toll on your psyche.
In your dreams, your hands were red again. The sky was falling, and the enemy was inching closer to victory—
You woke up with a gasp. A scream, really. And then the door opened.
James stepped in, eyes scanning the room like a threat had breached it— as the royal guard ought to.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I, um—” You could barely breathe. “I– it was a nightmare.”
He took a few steps toward you but didn’t touch you, yet. “Should I get your husband?”
Your breath hitched. You weren’t thinking, not clearly. As far as your mind was concerned, you were still in the fortress in Eastmoor.
“No,” you said. “You. I want you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, James,” You patted the empty space in your bed meant for your husband, “Please.”
James didn’t ask questions, though he should have. Laying in the queen’s bed must be wrong, it must be unlawful.
But he did not see the queen now. He saw the same princess he comforted during the siege.
So for you, he climbed into the massive bed like it was your tiny cot all over again. He pulled you close like no time had passed at all.
Your head found his chest, your arm wrapped around his waist. His metal arm curled protectively around you.
It felt like breathing again.
Eventually, in a whisper you probably shouldn’t have let slip, you murmured, “Your arm… it’s colder now against my skin. I like it.”
You felt him go still.
Then, slowly, his grip around you tightened just slightly. “It’s different now,” he said.
“I know,” you said, “back in the siege, you held me with human arms.”
“Back in the siege,” he murmured, “you weren’t married.”
Your chest ached. “Back in the siege— I was engaged,” in an act of defiance, you kissed his jaw, “Perhaps nothing had changed, James.”
Perhaps.
—
The night after that, you found yourself… lonely.
The ball had long ended. The music had faded into silence, and the castle’s golden corridors were empty, save for flickering candles and the occasional guard shifting on duty.
You stood in your chambers, half-undressed, your gown draped across the chaise and your corset still tight around your ribs. The ladies-in-waiting were gone — two bottles of plum wine between them and loud giggles all the way down the corridor to their quarters.
You didn’t need them. So you called for your personal guard.
James stepped inside with the same careful poise he always carried, metal fingers curled lightly at his side, eyes trained ahead.
“Your majesty,” he said, bowing his head.
You were standing at the mirror, your back to him. The corset was laced tightly, and your arms were too tired to reach all the way back after dancing and standing in pointless celebration for hours.
“I need help,” you said.
His brow twitched. “Should I fetch your ladies?”
“They’re drunk,” you replied, glancing over your shoulder. “They’ll lace me in a knot or put me in bed face-down. You're the only sober one I trust.”
He stiffened, still half in the doorway. “Shall I fetch your husband?”
Your eyes met his in the mirror. “I do not want my husband, James.”
He didn't move, so you clarified. “You know this: we do not love each other that way.”
His eyes flicked away, fist tightening. You could almost hear his metal arm creak as he shifted.
You tilted your head, turning around and motioning for him to lock the door. “James,” you said quietly, “please. Just take it off. Just… help me breathe.”
There was a long pause before he said. “As you wish, Your Majesty.”
He moved closer. You felt him before you saw him — you felt the warmth of his breath just barely disturbing the curls at the nape of your neck. His metal hand ghosted up the edge of the laces, never quite touching his skin. You could hear the steady exhale through his nose, see the way his eyes stayed firmly locked on the ties, not the curve of your spine beneath them.
He was trembling, but one by one, he undid the laces.
Your breath eased with each loosened thread, your ribs finally expanding. The silk began to slacken, and the pressure lifted. When he reached the last tie, the corset slid down, and you let it fall to the floor.
James turned his head instantly, out of respect. He stared at the candlelit wall, his shoulders stiff. Because of course — of course looking at the queen’s bare skin was a punishable offense.
Even if he found you to be the most beautiful thing in the world.
“Look at me, James,” you said.
He hesitated. Then slowly, almost painfully, he turned his head. “As you wish… Your Majesty.”
His eyes found you.
You watched it happen — his breath catching, the lashes fluttering, the pupils dilate just slightly. His eyes roamed, reverent and restrained all at once. He looked like a man on the edge of a cliff, unsure if he was meant to fall or fly. Like he was looking at both a dream and blasphemy.
“James,” you said, stepping closer. Your hand reached out, brushing his jaw, your fingers curling around the stubble there. “James, kiss me.”
He froze. And for a second, you thought he might flee, like he always did when the fire between you got too close to all-consuming.
But instead, he muttered the words again. “As you wish, you majesty.”
His lips met yours.
It was not a sweet kiss. It was not careful. It was earned. His hand cupped the back of your head, pulling you in deeper, and you melted into him. You surrendered into the safety, the tension, the want. His mouth was rougher than you'd imagined, hungrier, but his hands, both human and metal, trembled as he touched your waist, as though afraid you’d disappear.
You didn’t.
You reached up and pulled him with you toward the bed.
He hesitated for a heartbeat.
You could see it in the clench of his jaw, the tremor in his breath— how hard he fought to stay in control. Because even now, even now, half undressed and trembling with need, you were still the queen.
And to touch you like this? To see your bare skin, to hunger for you the way he did? Punishable by hanging. Maybe worse.
But you didn’t care.
Not when your body buzzed with the ghost of his hands. Not when your lips still ached from the heat of his kiss.
You stepped up to him again, bare and unashamed, and ran your fingers down the seam where his leather jerkin met his collar.
"James,” you murmured. “Am I so terrifying?”
His answer was hoarse. “It’s not you I fear.”
You smiled, mouth brushing the shell of his ear. “Is it fear of what we’d do?”
He turned then, finally, eyes locking with yours—and your knees nearly gave way.
His gaze dropped to your mouth. Then lower. The line of your throat, the slope of your shoulder, the swell of your breasts rising with each breath. His hands flexed at his sides— like a man desperate to touch bound by chains of his own making.
You took his hand—the metal one—and placed it on your bare waist. His eyes widened. The muscles in his throat worked like he was swallowing back a cry.
“You won’t be hanged for worshipping my body, James.”
He tensed.
You leaned in, whispering against his lips, playful and wicked, “Trust me. My husband would be thrilled someone is taking proper care of his queen.”
That did it.
A choked sound escaped him. Half laugh, half groan.
His mouth was on yours again, and this time it was feral.
There was no more hesitation. His hands roamed palming your hips, dragging you closer like he needed to fuse your flesh to his. He kissed you like a starving man, tongue sweeping your mouth, devouring every gasp you gave him.
He kissed you until you were moaning into him, pressing yourself shamelessly against his body, feeling his arousal beneath his ceremonial uniform. When you ground against him, he gasped and grabbed your thighs, lifting you off the ground.
You wrapped around him like instinct.
Your back hit the nearest wall, and his mouth was on your neck, then your chest, worshipping like he’d die if he didn’t taste you.
"James," you whispered, dazed and drunk on him, "Lay me down."
He paused, but this time, it was only for a heartbeat.
You could feel it again— duty. The guilt trying to claw its way back in. His forehead pressed to yours, his chest heaving.
“If someone finds me here—”
You cut him off with a wicked smile and a roll of your hips that had him groaning into your throat.
“Then let them,” you whispered. “Let them see what it looks like when a queen is loved. Not paraded. Loved.”
Fuck.
So he carried you to the bed— careful and quick, like he couldn’t bear the space between you for another moment. He laid you down gently.
His gloves came off first, then the buckles, the straps. You helped, trembling fingers undoing each layer of leather until he was bare before you, all skin and battle-worn scars.
Your hands ran over his chest, his ribs, the scar near his hip.
“You’ve nearly died serving your country,” you whispered. “Let me serve you.”
He kissed you again, slower this time. But fuller.
And then he was on you.
Mouth on your throat, your breasts, your stomach. He trailed kisses down your belly like he was marking a path— one only he was allowed to take.
When he settled between them, you gasped.
“Tell me to stop,” he said against your heat.
You laughed breathlessly and fisted his hair.
“Don’t you dare.”
“As you wish, your majesty.”
And then you were gone.
It didn’t end with one moment. Or two. It kept going— like time had broken and collapsed in over itself. The night stretched out like a rubber band. When he finally was in you, you gasped his name like a benediction.
That night, he made love to you like it was a promise.
And when your fingers gripped his back and your thighs wrapped around him, he whispered it again against your throat, your ear, your lips.
“As you wish, your majesty.”
By the time the candlelight faded and the moon began to dip, your bodies were tangled in sweat and silk. His arms held you tight, his lips pressed to the curve of your neck like he never wanted to move ever again.
—
The room was lit by dawn when you stirred.
Your body ached, but not unpleasantly. It was the ache of being wanted. Your limbs tangled with his, the sheets a mess. James lay beside you, face buried in your neck, human arm tucked tightly around your waist. His metal hand rested just beneath your breast, cold even in sleep, and your fingers laced through his hair, gently brushing the sweat-damp strands from his brow.
He looked younger in sleep. Not the decorated soldier, not the sworn royal guard. Just James.
But then— Knock knock knock.
You heard a panicked voice behind the heavy door, “Your Majesty! Forgive me—there’s something wrong with the king!”
You were upright in a heartbeat, the sheets falling from your chest. James jolted awake, instantly alert, reaching for the dagger on the floor out of sheer instinct.
“What?” you called, voice tight.
The maid’s voice trembled. “He’s… he’s not making sense, your majesty. He asked for his love. Please—he won’t speak to the physicians.”
You swallowed hard, heart thundering. Your fingers gripped the edge of the sheet.
“I’ll be there shortly,” you managed to say, voice barely queen-like.
The footsteps retreated down the corridor.
James turned to you, one hand braced on the mattress, the other brushing your arm.
“Come,” he said quietly. “Let me help you.”
You nodded.
He helped you up, his hands sliding over your hips as you stood. He retrieved your underdress first — the pale silk one — and held it out for you. You stepped in. His hands pulled it up, fingers brushing over the bruises he’d left on your thighs.
You reached for your corset, and he laced it swiftly.
The gown was next. Then the jewels.
But just before he fastened your capelet, you muttered under your breath, half to yourself, half to him. “What the hell is wrong with my best friend?”
—
The doors to the King’s chambers slammed open.
The scent hit you first — bile, sweat, and something acrid underneath. Robert, once stately in the way statues were stately, was now hunched over a basin, retching. His skin was pale and waxy, the collar of his sleeping robe soaked in sweat. His fingers trembled as he gripped the carved edges of the bowl.
You ran to him, heedless of protocol, kneeling at his side.
“Robert—Bob! —what the hell happened?”
He groaned, barely able to lift his head. “Make it stop,” he rasped. “Gods, it hurts. My skin’s crawling—fuck, my bones—I can’t—I can’t—”
You caught him as he nearly collapsed sideways.That’s when he realised, He asked for his love, not for you. “Where is John?!” You demanded.
A maid jumped back, eyes wide. “H-he’s in the barracks, Your Majesty—”
“Then why in all the saints’ names did you fetch me?”
You held Robert in your arms, his body wracked with tremors, tears streaking his flushed cheeks. “He doesn’t need the crown right now. He needs John.”
Just like that, the maid fled in a hurry, skirts flying, tripping over her shoes in her haste.
Robert whimpered into your shoulder, fists tightening in the silk of your sleeve. “I stopped,” he said, voice raw and cracked. “Stopped the tonic. The powder. The drops. All of it. I stopped and I—” He broke off, gasping. “It hurts. It’s withdrawal, isn’t it?”
Your heart shattered.
“Oh, Robert…” you whispered. “Yes. It is.”
You stroked his hair. No royal physician had dared to question what he'd been taking nightly. The concoctions disguised as “meditative supplements.” It dulled the grief, and he was addicted to it.
“You idiot,” a new voice drawled from the door.
John Walker stepped into the room, shirt half-buttoned, belt slung over one shoulder, hair wild from sleep.
And Robert—broken and barely conscious—lifted his head just enough to see him.
A smile broke through his tears.
“My love…” he breathed, slurring. “You came…”
My love? James, who had been watching, thought.
You rose slowly, letting John take your place, letting him gather Robert into his arms like he’d done a hundred times before in the dark. Robert clung to him immediately, sobbing against his chest.
James watched it all— Robert unraveling in another man’s arms— and he understood everything.
This marriage… had never been about love.
It had been a shield.
And last night… last night, when you begged him to undress you, when you said you didn’t want your husband—he hadn’t truly believed it. But now?
Now he saw it.
You stood there in full regalia — crown still glinting in the sunlight, hands stained with bile, — and James Barnes finally understood just how much of yourself you had sacrificed for your best friend.
You didn’t turn to him. Your eyes stayed on Robert and John, whispering to each other on the bed, the king sobbing quietly as his lover held him tight.
“Tell the royal apothecary to prepare valerian, black thistle, and willow bark,” you said quietly, “Nothing stronger. I want him monitored, but not sedated.”
James gave a short nod. “As you wish, Your Majesty.”
—
Hours later, the medical chamber was dim, the heavy curtains drawn against the midday sun. It smelled faintly of chamomile, sweat, and burnt sage. The healer had finally left an hour ago, and John had gone to rest in the adjoining room. He hadn’t wanted to leave Robert’s side.
You had offered to keep watch.
You sat at the edge of the bed, hands folded in your lap, crown replaced by a simple braid, your gown less ceremonial now. You watched Robert stir beneath the linen sheets, pale but no longer trembling. His lips were cracked, his cheeks hollow, but when his eyes blinked open and found yours, he looked… better.
“Hey,” you said softly, brushing hair back from his damp forehead.
He managed a small smile. “Hey.”
You offered a small smile. “You lived.”
He winced. “Barely.”
You nodded. “I…” you started “I’m proud of you.”
He blinked.
You said it again, firmer this time. “I’m proud of you for being sober last night.”
Robert swallowed hard. “I… I had to be,” he looked down in shame. “The void inside me was eating me alive.”
You didn’t speak. You let him say it — let him dig up his demons.
“Every time John looked at me, I could see— he worried. I’m afraid he'd realise that I wasn’t the man he—” His voice cracked, and he turned his face to the pillow. “I did it for him.”
You sat with that. Let it settle like dust in the silence between you. You only reached into the stack of papers on the bedside table. You handed him one sheet — rolled and ribboned — and waited.
He took and unrolled it slowly.
His brows furrowed. “This is… an arrest warrant?”
You nodded. He blinked.
Then paled when he read the details. “It says… my father.”
“He will stand trial for domestic abuse and assault.” You nodded. “For what he did to you when you were a boy, and for what he did to your mother.”
Robert’s mouth opened, but no words came. His body seemed to freeze
“I—how?” he finally whispered. “How could you…? Your father made sure he was untouchable.”
You leaned back slightly, lacing your fingers together. “Not anymore.”
He looked at you like he’d seen a ghost.
You smiled again before reaching into the pile again and handed him the second parchment. This one was thicker.
“A new constitution,” you said. “I’ve been working on it since the day I became queen. I’ve been rewriting the laws he built to protect himself — with loopholes and titles and bloodlines. ”
Robert stared at it. Then at you.
“This,” you said, quiet now, “was always the plan, remember? I was going to be queen and change everything.”
—
You found John in the garden that afternoon.
He was seated on the stone bench beneath the myrtle trees, sleeves rolled to his elbows, forearms resting on his knees, head bowed. The air smelled like rosemary and smoke, and the world was quiet save for the rustle of wind through leaves and the distant coo of doves on the chapel roof.
He looked up when you approached.
You sat beside him, leaving space in between. You watched the birds for a moment. “He loves you so much it’s practically carved into his bones.”
John let out a breath, mouth twitching.
“He better,” he muttered. “I’m the only one stubborn enough to keep dragging his ass back from the edge.”
You chuckled softly. “He’s lucky.”
John was quiet again. Then, without looking at you. He said, “You’re a good queen.” He glanced sideways — really looking at you for the first time in weeks.
That surprised you more than anything.
“John,” you mentioned, scooting a bit closer. “I promise we’ll figure something out. For the four of us.”
John nodded, because he knew a queen like you would keep her promises.
—
That night, you had a bath that had long gone tepid, but you remained sunk in it anyway, head resting against the marble edge, too exhausted to move.
The guards had taken Viscount Reynolds into custody before sunset. You hadn’t even changed from your court robes before collapsing into the water. Robert was resting, John sleeping on the seat beside him.
You’d thought you were alone.
So when the door creaked open, you barely stirred. Perhaps you would have protested, but you knew who it was without needing to look.
“Your Majesty?” James’ voice was low.
He was supposed to be on patrol, but then again, after last night, you supposed James Barnes had started making his own rules when it came to you.
“The maid let me in,” he said, stepping into the bath chamber, steam curling around his shoulders like fog on a battlefield. “She thought I was just... doing my rounds.”
You tilted your head toward him, wet hair clinging to your cheek. “You are.”
“I should’ve known,” he said finally. “God, I should’ve known.”
You blinked up at him, weary but curious.
He knelt beside the tub, close enough for you to see the flicker of guilt and realization behind those glacier-blue eyes.
“All this time I thought…” His voice faltered. “I thought this marriage of convenience was for your sake.” A bitter smile touched his lips. “But you did it for him.”
Your lips parted slightly, but no sound came out.
He reached for the towel and extended it to you without a word. When you rose from the bath, bare and dripping, he didn’t ogle or avert his eyes. He looked at you like a man seeing sunlight after years underground.
He wrapped the towel around your shoulders, hands brushing your collarbones. His fingers grazing your throat. Then, his finger wandered lower, trailing the towel down your arms, over your sides, your hips.
“I should’ve seen it.” He whispered. “A lavender marriage. Of course. Of course.”
You turned toward him, now wrapped loosely in the towel, water still beading on your skin. He stepped closer, his voice dropping to barely more than a breath. “And through all of it, you were alone.”
You nodded, just once.
“I understood— why you could not tell me,” he said. “But I should have known.”
You choked on a breath. His lips brushed your temple, then your neck — where he kissed you slowly, his mouth dragging like an apology over your skin.
You leaned into him, the towel slipping slightly as your body pressed against his. You didn’t care about propriety or adultery or the crown or the hundreds of walls you had built to survive.
Only him.
—
Nine months later, Audrey was born.
The storm had broken that night. The midwives whispered that thunder called powerful souls into the world.
Robert was there. Sober, as he has been for nine months now. He was silent and respectful. You caught his eye once, mid-contraction, and he nodded. He knew his role.
But it was James, who never left your side.
James, who kissed your sweat-drenched forehead between each scream.
James, who whispered, "You’re doing so well.”
James, who wept the moment Audrey cried, like her first breath was drawn from his lungs.
And Audrey — little Audrey — was the most breathtaking creature the kingdom had ever seen.
The royal painters fumbled with their brushes. The nursemaids tittered behind gloved hands. Even the court astrologer dropped her polished stones when she saw the child’s eyes.
Because… no one could deny it.
Audrey’s eyes were not King Robert’s eyes.
Audrey’s eyes were James Barnes’ eyes.
That piercing, impossible shade of sky blue. Not Robert’s deep-sea navy.
Her nose had that subtle tilt, just like James’. And when she furrowed her brow in sleep, it was unmistakable. She looked just like her father.
No one dared say it aloud, not even your mother, who was too blinded by the joy of the new heir to care whose it was.
After all, did it matter?
You were still queen. Robert was still king. And Audrey — Audrey was born of both your legacies, whether the blood aligned or not.
But it was you and James who rocked her on the balcony. You and James who walked the palace halls at night with her bundled to your chest. You and James whispered lullabies while Robert and John, from a respectable distance, drank their tea and watched from afar, wondering if they would ever have the freedom to adopt one of their own.
—
Captain Sam Wilson arrived three weeks after her birth, his hands gentle when he held her. He looked into Audrey’s eyes and smiled — not with surprise, but certainty.
Captain Steve Rogers came a day later. He took one look at the child nestled against James’s chest and clapped a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “She’s beautiful,” Steve said.
James, uncharacteristically quiet, only nodded.
“Looks like someone I know, Buck.” Steve added, and then winked.
Still, no one said the obvious. Not the Council. Not the court. Not the papers — who tiptoed around it with all the delicacy of men walking barefoot through a field of glass. They never once printed a whisper, though the resemblance was plain as sunlight.
Because Robert was fine with it.
And because Audrey — future Queen Audrey — would never know the coldness of being born of duty.
Only of love.
—
And three years later, no one questioned it when the court awoke to solemn news: His Majesty King Robert and His Guard, John Walker, had perished in a tragic carriage accident— down a treacherous cliff along the coast road.
No bodies were ever recovered. There were no state funerals.
Just an announcement and a wreath laid. Enough of a ceremony to satisfy the historians.
No one questioned the gaps in the story. Not the missing witnesses. Not the absence of grief in your eyes.
Because by then, no one dared question your rule.
You were the Queen who ended wars, who fed her people during famine, and who still found time to kneel beside her daughter’s cradle, plait her hair each morning, kiss her scraped knees, and hum old lullabies before bedtime.
No one questioned why you never remarried, because everyone already knew who your heart belonged to.
And though no one ever dared say it aloud, it became courtly knowledge— that when Little Princess Audrey climbed into the Queen’s Guard’s lap and called him Daddy, the Queen only smiled.
—
Audrey was eight now.
She stood on the cushioned bench beside the window, small hands pressed to the glass as the carriage jostled gently down the hidden woodland road. Her nose wrinkled at the fog on the pane, and she wiped it clean with her sleeve, eyes wide as the first trees of Eastmoor forest came into view.
“They’re gonna be waiting, Mama,” she whispered excitedly, bouncing slightly in her seat. “Uncle Bob always waits by the gate.”
You smiled softly from your place across from her. “Yes, sweetheart,” you said. “He’ll be right where he always is.”
James sat beside her, one arm curled protectively around her back, the other resting on the hilt of his dagger — always the soldier, even now. But when Audrey turned toward him and leaned her head on his shoulder, his posture relaxed instantly.
“You think they’ll have apple tarts again, daddy?” Audrey asked, muffled against the leather of his jacket.
“I think,” James replied, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear, “that Uncle Johnny’s probably already burned the first batch and made Uncle Bob swear not to tell anyone.”
Audrey giggled. The carriage bumped over the hidden trail, veering off from any official road — the route known only to you, James, and a handful of trusted men who owed their lives to the crown.
You had managed to keep this trip off the books. No guards followed. No scrolls recorded it, nor was ever spoken of aloud in court.
But every year, when the leaves turned gold, you made this journey.
—
The house wasn’t grand — in fact, it was plain by royal standards. It was a weathered stone cottage with ivy crawling over its eaves, surrounded by a canopy of trees. Smoke curled from the chimney as chickens wandered freely through the grass and a horse whinnied lazily from the back stable.
And standing just beyond the crooked gate was Robert.
He looked different now — leaner, a little older, his once regal hair streaked with gray. He wore a simple tunic and boots caked in mud. When he saw the carriage, his face broke into a smile that could’ve lit the kingdom.
Behind him, John emerged from the doorway, sleeves rolled up, apron dusted with flour, laughing as he wiped his hands on a dish towel.
Audrey burst out the moment the carriage stopped, launching herself into Robert’s arms.
“Uncle Bob!”
He caught her, lifting her easily into the air and spinning her once before hugging her tight. “There’s my little rascal,” he exclaimed. “Eight years old already, huh?”
She beamed, clinging to his shoulders. “And I brought my history scroll so you can help me cheat on my essay!”
“Oh, bless the saints,” John groaned, laughing as he took her next, peppering kisses to her cheeks. “Don’t tell your governess I’m a bad influence.”
Audrey knew better than to tell the governess anything. After all, they were both, as far as the official documents were concerned, dead.
You stepped down from the carriage with grace, gown gathered in your gloved hands. James was at your side, his hand resting lightly on your lower back.
Robert met your eyes over Audrey’s shoulder.
“Still queen?” he chuckled.
“And you,” you replied, voice warm.
“Come in,” John interrupted, ushering you all toward the door. “I burned the first tart but the second one’s edible.”
—
That night, after Audrey had fallen asleep upstairs in the little loft she’d claimed as her own, you and James sat on the porch beside Robert and John.
James was leaning against the railing, Audrey’s toy rabbit tucked under his arm. You were curled beside him, boots unlaced, your head resting on his shoulder.
“I still can’t believe you did it,” John said, sipping his sparkling water. “You faked our deaths. Got us out of the palace.”
“I said I would figure something out,” you replied.
Robert looked at you with the same grateful look he’d given you the day you’d handed him the arrest warrant and said, “I’ll never be able to repay you,” he whispered.
“You don’t have to,” you said, reaching across to squeeze his shoulder. “You’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you, ever since we were kids.”
“And you?” he asked. “Are you happy?”
You looked up at James, who kissed your temple without needing to be asked.
“Of course,” you said simply.
John raised his glass. “To promises kept,” he said.
“To peace hard-won,” Robert added.
James lifted his own. “And to love everlasting.”
You clinked glasses. And for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel like the weight of the kingdom laid on your shoulders.
You were just four souls on a porch— while upstairs, the future of the throne slept soundly in her bed.
⟢ synopsis. you’re only here to try and understand why bucky’s suddenly gone off the rails and joined a new team, leaving you, sam and joaquín in radio silence. the last thing you expected was to find comfort in a stranger. a kind stranger named bob.
⟢ contains. spoilers for thunderbolts*, takes place during the 14 month later period. nothing too crazy, mostly plot. reader is described as female. bob is a cutie!! reader and joaquín are sambucky children of divorce :(
⟢ wc: 9.7k+
⟢ author’s note. wrote this with a vague idea and a dream. i don't know. don't ask pls.
You were here strictly for business.
The lobby was all polished glass, military-grade charm, and propaganda dressed in gold. Cameras flashed like fireworks along the crimson carpet, catching every inch of shine from designer suits and sharp smiles. A towering digital screen looped the promo again: "The New Avengers: Built for Tomorrow." You watched from the fringe as the montage played, the images slicing together in quick succession—John Walker throwing the shield with over-practised precision, Yelena Belova dismantling a room of dummies in under twelve seconds, and Ava Starr phasing through a concrete wall with a smirk. Hero shots. Sanitized. Manufactured. All of them.
You didn’t blink as you were ushered to an elevator.
Growing up, the Avengers Tower never really felt real to you. Sure, you’d seen the photos, the documentaries, the endless footage of press conferences held on its front steps. Hell, you’d even walked past it with your parents whenever you visited New York—but it still felt like it belonged to another world entirely. Untouchable. Almost mythic.
You never imagined you’d walk inside.
And yet now, riding the elevator up with a slow-climbing hum and nerves that prickled beneath your skin, all you felt was dread.
It was a strange kind of emptiness—the feeling of finally reaching something you once admired, only to realize it had been gutted and repainted in someone else’s image. The marble floors had been waxed clean, but the history here wasn’t. You could still feel the ghosts under the polish. Somewhere between the seams of the rebuilt walls and reprogrammed elevators, there was once a legacy. Real one. But it didn’t belong to the people in charge of this event.
You were crammed in with a handful of Congress members and defence contractors, all of whom smelled like cologne and quiet greed. Congressman Gary was there too, smiling too much, already half-drunk from the limo ride there. (He said it would be the only way he’d survive an entire night listening to people praise Valentina Allegra de Fontaine). Gary had been the one to suggest your attendance might smooth things over. It might make the New Avengers feel like someone from Sam’s camp was willing to listen. Get on their good side—that whole thing.
But you were here for an entirely different reason. His invitation was exactly what you needed to get in, though.
Underneath your gown—sleek, formal, and designed to draw no conclusions—you had a mic stitched into the seam of your strapless bodice. Hidden, but live. Your earpiece buzzed softly with Joaquín’s voice, casual as ever.
“If Sam finds out we’re doing this, we’re so dead.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to be overheard as the elevator operator gave a rehearsed speech about the tower’s restoration—how it stood now as a symbol of “unity, rebirth, and strength.” You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. The tower didn’t feel like a symbol. It felt like a stage.
“He’ll take away your wings at most,” you murmured, gaze fixed forward. “Relax.”
You could practically hear Joaquín pouting through the comms.
“I just got them back.”
“Then let’s not make a scene. Gary said it’d be good optics to have someone on our side here. We’re doing Sam a favour.” A pause. Then, quieter: “I’m surprised you didn’t want to come with me. You’re cleared for field work.”
“No, thanks. As much as I adore red carpet politics, I don’t think I can be in the same room as de Fontaine without committing a felony. Might get myself in trouble.”
“And I won’t?”
“You’re better at smiling.”
“You’ve never seen me smile.”
“Exactly.”
You exhaled through your nose, the tiniest edge of a grin forming before you could stop it.
“Just... try not to piss anyone off for five minutes, yeah?”
You didn’t answer. The elevator chimed. The doors slid open with a muted ding, and you stepped into a wall of flashing lights and artificial warmth.
The event space had been reconstructed on the upper floors, a showroom designed to impress donors and government officials alike. White marble floors stretched endlessly beneath towering banners that hung from the ceilings like monuments. Each one bore the new emblem of the team—sleek and stylized, but hollow. You could see the press eating it up already.
A digital display behind the podium read:
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.
MEET EARTH’S NEWEST MIGHTIEST HEROES.
Your stomach turned.
“You still with me?” Joaquín asked.
“Yeah.” You nodded once, moving deeper into the room as your eyes scanned the crowd for familiar faces. “I’m here.”
“I’m gonna need camera access,” he said. “There’s a chip tucked under the gem on your bracelet. If you can slide that into an outlet somewhere, I’ll be able to map out the floor’s electrical system. Should help me locate the control room.”
“Guy in the chair,” you muttered, lips twitching into a faint grin. It was impressive—his gadgets, his confidence. Typical Joaquín.
Congressman Gary had vanished into the crowd, but you didn’t mind. Better alone than attached to a man who introduced you as a pet project. You plucked a glass of champagne from a passing tray, the cold stem grounding in your fingers, and sidestepped toward the edge of the room.
An outlet revealed itself by a floor-length curtain. You knelt, as if adjusting your heel, and casually broke the gem from your bracelet, slipping it into the socket with practiced ease.
“Okay,” Joaquín said, voice clearer now. “Give me a minute to get my bearings. While I’m working on this, try not to look like a loser in the corner. Mingle or something.”
You scoffed under your breath. “Easy for you to say—you can talk anyone’s ear off.”
“You calling me annoying?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow. Go see if you can find Bucky while I work on this, would you?”
Right. Bucky Barnes.
You weren’t here to mingle. You weren’t here to sip champagne or shake hands or sweet-talk your way into the New Avengers’ good graces. You were here for Sam. And more specifically—for Bucky. Wherever the hell he was hiding.
The plan was simple enough in theory: Get a read on what Valentina was playing at. Try to talk to Bucky. Get ahead of whatever fallout was brewing between him and Sam before it turned into a full-blown civil war again. You’d offered to go because no one else would.
Joaquín was trying to stay neutral (and failing). Isaiah had dismissed Bucky as a long-lost white man with too many ghosts. And Sam refused to speak to Bucky since the news broke about the New Avengers. And Bucky hadn’t said a damn word back.
So here you were. You were the only one left who might still be able to stand in the space between them without setting off alarms, even if you were biased.
You still didn’t understand how Bucky could do it. How he could go from testifying before Congress about accountability and reform, to standing beside Valentina Allegra de Fontaine like she hadn’t personally undone everything they’d fought for. Like he hadn’t been there when Ross tried to throw his friends all in cells. (Sure, you weren't there for it either, but Sam told you all about it; the accords were one of the reasons the Avengers broke up.)
Valentina wasn’t just dangerous—she was calculated. Clever. The kind of dangerous that worked in the shadows, smiling for cameras while quietly tying strings around people’s necks. She had her ex-husband arrested, sabotaged Wakandan outreach missions, and picked through the wreckage of post-blip heroes like she was drafting a fantasy football team. The fact that she now had a unit of enhanced individuals marching under her payroll and calling themselves the New Avengers made your stomach turn.
And Bucky was one of them.
You believed Valentina was guilty the second Bucky first mentioned she’d recruited John Walker. Walker—who had murdered a man in public, with blood still wet on the shield—and somehow walked free. Charges vanished. Headlines redirected. Now he was being repackaged as a hero again, and Bucky was standing next to him like nothing had happened.
You couldn’t wrap your head around it. No matter how many angles you looked at it from, it didn’t make sense. And the more you thought about it, the more it burned in your chest.
What was he thinking?
Why hadn’t he said anything?
Why wasn’t he here?
You pulled in a slow breath as you stepped further into the room, letting the sound of clinking glasses and diplomatic small talk wash over you like static.
The room was grand in a gaudy way—shiny surfaces and marble floors that reflected the chandelier light too harshly. Everything screamed polished excess, like they were trying to distract from the blood under the polish.
You tried to scan the crowd for Bucky, but there were too many faces, too many government suits and PR smiles, none of them him. You told yourself that when you did find Bucky, he’d have some kind of explanation—something to loosen the knot in your chest, something that could push down the rising anxiety. Something that could explain how the man you once trusted was now parading around in a suit under Valentina’s thumb.
Instead, you found Congressman Gary. Or rather, he found you.
He was already three glasses of champagne deep—five, if you counted the shots you’d seen him down on the way—and he beamed like he’d found a shiny toy in a sea of suits.
“There she is,” he said, slinging an arm around your shoulder like you hadn’t just been avoiding him for fifteen minutes. “You have got to meet some of these people. Big names. Big wallets.”
You were too polite to shrug him off, even as he dragged you into a circle of De Fontaine’s investors. Their grins were just a little too sharp, their eyes a little too eager. The way they looked at you made your skin crawl, like you were a chess piece they hadn’t quite decided how to play yet.
You smiled tightly. Shook clammy hands. Answered vague questions. Nodded while they spoke about “opportunities,” “rebuilding legacy,” and “rebranding heroism.”
One man leaned in closer, his breath thick with bourbon. “You know,” he said, voice oily, “with your background, you’d be a perfect candidate for the new team. Valentina has a real eye for talent, and we’re building something bigger than what came before. Something better. You could help shape it from the inside.”
You swallowed your disgust with a sip of champagne. “I’m not really looking to join anything right now.” That was a lie. You already had a seat in the team Sam was putting together. But he did not need to know that.
He chuckled, as if that wasn’t an answer.
“Okay, I’ve got eyes,” Joaquín said suddenly in your ear. His voice broke through the haze like a rope thrown across stormy water.
You exhaled in relief. “Excuse me,” you told the group, already turning away. “I need to grab a drink.”
They nodded, already moving on to the next opportunity in heels. Gary wasn’t too happy, though.
You drifted from the circle, walking slowly toward the open bar. On the way, you passed a tray of themed hors d’oeuvres—tiny “Avenger” sliders with edible logos, cupcakes shaped like shields and guns.
A mounted camera in the corner caught your eye, its red light blinking lazily above a velvet-draped sculpture.
“See me?” you muttered.
“Yeah, I see you,” Joaquín replied.
“Still no sign of Barnes.”
“Scanning crowd pings now,” he said. “Either he’s ghosting the place or he got another haircut and I can’t recognize him. Which would be so like him, by the way.”
You sighed and accepted another drink from a passing server, something dry and too expensive, and kept moving.
You figured you’d shaken at least six hands tonight that belonged to people who’d love to see your head on a stick—if not for the lucrative optics of you standing here at all. You were an opportunity to them. A symbol. A bargaining chip in a war they didn’t even understand.
Your dress caught suddenly.
You stumbled—only a step, but enough for the chilled drink to slosh dangerously near the edge of the glass. You turned on instinct, hand rising to fix the silk scarf that had slipped from your neck and shoulder.
A man stood behind you, wide-eyed, hand half-raised like he’d been about to catch you.
“I—I’m so sorry,” he stammered. His voice was low, a subtle rumble barely audible over the layers of clinking glass, conversation, and ambient music. “—stepped on your dress. Sorry.”
You blinked, caught off guard.
He looked like he didn’t belong here. Not in the way the others did. No glossy name tag, no designer smugness. His suit was clean, but not flashy. Understated.
“It’s fine,” you said quickly, instinctively adjusting your scarf where it had slipped from your shoulder. You shook out the fabric of your dress around the ankles, heart skipping in the echo of that voice. Something about the way he said it—apologetic, soft, like he genuinely meant it—caught you off guard.
“Sorry,” he mumbled again, even quieter this time, eyes dropping to the floor. His dark hair fell over his face, almost like he was trying to shrink three sizes. You could hear a faint, awkward laugh in his voice. “Uhm… yeah. Sorry.”
He didn’t linger. Just turned and slipped back into the crowd before you could even process anything. No second glance. Just a gentle pivot and a few long strides back into the crowd, swallowed instantly by the sea of shoulder pads, press passes, and sharp perfume.
You stood there for a second, staring after him.
He moved differently from the others. No performative swagger. No politician’s posture. No tray in his hand, so he’s definitely not a server. He was quiet in a way that made you feel like you’d imagined him, like he’d only brushed through this reality for a second before vanishing into another.
You didn’t recognize him.
And you should have.
For all the files you’d scoured, the profiles and photos, the research you’d buried yourself in to prepare for tonight, you’d made it your job to know every player in this room. Who to watch. Who to avoid. Who might be useful.
But not him.
You turned back toward the bar, but your mind didn’t follow. Not entirely.
Who the fuck was that?
You were just about to ask Joaquín to pull a facial scan when something in your periphery stopped you cold.
John Walker.
He was only a few steps away, mid-conversation with some high-level sponsor, until his gaze landed on you. And then he froze.
The look that crossed his face was quick, recognition, discomfort, maybe a flicker of guilt, but he buried it just as fast, turning away without a word. He pivoted like a man avoiding a ghost, ignoring the way the sponsor he spoke to called after him.
“Walker just made a hard left into the hors d’oeuvres,” Joaquín muttered in your ear, low and amused. “You see that?”
You exhaled, more irritated than surprised. “We’re not here for him.”
“Yeah. I think he knows that too. That’s why he’s pretending he’s got important shrimp to eat.”
That pulled a faint smile from you, biting down the urge to laugh.
Typical. The last time you’d seen Walker in person, he was seated in a courtroom with his jaw clenched so tight you thought he’d snap a molar. You’d testified in his case, alongside Sam, Bucky, and everyone else who had to witness what happened in Madripoor—what he did to that man in the square. The shield, slick and red. The silence afterward, heavier than any explosion.
You never fought him. Never had to. But you'd been on opposite sides of that mess, and he knew it. Hell, you’d spoken directly to his discharge. Your words were probably still echoing in the back of his skull.
The way he turned away just now… yeah. He remembered you.
“I’m surprised he didn’t start barking about national security,” Joaquín quipped in your ear again. “Do you think we should trail him?”
You hesitated. You didn’t want to. Just the idea of following in Walker’s smug footsteps made your jaw clench.
But Joaquín pressed, “He might know where Bucky is.”
And that was the problem—he was right. And you hated how much sense it made. Of course, Walker would know. You also hate how Walker and Bucky were probably friends now.
A camera flash caught your eye, and you instinctively straightened your posture, smoothed your expression. No time for a scowl, even if that’s all you wanted to wear.
You adjusted your gown, tugged lightly at the hem, checked the wire hidden at your waist, and started walking in the direction Walker and that ugly barret he wore had vanished.
The crowd shifted around you like tidewater—polished politicians and strategic handshakes, investors with too-white smiles and drinks that cost more than your rent. Every few steps, someone waved. A few shook your hand like they knew you, like you were an old friend they’d been waiting for. A woman asked for a photo. Another leaned in and whispered, “Are you joining the new team?” like it were a secret worth selling.
You deflected with a nod and a vague smile, each interaction leaving a layer of static behind your eyes.
It was strange how quickly the attention shifted now that you were in the spotlight. Recently, you’d spent most of your career standing behind Isaiah while Joaquín and Sam did the talking. You liked it there. It was quieter. Easier to breathe. Now, suddenly, they were holding out chairs for you at the table.
The whole thing felt like theatre. Scripted and glassy. Lines rehearsed. Costumes ironed. Every player doing their part beneath the blinding stage lights.
You still weren’t sure what was worse—that Bucky accepted Valentina’s funding, or that he and his new friends let her call them The Avengers.
Sam was right to be angry. He should be. He’d already turned down President Ross’ private offer to hand him the reins of a military-funded global response team. The same offer that Valentina had repackaged, repurposed, and handed off to people who were too coward to say no.
“He’s on the east end, talking to Ava starr and another woman. I think she’s Valentina’s assistant. Oh—shit. He just pointed at you.”
Your chest tightened. You turned too fast, momentarily losing your bearings in the rotating lights and mirrored walls. East—east—
And then someone stepped into your path.
A wall of a man appeared in front of you so suddenly, you nearly collided with him; broad-shouldered and bearded, dressed in a burgundy suit that looked just a size too tight across his chest.
He smiled widely, eyes bright like he’d been waiting for a moment like this all night.
“I know you,” he said, voice thick with a Russian accent. “I’ve seen you on the televisions. You shake hands with the new Captain America.”
You blinked. “I—uh, yeah.”
“Ah!” He laughed, clapping one heavy hand to your shoulder with surprising gentleness for a man who looked like he could punch through drywall. “Very brave of you. Very good. You look different in person. In a strong way. Like a panther. Or mongoose.”
You tried for a diplomatic smile. “Thanks, I think.”
“Oh! Where are my manners,” he said, dramatically straightening and offering his hand. “I am Alexei Shostakov. The Red Guardian.”
You knew that, but you didn’t know he’d be so... loud.
You took his hand, his grip warm and firm. “Pleasure to meet you, Alexei.”
“Kind. Very kind,” he said, eyes gleaming. “You remind me of my daughter! You have same fire in eyes. Around same age, too—you could be friends! Yelena is always looking for new friends.”
Yelena Belova. That name lit something up in the back of your mind. You’d seen the files. The attempted murder of Clint Barton. Her brief status as an independent threat before being absorbed, quietly and conveniently, into Valentina’s new game.
And suddenly, Alexei’s smile widened even more.
“Yelena!” he bellowed, cupping his hands to his mouth as if you weren’t standing in the middle of a very public, very polished gala. “Come meet new friend!”
Several heads turned. Cameras flashed—bright, blinding. You winced against the burst of lights, regretting everything from your dress colour to your decision to show up at all.
But it was too late. He leaned in beside you, one arm suddenly draped over your shoulder like you were posing for a family Christmas card. “Smile!” he boomed, and before you could protest, he struck a dramatic flex, biceps pressing into your back like steel girders.
You caught a whiff of expensive cologne and vodka.
In the corner of your eye, a flash of short, bleached blonde hair was making its way through the crowd with frightening determination. Elegant, yes—but there was no mistaking the sharpness in Yelena Belova’s gaze. She wore a sleek black suit like it was made of knives, a funky eyeliner design, hair slicked back and every step carved with purpose. And beside her—
Your heart dipped.
Valentina Allegra de Fontaine.
Poised. Smirking. Watching everything.
“Be careful. Yelena is coming your way with Valentina.”
Thanks for the warning, Joaquín. Delayed. But thanks nevertheless.
You stood up straighter, willing your heartbeat to slow down even as Valentina’s eyes zeroed in on you like a predator clocking a foe.
Wonderful.
You leaned slightly toward Alexei, trying not to seem as panicked as you felt. “Can I ask you something? About Bucky Barnes?”
“Ah!” he exclaimed, cutting you off before you could finish the question. “Bucky! Yes, yes. The Winter Soldier. Very cool. Very handsome. Like Soviet James Dean.”
You blinked. “I mean—do you know where he is?”
But Alexei was already on another tangent. “We fought in Uzbekistan once, did you know this? I threw him through a door. He did not like that. But I like him. I like him very much. Quiet, serious type. You know he never answers my texts?”
“Right. Yeah. That tracks.”
And then—
“Oh, what a pleasant surprise,” said a voice sharp as champagne fizz and just as bitter. De Fontaine. She cut into the conversation with the smoothness of someone who was always in control, grinning like she knew a secret you didn’t. A glass of bubbly dangled between her fingers, catching the light just enough to draw attention. As if she needed help with that.
“I was just about to introduce you all,” she said, placing a perfectly manicured hand on Yelena’s arm as the blonde finally joined your little nightmare circle.
“What is this?” Yelena asked flatly, eyes flicking between you and Valentina.
Valentina didn’t bother to answer—just gave a smug little hum and tugged Yelena closer, corralling her between you and Alexei. The four of you shifted automatically into position, an unspoken reflex in rooms like this.
You could feel the cameras turning like sharks in bloodied water.
Flashes burst across your vision. The moment was already captured—your stiff shoulders, your frozen smile. A picture-perfect lineup of cooperation.
And you could feel it: this wasn’t a coincidence.
This was intentional.
Valentina leaned in, voice cool and sugary against your ear as more bulbs burst. “I am so pleased to see you here,” she cooed, “considering how close you and Sam are.”
“I mean, I had to come congratulate you,” you said tightly, lips barely moving. “Recreating the Avengers. That’s… big.”
She beamed at the cameras, teeth white and wolfish. “Someone had to.”
“Of course.”
Another flash. Another frozen pose.
You winced. Sam is going to kill you.
Valentina fielded the sudden swarm of questions like she was born in front of a podium—deflecting, redirecting, charming. Every answer was deliberate, each word chosen like a chess move. Stability. Legacy. Global confidence. Alliances.
They lapped it up like champagne, snapping photos, nodding, laughing. You stood beside her, barely blinking, jaw tight behind your polite smile.
You weren’t meant to be part of this show. You were supposed to be on the outside looking in from the in the crowd.
When the flashes finally began to die down and the clamour shifted elsewhere, Valentina turned with that too-perfect, too-white grin. She glanced at Yelena and Alexei like she were dismissing children.
“Would you two mind?” she asked, breezy as ever. “I’d like to have a quick little chat.”
Yelena’s gaze flicked toward you. Not unkind. But cautious. Reading you like a live wire.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, her brows subtly knitting.
“Oh, everything’s perfectly fine,” Valentina replied before you could speak, her hand already at your back. “Go fetch a drink. Mingle.”
It wasn’t a suggestion.
You barely had time to glance back at Yelena—at the slight, suspicious narrowing of her eyes—before the crowd swallowed her and Alexei whole.
Your earpiece crackled to life. “She’s taking you to the balcony,” Joaquín said, voice low and taut. “There are no cameras there. I won’t be able to see, but I can still hear you.”
There was a pause, then: “I’ll keep looking for Bucky.”
You barely managed a breath of relief before Valentina cut in, sharp and smiling.
“Bucky’s not here tonight, if that’s really why you’re here.”
You stiffened mid-step.
Joaquín swore in your ear. Something heavy hit a surface—maybe his fist against a table—and you heard the scrape of a chair.
“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice light, falsely sweet. “I came to celebrate you.”
You crossed the threshold to the balcony.
It was quieter out here, eerily so. The muffled pulse of the gala was dulled by glass and distance. The cold kissed your skin through your dress. You could feel it biting at your exposed arms, but you welcomed the sting. It was honest.
Below, the city stretched like a glowing circuit board. Skyscrapers hummed with light. Traffic moved in golden veins. It was beautiful in the kind of way that felt removed. Untouchable.
Valentina’s heels clicked once against the stone floor, then stopped.
“Cut the bullshit,” she scoffed, voice low now. “We both know that’s not true.”
You turned your head, slow and steady. Her eyes were already on you. Unflinching.
“Where’s your friend?” she asked casually. “The little Mexican one?”
You flinched—just barely. Your jaw clenched tight.
Valentina smiled wider at that.
You opened your mouth to answer, to lie, to throw her off, to say something clever, but she leaned forward before you could, voice barely above a whisper.
Her lips were close to your collarbone, eyes locked on your chest. On the mic she couldn’t see.
“Hola, Joaquín,” she murmured, velvet-smooth. “¿Cómo estás? How’s the arm? Still broken?”
She pulled back with a grin full of satisfaction. Joaquín didn’t respond—not a breath. But you felt the burn of it in your gut. He heard her. She knew he was listening. And that was the whole point.
She got what she wanted. You could see it in the eyes, the tilt of her head, the calm sip from her glass, the curl of smugness just under her lipstick.
Valentina turned her back to the railing, facing you fully, her glass catching the amber light of the city. Her smile didn’t crack once.
“You know,” she began, like she was catching up with an old friend, her voice silked with charm, “you don’t have to keep playing both sides. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”
You said nothing. Not because you didn’t have something to say, but because the words wouldn’t form. Your brain was too busy calculating exits, signals, whether Joaquín could hear any of this, or if he was already doing something stupid like storming into the gala uninvited.
“You show up with a wire,” she continued, waving her champagne flute like it weighed nothing, “a dress like that, pretending you’re just here to smile for the cameras.”
Her eyes dipped slowly, then back up.
“You do look stunning, by the way,” she added casually. “But we both know you’re not here for the press or to butter yourself up to me or my team. You’re listening. Recording. Digging...”
The flute met her lips again. Sip. Deliberate.
“Looking for Barnes,” she said. “Like he’s going to whisper some grand truth that’ll fix whatever little crisis your friends are having.”
You could feel your jaw tighten. Every word she spoke landed like pressure against a bruise you didn’t want to admit was there.
Valentina tilted her head, studying you with the kind of gaze that belonged in an interrogation room, not a rooftop party. “You’re sharp,” she said. “Good instincts. It’s why Sam keeps you close, right?”
Still, you stayed silent. Because anything you gave her, she’d twist. She already was.
“But let me ask you something,” she said, voice a shade lower, softer. “What’s loyalty really worth—if the people you serve are always the ones left bleeding in the dirt?”
A pulse of heat shot up your neck. You didn’t move, but she saw it.
Of course, she saw it.
“And for the record,” she added, twirling the stem of her glass, “I don’t have anything against Sam Wilson. Poor guy. I pity him, actually. The shit he’s put up with just for carrying that shield—God.”
She clicked her tongue with exaggerated sympathy.
“I’d kill to have Captain America on my team. The real one. Not Walker. That man is a pathetic as it gets. Hair-trigger temper, zero emotional intelligence—”
“Sam would never work with you,” you said, sharper than intended.
Valentina’s smile widened because you finally said something worthwhile. “Oh, I know,” she said, almost gleefully. “He’s a purist. One of the last. His morals are steel-tight. Fucking unshakable. A real Boy Scout. Steve Rogers made a good choice.”
And that was the part that hurt—the part that made you swallow back a flicker of doubt you hadn’t expected to feel.
“Where’s Bucky?” you asked, voice quieter now. “I just want to talk to him.”
She didn’t even hesitate.
“Bucky’s not missing or anything,” Valentina said. “He’s busy. Doing a job for me in Pennsylvania. Cleaning up some loose ends, you know the deal.”
You felt it before you could stop it—that tiny, invisible shift in your expression. Something cracked. Something gave her an answer you hadn’t meant to give.
“That supposed to scare me?” you asked, though it already kind of did.
“No,” she said. “It’s supposed to make you think. About options. About what someone like you could do with the right resources. With the right funding. Imagine it: you with your own team. Autonomy. Access. No more red tape. You make your own shots. We clean up whatever mess you leave behind. And, get this, you even get paid for it.”
You glanced toward the city, anything to avoid her eyes. Lights. Windows. Warmth. All of it felt so far away.
“And if I say no?”
“Then someone else says yes.”
She stepped back, brushing something from her blazer sleeve. “Just think about it,” she said, all silk and sugar again. “We could use someone like you. You belong in rooms like this, you know. Not chasing ghosts, or waiting for Wilson to approve your next move. You’re already breaking. I can see it. You wouldn’t be here tonight if you weren’t. I’m sure Captain America won’t be happy seeing your name in the headlines tomorrow morning: The Next Potenital Avenger.”
Her smile held, framed in the cold, glittering dark of the balcony. Then she turned and walked past you, the soft graze of her shoulder against yours more intimate than it had any right to be. A mockery of closeness.
“Enjoy the rest of your evening,” she said, already stepping back through the doors. “Tell Sam I said hi.”
The glass door shut behind her with a quiet click.
And the cold came in fast.
Not just the air, but the after. The silence. The wrongness of being left alone up here, the wind biting now that you weren’t so focused on not showing fear.
Your body finally remembered it was yours. Your fingers hurt from gripping the railing too hard. You eased your hands free, flexed them, saw the white draining slowly from your knuckles. You still couldn’t feel them.
Your mic hissed faintly to life, and Joaquín’s voice filtered through the static like someone calling out to you underwater.
“…you okay?” he asked, strained. Urgent.
You didn’t answer right away. Your mind was still racing through what Valentina had said, how easily she’d dodged your defences, how easy she was to turn your presence into a publicity stunt, how well she knew you—or at least thought she did.
She must be blackmailing Bucky. That must be it.
You kept staring out at the skyline like it might give you an answer. It didn’t. Just glass and steel and lights that blinked too slow to feel alive.
“No,” you finally muttered.
It didn’t come out strong. It came out cracked. Like the inside of your chest had gone hollow, and you were just now realizing it.
Joaquín exhaled through the comm, like he’d been holding his breath.
“I think legal action is our next step,” he said, tone snapping back into focus like a lifeline. “We can sue them for the name. Trademark it. Or maybe—maybe Sam tries to talk to Bucky again? We’ve still got options.”
You didn’t respond. Not yet.
The railing under your palm felt like ice. You blinked hard, fighting back the sudden sting in your eyes. Not from fear. From frustration. From the way every word she said still echoed in your head, sticky and sharp, leaving splinters behind.
You dragged in a breath.
“…that fucking bitch,” you scoffed.
“Yeah… I don’t like Valentina either.”
You jumped.
The voice came from somewhere behind you, softer, unsure. You spun around on instinct, stepping away from the railing.
That man.
The one who stepped on your dress earlier. He was sitting now, low in one of the patio couches near a sleek electric fireplace that flickered lazily against the dark. The flames glinted off the patio doors and caught the edge of his profile—brown hair, downturned mouth, eyes wide like he was the one who got caught.
You hadn’t noticed him when you came out here. And now that you really looked… you realized why.
He wasn’t trying to be seen.
He sat in the farthest corner of the couch, hunched slightly, knees close together, hands clutched like he didn’t know what to do with them. Like someone had planted him there and told him to wait. The firelight danced across his face, softening him. He didn’t look threatening. Just... startled. And oddly apologetic for existing.
He offered a small, nervous smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, like… scare you.”
There was genuine concern in his voice—concern for you, not about you. That was rare.
“It’s fine,” you said, because you didn’t know what else to say.
“Who’s that?” Joaquín's voice cracked through your earpiece.
You didn’t answer right away.
Your eyes stayed on the stranger, and for a moment, you debated whether or not to even breathe too loud.
“I don’t know…” You muttered.
“Okay, uh… I’ll try to do a voice match or something—see if anything comes up. Keep them talking.”
The man must’ve noticed the way you were half-turned, the way your fingers brushed against your ear.
He shifted slightly. “Who’re… who’re you talking to?”
You froze. And then, with a wince: “Uh… just… myself. Thinking out loud.”
There was a pause.
“Oh,” he said. “Yeah. I do that too. All the time, actually.”
You weren’t sure what to do with that. You weren’t sure what to do with him.
He looked different now compared to earlier. Still awkward, still nervous—but less like he was trying to shrink into himself and more like he was trying his best to meet you where you were. His eyes held yours this time. Not for long, though. They dropped to his hands and shoes after a while. But it was long enough to feel it.
You took a cautious step forward, angling yourself toward the fire, toward him, but still keeping a healthy distance.
“You um… You know Valentina?” you asked. Stupid. Of course, he did. Everyone at this party did.
“Uh… yeah. Something like that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wasn’t like… eavesdropping or anything. It’s just—there’s a lot of people in there. And it’s… quieter out here.”
He hesitated, then added: “I’m Bob, by the way.”
His voice wavered, but not from dishonesty. He said his name like he wasn’t sure it would mean anything to you. Like he just told you his name to be kind.
You gave him a nod. Not a smile. But not cold either.
“Hi, Bob.”
A beat passed.
You debated telling him your name. Joaquín would probably advise against it. But you weren’t feeling tactical anymore—you were feeling tired. Bruised in a way you couldn’t name. And maybe you just needed to feel like a real person again. Like someone who wasn’t being puppeteered.
So, after a pause, you gave him your name.
Bob blinked. Then he offered a small, shy smile that cracked at the edges.
“Cool. Hi,” he said, breathless. His brows furrowed as his gaze dropped lower, his eyes catching on your waist, your hips. “Uh—sorry again, about your dress. I didn’t mean to step on it earlier. You looked like you were in a rush and I—well, I was definitely in your way.”
You felt your lips twitch. The barest curve, not sharp or defensive. A faint grin. Delicate. “It’s alright,” you said. “Bound to happen at places like these.”
His head tilted slightly, curious. “You come to stuff like this often?”
“Not often. Just sometimes.”
And it was only then that you realized you’d stepped closer.
Your arms had casually found their place against the back of the couch across from him, hands gripping the cool metal frame as your scarf drifted with the breeze behind you. You weren’t leaning in exactly, but the distance had shrunk.
When did that happen?
You tilted your head, letting your eyes linger a little longer now, more curious than guarded. You assessed him with a little more attention now.
“I’m guessing you don’t come to these events much?”
Bob immediately shook his head, a nervous, breathy laugh escaping his lips like it was running away from him. You could see the cloud of it in the cold night air, swirling and vanishing between you.
“God, no. This is my second one and it’s—it’s been a lot. I think I’m gonna ask to just stay in my room next time.” He gave a little shrug, slouching a bit. “It’s not like I do much anyway. I mean, I’m allowed to talk to people, and I like talking to people, but I’d rather not sometimes.”
That made you blink. Allowed?
The word snagged on something in your mind. There was something disarming about the way he said it, like he didn’t mean to offer that information but also didn’t think it was worth hiding. You couldn’t tell if he was joking, oversharing, or both. But it was too strange to ignore. Like it slipped past a filter that wasn’t built right. It made you hesitate, if only for a breath.
But he wasn’t watching your reaction. He was staring at the flicker of the fire, letting the silence sit between you like it belonged there.
You folded your arms gently across your chest, the smooth material of your dress whispering beneath your fingertips.
“You seem to be talking just fine with me,” you pointed out, softer now.
Bob looked down at his hands. Then back at you. Then away again.
“I… well…” he stammered, voice catching on another shy, almost embarrassed laugh.
And then you saw it.
The blush. A warm pink crawling up from the collar of his white shirt to the apples of his cheeks. Subtle, but not subtle enough to miss. Especially not in the glow of the firelight, which danced over his skin like it had a crush of its own.
“I… yeah, I... I don’t know. Some people are easier to talk to than others, I guess.”
Your mouth twitched before you could stop it.
“Yeah,” you said, “I’d say so.”
The smile that tugged at your lips came easier than you expected. Not just polite. Not guarded. Honest. Probably the first one you’d let slip all night.
Seriously, who the hell is this guy? And why did he make the night feel a little less awful?
He was cute. Not the kind of handsome that announces itself the second someone walks in the room, but the kind that sneaks up on you, quiet, awkward, totally unsure of how much space he takes up and trying not to be a bother. Like he wasn’t used to being looked at for too long and didn’t know where to put himself when he was.
You’d seen a lot of people in this world wear confidence like a costume. Bob didn’t even try. He wore uncertainty like a second skin, and somehow, it made him feel… real.
You liked the way he didn’t crowd you. Didn’t puff out his chest or pretend to have all the answers. He sat with his knees slightly knocked together, most of his hands swallowed by the sleeves of his jacket, like even they were too bold to leave out in the open. Maybe he was anxious. Maybe a little broken in the places that never healed right, but he felt safe. Your gut told you so.
And that made you more nervous than anything else tonight.
You caught yourself watching him again. The way he kept his hands mostly hidden in his sleeves, shoulders rounded forward. His suit was clearly tailored but still seemed a size too big, like someone had tried to wrap him in something expensive just to prove he belonged. And still, it worked.
His hair was brown and shaggy, a bit longer than most people would have it at these events, barely even styled, but you kind of liked it. It gave him a strange charm, even if the loose curls hid his eyes whenever he ducked his head.
You weren’t used to thoughts like this. Not ones this soft. Not ones that fluttered in your chest like nervous birds. Not often. Not like this. Not here. Not in places like these.
You came for Bucky. That was the plan. Show up, find him, talk. Clear the air. Maybe start patching things up with your broken little found family—cracks and all. But Bucky wasn’t here. Valentina played you like a fiddle, and now the whole night had soured. Tomorrow, you’d wake up to press statements and headlines, scrambling to explain why your name wouldn’t be on the next New Avengers roster. You’d spin it clean, of course. That’s what you did.
But none of that mattered yet.
In this strange little pocket of quiet, just outside the hum of power plays and champagne politics, you kind of just wanted something normal. Not mission normal. Not cover-identity normal. Real normal. A conversation that didn’t hinge on leverage or patriotism. A moment that wasn’t already weaponized.
Maybe you could stay for another half hour before you disappeared and joined Joaquín in the van downstairs, counting your losses.
And maybe it was the firelight, a flicker here, a flicker there, warmth and glow dancing in the night that influenced you. But you found yourself leaning forward a little more, walking around the couch, smoothing your hands down the front of your dress. You straightened your spine, trying to will yourself into being brave.
“Would you...” You paused, “um. Do you wanna grab a drink with me?”
Bob blinked, eyes flicking up to meet yours. He sat up straighter at the invitation, startled, like a puppy hearing its name for the first time. His lips parted. For a split second, you swore he looked excited. Maybe even hopeful.
But then he deflated.
His shoulders fell, his expression shifting to a quiet sort of apology as his eyes darted away. “I... I can’t. Sorry—”
“Oh.” You blinked, trying not to let your smile falter.
“I want to,” he rushed to say, almost stumbling over the words. “I do.”
“It’s okay—”
“No. No. I would. It’s just... I’m—I’m sober now.”
Your mouth opened. Then closed.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry—” he added quickly, like he was terrified he’d ruined something.
But you shook your head, even stepping a little closer without realizing it.
“No. Don’t be sorry,” you said gently. “Seriously. Congratulations. That’s a big deal.”
He smiled at that, small and grateful. A little crooked and thin-lipped. It was cute.
“Thanks.”
You hesitated a moment, then tilted your head. “Can I ask how long?”
“Uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, eyes flicking upward like he was counting the months with the stars. “I think about a year now. I’ve only really started keeping track since I moved here, so... maybe like, seven? Eight months?”
You smiled softly, your heart unexpectedly warm.
“That’s still a long time.”
He gave a sheepish shrug, and his cheeks pinked again, like he didn’t quite know what to do with your praise. Like no one gave it to him often enough for it to feel normal.
“Some days feel longer than others,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching at his own tease.
You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you, quiet, but real.
“What are you…?”
Joaquín’s voice fizzled to life in your ear, cracking the quiet like a crowbar to glass.
“Are you flirting right now?”
You froze, the smile instantly tugging at your lips again despite yourself.
When you didn’t answer, he laughed.
“Oh my god, you’re totally flirting right now! It’s so bad, but you so are! Who even is this guy?”
You turned ever so slightly, subtle as you could manage, and pressed a knuckle into your ear to mute him. Your cheeks warmed in tandem with Bob’s.
Bob blinked. “Sorry… did I, um—was that weird?”
“No, no,” you said quickly, maybe too quickly. “That wasn’t you.”
He just nodded, like your word was more than enough. Like you could’ve told him the moon was fake, and he’d say, huh, never really thought about that before.
You moved to take a seat across from him, the fireplace crackling softly between you like a low, slow heartbeat. The warmth of the flames painted him in golds and ambers, the flickering light catching the softness in his eyes and the loose fall of his hair.
You fidgeted with your fingers out of instinct. And across the fire, he mirrored the motion—thumb twisting around his knuckle, pinky tapping rhythmically against the inside of his sleeve. There was something strangely reassuring in that shared nervousness, like you were both waiting for the same storm to pass.
You let out a quiet breath, tension easing from your shoulders. “You said you moved here? Like, New York?”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. His shoulders dipped too, visibly relaxing just a touch, like your voice permitted him to breathe. “I… uh, I lived in Malyasha for a while. But I’m from Florida. Born and raised. Where—where are you from?”
You tilted your head slightly, watching how intently he tried to keep eye contact and how quickly he broke it again. “I flew in from Washington.”
“D.C.?” he asked, and you nodded.
His eyebrows lifted, eyes wide for a split second. “Wow. Do you work in the White House or something?”
You huffed a laugh, smiling into your words. “Sure. Something like that.”
His head bobbed along with the answer.
“So you’re like… a really important person here.”
You laughed again, this time wider. Your teeth showed. It surprised you how easily you let your guard down. “I wouldn’t say that.”
But he was smiling too, softer now. Less anxious.
“You are,” he said, more sure of himself now. “I saw the way people looked at you tonight. Not—not that I was watching you or anything… just, it’s hard not to. You’re, um…”
You saw the moment he lost his words, saw them spill and scatter like marbles across a floor. His blush deepened, blooming across his cheeks in a full, unmistakable deep red colour. He ducked his head, eyes falling to his shoes again, and you watched him fight a shy, apologetic smile.
“…I can see why they’d want your picture.”
And just like that, your heart softened.
You leaned in a little, elbows resting against your knees. “Thank you, Bob. You’re really sweet, you know that?”
Bob looked up again, startled by the compliment, his mouth parting slightly like he didn’t know what to say to that. You weren’t sure if anyone had ever told him that before, and if they had, you could guess they didn’t mean it the way you did now.
He didn’t belong here. That much was obvious. Not with people like Valentina, not with cold smiles and polished lies. Not with mercenaries, politicians, and millionaires who hide behind their money. You could see it in the way he sat too stiffly on a velvet chair meant for lounging, in the way he tugged at his sleeves or tucked his hands away when he felt exposed.
“What’re you doing in a place like this, Bob?”
He blinked, tilting his head like he wasn’t sure what you meant.
You smiled, eyes squinting a little as you leaned forward more. “I mean, are you like, a sponsor? Investor?”
The words didn’t even sound right on your tongue, not when directed at him. The image of him swirling champagne and talking stocks was so laughably out of sync with the shy guy currently pressing himself into the couch cushions like he wanted to disappear.
“I don’t think you’re here for the politics,” you added, and there was a touch of something playful in your voice.
He chuckled softly, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Me? Gosh, no. I don’t… I don’t do politics.” He scratched the back of his ear, sheepish again. “That’s Bucky’s thing. I’m here for my friends.”
And just like that, your whole world tilted.
Your smile dropped before you could stop it. A subtle shift, but you felt it everywhere: in your spine, in your lungs, in the weight of your hands resting suddenly still on your knees.
You straightened. Slowly.
“…You know Bucky?”
The question came quieter than you intended, and Bob must’ve heard the change, the sudden stillness in your voice. His smile faltered, and he went still, too, sensing the tension without understanding it. His posture shrank, as if unsure what he’d stepped into, as if trying not to take up more space than he already had to upset you.
He nodded, a cautious kind of affirmation. “Yeah. He’s my friend.”
That stunned silence stretched long between you.
“I… I know he’s your friend too,” Bob added quickly, the words spilling out like he was trying to fill the void before it grew too wide. His voice was quieter now, softer around the edges, almost apologetic. “I heard you talking about him to Val, I—I thought maybe…”
You weren’t sure why he kept talking. Maybe because you hadn’t said anything. Maybe because your smile had disappeared too fast, and he could feel the way the mood had shifted even if he didn’t know why. His nervous ramble wasn’t meant to hurt, you could tell that. But it did. It did because the moment he said Val, something in you knotted tight again.
The warm glow you’d felt around him moments ago started to dim, curling in on itself like a candle snuffed out mid-flicker. Your heart gave a small, stupid lurch—embarrassed at how quickly you’d let your guard down. Of course he knew Bucky. Of course he was close to Valentina. The pieces slid together too easily now, fitting into a picture you didn’t want to look at.
You tried to pull yourself back together, quickly and quietly. You reminded yourself this wasn’t supposed to be about comfort. It wasn’t about soft smiles or normal conversations or maybe asking someone out for a drink. You came here with a mission, no matter how personal it was. To find Bucky. To set the record straight. This—this moment of peace with a stranger who felt safe—wasn’t supposed to happen.
He called her Val. Like they were friends. Like they knew each other beyond just work. Like he wasn’t just some shy, nice guy who complimented you under his breath and blushed when you smiled at him. Jesus, were you that easy?
A strange bitterness bloomed in your mouth. Not anger, more like disappointment. At yourself, maybe. For forgetting, even just for a second, what kind of place this really was.
You stood up.
The decision was sudden, impulsive, a small motion made louder by the way Bob flinched. His eyes followed you, something tentative and uncertain flickering across his face.
You reached for your earpiece, thumb brushing over the button to unmute Joaquín.
But Bob stood, too. Slowly, almost clumsily, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow you or stay where he was.
“Did I—did I say something wrong?” he asked.
You froze. Your fingers stilled over the earpiece. You hadn’t expected that.
You turned, not quite facing him fully, but enough to catch the look on his face. His brows had drawn together, confusion etched faintly into his expression, and one of his hands was lifted just slightly, hovering in the air between you like he’d started to reach out and changed his mind halfway through. There were still several feet of space between you. The fire crackled low between you both, casting shadows across the expensive furniture and marble tiles.
“I’m sorry if I did,” he said, voice smaller now. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
That stopped you. “No… you didn’t…” You said, the words stumbling out, half-formed. You didn’t know why you tried to soothe him. Maybe it was the way his eyes had gone wide or the way he seemed to dread the thought of you walking away just when he was finally starting to settle into himself. It stirred something in you. Something that made your chest tighten.
You could’ve said never mind. You wanted to. Pretend his words hadn’t struck a nerve, hadn’t made your heart twist in your chest. But they did. It bothered you.
Bob blinked at you. “Oh,” he said, so gently it almost got carried off by the breeze.
A silence fell between you again. You wrapped your arms around yourself against the wind as you turned to look at him.
“Who are you, Bob?”
He straightened, caught off guard. “I’m... I’m Bob,” he said. “Just... just Bob.”
You tilted your head. “That’s it?”
He opened his mouth like he was about to say more, but nothing came out. His lips parted, then pressed shut again, the words retreating back into him like they were scared to be seen. He just shrugged helplessly. Like that’s all he had left.
And yet he kept looking at you like he was begging you not to go. Not yet.
You sighed, bringing your fingers up to your temple, pressing cold skin to your warm forehead. There was a pulse pounding there now, dull and insistent.
“I just…” You started, voice cracking faintly. “I came here looking for Bucky. I thought maybe I could get him to come home.”
“Home?” Bob asked carefully, his eyes soft.
“Yeah. With Sam. With us.” You hesitated, glancing through the tall windows behind him. The light inside spilled gold across the floor, where laughter echoed and people clinked glasses without a care in the world. Your eyes landed on the group you’d been avoiding all night—Bucky’s new team, huddled together with drinks, grinning like it was just another night to celebrate.
It made your chest hollow out.
“Ever since he joined Valentina’s little fuckass team or... whatever this is,” you said, gesturing vaguely toward the gala behind you, “everything’s just been so... shitty.”
You looked back at Bob, surprised to find that he’d stepped a little closer. Just enough that you could see the way his jaw twitched, like he was working through something he didn’t know how to say.
“Sorry,” you muttered, suddenly self-conscious. “Not to, like, dump all that on you.”
The cold bit into your arms. You rubbed them quickly, wishing you’d brought a coat.
“It’s not...” Bob started, and then, more firmly, “It’s not a fuckass team.”
You blinked. “Sorry?”
“They saved me,” he said, voice trembling just a bit. “Lena. Bucky. The others. They’re my family. We... we take care of each other.”
You stared at him, something icy curling low in your stomach. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said again, earnest. “I know it probably doesn’t look like it from the outside, but... they gave me a chance when no one else would. They didn’t treat me like I was broken. They... saw me.”
You wanted to believe that. You really did. But it felt like trying to swallow glass.
“Right,” you muttered, too tired to argue. “I have to go.”
You turned, reaching for your earpiece.
“Wait,” Bob said suddenly, like he’d only just realized this was goodbye. “Will I... will I see you again?”
You paused, fingers still hovering near your ear. The balcony lights flickered faintly behind you, and the sound of the city buzzed low in the background, as if the world were holding its breath.
You didn’t turn around right away.
Part of you wanted to say no. Make it easy. Clean.
But when you finally looked back at him, at the boyish worry carved into his face, the way he stood there with his hands half-raised like he didn’t know whether to reach for you or let you go, you felt that ache again. The one that whispered that maybe, despite everything, he meant what he said. That maybe there was still something worth salvaging in the strange, quiet warmth you’d felt earlier. Something real.
And you desperately wanted it to be real. You wanted it to mean something.
“I don’t know,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper.
Bob swallowed. Nodded like he understood.
But his eyes lingered on you like he hoped the answer might change.
this!!! i’ve been looking for a thunderbolts fic that felt right, and this one is perfect. love the both sides of y/n being angry for losing bucky and him trading his friends for a new group and bob’s side of bucky being his family. both valid. i need it to be a whole fic!!!!
Summary : Bucky marries you, someone who shows love through food. When his body changes, you show him he’s cared for no matter what.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x wife!reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : FLUFF! Hurt/Comfort, Body Image Issues, Insecurity, Established Relationship, Weight Gain, implied sex, cursing, Food as Love Language.
Word count : 2.4k
Note : If you’d like to be on the taglist, message me! It gets lost in the comments sometimes. Enjoy!
Bucky hadn’t meant to gain weight.
It wasn’t like he woke up one day and decided, hey, let’s pack it on.
It crept in, slowly, like moss between cracks, or rust under paint. At first, it was just little things: seconds at dinner, not skipping dessert, an appetiser here and there.
See, when you and Bucky first started dating, it didn’t take long for him to realise that food was your love language. You cooked like it was second nature—every ingredient always added with care. He’d come home from missions or long training days to find you in the kitchen with your sleeves rolled up, humming to some old tune while stirring sauce or kneading dough. And your smile always lit up when you fed him, like watching him eat something you made was its own kind of joy. And Bucky, who’d spent so much of his life surviving, hadn’t known how hungry he was for that kind of care until you started filling his plate and his heart at the same time.
Somewhere between your late-night pastas and Sunday roasts, his shirts started to fit tighter around the middle. The scale ticked up a few numbers. He still trained, but it was different now. He wasn’t on a calorie deficit, and he was doing things for functional and not aesthetic purposes. He focused on Pull-ups, sparring, lifting until his arms couldn’t take any more. He could throw a grown man across the room. Probably you too, and that wasn’t a fantasy you were opposed to.
But even when his body changed, and time went by, your cooking didn’t stop. If anything, after you got married, it grew more intentional. You experimented more— comfort dishes from his childhood, thick stews you imagined his man might've made, and big, carb-heavy meals to help him recover after a mission. You packed him leftovers in little glass containers, sometimes with a note tucked in the lid. You didn’t just feed his body. You fed his memory, his heart, his right to be human again.
Still.
He’d catch his reflection in the bathroom mirror, shirtless, sweaty from a workout, and stare at his stomach.
He hated that it made him feel weak. Sloppy.
“Used to be leaner,” he muttered once, toweling off after an especially brutal workout session.
You rolled your eyes, but with love, and tossed another towel at his chest. “Yeah? Well, I used to think I liked abs, but turns out I like a powerhouse husband who can deadlift a damn car more.”
That earned you a faint smile, but it didn’t erase the dread in his eyes— the one that said you’re lying, or you’re just saying that to make me feel better.
You weren’t.
God, you weren’t.
Because Bucky Barnes built like a brick shithouse? Bucky Barnes with thick arms and wide shoulders and thighs like tree trunks and a stomach that was less abs and more functional muscle? He was the kind of man you could climb like a jungle gym and bury your face against to feel safe. That strength wasn’t just aesthetic— it was real.
And every meal you cooked was another way of telling him so. Every tray of roasted veggies, every slow-cooked braise or pan of cinnamon rolls was a reminder: You’re still cared for. You’re still mine.
To be fair, he’d never been satisfied with his body, not really. Not when it was used as a weapon. Not when it was hyper-lean, a machine starving for control. And not now, when he felt like losing the only grip he’d ever had on himself.
Then came the movie night.
You were watching some dumb action flick, all glossy lighting and guys with chiseled jaws and ten-pack abs. The kind of thing that didn’t usually bother you.
C’mon, watching a superhero movie while being married to one? It was kind of surreal, kind of stupid.
You’d whipped up a bowl of nachos earlier, layered with roasted veggies, black beans, just enough cheese to feel indulgent, but still a net benefit for your body, the way Bucky liked. He’d been halfway through the bowl, one hand resting on your thigh, when he suddenly stopped eating.
At first, you didn’t think much of it. Maybe he was full. Maybe the movie was just boring. But then you felt the way he shifted like his body was trying to shrink.
You turned your head to see him.
His eyes flicked to the screen. Then to the bowl. Then to his stomach. And then away.
You paused the movie.
“Buck?” you asked gently.
He didn’t look at you. “I’m fine.” He said it too quickly.
You set the nachos aside and turned toward him. “What’s going on?”
He hesitated.
“Look at those guys,” he said, motioning toward the frozen screen. “All shredded. And I’m just—” He trailed off, letting the bitterness finish the sentence for him.
Your heart broke.
You reached over and rested your hand on his chest, right where his heart beat under your palm.
You frowned in that goddammit I love you, why don’t you see what I see? kind of way.
You didn’t say anything right away, but moved closer, settled into his lap, and rested your forehead to his.
“Bucky,” you whispered, voice soft as a feather, “you could have abs again tomorrow and I wouldn’t love you more than I do right now.”
He swallowed hard.
“You say that now,” he insisted. “But maybe one day you’ll wake up and realise you’re married to some washed-up vet with a gut and a metal arm.”
You cupped his face firmly and made him look at you.
“Hey,” you scolded playfully, “Don’t you dare talk about my husband like that.”
A ghost of a laugh bubbled out of him.
“You carry people out of burning buildings, Bucky. You wrestle Walker for fun and win more than half the time.” That earned you another chuckle. “You’ve got a body that’s survived hell and back. And you still use it to hold me like I’m the most fragile thing in the world.”
He looked like he didn’t know whether to cry or pull you into his arms and never let go. So you did it for him— you held him close, kissed the curve of his neck where tension still pulled on his muscles.
“You are so hot, Bucky Barnes,” you whispered. “So fucking hot. Built like a damn tank. Fuckin’ making me feel like the luckiest woman alive.”
He buried his face in your shoulder then, arms wrapping tight around you, so you didn’t move for a while.
He held onto you like you were tethering him to the Earth. His arms were so big, so safe and real.
Eventually, his rapid breathing slowed. Then, slowly so as not to startle him, you leaned back just enough to look at him. His eyes were pink, glassy, and still a little distant.
“C’mere,” you whispered, taking his hand.
Bucky didn’t ask where you were going. He just followed you, quiet and trusting, fingers interlaced with yours. You led him into the bedroom, and he paused near the mirror at the side of your shared bed.
“I don’t—”
“I know,” you said. “But I want to show you something.”
You stood behind him at first, wrapping your arms around his thick waist, your cheek resting between his shoulder blades. He tensed up at his own reflection. You could feel it in the way his shoulders were bracing for impact.
But instead of asking him to look, you slowly stepped around him, sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled him gently toward you.
He didn’t resist.
You kissed the underside of his forearm first, the one made of flesh. Then his metal hand. You worked your way up, past scars and veins and muscle, until he was standing between your knees, and you lifted up his shirt and lowered his sweatpants just a bit, until you were kissing the stretch of skin just above his waistband.
Then, higher.
His stomach rose and fell under your lips.
You kissed the curve of it. One, then another. A third, right by his belly button. Your hands held his hips like he was loved.
“You think this makes you less?” you said in disbelief, your breath warm against him. “Because all I see is more. More to hold. More to love. More of you.”
Bucky’s fingers twitched at his sides. He was stock-still, as if when he moved, he might fall apart. You looked up at him and saw the tears gathering again.
“Every inch of you is mine to love,” you whispered, “and you don’t get to tell me which ones I can’t.”
A choked sound made it last his lips.
He dropped to his knees in front of you and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face against your chest like he was starved for touch.
“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled, voice breaking at the seams .
You kissed the top of his head.
“Tough,” you whispered into his hair. “You’re stuck with me. And so is that stomach. And that chest. And fuck— those thighs.”
He huffed a laugh against your skin. “You like the thighs, huh?”
“Obsessed.” You nuzzled into his hair. “Do you even know what it does to me, watching you exist in this body like it was built for loving me?”
He pulled back just enough to look at you. His cheeks were pink, and for the first time that night, you saw something wonder bloom behind the disappointment in his eyes.
You leaned in again, your lips brushing over his—soft first. It deepened the moment he kissed you back. It wasn’t desperate, not yet.
Just… vulnerable.
It was as if everything unsaid between you was being poured into it, every little bit of doubt and love and hunger bleeding through.
His hands found your hips, fingers flexing like he couldn’t believe you were real. You felt him, too—not just the muscle, but the man who wanted, who needed to be seen, to be held, to be devoured.
“You drive me insane,” you whispered between kisses, your hands running up under his shirt, palming heat and muscle and that slight softness you loved more than you could say.
He groaned low in his throat, and you felt it reverberate all the way down.
You tugged his shirt up and over his head. You bit your lip as he fixed his posture, solid and built like sin.
God, you couldn't get enough of him. He had thighs thick enough to crush, arms big enough to cage you in. You ran your palms down his chest, over the swell of his sides, and kissed just above his waistband again.
“I want all of this,” you whispered. “Want to feel it. Fuckin’ climb it, baby.”
That did it.
He leaned forward before picking you up like you weighed nothing. You let out a gasp as he plopped you on the bed. His mouth was back on yours in an instant, kisses turning rougher and hungrier as his hands roamed with that same desperate worship you gave him.
And when his thigh slid between yours, thick and commanding, you nearly whimpered.
“Bucky—” your voice broke on his name.
He pulled back just enough to growl, “You love this?” His thigh pressed harder, “Love how big and strong I am for you?”
You could barely think, could only nod, fingers tangled in his hair, body arching to meet his.
“Say it.”
“I love it,” you moaned. “I love the way you take up space. I want you to break me in half.”
His blue eyes darkened, his grip tightening just slightly. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
Then he kissed you again, and there was no more sound except for bodies moving like they were made to fit, made to ruin each other sweetly.
And when he finally, finally settled over you like the living embodiment of every gentle and savage thing you even loved—you whispered against his ear, “Don’t hold back.”
He didn’t.
—
You woke up to sunlight cutting through the curtains, the kind of light that felt too ethereal to feel real.
Bucky was already up.
He was standing, shirtless, hair still sleep-mussed, his sleep trousers hanging low on his hips, metal arm catching a glint of light as he rubbed at the back of his neck. You watched him from the bed for a minute.
He was staring at the mirror.
And not with that same bitter expression he usually did. This time… it was different. His brow was still furrowed, sure, but he looked… thoughtful. He looked like he was seeing something new.
Or maybe just seeing it the way you had all along.
There were faint bruises along his hips—your marks. Scratches across his back, red and already rapidly healing thanks to the serum, that they would be gone before the day. His skin was still flushed in places, the way it always got after you touched him like you meant it, like every inch of him was holy ground.
You let the silence steep, just long enough to not startle him. “Staring at yourself like you’re in love, Barnes,” you finally mumbled sleepily from the pillows.
Bucky turned, but not ashamed. His eyes met yours across the room, and god—there it was.
A smile.
“Maybe,” he said. His eyes dropped to his stomach, his chest, his body— painted in proof of your love last night. Then he looked at you, still tangled in the sheets, bare-legged, cheek creased from the pillow, looking at him like he was the answer to a prayer you hadn’t even known you wanted.
He shrugged, but it wasn’t dismissive. More like he didn’t know how to put it into words yet.
You sat up and let the sheet fall a little. His eyes flicked down and lingered, mouth parting, even after all this time.
“You didn’t seem to mind this body last night,” he said, quieter and teasing.
You gave him a look—are you serious?—then got up and walked across the room. You stood in front of him and slid your hands up the planes of his torso, over his stomach, then around to his back.
“Bucky,” you said, lips brushing his collarbone, “I wrote scripture out of this body last night.”
He laughed an open, sleepy-morning laugh, like you’d summoned it right out of his ribs. He ducked his head into your neck and held you for a second, arms around your waist.
When he pulled back, you kissed him once, then you glanced toward the mirror.
“Go ahead,” you whispered, brushing your fingers over his stomach. “Smile at yourself again.”
He did.
And he didn’t look away.
-end.
Extra Notes : This was really special to write, especially with so many fics like this going around! I used to have an unhealthy obsession with working out purely for aesthetics, but a few years ago, after moving out of my home country, I started reconnecting with my culture’s food. Cooking and eating became a way to feel close to home, so my body changed! I also shifted toward weight training and functional exercise, and while I’m definitely more muscular than lean now, it took me a while to realise this version of me is so much healthier than when I was stuck in an obsessive calorie deficit. Remember, bodies change, and I find our inherent ability to be look so different and still be worthy of love wonderful!
Summary : Everyone is horrified that Bucky is flirting with a married woman, but then they realise there's a reason why.
Pairing : Thunderbolts!Bucky Barnes x florist!reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : Secret wife trope. Cursing, Injury. Featuring the Thunderbolts*. Bucky kinda gaslights the entire team. Fluff!!!!
Word count : 3k
Note : The next chapter of spoils of war is almost here, but I just need to go over a couple of paragraphs! In the meantime, enjoy!
The Thunderbolts knew a few undeniable truths about Bucky Barnes.
One: He was grumpy.
Two: He was a private person.
Three: He never, ever let anyone see where he lived.
That last one bothered them the most. They’d pieced together the general area; a quiet neighborhood with old brick buildings, modern cafés, and just enough charm to make it feel… vintage. But no one had ever set foot inside his home, no one had even seen him unlock the door to his sanctuary, since he dodged every casual suggestion to hang out at his place with a variation of “I got plans” or another. And, curiously, every time they stopped for coffee in this part of town, Bucky would mysteriously slip into the tiny flower shop beneath a brick apartment building.
That was odd. No one would’ve guessed that Bucky Barnes even liked flowers.
What was even odder was that this infinitely grumpy, emotionally constipated, “I hate people” supersoldier — would be capable of flirting.
With the florist.
With you.
“Are we seeing this right?” Yelena whispered, elbowing Alexei as they peered through the shop window after Bucky made them wait outside.
They watched as Bucky stood by the counter, leaning in ever so slightly, a charming grin tugging at the corner of his mouth as he watched you wrap a bouquet.
“He’s smiling,” Alexei muttered, horrified.
Inside, Bucky reached for the bouquet you were tying up, his gloved fingers brushing against yours. You playfully smacked his hand away, laughing. He laughed, too, and that was enough to send Yelena spiraling into an existential crisis.
Yelena squinted. “He’s flirting.”
Alexei frowned. “Bucky does not flirt.”
“I know. That’s why I’m freaking out.”
They watched as you handed him the bouquet, and in return, Bucky gave you a wink. And then he turned, walking out like he hadn’t just transformed into a different person.
That was when Yelena, utterly horrified Yelena, caught a flash of gold on your ring finger. She squinted her eyes. It was unmistakable. “Wait a second—”
As soon as he got back to them, Alexei folded his arms. “You were flirting.”
Bucky scoffed. “I was not.”
“She’s married!” Yelena accused, pointing dramatically. “She had a ring! You flirted with a married woman!”
Bucky didn’t even blink. He simply shrugged, tucking the bouquet carefully under his arm. “I didn’t see a ring.”
“She was literally wearing it—”
“I didn’t see a ring,” Bucky insisted, tugging absentmindedly at the chain around his neck— the one that held his dog tags, hidden under his shirt.
Yelena and Alexei exchanged a deeply disturbed look.
Bucky Barnes was flirting with a married florist.
What was the world coming to?
—
Bucky knew he’d fucked up the second he stepped back into Thunderbolts HQ.
Alexie had just looked confused, while Yelena had been simmering the entire walk back, her arms crossed so tightly over her chest it was a miracle she hadn’t snapped a rib.
She lasted exactly two seconds before she exploded. “You are jackass, Barnes!”
Bucky barely had time to sigh before she stomped closer.
“What’s so wrong with what I did?” he muttered, placing the bouquet of flowers in an empty vase
Yelena let out an incredulous laugh, pacing in front of him like a caged tiger ready to strike. “What’s wrong?” she echoed, her accent thickening with rage. “You flirted with a married woman! I should punch you in the face on principle!”
From the lounge, John Walker looked up from whatever government-issued nonsense he was pretending to read. His brows immediately furrowed, his eyes twisting into the signature disapproving dad look he’d perfected. “Wait, what?”
Ava, who had been drinking tea in the corner, raised an eyebrow. “This is scandalous,” she murmured, eyes brightening with intrigue.
Alexei, who was now plopped on the couch like some washed-up, Soviet-era king, said, “If a man had flirted with my wife like that, I would have hunt him down and mount his head on wall.” He crossed his arms, nodding to himself in approval. “As is tradition.”
Bucky scowled. “I wasn’t flirting.”
“Oh?” Yelena snorted, “So you were just undressing her with your eyes for fun, then?”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “That’s just how I look at people.”
Alexie shook his head. “So you look at us like that?”
Bucky opened his mouth. Then immediately shut it.
Yelena’s hands curled into fists. “Yeah. Thought so.”
John’s arms crossed over his chest in that holier-than-thou stance that he was so famous for. “Look, man, I’m married. And if someone flirted with my wife, we’d have a problem.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Bucky groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “You guys are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“Nothing?” Yelena threw up her hands. “She’s married, Bucky!”
“Okay, even if I was flirting,” Bucky turned to her, exasperated— “I didn’t see a ring.”
Yelena’s hands flew to her head, fingers digging into her scalp like she was resisting the urge to rip out her own hair. “You probably chose to look away!”
John sighed like a disappointed youth pastor. “This is unbelievable.”
“No,” Bucky still insisted, “I didn’t see a ring.”
Yelena’s jaw dropped. “It was a thick gold band, Barnes. How could you not see it?”
Ava, who was clearly enjoying the drama more than anyone, sighed. “That is inappropriate behaviour, Barnes.”
Alexei shook his head again, “You should apologise.”
“I’m not apologising,” Bucky scoffed, “Because I did nothing wrong.”
His fingers toyed absentmindedly with the chain that led to his dog tags, and Yelena immediately locked onto the movement. Every person has a tell, a habit they did when they were nervous. And being a super spy, Yelena knew this was his.
She narrowed her eyes. “You are gaslighting us,” she muttered, pacing again like she was mentally weighing the pros and cons of strangling a super soldier.
“I didn’t see a ring,” Bucky repeated, his voice steady.
“You’re lying,” she snapped.
He shrugged, maddeningly casual in all of this chaos. “Guess we’ll never know.”
Ava laughed cynically. “I can’t tell if you’re a complete scumbag or if this is just really fun for you.”
Bucky just popped a beer from the fridge, flicking the cap off with his metal hand. “Why not both?”
He took a long sip of his beer, completely unbothered.
And maybe, he looked a little bit too smug.
—
Three weeks later, Bucky led Yelena and John on a mission to take down a high-scale arms dealer.
And, as always, the mission had gone sideways.
It was too late for any shops to be open, too late for anyone with a shred of common sense to be out on the streets.
Yelena was bleeding, pressing a torn scrap of fabric against a deep gash on her arm. John had a busted lip and a slight limp. Bucky was sporting a few cuts and bruises himself, but nothing he hadn’t shaken off a thousand times before.
“Guys,” Yelena managed a grunt, shifting her grip on her makeshift bandage, “we need to get ourselves patched up before one of us drops dead.”
“We ran out of antiseptics back at HQ,” John reminded them.
Yelena groaned, throwing her head back in despair. “So what are we supposed to do?” She gritted out, “Just bleed out in the street like sad little orphans?”
John scowled. “That’s a little dramatic.”
Yelena turned and glared at him. “Your face is dramatic.”
Bucky let out a deep breath through his nose, running a hand along his damp hair. He glanced around the street, making sure they weren’t being followed before whispering to himself, “Guess we’re doing this now.”
Yelena tilted her head. “Doing what?”
Instead of answering, Bucky turned on his heel and started walking.
John and Yelena gave each other a wary look.
“I don’t like when he does that,” John said.
“No one does,” Yelena agreed, but they both followed anyway.
It didn’t take long for them to recognise the route— It was the neighbourhood where the team usually got coffee.
But Bucky wasn’t heading to the café.
They rounded the corner, and suddenly John stopped dead in his tracks.
It was a closed florist—the very one where Bucky had, allegedly, been trying to charm his way into a married woman’s bed.
To John’s absolute horror, Bucky walked right up to the door and knocked.
“Bucky.” He said, voice strangled. “What the hell is this?”
Yelena blinked. “I don’t think we need to seduce a married florist to get medical supplies.”
Bucky sighed, rubbing his temples like he was already regretting this decision. He turned to them, leveling them both with a look. “Alright, listen up,” he said through gritted teeth. "The secret’s out now, so you two gotta keep your mouths shut.”
John’s brows furrowed. “What secret?”
Before Bucky could answer, the door to the flower shop clicked open.
And there you were, standing in the doorway, wrapped in one of Bucky’s hoodies, looking exactly how he’d expected: exasperated but unsurprised. He knew you’d still be up, cataloguing the latest floral shipment for tomorrow’s arrangements.
The second your eyes landed on a bruised and bloodied Bucky, and flanked by two wounded Thunderbolts, no less—you let out a sigh.
“James,” you said knowingly, your voice laced with fond irritation. “What did you do?”
Yelena and John froze in their tracks.
James?
James?
No one called Bucky by his first name. No one. Not unless they had a death wish.
Bucky, unfazed, just stepped inside. “We ran out of antiseptics, honey.”
Yelena and John exchanged a wide-eyed look.
Honey?
You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Again?”
Bucky shrugged like this was a perfectly normal Thursday night occurrence.
You muttered under your breath, “I should’ve known this would happen when I married an ex-assassin.”
Oh.
Yelena’s mouth opened, closed, then opened again. “Married.” she repeated
John blinked rapidly. “This is why we can never go to your place?”
Bucky could only shrug. Of course it was— they would have seen the evidence of how much love in his home was carved out for just you.
John let out a wheeze.
Yelena pointed between you and Bucky, motioning erratically. “Wait. WAIT. So—so she’s your wife? She married you?”
Bucky nodded. “Yup.”
“Like—actually married?”
“Mhm.”
Yelena gasped, clutching her chest like she’d been personally betrayed. In a way, she had. “And no one knows?”
Bucky thought for a second. “Sam does.”
“And Joaquin,” you added, trying to be helpful.
Bucky nodded. “Right. Joaquin.”
“Oh, and Isaiah and Elijah Bradley.”
“Yeah, they were at the wedding.”
“A teenager knew about this,” John’s eye twitched, “—and we didn’t?”
Bucky could only nod again.
Yelena rubbed a hand down her face, “You gaslit us,” she accused, jabbing a finger at Bucky. “You let us believe you were a homewrecker for weeks—when you were married the whole time?!”
You snorted, glancing at Bucky, who had the audacity to look smug. “Yeah, that sounds like my husband.”
Yelena let out a string of very creative Russian curses.
John looked like he was about to have a stroke.
“All secrets aside,” you said, welcoming the two disoriented Thunderbolts in and locking the door behind you, “It’s good to finally meet you both.”
John still looked like he was buffering. Yelena, on the other hand, was vibrating with adrenaline, looking like she was trying to solve a conspiracy theory in real time.
“This is—this is insane,” she muttered, pointing aggressively at Bucky, then at you, then back at Bucky. “You’re—you’re so normal.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “I’d like to think so.”
Bucky just hummed. “She’s perfect.”
Yelena actually sputtered like an old car engine.
John made a noise that was somewhere between a groan and a strangled laugh. This was all too much.
But there wasn’t time to let them spiral further. Bucky, gently nudged you toward the others. “Take care of them first, darling. They’ve got worse injuries.”
You frowned, wanting to protest—because, really, Bucky should always be your first priority—but your husband was nothing if not stubborn. You knew better than to argue when he had that look in his eyes— you knew that fighting him on this would only drag things out longer, and right now, time was precious.
You turned your attention to Yelena and John, motioning for them to follow you deeper into the shop. The scent of lavender, roses, and freshly cut stems—clung to the air as you led them toward the back, where your little work table stood tucked in the corner.
Years of practice had made you quick. You moved with quiet efficiency, gathering supplies from neat shelves: you cut and split an aloe vera plant for burns, grabbed bandages, and a mix of balms you’d perfected over your time tending to Bucky. It wasn’t the kind of sterile, military-grade first aid they were used to, but it would have to do for now.
You started tending to Yelena’s arm, gently dabbing the wound with fresh aloe. She hissed through her teeth before narrowing her eyes at you.
“So how long has this been a thing?” she demanded. Bucky, now leaning lazily against the counter with his arms crossed, barely spared her a glance. “A while.”
John scoffed, “A while?”
You bit back a grin as you smoothed a bandage over Yelena’s arm, “Three years.”
Yelena’s jaw dropped.
“Three—” She turned to Bucky so fast it was a miracle she didn’t give herself whiplash. “You’ve been married for three years?!”
John let out a long, defeated groan,This was simply too much to process. “Fuck’s sake.”
Yelena shook her head. “I thought you were a loner who hated people."
Bucky only shrugged, unbothered.
You chuckled as you pressed the last piece of medical tape into place on Yelena’s arm. “Alright, you’re done.” Then, glancing at John, you motioned for him to sit. “Your turn.”
John sighed but still plopped down. You took his hand gently, turning it over to examine his bruised knuckles before moving to his busted lip.
Meanwhile, they kept peppering you with questions, barely giving you room to breathe.
“How did you meet?”
“How do you put up with Bucky’s brooding?”
“Does he ever actually smile?”
At that last one, you paused, dabbing at John’s lip carefully. “He smiles all the time.”
John let out a scoff. “No, he doesn’t.”
You glanced over at Bucky, knowing he showed that part of him to you and no one else. “Oh, he does.”
And then, finally, it was Bucky’s turn.
You turned to him, your brows knitting together as you studied the little cuts on his cheek, the dried blood near his brows. He looked a little tired, a little worn around the edges.
Your fingers found his chin, tilting his face toward you as you inspected the damage. Your touch was so featherlight, so incredibly careful. There was no missing the way your thumb brushed over his cheekbone— how incredibly gentle it was.
“You should’ve let me do you first,” you murmured, half-scolding, half-concerned.
Bucky’s lips curved into a small smile, a flicker of mischief lighting his tired blue eyes. “That’s exactly what you said last night, sweetheart.”
John choked.
Yelena groaned, grabbing the nearest pillow from the nearest chair and hurling it at Bucky’s head. “You two are disgusting.”
Bucky caught the pillow effortlessly, giving her a smug grin before setting it aside. When his eyes found yours again, his shit-eating grin turned… lovely. The tension in his brows eased as you dabbed gently at his cut.
For all the blood, for all the bruises, you handled him like he was glass.
And then, without thinking, you leaned in.
It was meant to be a brief kiss— a quick reassurance, a way of saying I’ve got you. But the moment your lips brushed his, you couldn’t help but linger.
Your fingers curled instinctively against his chin. His hand found your waist without hesitation, as if he needed you closer. As if the world shrank down to just the two of you.
John and Yelena exchanged a look, the previous horror of their teammate hiding a secret wife momentarily forgotten because this was… weirdly cute.
You giggled as you pulled away, seeing Bucky looking at you like you hung the moon for him.
“Anywhere else?” you asked, brushing your thumb over his lips.
Bucky hesitated just for a second. Then, a little sheepishly, he said, “Got a cut on my ribs.”
You exhaled, shaking your head. Of course he did. Before he could argue, you reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged.
“Off,” you said simply.
Bucky huffed but didn’t fight you. He lifted his arms, letting you strip the fabric from his skin, and goddamn.
Bucky, half-naked, was unfairly, ridiculously beautiful. Even now, even after all this time, seeing him like this still knocked the breath from your lungs. His body was a roadmap of battles fought and survived, scars carved into the expanse of his chest and ribs that told stories only he could say.
John made a strangled sound, somewhere between “Jesus Christ” and “I need to leave the room,” but you ignored him completely. Yelena let out a dramatic sigh and whispered “they are one second away from sucking each other’s face off,” to herself.
You tuned them both out, fingers dragging carefully over Bucky’s ribs, searching for the wound. When you found a thin jagged cut just below his ribs— you sighed softer this time and reached for the aloe.
“You need to stop getting hurt, my love,” you said, smoothing the cool gel over his skin.
Bucky’s voice came quieter. “Lucky I have someone to take care of me, then.”
And that’s when Yelena finally noticed it.
The thin chain around Bucky’s neck—one she’d always assumed was just for his dog tags—held something else, too.
A ring.
A simple wedding band that matched yours, worn from years of resting against his skin.
She blinked, realisation hitting her like a freight train. Oh.
That’s why he always played with it.
Every time Bucky was nervous, every time he was uncertain, his fingers would move to that chain—not just to fiddle with his tags, but to remind himself of you.
Maybe he wasn’t a complete jackass after all.
-end.
Note: Hope this doesn't bite me in the ass when the movie comes out.
Summary: Bucky joins you grocery shopping to everyone’s surprise.
Word Count: 3.7k
Warnings: Bucky hovering; Bucky knowing his favorite people; little bit of protective!Bucky
Author’s Note: I don’t know what this is but I was in need of some silly fluff. Hope you enjoy! ♡
Masterlist
He’s been trailing after you since you left the tower, stuck to your side.
Not in an obvious way, not in a manner that would draw stares or second glances, but in that ever-present way of his - like a second shadow or an old instinct that never really shuts off.
You’ve barely gone five blocks to the nearest grocery store, and Bucky has stuck close the whole time, keeping pace without a word.
It caught everyone off guard when he volunteered to come with you.
He had been slouched in his usual spot at the kitchen counter, cradling a cup of coffee he never seemed to finish, and looking like he had nowhere in particular to be. So when he had straightened, eyes trained on how you pulled on your shoes and muttered a gruff “I’ll come with you,” there was a moment of pause in the conversation between Natasha, Steve, Clint and Sam lounging on the couch in the common room.
Even you had blinked at him, thrown off by the suddenness of it.
Still, you didn’t argue.
Normally, grocery shopping isn’t something that interests anyone in the tower. It is a mundane, civilian thing - something of a life most of you had long since left behind.
There are people who handle it, services that deliver whatever you need at the touch of a button. But you aren’t looking for efficiency. You are looking for something real - something that can make you feel like a human being again.
You’d just gotten back yesterday from a month-long solo mission in Vorkuta, Russia. It was rather harsh. You spent those weeks in the cold, in silence, every step a deliberate calculation, every breath rationed as if you weren’t entirely sure when you’d be allowed another. You operated alone, only allowed to talk to Tony once a week for updates. It was the kind of quiet that made a person feel less like a person and more like an echo.
So you need something normal now. Something unremarkable.
No mission, no intel, no carefully rehearsed exit strategies.
Just a trip to the store, because you want to pick out your own food instead of eating whatever shows up in the tower’s stocked fridge. You want to grab things impulsively - maybe a bag of chips you don’t need or a carton of juice just because it looks good.
You want the simple, stupid pleasure of choosing something, just because. Of standing under the fluorescent hum of grocery store lights and deciding between brands of cereal and coffee creamers like it actually matters.
And Bucky, for all his presence, says nothing.
He just walks with you, hands stuffed into his pockets, eyes darting between the sidewalk and the people passing by. He is relaxed, but only just. There is tension in the way he moves, like he is running an assessment every few steps, tracking details of things you don’t care about at the moment.
The doors to the store slide open with a mechanical hiss, spilling warm, artificial air onto the street.
Inside, there is that familiar smell of waxed floors and cold produce, the sounds of shoppers, the beeping of registers.
A cart squeaks somewhere to your left. A child giggles near the bakery section. A bored-looking cashier stares blankly at the register screen. A tired-locking employee is restocking shelves.
It’s nothing special. But it feels real and humane in a way you need.
Bucky steps in behind you, scanning the store out of habit, then looking at you as if waiting for direction.
You grab a basket and move forward.
He follows without a word.
You walk through fruits and vegetables in bright, and glassy colors, stacked in neat abundance. The air smells like citrus, earth, the scent of misted greens, and something fairly plastic all slightly overwhelming your senses after a month of smelling mostly cold air.
You extend a hand toward the lemons, fingers brushing the textured skin of one when you feel the weight of the basket shift.
Bucky’s hand curls around the handle, pulling it from your grip and holding it himself.
Your gaze snaps up to him, but he isn’t looking at you. Not directly. His eyes are fixed on the rows of produce in front of you, his brows drawn together just slightly, his mouth set in that endearing little frown.
He stands close. Close enough that you can feel the warmth of him. Close enough that, if you shifted just an inch, the fabric of his sleeve would brush against yours.
It’s not intentional, this proximity - it’s more like a habit. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing it, doesn’t notice the way his presence expands to fill the space between you until there’s almost nothing left.
He exhales through his nose, shifting his weight slightly, eyes sweeping the fruit display as if it’s something to be figured out rather than casually shopping through.
His metal fingers whir slightly as he flexes his grip around the basket handle.
“This is a lot,” he murmurs, almost absently.
You keep glancing at him. It takes you a second to realize he is speaking at all, his voice being so quiet, a thought that accidentally made its way out.
“What?” you ask softly.
His eyes fall to you briefly, then back to the fruit. His mouth tightens, jaw working, debating whether to explain it or just let it drop.
“Back then,” he says, still not quite looking at you. His eyes scan the apples, the oranges, the rows of neatly stacked avocados and kiwis and papayas flown in from places he never got to see. “You had your basics. Apples. Pears. Some oranges, if you were lucky. But this?” He tilts his head slightly. “This is a lot.”
He doesn’t say it with wonder. He says it with assessment, categorizing this excess, measuring it against whatever memory of the past lingers in the spaces of his mind. Like he is trying to decide if this abundance is a good thing or just another shift in the world that changed without him.
For a second you wonder, if he is talking to you at all - or just thinking out loud, caught between time periods, a man stretched across decades that won’t quite line up.
Your fingers brush the lemons again, grabbing one and carefully putting it in the basket Bucky is holding. “Well,” you mumble, keeping your voice light. “You should see the cereal aisle.”
Bucky huffs out something that’s almost a laugh, something genuine and his eyes land on you again.
You move and pluck what you need. Apples, zucchini, a handful of bright bell peppers. A bundle of fresh basil, its scent still on your fingertips - something Wanda has been asking for. Some mangoes, ripe and golden, the kind Sam offhandedly mentioned craving the other day.
Bucky watches.
He doesn’t reach for anything himself, just keeps his grip on the basket as you fill it and trails closely after you.
His eyes track every motion - the way your fingers test the hardness of an avocado, the way you turn a tomato in your palm, the way you pause just a second before deciding on a bunch of grapes.
He simply observes.
You step over to the plums.
Their deep purple skins glisten under the lights, some nearly black, some streaked with dusky red. You pick one up, pressing it lightly with your thumb, feeling the faint give beneath your touch. Satisfied, you reach for more, slipping them into a paper bag one by one.
Bucky doesn’t say anything.
But you feel him.
The attention he gives you.
His face is unreadable, expression carefully neutral, but there is something behind his eyes - something considering, something caught between memory and recognition.
You don’t know if he realizes you are getting them for him.
You don’t know if he remembers, or if it is just something subconscious, some buried instinct nudging at him in a way he can’t understand.
But you remember. You remember the way he stared at the heap of plums on the kitchen counter weeks ago, the way his fingers had twitched with a want to take one, but he hadn’t. And the way he watched Wanda as she used them to make a pie he didn’t end up eating.
“Do you want some more?” Your voice is casual, warm. And when you glance up at him, he is already looking at you.
Then, almost abruptly, he clears his throat, dropping his gaze. The fingers of his metal hand flex once around the basket handle. He shifts his stance slightly but does not move away from you. When he speaks, his voice is low, almost careful, almost bashful.
“S’ fine.”
But you catch the almost-question in the way his eyes move around, how his fingers tighten and release.
So you grab a handful more and drop them into the bag without a word. Then you fold the top down and place it into the basket.
Bucky doesn’t look away this time.
And he continues wandering along with you through the aisles.
The plums sit among other products and you catch him glancing at them once or twice.
You reach for a carton of eggs when there is a shift.
Not in the air, not in the store itself, but in Bucky.
His posture tightens, his grip on the basket adjusts slightly. You don’t immediately know why, but then you turn your head and see a man standing a few feet away, watching you.
It’s not overtly threatening, not enough to draw attention, but something about his gaze lingers too long, too deliberate. His eyes trace the shape of you, moving slow, assessing. He isn’t leering, isn’t smirking, but the way he looks makes your skin prickle.
He seems to debate if he should say something. Waiting for an opportunity.
You barely have time to move away before Bucky does.
He doesn’t make a sound, doesn’t say a word, just shifts seamlessly into place - between you and the man.
It’s not a dramatic gesture. No sudden motions, no confrontational stance. Just his presence - him planting himself in the way, broad shoulders squaring, jaw setting, scowling.
That man takes his brown eyes away from you and meets Bucky’s gaze, and whatever he sees there - whatever lives behind those icy blue eyes - is enough to make him rethink his interest. He looks away, scratching the back of his head, shuffling back a step, and seems suddenly far more interested in bread.
You exhale softly. Bucky doesn’t move.
He stays right where he is, a silent wall between you and whatever attention you haven’t wanted. His scowl lingers for a second longer before he glances back at you, eyes sweeping over your face as if he is making sure you are fine.
You tilt your head, offering a small, gentle smile. “Everything good?”
His lips twitch, almost like he wants to say something but doesn’t quite know how to form those words.
“Yeah,” he mutters, swallowing.
But his stance is still slightly stiff, his fingers can’t stay calm around the basket handle. And he glances, just once, in the man’s direction - making sure he stays gone.
Something warm fills your chest.
You missed him, while you were gone.
He’s always such a grounding presence at your side.
You missed his dry, reluctant commentary whenever the team does something ridiculous.
You missed walking into the common area with him brooding in his usual chair, pretending not to listen to conversations he’d eventually grumble his way into.
He was there when you stepped off the jet yesterday.
It wasn’t necessary for him to be there, it was six in the morning, after all, but he was.
He hadn’t said much - he never says much - but his eyes ran over you in a way that told you he had been waiting. That there was something heavy underneath that furrowed brow and the almost too casual nod he gave you. Something like relief. Satisfaction. And something much more profound.
You remember how he was when you left.
Standing off to the side of the hangar, arms crossed, jaw pressed tight as you made your final checks. It also wasn’t necessary for him to be there, but, again, he was.
He said goodbye briefly, wished you luck, but in the way you felt him watch you board the jet it seemed there was more he wanted to tell you.
And when the engines had roared to life, when the ground beneath you had begun to shrink, you caught the last glimpse of him - standing stiff, pensive, his mouth pressed into a thin line.
Now, he walks beside you, trailing just a half-step behind, his grip steady around the basket that should be in your hands, watching you more than anything you’re planning to buy.
Maybe that’s why he came with you.
Maybe that’s why he hasn’t strayed, why he hovers close, why his eyes find you like he is memorizing something he doesn’t want to lose track of again.
Maybe he missed you, too.
He is not grumpy, but there is still a tension in him. Something wound too tight in his shoulders, in the set of his jaw, in the way he glances at you like he wants to say something and then doesn’t.
You can’t have that.
Your eyes scan the shelves as you walk further along, knowing that Bucky will follow.
“What kind of soup does Steve eat?”
Bucky’s brows pull together at your casual question, as if he can’t believe that’s what you asked. “Soup?”
You nod, dead serious. “Yeah. I mean, does he have a favorite? Chicken noodle? Tomato? Something tragic, like plain broth?”
Bucky exhales sharply, almost a laugh and something in him relaxes ever so slightly. He tilts his head back a little as if this is the most absurd thing anyone has ever asked him, but he humors you.
“Steve doesn’t eat plain broth,” he says in that low rasp that sometimes sends a shiver down your spine. Now is sometimes. “He’s got more sense than that.”
You hum thoughtfully, reaching for a can on the shelf, inspecting it like it holds the answer to some great mystery.
“So what is it, then? Something classic? Or does he secretly go for the weird gourmet stuff?”
Bucky steps closer, peering over your shoulder. The fabric of his jacket brushes against your back.
You glance up at him, arching your brow.
“You don’t know, do you?”
Bucky rolls his eyes, but his face is soft. The scowl has faded. There is a tug at the corner of his mouth. “Of course, I know.”
“Uh-huh.”
He huffs, reaching past you to grab a can from the shelf, fingers brushing yours briefly. “Clam chowder,” he utters. “There. Happy?”
You blink, genuinely caught off guard. “Wait. Really?”
Bucky smirks, just a little, just enough to be real.
“Yeah,” he says, voice a bit quieter. “Really.”
“Well, then,” you quip, taking the can off his hands and putting it in the basket. “He shall have it.”
Bucky huffs out an amused laugh.
You walk a little slower now, Bucky falls into step beside you. He seems lighter now, his face softened as he watches a little boy excitedly run off to a certain aisle while his mother calls out for him.
You plan on keeping him that way.
You spot a ridiculously, colorful display stacked high with an array of different kinds of peanut butter.
“Creamy or crunchy?”
Bucky blinks, turning to look at you. “What?”
You gesture toward the display like it’s obvious. “Steve. What kind of peanut butter does he eat? Creamy or crunchy?”
There is a beat of silence. Then, something seems to turn alive in Bucky’s expression. His lips twitch as if he suppresses a smirk and doesn’t want to give you the satisfaction.
“You serious?”
“Deadly.” You fold your arms, tilting your head. “I feel like he’s a creamy peanut butter guy, but I could be wrong.”
Bucky is hovering again, looking at the shelves like this is suddenly a debate worth considering. His arm brushes against your side, but he doesn’t move away.
“You’re wrong.”
You glance at him, eyebrows raised. “Oh?”
“He’s a crunchy guy,” Bucky says, reaching for a jar with his flesh hand and inspecting it like proof. “Says the creamy stuff’s got no texture. No character.”
You snort.
Bucky hums, still holding the jar, rolling it absently in his hand. He looks at ease. The basket dangles from his metal fingers as if it weighs nothing, even though it is filled with products.
You watch him.
The tension in his shoulders is practically gone and you know you should probably leave it there, but you don’t.
Because you want more.
More of this, more of him, more of that unguarded space where he forgets to be closed off.
So, you bite your lip and tilt your head at him before asking carefully. “What about you?”
Bucky glances at you, a small crease forming between his brows. “What about me?”
You gesture vaguely. “What kind of peanut butter do you like?”
For a moment, he just stares at you, like the question has never occurred to him before. Like no one’s ever bothered to ask.
You can almost see the gears turning in his head, his fingers tightening slightly around the jar. The hesitation is there. He doesn’t know how to answer. Perhaps he doesn’t know if he has a preference. Or it’s just been a long, long time since someone cared enough to ask.
You wait, patiently.
Finally, he lets out a cough, looking back at the display as if searching for an answer among the shelves. “…Crunchy,” he mutters. “I guess.”
You gin. “Yeah?”
He shifts his weight, looking rather uncomfortable but not in a bad way. Just unsure. This is unfamiliar ground for him, not knowing what to do with the attention.
You reach forward and pluck the jar from his hand before he can second-guess himself.
“Alright,” you say, dropping it into the basket with a decisive little thud. “Crunchy it is.”
Bucky observes you do it, something shimmering in his expression - something soft, a little hesitant, but warm. Like this tiny, seemingly meaningless choice holds a weight to him.
His jaw flexes slightly, as if he is about to say something, but he just exhales through his nose and shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous.”
But there is no bite to it.
And this time, he is the one to start walking, making sure you come along, staying just a little closer than before.
You are nearing the checkout registers when Bucky suddenly stops walking. It’s so abrupt that you almost keep going, but the absence of him beside you makes you pause.
You turn, finding him standing in front of a shelf, scanning its contents with a strange kind of focus, considering something.
You wait, watching the way his eyes search the options, his brows furrowing slightly. There is no tension in his posture, no obvious reason for the sudden stop - just deliberation.
Then, without a word, he reaches out, grasps a familiar-looking package, and drops it into the basket.
A soft thud.
Your gaze falls down, and your stomach does something strange when you realize what it is.
Chocolate-covered almonds.
The ones you always grab when you’re wandering the tower’s kitchen late at night, mind still wired from a mission, too awake to sleep but too tired to focus on anything real.
The ones you mindlessly snack on when you’re curled up on the couch, half-listening to, half-joining a conversation, or watching a movie.
The ones you didn’t even realize you had a thing for until you see them sitting in the basket between his plums, Steve’s soup, and the peanut butter Bucky prefers.
Your lips part slightly, surprised, searching his face. “You- Why’d you grab these?”
Bucky doesn’t even hesitate.
“Because you like them.”
Matter-of-fact. Simple. As if it’s obvious.
Just a fact.
Like it’s something he has known all along, something he has cataloged somewhere deep in that careful, quiet mind of his without ever making a big deal of it.
The realization unsettles you - not in a bad way, but in the kind of way that makes your chest feel suddenly too full.
You swallow, the corners of your lips twitching slightly, trying to ignore the warmth creeping up your neck.
“How do you know that?”
The words leave your lips lightly, bright with curiosity, playful in their demand. But beneath it, there is something you don’t quite let slip.
Something about the fact that he’s been watching.
That he’s noticed.
That he has paid attention in a way you didn’t think anyone has.
His grip on the basket adjusts for the hundredth time, but not because it’s heavy, he just seems to need something to do with his hands.
He schools his expression into something nonchalant, something careless, but it’s betrayed by the hint of warmth dusting across his cheekbones.
“You’re always munchin’ on ‘em,” he says, a teasing edge lacing his voice. He tries to sound smug, like it is an observation, just a simple fact, but there is something softer beneath it. Something like fondness.
You don’t even know if it’s been that obvious. If you truly eat these things out in the open that often.
Or if he just really is that observant.
That realization settles deep in your chest, warm and startling all at once.
So you just huff, pretending like your heart isn’t skipping beats, like his answer isn’t winding around something tender inside you.
“Well,” you remark, nudging his arm as you start walking again, “now I feel self-conscious about my snacking habits.”
Bucky lets out a soft chuckle. And when he falls into step beside you, he leans in slightly, voice just low enough for you to hear.
“Don’t.”
“The most sincere compliment we can pay is attention.”
summary | in your darkest hour, matt doesn't answer the phone. but frank does.
warnings | blood, death, violence, attempted robbery, religious trauma, possible infidelity, matt's lowkey kind of a bitch in this but that's ok, probably deviates from canon at times but fuck it we ball, MDNI 18+
word count | 3.5k
// masterlist // send me your thoughts // comments & reblogs appreciated! //
Blood wept from your fingertips, dripping onto the asphalt.
It had soaked through the man’s shirt. Oozed from the scattered holes in his chest, pooling around his torso. His lungs breathed no air. His eyes didn’t blink, gazing sightless up towards the Heavens.
Sickness hit in a crushing wave.
You doubled over, clutching your stomach as bile surged up your throat, burning over your tongue. The gagging continued long after there was nothing left, saliva dribbling from your bottom lip.
Then there was stillness.
Not the stillness of calm, or peace. But punishment. Sentencing. The solemn gaze of an all-forgiving Father as he stands before you, stone in-hand.
[To kill is a violation of Faith—]
{—You or them?}
The gun had still been smoking when it’d clattered at your feet.
Regret felt like a wet blanket on your shoulders, suffocating in its weight. You couldn’t stand it.
Couldn’t stand.
Asphalt dug into your knees, crumpling at the man's side. Your hands had been shaking as you grabbed his wrist, searching for a pulse, praying for it in the way a sinner prays for absolution.
You found none.
No pulse. No absolution.
Still, you tried. Locked your fingers over his chest—pressing and pressing, trying and trying. Until thick ribs cracked and caved, until your palms were drenched in warmth and death and–
Rain.
It was raining.
Little drops, softly pattering all throughout the alleyway. You watched, dazed, as they slid down the lit-up screen in your hands.
You didn’t remember pulling out your phone, but you remembered making the call.
Calls.
In the Bible, the number seven is considered sacred. Symbolic of divine oaths and promises, of perfection in the purest, most angelic sense.
Seven times you called the Devil.
Seven times he didn’t answer.
You tilted your head back. The rain fell faster, cool drops steady rolling down your cheeks. The sky was a yawning, starless expanse. In the past, you’d always said that’s why you hated the city. The lack of stars—veiled by pollution and human selfishness, replaced by a twinkling skyline made of artificial hope.
But tonight was different. Tonight, you were glad for their absence.
At least the stars hadn’t seen what you’d done.
Blood smeared across the phone screen as you dialed your eighth call. A different tone than before; a number not saved but remembered.
A number you’d promised Matt you’d never call again.
{In case you ever need it—}
[—I don’t trust him.]
What is trust?
Once, it felt like the comfort of sunlight pouring through stained glass windows. Sitting amidst the oaken pews with a man at your side—a soft man dressed in a sharp suit, his glasses tinted red and his heart pure gold.
Now, trust felt like the relief of a call that rang only once. Of cold fear melting into the gruff warmth of another’s voice, heavy with concern as they answered: “You alright?”
You almost laughed.
No. Of course not—because why would you call Frank Castle if you were anything other than desperate?
“Are you busy?” you asked, awkward and hesitant.
In hindsight, the question felt stupid. There was a body lying in front of you, and certainly no amount of busyness took precedence over that. But then, Matt must’ve been busy. Playing dutiful layer or God’s lone soldier. That’s why he hadn’t answered.
Unless…
[Elektra’s just a friend—]
{—That what we are?}
On the other end of the line, Frank urged, “C’mon now, doll, you gotta answer me, alright?” Had he asked something? You hadn’t noticed. “Where’re you at?”
“An alley.”
A rough, humorless chuckle. “Little more specific, sweetheart.”
Five blocks from Matt’s apartment, you thought.
“Off West 51st,” you said.
“Don’t move.” There was the sound of a door slamming, of boots pounding down a flight of stairs. “I’m on my way.”
Panic thrashed in your veins, anticipating the sharp click of a call gone dead. “Wait!” A cry, a plea—but for what? You had no clue what to say next.
You hadn’t told him about the man, or the gun, or the sin.
And Frank hadn’t asked. You knew this was because the Why? for your call hadn’t mattered to him.
Only that you had.
{You call, I come—}
[—Frank Castle is a murderer.]
Your eyes squeezed shut. You went to rub them, then remembered the blood dripping from your hands.
So am I, you thought. So am I.
Frank said your name. Once, twice.
Quietly, you asked, “Will you stay on the phone?”
The sound of another door pushing open, a great whoosh! of air as the city unfolded around him: sirens screaming, traffic blaring. With your eyes closed, you could almost see—shoving from his apartment building, marching down darkened sidewalks with a determined clench in his jaw.
It wasn’t a man coming to save you, nor a vigilante.
It was a soldier.
After drawing in a breath, Frank uttered, “‘Course.”
Time dragged.
Hell’s Kitchen droned around you. Occasionally, Frank would ask: You good? to which you replied: How far are you? At some point, you drifted further from the man’s body. Ended up sitting on the ground, your back pressed to a brick wall.
Your emotions were still fuzzy, as dull as the blunt edge of a knife. But your nerves… those were razor sharp.
You watched both ends of the alleyway. Vigilant, afraid. Your muscles tensed whenever a car door shut too loud, whenever a stranger passed beneath the distant, buzzing streetlights.
What if someone noticed?
Gunshots weren’t such a strange thing in the Kitchen. The Devil couldn’t be everywhere at once, and the cops were either too busy or too lazy to investigate every bang! in the night.
But if someone noticed you like this—curled on the ground, a dead man at your feet and violent red on your skin…
He started it, you reminded yourself. Self-defense is absolvable.
[To a judge? Or to God?—]
God doesn’t matter.
[—Why didn’t you call 9-1-1?]
Why didn’t you answer?
Your grip tightened around the phone. “How far now?”
“Check your nine.” In the second it took for you to envision a clock, Frank had already amended, “Left, sweetheart.” There was the barest hint of a smile in his voice. “Look left.”
You did.
Frank was little more than a formless figure approaching. He was dressed in all black, his hood up against the rain. You couldn’t see his face, but you didn’t need to. His presence was enough to ease the frantic beat of your pulse.
When he was close enough to hear, you hung up the phone. Wiped your nose on your sleeve and sniffed, “Took you long enough.”
Cool and calculating—two descriptors that fit Frank best as he scanned the scene. He took note of the discarded gun, the puddle of watered down blood, the man with three bullets in his chest.
You were the last thing he noted, and the only one to put a crack in his stern exterior.
“Smart enough to practice law,” Frank lightly joked, “but not to read a goddamn clock, huh?”
A laugh sputtered past your lips, melding into a broken sob.
“Paralegals don’t practice,” you argued, ignoring the tears wetting your cheeks. “And I can read a clock just fine, asshole.”
There was a softness to his face, one brow raising. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” So long as it’s in front of you, and you’re telling time and not direction.
Frank hummed, his knees popping as he crouched down beside you. “Well I ain’t got a watch,” he said, “so I guess I’ll have to take your word for it.”
Another weak laugh faded into quiet.
Then, more hesitant than you’d ever heard him before, Frank asked, “You wanna tell me what happened?”
Something about the way he said it struck you as odd. Like it was a choice—that you didn’t have to explain. If you wanted, the secrets of tonight could remain just that: Secrets, known only by you and a man who had no voice to share them.
[Do you remember Psalm 80:9?—]
Even secret sins are exposed in His light.
{—How do you deal with it? All Red’s Catholic bullshit?}
By believing in it.
Frank took your silence for an answer. Shifted as if he might reach out, offer comfort. Instead, his fingers curled into loose fists.
“How ‘bout you go wait around the corner,” he offered, “and let me take care of all this?”
You weren’t sure what Frank’s version of ‘taking care of this’ entailed, but you knew you were comfortable with never finding out.
Frank followed suit as you pushed off the ground. His movements were precise and easy, while yours were graceless and weighted. Standing, the world seemed to shift beneath your feet. Your mind was still hazy, your bones tired.
Existence had become an arduous task.
“When you’re… done,” you managed, your arms curled tight around your waist, “what then?”
You didn’t want to go home—or to Matt’s.
You didn’t want to feel alone.
As if he understood this, Frank simply answered, “I’ll take you back to my place. Get you cleaned up, let you rest awhile.” His head tilted slightly. “You like pizza?”
The world was ending.
And yet here stood Frank—no Bible quotes or Hail Mary’s, no judgement for the sin you’d committed or the mess he had to clean. He offered only calm, only patience—and pizza of all things.
[What do you see in him?—]
{—Let me take care of all this.}
You nodded.
Frank’s apartment was bleak.
One room total—unless you counted the cramped shoebox of a bathroom, which you did not. The front door opened into a shoddy kitchenette, connected to a living room that clearly doubled as his bedroom.
He owned minimal furnishings. There was a lumpy couch, a small table with one chair, an old doormat that read Stay Awhile! except the Awhile had been all but completely rubbed off. You assumed that’s why it was inside instead of out—because even indirectly, Frank Castle wasn’t the type to ask anyone to Stay.
Behind you, Frank grunted as he kicked his boots off onto the mat. You wondered if you should do the same, but didn’t.
It felt strange to be in Frank’s apartment. Not because it made you uncomfortable, but because it didn’t. You felt fine. Still shaken, still a little sick—but safe.
Would Matt be able to tell? Would he smell the gunpowder and Old Spice clinging to your skin and know that you’d been with Frank?
That’s how you knew when he’d been with Elektra. You didn’t need super senses to smell her perfume—a heady mix of cloves and something citrus, lingering on his shirts as plain as if it were lipstick on the collar.
Unthinking, you said, “You should get a bird.”
Frank chuckled. “Yeah? And why’s that?”
You weren’t sure. It was just the first thing that had come to mind, a means of evicting Elektra from your thoughts.
“It could liven the place up,” you suggested. Though, after taking another glance around, you realized that might be asking too much of one little bird.
He’d need a flock.
Frank slipped past you, warmth crawling up your spine at the slight brush of his hand against your back. You told yourself it was unintentional—no more intimate than someone scooting past you in a crowded bar or a grocery store aisle.
Still, the warmth lingered.
“Don’t think I’m much of a bird guy,” Frank admitted from the kitchenette. Then, nodding towards the couch, he added, “Sit.”
You drifted that way and sank into the cushions. The springs were practically nonexistent, and the brown leather peeled like a bad sunburn—impossible not to pick at.
“What kind of guy are you, then?” you asked, more interested in a distraction than his answer.
Frank dug around in the cabinets, grabbed a plastic mixing bowl, and went to the sink. “I like dogs,” he told you, loud enough to be heard over the running water filling the bowl.
You pretended not to hear him anyway.
After starting at Nelson & Murdock, you’d planned to get a dog. It seemed like the right time. You had your own place, your own income—and you knew Foggy would love having something cute and furry around the office. But then you got closer to Matt, and the dream died before it ever began.
Dogs were too much for Matt. Too many smells, too many sounds, too many textures. Back then, you’d thought it was a reasonable sacrifice. No dog in exchange for an incredible boyfriend.
You knew better now.
You should’ve picked the dog.
Dragging the lone chair from the table, Frank settled in front of you with the bowl of steaming water and a thin cloth. His eyes went straight to your hand. You assumed it was because of the dried blood until he said, “You’re fucking up my couch.”
You stopped picking, dusting the flakes of leather onto the floor. “It was already fucked,” you defended.
“So you gotta make it worse?”
You fixed him with a blank stare. “Nothing could make this couch worse.” Short of setting it on fire, that is.
“That how we’re gonna play this?” Frank looked like he was holding in a laugh. “I let you in, offer you food—and you pay me back by talkin’ shit about my couch?”
“It’s not just the couch,” you stated plainly. “It’s the whole apartment.”
It reminded you of prison—a place that you, Foggy, and Matt had worked hard to keep Frank out of. Even if the trial hadn’t gone as expected, you hated the idea that all that fight had been for this: A peeling couch, a faded doormat, a lonely little chair.
Frank deserved better than that.
[Have you forgotten?—]
[Castle was charged with 37 counts of murder]
[—Why are you so attached to this case?]
With the bowl balanced on top of his legs, Frank dipped the cloth in and wrung it out as he joked, “Guess I need that bird.”
Your lips twitched. Not quite a smile, but close.
“Guess so.”
Frank held out an open palm. Without thinking, you laid your hand against his.
The water was too hot. Not quite burning, but still uncomfortable as he pressed the cloth to your wrist. But you didn’t flinch, utterly motionless as he wiped in slow, circular motions.
His touch was far lighter than you’d imagined.
Not that you ever had imagined it.
As the cloth moved down to your fingers, Frank’s focus grew more intent. He was meticulous in cleaning every line of your knuckles, the dried blood caked under your nails.
Only when the water in the bowl had turned the color of rust, the cloth stained and your skin spotless, did Frank trade one of your hands for the other.
Only then did you confess.
“He had a knife.”
Half a second—that’s how long Frank’s movements faltered before he kept on cleaning. You were thankful he didn’t try to look you in the eye. That he didn’t have to for you to know he was listening.
“Foggy has a deposition in the morning,” you continued shakily. “He always forgets to print his motion, so I stopped by the office to do it for him and… I don’t know. On the way back home, I could just feel it, you know? That someone was there. That they were following me.”
An understanding nod as Frank moved the cloth to your index finger.
“I know it’s stupid,” you told him. “But I thought if I cut through the alley, got closer to Matt’s, then–”
He’d hear it, if the worst happened. The Devil would come. Your boyfriend—if you could even still call him that—would save you.
But that had been a stupid, childish thought.
“I figured I could lose,” you said instead. “That I could turn the corner and just run in circles until he gave up. But he was fast. I wasn’t even halfway down the alley when he ran up behind me, when grabbed my shoulder and–”
Your breath caught. Frank’s touch moved slower, gentler—a feat you wouldn’t have thought possible. His eyes caught yours in a concerned glance. Only then did you remember how to breathe.
“It was just a knife, Frank. A knife—and I pulled out a gun!” A short, hollow laugh. “I should have let him rob me,” you rationalized. “At least a wallet can be replaced. But him, his life–”
Frank cut you off. “How do you know?”
Your brows furrowed in answer.
His hand went still against yours, holding the cloth wrapped around your ring finger. “That that’s all he wanted,” Frank gruffly clarified. “To rob you.”
“I don’t, but–”
“You remember what I told you? When I taught you how to shoot?”
{You or them?—}
Frustrated, you insisted, “It’s not that easy, Frank. It’s not my choice!”
[—It’s up to God, who lives and who dies.]
Frank shook his head. “That’s the Catholic in you,” he argued.
“I’m not Catholic,” you snapped, low but harsh. Frank looked confused, and you fought to keep the shame from your voice as you muttered, “Not anymore.”
Religion, you’ve learned, is a funny sort of thing. Even when you stop believing, it never truly goes away. God becomes a ghost under your skin, a divine haunting that borders on insanity. You will always think in terms of Sinners and Saints. You will always know that no amount of repentance will ever mold your soul into something more like the latter.
Frank wasn’t the type to pry any further.
Instead, he adjusted your hand. Carefully dragged the cloth along the curve of your fingernail. The water had cooled, now too cold where it was once too hot.
“It doesn’t matter what he was going to do,” you decided. “It only matters that I killed him.”
This time, it was Frank’s breath that hitched.
“No you didn’t,” he said, and you had never heard someone tell a lie so matter-of-fact.
“I did–”
He looked up. A muscle feathered in his jaw, and when he spoke, it was with the steely resolve of a no nonsense Marine.
“No. I did.”
You blinked at him.
“I gave you that gun,” he continued. “Gave you that goddamn advice, too. That no matter what, you always gotta pick you. And see, I don’t regret that shit either because all that? It kept you alive. Kept you breathing. And if some no-good prick’s gotta so you get to live? Fine. Good.”
You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything but stare at him.
“But if someone’s gotta bear the weight of that guy’s miserable life,” Frank told you, “then let it be me, alright?” His gaze fell, lingering on your lips a moment too long before he uttered, “‘Cause I ain’t gonna let it be you.”
[You care about him—]
[—Don’t you?]
Do you care about her?
[Elektra’s just a friend—]
…
[—Can you say the same about Frank?]
You studied the man before you.
Frank Castle. The Punisher.
The one you shouldn’t call, shouldn’t trust. A murderer and a felon, a crack in your already crumbling relationship. Someone you tried to stay away from, tried to forget.
A number not saved, but remembered.
No, you thought, and wondered if Matt already knew. I can’t.
Swallowing, you looked down at your joined hands. The blood was almost all gone now, washed away by someone far more damned than you.
“Okay,” you said. There was no need to say anything else, no need to keep bearing the crushing weight of your newly acquired sin—not when God was a ghost and the Devil had abandoned you, not when a Soldier was so willing to bear it for you.
“You know,” you said, deftly changing the subject, “my brain’s a little hazy, but I’m pretty sure you promised me pizza.”
Frank fought the subtle curve of his lips. “Did I?”
You nodded, and he chuckled.
“Fine–” he refocused, back to cleaning off the last of the blood–“but you’re placin’ the order.”
You mocked him, Fine!, while sliding your phone from your pocket. The screen lit up with two missed calls and one text.
Matthew: Sorry, got caught up with something. Everything OK?
Your thumb hovered over the message.
In the Bible, the number eight is symbolic of many things. Resurrection is one of them; something dead brought back into eternal life. Once, you would’ve seen Matt’s text—a string of eight words—and wondered if that meant something. If maybe there was something left of your love to be resurrected.
Now, you stole a glance at Frank—your eighth call—and thought of new beginnings. Of choosing your own path.
You cleared Matt’s message.
Tapped on the Safari icon and asked, “Do you want somewhere specific?”
“Ever been to Lombardi’s?” suggested Frank.
You shook your head. “Is it good?”
Frank cut you a look. “‘Course it’s good. But knowin’ you, you’ll probably shit talk it the same way you did my couch.”
A smile tugged at your lips. “Keep it up,” you teased, already typing the restaurant into the search, “and your only company’s gonna be the couch and the bird.”
He chuckled. “I ain’t gettin’ a bird.”
You'd just pressed the phone to your ear, already listening to it ring when you built up the nerve to ask, "What about a dog?"
Frank set the cloth in the bowl. Gave your hand a gentle squeeze.
“Maybe a dog.”
a/n - this has been sitting in my drafts literally since january. i can't decide if i like it or hate it, but i've gotten into too much of a habit of writing, overthinking, and then never posting---so, here it is! thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it <3
pairing: former winter soldier!bucky barnes x reader
summary: you organize a trip to see the cherry blossoms for yourself and anyone living in avengers tower and, to your surprise, you're joined by the former winter soldier, bucky barnes.
warnings: FLUFF—like so much fluff—and angst, recovering bucky barnes, lots of bucky barnes feels, bucky barnes gets verbally abused by a stranger and reader doesn't take it well
word count: 3.7k
a/n: i was thinking about how cherry blossom season is almost over and how soft and sweet it would be for a recently rescued/escaped bucky barnes to go see them with a girl who's more than a little bit smitten with him even if he doesn't know it—and i had to write it! i just wanted to write a short, fluffy piece and while this ended up being a little longer than i expected (as usual!) i adore this soft version of bucky a lot!!!! hope y'all enjoy!! ♡
-
You’d lived and worked at Avengers Tower in New York City for a couple years and you still hadn’t gotten out to Brooklyn to see the cherry blossoms at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. It was one of the things you’d dreamed of doing ever since you’d learned you were moving to the city. You’d seen photos online and maybe it was silly, but they were so beautiful you thought cherry blossoms must be magic.
So when it was finally the right time of year for the cherry blossoms to bloom, you organized a day trip with anyone from Avengers Tower who wanted to go, even rented a fleet of vans to take you all from Manhattan to Brooklyn. To your surprise, a couple of the Avengers signed up—including Captain America and the Winter Soldier.
At that point, it had only been a few weeks since Steve Rogers had brought Bucky Barnes—recently rescued from Hydra and his life as the Winter Soldier—to live in Avengers Tower. It had been a tumultuous time. After Captain America had brought down Hydra, he’d made a deal with the U.S. government to have Bucky remanded to his custody and Steve had decided to bring his childhood best friend to live in the tower. He’d figured living so close to where they grew up in Brooklyn might help his friend heal.
It had thrown the whole tower into a tizzy, though, as everyone on every floor whispered about the fact that they’d be forced to live in the same building as the Winter Soldier. Every time you heard someone say something along those lines, you’d have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. It was a large tower, most likely none of them would ever cross paths with the former Russian assassin.
Unlike your coworkers, who gave him a wide berth, you were curious about Bucky Barnes. The first time you caught sight of him in the halls of Avengers Tower, you were struck by how handsome he was. With his long brown hair framing his face, striking blue eyes, strong stubbled jaw and perfectly soft mouth, he was so attractive butterflies took flight in your chest. As you passed by, walking the other way, you smiled at him, saying, “Good morning.”
His face remained impassive, his blue eyes sliding over your face and then away. Your heart sank a little, but it only made you more determined to get a response out of him. So every time you saw him, you’d smile and wave or offer some kind of greeting. The most you’d get was a small nod or a grunt, but that didn’t deter you, even if you didn’t think he liked you much.
When you saw he and Steve had signed up for the cherry blossom excursion, you were more than a little surprised, though you suspected it was more Steve’s doing than Bucky’s. However, then word got around that the Winter Soldier was going and quite a few people dropped out, so many you had to cut the van reservation in half, then quarters.
But when the day arrived, some brave souls showed up to pile into the handful of vans that would take everyone to Brooklyn. You supposed it helped that Captain America and some of the other Avengers were there, but it made you a little sick to think people were still so frightened of Bucky. All he’d done since arriving at the tower was hole up in his room and walk quietly to the kitchen for meals or the gym to work out. He may not be friendly, but he was far from the monster everyone seemed to paint him as.
Once the vans arrived at the botanic garden, everyone flooded out and rushed ahead to the cherry blossom esplanade. Steve got caught up in the tide and was whisked away. Before following everyone else, you looked around and caught Bucky lingering by the vans, like he was hesitant to go ahead. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his dark jeans, his shoulders hunched in the white t-shirt he wore. He was the picture of uncomfortable and you were sure, if it hadn’t been so hot out that day, he’d be wearing a jacket to cover his metal arm.
Not wanting to leave him behind, you walked up to Bucky and gave him your best winning smile. “Will you walk with me to the cherry blossoms?” you asked in a sweet voice. You were trying not to get your hopes up in case he rebuffed you, but you couldn’t fully tamp down the butterflies swirling in your stomach.
The corners of Bucky’s mouth turned down in a slight frown as he stared at you, his face a blank mask of indifference. His jaw worked like he was going to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded.
As you joined the crush of people heading down the wide paths following signs to the cherry blossoms, you wrapped a hand lightly around Bucky’s metal arm, not wanting to get separated. It was your first time at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden—hell, it was your first time in Brooklyn—and you didn’t want to wind up stranded alone in an unfamiliar place. You were pretty sure you’d be able to find your way back if you needed to, but it was just easier to hold on to Bucky so you didn’t get separated.
Bucky must’ve felt your touch because he turned and gave your hand a sharp look, like it had personally offended him. Instantly, you let go.
“I-I’m sorry,” you said, stumbling over your feet a little as you tried to keep up with his long strides. You’d worn a long, flowy sundress and the skirts kept getting tangled in your legs, but you kept pace with Bucky as best you could. “I don’t want to get lost,” you admitted, looking up and finding him watching you out of the corner of his eye.
Bucky’s brows were lowered over his eyes, which looked bright in the sunlight, reflecting the cloudless blue sky. Without a word of response, he jutted his elbow out in offer. You didn’t hesitate to take him up on it, wrapping both your hands around the cool metal of his bicep and sticking close to him as he wove through the crowd.
It was a beautiful spring day, even if it verged on being a little too warm, and it seemed everyone in the city had descended on the botanic garden to see the cherry blossoms. There were families picnicking in the grassy fields, friends chatting as they walked, children screaming while they played together and more than one group doing low-key photoshoots with the beautiful flowering trees. You took it all in, relishing the day away from Avengers Tower.
When you and Bucky reached the cherry blossom esplanade, your feet tripped to a stop and you sucked in a sharp breath, letting it out softly in a wondrous sigh as you took in the gorgeous scene. The photos you’d seen didn’t do it justice. Rows of cherry blossom trees extended as far as you could see down a narrow grassy field. They were in such full bloom that the entire area was shaded. Even from a little ways away, it smelled delightful, so fresh and pretty. The sight was, dare you say it, a little big magical.
Bucky had felt the tug on his arm when you’d stopped and he’d paused beside you, taking in the scene in his own way. When you glanced at him and found his eyes were slightly narrowed while he surveyed the area, you knew exactly what he was doing. You’d been around the Avengers long enough to know he wasn’t really seeing the beauty of the cherry blossoms. He was scanning the immediate vicinity for possible threats and the fastest escape route.
Gently, you tugged on Bucky’s arm to get his attention and pressed closer to him so you could keep your voice low. When he looked at you, you smiled softly. “The cherry blossoms are pretty, aren’t they?” you asked, an unsubtle prompt in your tone.
Looking at the trees briefly, Bucky indulged you before glancing back and giving a noncommittal grunt. You giggled and shook your head at him in a good-naturedly exasperated way. You used your grip on his arm to tow him toward the esplanade and you fell into step together as you walked slowly through the trees.
Every once in a while, you stole glances at Bucky. More often than not, he was looking anywhere but the cherry blossoms, but on more than one occasion, you caught him looking at you. It was enough to have an ever-present rabble of butterflies flurrying in your stomach and a pleasant heat settling into your cheeks. Thankfully, you could chalk that up to the sun, if anyone were to ask. Which they wouldn’t since you hadn’t seen anyone else from your Avengers Tower group since you’d all exited the vans.
While you walked, you watched the people around you just as much as you admired the trees. There were a number of couples walking down the esplanade or the paths on either side. It made you wonder if people thought you and Bucky were a couple. The idea made you happier than you wanted to admit to yourself, especially since Bucky only seemed to tolerate your company. You could admit you were having a good time strolling along with him. He was quiet, but his company made you feel safe and relaxed in a way you didn’t often find with others.
When you reached the end of the esplanade, Bucky seemed to know what you wanted and smoothly turned you around to begin walking back the way you’d come. After a few minutes of walking slowly through the cherry blossom trees, you noticed a spot that would be a nice place to take a photo. You tugged on Bucky’s arm until he followed you. Getting out your phone, you asked Bucky to take your photo and he grudgingly nodded. You walked a few feet away to pose, smiling as Bucky took pictures until you figured you’d gotten enough.
As you made your way back to Bucky, though, you spotted a family of four that stood out from the happy, relaxed crowd. They were walking hurriedly toward Bucky from another direction and something about the look in the father’s face didn’t sit well in your stomach.
You hurried back to Bucky, taking your phone from him without looking at the photos he’d taken. You’d only just managed to slip it into your purse when the father of the family grabbed Bucky’s shoulder and jerked on it, trying to get his attention. You saw red.
“Get your hand off him,” you snarled, pushing around Bucky and stepping between him and the man. The stranger was taller than you, but you stared him down furiously. You didn’t know what the man wanted, but you were sure it wasn’t anything good.
“He shouldn’t be here,” the man shouted in your face, glaring angrily over your shoulder at Bucky. The mother stood just behind the man, holding one of her kids in her arms, the other clinging to her legs. The children looked scared, but it had nothing on the wildly irrational fear in the eyes of the parents. “I saw him on the news, he’s some Russian war criminal—he’s a monster!”
“He is not a monster,” you yelled right back. You knew you were causing a scene and other people in the garden were starting to stare, but you couldn’t help yourself. You were sick to death of seeing Bucky being treated like less than human, and it all came bubbling out at the worst possible moment. “Leave us alone!”
The man ignored you, trying to push past and get to Bucky, but you reached up and shoved him back, almost sending him careening into his family. They got out of the way just in time, but the man stumbled, blood rushing to his face and making him look like a livid tomato. It would be funny if not for the way he was raising his hand like he was going to hit you in retaliation.
Before you could even flinch, a warm wall of muscle pressed to your back and a metal arm wrapped around your waist, moving you out of reach of the man in the blink of an eye. “Don’t touch her,” Bucky growled, quiet enough you were sure no one but you and the man heard him. There was so much vicious warning his tone, even you were shivering a little from the threat of unleashed violence. But it was quickly overshadowed as something else, something warm, surged in your chest at the knowledge of Bucky defending you. Despite the situation, you had to bite your lip against a goofy smile.
Meanwhile, the color drained from the man’s face as he took in the Winter Soldier at your back, protecting you just as you’d protected him moments before. You knew Bucky was a formidable sight—six foot of thick muscle, a glare that could make even the bravest man cower, and a metal arm that could easily crush bones. He’d never inspired fear in you, but terror was all you saw in the man’s eyes. He dropped his hand.
“You shouldn’t be here,” the stranger said again. Though he tried to make it threatening, he sounded so much like a petulant child, you almost snickered.
“He has as much right to be here as you do,” you shot back, pushing against Bucky’s arm still wrapped around your waist, but he held you firm. Instead, you looked at the man’s family, who all looked uncomfortable and a little bit scared. The stranger couldn’t look at them, not after he’d been so thoroughly humbled. “If you’re so scared, why don’t you take your family and leave.”
The man huffed and puffed, but you all knew it was just a show. He finally grabbed his wife’s hand and pulled her away, the child that had been clinging to her leg lingering behind. “I like your dress,” she said to you in a hushed whisper. The little girl’s eyes moved to Bucky. “And your metal arm.” Before you could respond, the father called out and the child went running back to her family.
When you turned to Bucky, you found his gaze following the man, as if making sure he didn’t circle back around and return for another attack. Calmly, you led Bucky away from the central area of the esplanade, finding a relatively secluded spot amongst the trees. Even after you stopped, though, Bucky’s eyes didn’t look at you. They were only focused on your surroundings, like he was preparing for someone else to accost you both, so you reached up and gently cupped his face in your hands.
“Hey,” you said softly, willing him to look at you. His brown hair was falling in his eyes so you pushed it out of the way with soothing fingers. When Bucky finally looked at you, you smiled reassuringly. “It’s ok, you’re ok—we’re ok.”
Bucky’s jaw worked like he was chewing gravel, the muscle popping so violently you worried for his teeth. You didn’t expect him to say anything, but he did. “That man… he would’ve hurt you.”
Your heart squeezed at the sight of Bucky looking so pained by the thought and you brushed your thumbs over his stubbled cheeks, still trying to soothe and comfort him. “But he didn’t—you stopped him,” you said firmly, reminding Bucky of the good he’d done.
His jaw worked again and you realized it was what he did while he figured out what he wanted to say. After a long pause, he spoke again. “He called me a… monster.”
“You’re not,” you said without hesitation. Bucky’s expression collapsed into a look of pain and your heart broke at the sight. It was clear he didn’t believe you. “You’re not a monster.” Your voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. Stepping closer, you held Bucky’s gaze so he could see the honesty in your expression. “You have every right to be here,” you went on, repeating what you’d said to the man, knowing Bucky needed to hear it. “You have every right to live your life in peace.”
Somehow, hearing the words made Bucky look even more tortured, but before you could do anything else, he wrapped his arms around you. He gathered you into his chest, hugging you tightly and hunching his shoulders as he draped his big body over your smaller form. He took deep, ragged breaths, like he was holding himself back from sobbing.
You squeezed him tightly, your arms around Bucky’s shoulders as you held him and comforted him while he let out the emotions he was feeling. Your hands rubbed soothingly up and down his back and you made soft, comforting sounds, telling him everything was going to be ok. Gradually, he seemed to calm.
When Bucky pulled away, his expression seemed lighter, even though you couldn’t pinpoint what exactly had changed. Perhaps his mouth wasn’t set so firmly in a frown or his blue eyes looked a little less haunted. Whatever it was, it felt like a miracle.
“Want to go back to the vans and wait for the others?” you asked, smiling softly. He nodded then held his arm out to you and you took it happily, clinging to the cool metal as you strolled back through the cherry blossoms.
Together, you headed back to the vans and climbed inside. Bucky insisted you get in first before crowding you into the corner of the backseat. You suspected him putting himself between you and the door was intentional, but you didn’t mind his protective instincts in the slightest. It felt wonderful to be looked after like that.
Late in the afternoon, Steve opened the door of the van, startling you awake. You didn’t know when it had happened, but you’d fallen asleep against Bucky’s shoulder—and he’d let you.
“Hey Buck,” Steve said cheerfully. He noticed you a moment later, half hidden behind Bucky’s big frame, and greeted you as well. The blond collapsed onto the seat in front of you, his blue eyes—so close in shade to Bucky’s—taking in the minimal space between you and his best friend. Heat spread to your cheeks, but Steve didn’t comment. He only looked at Bucky and said, “You got something in your hair.”
Bucky turned to you and sure enough, he had a cherry blossom petal tangled in his brown hair. You plucked it free and held it in your palm to show him, laughing a little. “A memory of our first time seeing the cherry blossoms,” you joked.
But when you glanced at Bucky’s face, he wore a serious expression. Gently—so gently it made your heart thump happily in your chest—Bucky folded your hand closed over the petal. His blue eyes were soft as he stared at you, emotion swimming to the surface of his blue gaze. “Save it,” he murmured in a quiet, husky voice.
In that moment, you knew the day had been as special to Bucky as it had been to you. It was plain in the earnestness of his eyes and the tone of his voice. The butterflies in your stomach returned in full force and you had to admit to yourself that you had a serious crush on the Winter Soldier. It was ok, though, because he seemed to like you back.
After a beat of silence, you finally got your lips to work. “I will,” you said on a stunned exhale.
The corners of Bucky’s mouth tipped up. It was the first time you’d ever seen him smile and all you could do was stare. You’d already thought he was handsome, but a smiling Bucky Barnes was devastating. The butterflies took flight in your stomach and your heart beat rapidly in your chest. Bucky’s smile was a sight as wondrous and beautiful as the botanic garden’s cherry blossom esplanade and you couldn’t help but feel overjoyed he’d trusted you with it.
The moment ended as others started to get in the van, clamoring inside noisily and chatting about the botanic garden. Bucky let his face slacken, his expression returning to its dull, blank state, but you knew you wouldn’t forget what it looked like to see him smile. Already, you couldn’t wait to see Bucky’s smile again, hoping he’d show it to you again soon.
When you looked forward, you caught Steve staring at you unabashedly, shock on his face. You weren’t sure what surprised him more, Bucky talking to anyone else besides him, or Bucky smiling—which you weren’t sure even Steve had seen since reuniting with his best friend.
You were certain your own surprise was written across your face and when Steve raised his eyebrows in a silent question, all you could do was shrug and shake your head. The blond’s gaze swung back and forth between you and Bucky before he finally nodded at you, genuine happiness in his eyes. You smiled at him, the two of you sharing a moment and bonding over how much you both cared for Bucky, then he turned to the front to settle in for the ride back to Manhattan.
If Bucky noticed the silent conversation that had passed between you and Steve, he didn’t show it. He was looking out the window as the van pulled away from the botanic garden. You cuddled into his side, laying your head on his shoulder, clutching the cherry blossom petal loosely in your hand so you didn’t lose it, but you didn’t crush it either. Bucky threaded his fingers gently through your free hand, holding it on his thigh.
When you’d planned the trip to see the cherry blossoms, you’d been hoping for something magical. You’d wanted to see something beautiful and straight out of a fairytale. What you got was so much more special, and all the better for it. You’d learned you were someone the Winter Soldier wanted to protect, and you’d discovered a softer side of the former Russian assassin. Most spectacularly, you’d gotten your first look at Bucky Barnes’ smile.
As you held Bucky’s hand and reflected on your day together, you were certain of one thing—cherry blossoms must be magic.
