Dove

“Depends on the day, the extent of all my worthless rage. I’m not angry anymore” - Paramore sideblog! they/he | adult | tme | white Prodx: unspecified PD | Selfdx: NPD Pro blorbo tags on my posts. Pro saying whatever the fuck you want on my post as long as you’re fine with being blocked if I don’t like what you said.

[theegosystem-deactivated2024012]

** not everyone with NPD relates to "supply", important to note that! Also important to note that "supply" has been reclaimed, as it's often used against pwNPD.

Okay that's all I've got to say about that!

I really, really want to work on redefining NPD symptoms to describe how we experience them rather than how other people experience them! This is what I've got! If anyone else with NPD wants to add anything go ahead!

Oh and one more thing, no symptoms are inherently abusive. But, some people do still insist on using them as an excuse to hurt others. If you hurt someone using your symptoms then you must apologize, you mustn't use them as an excuse, and you must take responsibility.

Here's a link to the post with image descriptions.

[animentality]

[ichliebemeinkissen]

moral of the story: if you have npd, stop doing anything ever 🤞

[npdbubblygum]

I don't know if you're joking or if you're saying it in a genuinely defeatist way, but no you don't have to stop doing things forever (though it can help to take a break from doing things for a little while)

People with npd can learn skills that help with this

If you have npd, learn more about how your brain works and how to intercept at an early stage in a shame spiral and how to self validate and think about self worth in terms other than accomplishments. Learn about what it is that makes you feel ashamed abd where it came from and why shame feels unsafe, and then make it safe to feel your shame. Meet your shame. It feels a little bit like throwing up and dying but the more you face your shame and come out safe on the other side, the easier it gets

A good therapist who genuinely cares about giving narcissistic clients proper care can help with this, but you need to prioritize learning above feeling like you're good at what you're trying to learn to genuinely take it in, so be mentally prepared for the anguish that comes with genuine struggle and being seen struggling. You will come out more resilient on the other end of it if you open yourself up to it

Learn one small step at a time how to disentangle your self worth from the result. Npd means it's going to be harder and take more work and support to do this, not that we can't ever do it

We are not doomed

[happyk44]

[ID: 1. Tweet from @/bluewmist: the fastest way to kill motivation is to make your identity depend on the outcome. it's called ego involvement. when failing becomes failing as a person, your brain starts avoiding the whole thing. not because you don't care, but because you care too much.

2. Reply tweet from @/bluewmist: you don't need lower standards. you need less self-worth tangled up in your goals. the work gets easier when it's not aboout proving who you are /end ID]

[marlowe-art]

daffodils, two ways

[npdbubblygum]

I feel like I overcame a hurdle that was about to completely destroy me

[npdbubblygum]

Oh no I am back to thinking "I need to kill myself->no that'd only leave the witnesses->I need to kill everyone else" whenever I feel even a slight hint of shame. I wonder what is making me slip right now

[femmenietzsche]

I like how from the perspective of a follower someone getting their life together to the point that they no longer post is exactly indistinguishable from them getting killed by a gas explosion

[animentality]

[ichliebemeinkissen]

moral of the story: if you have npd, stop doing anything ever 🤞

[npdbubblygum]

I don't know if you're joking or if you're saying it in a genuinely defeatist way, but no you don't have to stop doing things forever (though it can help to take a break from doing things for a little while)

People with npd can learn skills that help with this

If you have npd, learn more about how your brain works and how to intercept at an early stage in a shame spiral and how to self validate and think about self worth in terms other than accomplishments. Learn about what it is that makes you feel ashamed abd where it came from and why shame feels unsafe, and then make it safe to feel your shame. Meet your shame. It feels a little bit like throwing up and dying but the more you face your shame and come out safe on the other side, the easier it gets

A good therapist who genuinely cares about giving narcissistic clients proper care can help with this, but you need to prioritize learning above feeling like you're good at what you're trying to learn to genuinely take it in, so be mentally prepared for the anguish that comes with genuine struggle and being seen struggling. You will come out more resilient on the other end of it if you open yourself up to it

Learn one small step at a time how to disentangle your self worth from the result. Npd means it's going to be harder and take more work and support to do this, not that we can't ever do it

We are not doomed

[npdbubblygum]

Trying to have a closer relationship with someone and noticing my ego bruising in unpredicted ways. Taking time to myself to react maturely

[npdbubblygum]

Talking with my mother or even just hearing her talk makes me feel dizzy and nauseous from shame and like someone scooped all positive feelings and good traits and sense of direction out of my chest and replaced my brain with a monkey on a typewriter

But I need to remind myself that what my mom says and does is not in line with my values, because I have written them down physically on a paper as part of therapy, and I have all these papers to give me directions on how to think about my emotions and act accordingly with my conclusions

But I'm also so tired. It's so much harder to choose a functional way to cope than it is to devolve into the mess I used to be

[npdbubblygum]

No one can trigger me like my mom Jesus fucking Christ. Can summer depression wait until roughly mid june? I have better things to do.

[npdbubblygum]

Person with PD or a doctor or even just an ally: a lot of interpersonal harm could be prevented if we as a society had a better understanding of personality disorders and developed better treatments and destigmatized it so people will actually seek out the treatments

Rando who watch a 5 minute video on the scary evil PDs once: sounds exactly like something an evil borderline narcopath would say to manipulate us all. never trust anyone who says this they're trying to abuse you personally

[npdbubblygum]

Never ever ever read comments under educational videos on personality disorders Jesus Christ some people are allergic to information and improving healthcare

[npdbubblygum]

It's so fucked up when I mask and the person I'm masking for repeats back what they "know" about me and it's like. Ah. I really for real tricked you and I didn't even know it I was just trying to avoid shame and I accidentally made you think all these things along the way and now I feel isolated and like I need to keep performing so you don't think lower of me. And I wish I was sorry for how you feel, that I had more sympathy for you maybe feeling betrayed or sad, but I am unsure if I can even feel that way I just know that's how I'm supposed to feel but the feeling keeps not happening. I can't even figure out what decision would be selfish or kind in this situation but I also cannot leave because that'd suck for everyone

[npdbubblygum]

Youre back?!

I was just thinking about you a few days ago...

Hope youre doing okay!

Lol I never left I just didn't have anything to say on this particular topic, it's sweet that you were thinking about me though ♡

I've just been on my other sideblogs instead, and doing my therapy exercises and managing the rest of my health which has been kind of declining. So I'm not exactly doing okay, I'm just doing bad in a new different way now 😭😭 Yayyyyy ...

But since my physical health makes me less able to use my therapy skills I'm running into old problems again so I might have more to say here soon

[npdbubblygum]

It always gives me a reality check to see people say they never experienced sexual abuse in their childhood (counting under 15, especially younger, because that's the age of consent where I live, absolutely not invalidating anyone over that age I just mean like pre-pubescent/barely pubescent specifically, like kindergarten to maybe middle school) and it's like. Huh. It's not universal? CSA/CoCSA/incest/whatever else is not universal?? I know this logically, of course, but it's another thing to deeply feel that hey those things didn't necessarily have to happen as an unchangeable part of the universe, you just got unlucky

[self-care-club]

Alexithymia sucks. This chart helps!

How are you feeling? You don’t know? Me neither! So I look at this chart several times a day (got reminders set on my phone) to check in on how I’m feeling throughout the day. I’ve been doing it for a few months, and it’s actually getting a lot easier to identify how I’m feeling.

Pro tip: some people have to rely more on how their body feels to tell them what they’re feeling emotionally. Work on trying to identify how certain emotions feel in your body. Work in broad strokes at first, before working on identifying more specific emotions. For example, try to notice how sad, happy, angry, and afraid feel. Where in your body do you feel them? What physical sensations go along with the emotions? It’s different for everyone!

The more often you practice, the better you’ll get at it. This is all straight from my therapist and it’s how I’m finally feeling my feelings after years of dissociation.

[bioethicists]

Come Chat about Psych Abolition + Harm Reduction!

Over the past several weeks, I've hosted 5 Zooms where we chatted about psych abolition + its futures + the work we want to see in the world. It was a deeply healing experience for me + I appreciated hearing from all of you so much more than you could even know. As I discussed, I am hoping to host a second set of these Zooms, this time 6 in sequence, focused on harm reduction + psych abolition. Harm reduction is both my vocation + my passion in life + I'm really excited to share about it with you all.

As some people requested, the format this time will be a little different- I will open each session with a brief (~15 min) presentation from either myself or one of my comrades discussing the topic + explaining crucial works in a way that is accessible to someone with no prior knowledge of harm reduction. After that, we will chat similarly to the format of the first set of meetings, bouncing ideas off one another + sharing what resonates with us + what doesn't.

A reminder to anyone who wants to attend that under no circumstances may anyone contact the authorities as a result of anything spoken about during the Zoom. Free discussion of self-injury + suicidality + substance use are expected without fear of being “crisis” intervened upon. That being said, the goal of these chats is not necessarily to be a support group but more to talk about psychiatric abolition, build community, + increase knowledge.

I will be doing 3 weekday evening sessions + 3 midday Saturday sessions (apologies to those who observe Shabbat! My Sundays became a bit haywire), hoping to accommodate people with different work schedules + time zones. They will be via Zoom. Each topic will repeat 2x, but I still encourage people to attend both if they want to chat more about it! 'Lurking' (aka camera off, no speaking) is encouraged! Any way that you want to show up is okay- we regularly have people attend who do not engage at all, or only engage in the chat. Chat messages are read aloud by me to ensure that chat participants feel equally included in the group.

Also, I am looking for people who have resources that may be helpful for these, as well as people who might be interested in speaking about their experiences with these topics. Unfortunately this is all just done by me, in my office, so I don't have compensation to offer, but anyone who wants to contribute in any capacity is encouraged to reach out <3 Elliott @trans-axolotl will be giving the presentation portion for Harm Reduction (Self-Injury + Suicidality).

Those of you who need a dial-in number, please message me on Tumblr or send an anon + I will provide it.

Harm Reduction (Substances): Monday August 19th @ 9pm EST | 1am UTC

Harm Reduction (Substances): Saturday August 24th @ 12pm EST | 4pm UTC

Harm Reduction (Disordered Eating): Monday September 2nd @ 9pm EST | 1am UTC

Harm Reduction (Disordered Eating): Saturday September 7th @ 12pm EST | 4pm UTC

Harm Reduction (Self-Injury + Suicidality): Monday September 16th @ 9pm EST | 1am UTC

Harm Reduction (Self-Injury + Suicidality): Saturday September 21st @ 12pm EST | 4pm UTC

(image by asako narahashi, 2003)

[trans-axolotl]

so excited to present about harm reduction for self harm in September!!