when I am queen

she/her, 22 💋 NPD + DID

[npdame]

Suzanne, 22, she/her lesbian with DID & NPD.

Mostly unmasked NPD posts here. This is, for the most part, a vent sideblog. If you know my main, good for you. That likely means I've either entrusted that to you, or you are close to me.

This blog exists to exert my nastiness and horrid, disordered thoughts... Somewhere. So I don't feel the need to destroy everything I've worked hard to maintain recently.

I like fashion, toys, pro-wrestling, avant garde art, and I have a fondness for arachnids and most other creepy-crawlies people dislike. I also work a part-time job. I would probably consider myself godkin.

Asks open, just don't be a toxic freak weirdo. I'm actually quite nice.

[npdame]

Oftentimes, I find myself fantasizing about moving in with someone and really impressing them with my skills or with how kind I am. I imagine myself beautiful, perfect, and alluring... Maybe even sought after by that person, even if I don't want to be thought of like that by them. Especially if I admire them deeply... Or the idea of them, rather.

[npdame]

I want to run away from everything. I want to become someone else. I will always become someone else. I will always run.

[npdame]

I think she is avoiding me. I don't understand why. She told me she could hang out, and then she keeps changing her mind. Do I matter to you or not? Do you love me or not? You're just stringing me along, leading me on just like everyone else. Shower me with admiration and praise and then once you have me, neglect me and laugh at my misery. Just like always.

[npdame]

Supply is lasting less and less now. The time I spend with the people who supposedly admire me, the compliments and attention, are meaning less and less. Small things set me off and I'm afraid of being a bad person like I used to be. I don't know how to change.

[ersatz-introspective]

i genuinely cannot help being better than you. this is my neutral state. only you can help being pathetic & lame & uninspiring. maybe some day you can warrant attention but that day is not today. sorry!

[npdame]

I've leveled out a little again, god bless!!!! Ugh maybe I won't get totally depressed these next few days 😒

[npdame]

Does anyone know how to get supply without manipulating it out of people... I am in dire need of it at this point 😞

[npdame]

I don't know how much of myself is a constructed ideal and how much is reality. How much of my personality have I leeched from someone? How much of my personality have I lied to everyone about? I don't know. Does anyone else not feel like they're a real person? Like they're just a hollow shell?

[npdame]

I can't compliment anyone without them getting mad at me can I

[npdame]

I guess a lot of compliments I give can be interpreted as being backhanded, but that doesn't give you an excuse to get mad at me. Especially when you understand my intentions.

[npdame]

I can't compliment anyone without them getting mad at me can I

[npdame]

I forgot the sick, sick high I get off of making everyone worry about me. I forgot how excited it makes me feel. Like they truly adore me enough to want me to stay

[npdame]

I'm clearly in a crash and the only thing anyone manages to say is "I'm sorry." I don't know. You should be scrambling at my feet to beg for me to stay. You should be telling me how great I am, not pitying me. Fuck off with that "pity." Show yourself to be worthy of not being discarded.

[egotripenigma]

Being egotistical does not always equal narcissism.

Too many people want NPD which ruins your life and relationships cause:

- you can’t get a job cause of stigma or keep a job cause of symptoms.

- too many relationships fluctuate because of symptoms and lack any emotion to keep them

- you get suicidal or homicidal because of fluctuating moods and constant collapses

- it’s hard to function normally when you’re scrutinizing everything

- you can’t tell anyone out of fear of judgement or rejection

- thinking you’re normal then a collapse hits and ruins you.

- literally ruins your life. Idk why people want it

Personal symptoms I’ve been affected by:

- thinking I’m asexual spectrum for being apathetic towards love

- wanting to kill myself or others, harm myself, and manipulate for attention.

- since I was little I’ve used theft, running away, crying, and threatening to manipulate people from leaving me or giving me attention

- I can’t function without competition or being the best at everything or else I’ll spiral

- genuinely bored of everything and life because I need constant stimulation

Once again I am sick of all the people ego posting and claiming narcissism. It took me ages of people calling me a narcissist, bad relationships and friendships, and my inability to get out of my chud life to realize I had npd. Just cause you have a god complex by choice doesn’t mean you had to suffer and waste 20 years of your youth and life with a disorder you didn’t want.

Anyways bye

[bemyhowhigh]

i think people tend to forget that narcissists are everywhere.

i don’t mean to sound like the “ i am autism ad “ but narcs are genuinely lurking at every turn. could be your neighbor, the cashier at the connivence store you visit, even your best friend. they could be right about anywhere.

the truth i think many people don’t like to admit is that narcs ( and i would go as far to argue , cluster b as a whole. ) tend to be at a first glance very charming. i know many don’t want to admit it , blah blah blah pop culture narcissism , but still. ive been told by others i make for very good conversation, and that im a good listener. narcissists are everywhere. chances are your boyfriend who has got an ego too big for his own good probably isn’t though.

ⓘ this blog is by a low-empath narcissist, for other narcissists. chances are , it doesn’t care what you think.

[npdame]

I don't like that my friends talk to this one person over me in my own group. The image of this person is already soured in my mind, but seeing everyone getting along with them after what this person did to settle themself in a hard place well beneath me pisses me off and makes me feel so angry. They should be giving me that attention. Not this piece of shit who intentionally made my episodes worse and gave me the worst apology known to mankind. It should be me. They were all my friends first, my closest friends, my chosen friends, and now I feel they'd rather speak to them over me. After I told practically everyone what this person had done and how they hurt me.

I feel the need to instigate something, to start a fight, so I can kick this person from the group and paint them as evil. I need them to see how much this person hurt me. How I know they're behind my back shit talking me, spreading lies about me, just like everyone I've known previously that are exactly like them. They shit talk their other friends in front of us. I need to know what they're saying about me.

[npdame]

Really struggling suddenly & needing supply VS Not wanting to guilt your friends you've worked very hard to keep a kind image around (Texas Deathmatch Edition)