You know Who I Am

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Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

That was honestly a very good question. How mad was she? Mad about what was the first question she wanted to ask. But she didn’t. “Mad at you in general? I’m pissed. Mad about you kissing me? Never.” Tony was her kryptonite. He always had been. She could have been madder than a hornet but Tony always seemed to draw her back in. “I may be mad at you, Tony, but I still love you. Like I said. And I miss you,” she muttered into his ear.

She knew that by this point Tony was confused, and Pepper rolled her eyes a little. “You really are useless. I always have to spell things out for you,” she murmured, taking his face in her hands and kissing him fully again.

[nucleardeterrent]

He couldn't help but laugh. "I told you I would be without you," he snarked before kissing back, sliding his arms up to wrap around her waist and pull her close. He knew he shouldn't be encouraging his; every rational part of his brain told him to pull away and to tell Pepper to run as far away as she could, to get away from him, to forget him. He knew she deserved better, always had, and yet he kept selfishly fighting to keep her in his life.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips, pulling her body even closer if that was possible. "You think you can ever give me a second chance?"

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Pepper always knew that her husband was too hard on himself. So his range of emotions on his face said enough. Which was part of why she had gotten up to get into his lap in the first place. Which wasn’t a very good reason… after all, she was supposed to be mad (and she still kind of was, truth be told). But Tony had this power about him. This way he looked at a person like a kicked puppy when he knew he was in trouble. And hell if she was going to sacrifice her tiny bit of normalcy she was clinging to now by sitting here on her husband’s lap.

The jolt that she always felt when their lips touched happened again this time. And even though everything in her logic was telling her to push him away, to slap him, to do something that was not kissing him back, her heart told her this was right. This was what needed to happen. Hell, she even deepened the damn kiss. And suddenly, they weren’t close enough. Pepper wanted more. That’s when she broke the kiss, panting a little bit. “What was that for?” was the only thing she managed to say, though the look in her eyes betrayed the front she tried to pull.

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony was ready to apologize the second Pepper pulled away. In fact, he was ready to apologize long before she pulled away; he knew he shouldn't be kissing her, knew it was an act very much off limits in their current situation, knew that their entire relationship was a complete mess and it was all his fault and of course she wouldn't want him kissing her. The words were already half out of his mouth--"Shit, I'm sorr--" when he noticed Pepper's expression, and it wasn't the hatred or anger he'd been expecting at all. 

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I just...how mad are you? You kissed back," he spluttered out both thoughts at once, his head far too crowded and confused to try and sort out what he was saying at this point. 

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

All Pepper could really do was look at Tony as he spoke, before smiling a little sadly. “You threw them away for a while there. When I was battling with the Extremis, and when I was pregnant with Anthony and Andy. You were a good father, even when you started building suits again. You were perfect. I was so impressed,” she admitted. “You still are. Never think otherwise.” She didn’t know when the topic of if she liked the workshop or not turned into this, but it was stirring a lot of emotions in her. Must have been that time of the month. She would ultimately blame it on that.

She would also blame hormones on the fact that after Tony finished speaking, she got up and walked around the desk, making a motion for him to move his arms and settled into his lap, her long arms wrapping around his shoulders. “I was nothing before you, too. I was Virginia, some finance intern. And then I became Pepper, Tony Stark’s personal assistant.” She laughed a little, pressing her face against his hair to try and block the tears welling in her eyes as she remembered how she had met her husband. “Can I tell you something stupid? Something I’ve been afraid to tell you all these years?” she asked, before she continue without waiting for an answer. “I had a crush on you since I was fourteen. I used to watch you on the television all the time. And when I met you in person, I fell for you so hard. Even after I learned how annoying and egotistical and useless you were,” she teased lightly, swallowing thickly as tears fell silently into Tony’s hair. “And I still love you, no matter what you’ve done. And I know I should hate you but I can’t. I can’t…”

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony hadn't expected that. In fact, the last thing in the world he had expected from Pepper were compliments. True, he'd tried his best to be there for the kids, ready to leave the workshop in a heartbeat when they wanted to go out, playing with them around the house, and even setting up "safe areas" in his lab for them to play so he was always around them, always part of their life, but he'd never felt like it was enough. He'd always felt guilty for the kind of life they had brought their kids into, a life where the whole world knew their names and they grew up next to mutants and super soldiers and family members who turned a little too green when they were upset. So no, he didn't expect Pepper, the woman who had more right to hate him than anyone in the world (and he had a lot of enemies) to be paying him a compliment or to be talking to him so kindly. 

And he really didn't expect for her to come sit in his lap. Still, the motion was instinctive; he wrapped his arms around her, pressed a kiss against her shoulder blade, then looked up to meet her eyes, feeling everything still inside him as he listened to her words. At her playful insults, he bit his lip and laughed, wrapping his arms a little tighter around her because as much as he knew he didn't deserve her, as much as he knew he should let her move on, he just couldn't let go. "Pep..." he breathed out, but rather than saying anything (because really, how did he respond to a confession like that?) he found himself kissing her instead, and for one small second, everything felt normal. Everything felt right. 

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Pepper followed suit once her husband let go of her hand: she took out a box with an over-elaborate salad inside it and then tried to search for a fork. She tried to ignore the fact that he wasn’t eating. Just needed to work with his hands. Always with his hands. “I don’t like the workshop because it’s like a man cave down there and I always felt like I was intruding on something,” she admitted. Though she frowned at the mention of throwing out Dummy. “No, don’t do that, Tony. He’s got a cute sort of charm to him. Even if he did break most of the dish set we got for our wedding.”

Her heart clenched at the apology, and everything in her wanted to forgive him. But then she remembered why she was mad in the first place, why this was all happening, and she swallowed her words. “You got that right. You’re such a hopeless case. I don’t know what you did before me,” Pepper smiled. His words from their fight a few days ago came back to her and bounced around in her head. A shy grin crawled onto her features.”Did you mean it? What you said? About how you loved me the moment you met me?”

[nucleardeterrent]

"You weren't intruding. I could have made room for you. You could have..." But his voice died away before he finished the thought because really, what could she have done? He thought of Steve and how he'd simply invited himself down to the workshop, a sketchbook in his hand, how he'd fallen back into one little corner, claimed it his own and never left. Tony had always wanted that with Pepper, always wanted to share the space with her, to have that time where the two of them could work side by side together, distracted but together. But what could she have done down in his dirty, chaotic, way-too-loud workshop when all that was important to her work required an office and neatly filed paperwork? He should have come out more, should have stopped working; he should have thrown it all away. He laughed shakily as she mentioned Dummy's complete destruction of their kitchen, and rang his hands together in that overwhelming guilt. "I should have thrown him away a long time ago. All of them. All of the distractions. I should have...I should have focused on you, I should have forgot all of it. But I don't know what to do in the real world," he admitted, looking at her with a small, sad smile on his face. The workshop was the only place he felt safe, the only place he really felt at home.

But then Pepper was talking again, and all his worries sort of went out the window as he smiled sincerely, brighter than he had in quite some time. "I didn't have a life before you," he said honestly. "I was nothing before you. Yeah, are you kidding? Pep, I fell in love with you from the moment you took down my security. I knew right then that I never wanted there to be a second in my life where you weren't in it. You were amazing. You are amazing. I've never stopped being impressed by you, and you've always made me want to be better, even if I can't. You're right, I'm hopeless. I've ruined everything I've ever made, and I've lost everything I've ever had. I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't deserve you. I never did."

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

When Tony laced their fingers together, a sense of normalcy she had been losing her grip on for the past week or so came flooding back to her and it was almost so overwhelming. Still, she watched tony and knew that he was hiding something from her. He was obviously avoiding her question, but she knew she would get it out of his eventually. One way or another. “Dummy?” she blinked. The robotic arm that Tony kept in his lab was not really one of Tony’s machines she was particularly “acquainted” with. Except for that one time Tony had tried to program him to wash the dishes and he broke most of the nice dishware.

"I don’t know why you keep him around. He’s a bit of a dope," she said honestly, though there was a smile on her face the entire time she spoke. She knew why Tony kept the robot. He was fond of him, and he was as loyal to him as JARVIS was. "Why do you ask?" It was a really interesting and random question to ask. But then again this could just be Tony stalling for time. Something the man was incredibly good at.

[nucleardeterrent]

"I..." Tony opened his mouth to speak then shut it again. He let go of Pepper's hand and reached into the bag of food, grabbing something--anything really, he wasn't paying much attention--to eat. He got so far as taking off the wrapper before he set it down on her desk, no longer interested. In all honestly, he only needed something to do with his hands. "I don't know," he admitted finally. "Just...you never came down to the workshop much. You don't...really like it, do you? Because it's a distraction, and I spend too much time down there, and the bots get grease on your clothes. I wasted a lot of time down there, didn't I? I should throw Dummy out."

He raked a hand through his hair, seemingly lost in thought for a moment before he sat up straight and faced her. "You were a really...really good assistant, you know that? But you're a better CEO. I never got it. I never...business wasn't my calling." He said, knocking on her desk then spinning a bit in his chair before coming back around. "I would have been a mess without you. I am a mess without you." He grinned slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Pep." 

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"My face is perfectly unharmed and I have a cat. Dick..Van Dyke?"

[nucleardeterrent]

"He's biding his time. It's happen eventually. What is your problem? Stop."

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

It wasn’t that Pepper was crying because there was too much food. She was crying because she missed this. Missed Tony’s irrational, sometimes stupid, behaviour. The past week or two had been such a mess. Shaking the foundation she had built for the past thirty years with this man was not easy. Plus, she could tell something was wrong. Something besides the whole mess they were in. Tony was never quiet. Ever. He usually had something to say in that usual ramble of his. But there was nothing. And that scared her.

"Tony…" she whispered, sniffling before sighing heavily. "I miss you, too," she said finally, reaching back over the desk for her husband’s hand. It felt so right to be like this, and in this moment it was so hard to stay mad at him. She wanted to tell him she took it all back. That she loved him. Just nuzzle into the crook of his neck and inhale his unique scent of expensive cologne and machinery oil. But she couldn’t. All she could do was hold his hand, as if she let it go, he would disappear forever. "What’s wrong?" she finally asked, knowing something had to be wrong.

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony was completely focused on Pepper's hand, on how small her fingers were, how delicate and neat, just like the rest of her in her pressed suits and her kept hair; everything about her screamed perfection, and Tony couldn't help but feel dirty just touching her because his hands were calloused and every piece of clothing he wore was oil stained in some way, and there was a reason S.I. always hired a team of stylists before ever letting him in front of the press.

But that, that whisper--I miss you too--was the last thing on Earth he'd been expecting.  He looked up, the shock evident on his face; he'd expected her rage, expected her disappointment, bitterness even, not for her to ever miss him the way he missed her. Why would she? As she took his hand, he looked away again and shook his head in response to her question, his eyes drawn to her fingers. He laced them with his then let go again, then laced them once more before he finally looked up and met her eyes. "What do you think of Dummy?" he asked. Even as he said it, he had to blink and contemplate where the words had come from because he hadn't planned it and he wasn't even entirely sure why he was asking. 

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Pepper was actually impressed when her husband came walking through the door in exactly ten minutes. It usually took him three times as long to get anywhere. And of course he brought more food than she would ever need. Her first reaction was to be highly annoyed… but then she just laughed a little bit and shook her head. “How the hell did you do all that in ten minutes?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow. Then again, he was Tony Stark. He had his ways.

She motioned to the chair on the other side of the desk for him to sit down, taking a few of the bags from Tony’s grip. “I think you bought me lunch for the next month!” she laughed again. She bit her lip a little bit, her blue eyes watching him carefully. She wanted to kiss him, but that was just an old habit that, for now, she needed to break herself of. She began digging through one of the bags instead, finding a myriad of items: pad thai, salads, soups, stir fries… it really was everything Pepper loved. And for a moment, she stopped, her eyes beginning to tear up again.

[nucleardeterrent]

"I hurried," Tony said simply, chancing a grin as he settled in the chair across her desk. Usually by now he'd be off on another rant, giving her more detail than was necessary and talking just to fill the silence; quiet was not usual for Tony, but in the moment he could think of nothing to say. It was not the first time he had been silenced by Pepper's presence, and he doubted it would be the last. Instead, he watched his wife take apart the bags and hoped she'd find at least something she liked until he noticed the tears in her eyes.

Instinctively, he reached across her desk and placed his hand over hers, giving it a small comforting squeeze. "Don't, it's okay. That's why we got the office fridge." He added the last bit jokingly, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. Not wanting to overstep any boundaries that they'd yet to define, he let go of her hand and leaned back in his seat. "I miss you." It was out of his mouth before he realized that might be a boundary breach too. 

[still-just-12-percent-blog]

Taking the Time || Pepperony

It had been an overall slow day for Pepper in the office. There were really not many papers to fill out or sign, so she was actually surprised when the phone rang. It was the first time that day. Though when she found out it was her husband, she almost hung up. She was not in the mood to be listening to the other’s pleas for her to listen. But once she heard his voice, something within her almost snapped. She missed him. She missed him horribly. So she agreed to lunch. Nothing harmful with that.

While she waited, the redhead found herself primping a little in her handheld mirror: adjusting her makeup, redoing her hair. It was a habit she had acquired from her younger days, back when she was Tony’s personal assistant and trying to get her boss to even give her a look. But those days were long gone. Still, she wanted to look nice for her husband, and deemed herself such before setting to the task of clearing off the desk so the two could eat upon it.

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony wasn't usually great about time management. Generally, when he said he'd be somewhere in ten minutes, you wouldn't begin to expect him for a good half hour, but today things were different. He had promised Pepper he'd be there in ten, and he was because he had quite a lot to make up for and quite a lot to prove, and while he couldn't do much about the rest, he could at least keep her from waiting. 

So at ten minutes exactly, he let himself into her office with several take-out bags in his hand. He set them down on the space she had cleared. "I didn't know what you wanted, so I got everything," he said. Among the bags were all her favorite meals from all her favorite restaurants, little places they'd been to together or that she'd mentioned during their long time in each other's lives. 30 years taught you a lot; Tony didn't remember much, but he remembered everything about Pepper. 

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"They also brought comfort to lonely teenage boys when it’s late at night and they can’t sleep. Cock…a doodle do?"

[nucleardeterrent]

"Then they claw your face off when you close your eyes. Shut. Up."

[thestark-jr]

What Was I Thinking? // Anthony & Tony

[thestark-jr]

"Sooo, I guess liking men runs in the family huh?" Anthony laughed loudly, tossing his head back. "So, you love him? Does he fuck you good Tony Stark? Is that why you love him? Do you love him more than Mom? I really, really want to know." He shook his head slowly. "I just don’t get it. Have you always loved him? Or is this a recent thing?" Anthony still didn’t quite get what was going on in his drunken state, but the words seemed to flow out of his mouth without much thinking. 

Anthony closed his eyes, nodding slowly at his Father’s words, slowly sipping the water that was put to his lips. He swallowed and pulled out of his Father’s grip, laying on the cool tile floor with a sigh. He stayed silent for a few minutes, closing his eyes until the spinning in his head calmed down enough for him to open them again. Anthony shook his head, then slowly nodded it against the floor. “I will try. I need to take care of them. But….don’t leave me Dad. Don’t leave us. We need you…” His voice trailed off as he closed his eyes again. “But I will try. Anthony opened his eyes to see bread in front of his face and turned away. “No…” He whined. “I’ll get sick again.”

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony just rubbed his hands over his face, tired of hearing his son's crass drunken rants and only blaming himself for letting him get to this point. Of course, he'd been telling his kids their whole lives not to drink, to be responsible and to set themselves limits, but then they hit teenager-hood and it all sort of flew out the window. "Yes, I love him. But nothing I say is going to make you any less angry or make this make any more sense," he said in a tone of forced calm. Though he'd repressed the feelings for years, he was not sure that he'd been in love with Steve for almost two decades--not like that made it any easier to explain to his son. In fact, it only made the situation all the more complicated. 

"You need to eat. It's not going to hurt you. It'll absorb the alcohol," Tony said, nudging Anthony to sit up again. "This is going to get a lot worse if you don't let me take care of you." But no matter how calm and rational Tony was trying to be, he just kept hearing Anthony's words ringing in his head: Don't leave me. He didn't want to of course, had never planned for it or intended for it, never imagined that this was how things would end, that this was how he'd go. But what choices did he have? If he couldn't fix the reactor soon--and it was seeming less and less likely by the day--then Anthony really would have to take charge, really would be the man of the house, and he only hoped the boy was ready for it. 

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"But cats were worshiped by the Egyptians. Penis. "

[nucleardeterrent]

"And they're run over by trucks everyday by Americans. Shut up."

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"Are you implying I’ll be gone soon then? And you know that now you’re thinking of them. I’m just too irresistible. "

[nucleardeterrent]

"I'm implying that a cat is probably not your best choice to model after. Please stop talking about our 'parts'."

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"I’ve got the curiosity of a cat. And. Keep your mind away from my parts, Tony."

[nucleardeterrent]

"You know what happened to the cat, right? It died. And your parts are the last thing I'm thinking about."

[flowercrownsrph-blog]

"Goddamn, that’s cold! Reminder, never play with hoses that are left outside. "

[nucleardeterrent]

"Why are you playing with hoses? Is this a euphemism I don't want to know about?"

[nucleardeterrent]

Wrong Side of Love || Stony

[thecommanderrogers]

Steve ran his fingers through Tony’s hair when he went still. He figured that he was just processing his words. While Steve did try to get Tony out of the workshop every once in a while, he knew that the man had been used to being pulled out by others before. Not that the man had outright told him so, but he figured that through the years spent together down there. He used to hear it a lot when Steve first started coming down to the workshop, when the Avengers were still getting on their feet (“Oh, don’t tell me you’re here to drag me out too,”). He heard it from time to time in Tony’s conversation with JARVIS ("Sir? Col. Rhodes is requesting permission to enter." "Honeybear’s just here to get me to come out again, isn’t he? That rat. Let him in anyway,"). So when Steve wholeheartedly admitted that he would rather spend his time with Tony down in the lab where he was most comfortable was probably a new concept to him, even though they’d long been doing this. And he really would rather spend his time here. This was where the real Tony came out. This was where the persona fell away. The Tony that oozed charm to appease grubby businessmen on the Stark Industries board and to charm reporters off their feet? He didn’t exist here. The Tony that worked best in the chaos of his workshop? The Tony that treated his bots like they were incompetent but really he loved them so much? The Tony that argued with JARVIS just to fill the silence? The Tony that played his music blaring loud in the workshop as to force himself not to think too hard? The Tony that invented, made, created? That was the real Tony, and Steve would take that Tony any day. If that meant being down in the workshop, then it was his favorite place to be. And it was. He made himself at home down there. It was pretty evident by all the random sketch pencils and pieces of paper left around that he’s made his mark there.

When Tony asked about his sketches, he hesitated slightly and only for a moment. Only because he was trying to think of which sketches specifically to show him. He walked over to his little area where he liked to sketch and grabbed one of the books off the table before coming back to show Tony. There were countless pictures, some of the Tower, some of the Avengers, some of Sharon and the kids (God Almighty, he forgot how much it hurt to see Sharon’s face), but mostly it was of Tony. Tony working on some sort of gadget, Tony suiting up in the Iron Man suit, Tony petting Dummy affectionately. Steve always liked to think he did his best sketches around the man.

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony whistled, impressed, as he flipped through the several pages of Steve's very full sketchbook; he took his time on each one, never moving on too quickly or failing to look at each and every detail so carefully sketched on the once blank pages. Tony was no artist, never had been--he sketched out his own designs of course, drew out his blue prints and his plans, but those were all calculated lines, technical reports, not art; there was nothing beautiful about a diagram. Still, he could appreciate what Steve was doing; to take a blank page and turn it into a masterpiece of contrast and intertwining lines that formed a picture was not so different from taking scraps of metal and electric wiring and forming a suit or a new appliance. They both started where there was nothing and created until there was something; whether it be functional or beautiful, it didn't matter.

Tony resisted touching (he was a very tactile learner, needing to feel to understand, but he knew how delicate Steve's work was, and though the pictures seemed to come to life, they were still just paper and pencil, easily smeared, easily ruined.) He was already thinking of a dozen different ways of preservation, planning ways to save Steve's work, to show it off, before he mentally reminded himself to slow down, to take things in in the moment, to appreciate what was in front of him and not what could be--something Steve had been teaching him for the last two decades in not so verbal ways, simply in the ways he adjusted to the new century, how he took in his surroundings, how he listened attentively, always there, always in the moment, always close to home while Tony was always a million miles away in the cosmos, shifting from planet to planet because he knew if he ever slowed down, if he ever stopped, he wouldn't like what he found in the quiet. 

While Tony flipped through the pages of Steve's sketchbook, Dummy spun circles around his chair, chirping loudly, desperate to be part of the action. He stopped, his camera leaning over Tony's shoulder as the man stopped on the sketch of himself and the bot. Dummy began chirping and whirring even louder, his claw and camera practically vibrating in his excitement. "Yeah, that's you, you little brat," Tony said. "Steve is one of the rare people who actually like you. Don't fuck it up." And even as he said it, he knew he was no longer talking to the bot. 

[nucleardeterrent]

Wrong Side of Love || Stony

[thecommanderrogers]

"Mm, no. Shh." He mumbled before capturing his lips in his again. He held Tony tightly with his hands, not enough to hurt but enough to leave slight marks. He;s always had a bit of a possessive kink, wanting to mark his lovers and get marked by them. He didn’t mean anything harmful by it and if Tony was uncomfortable with it, he knew all he had to do was speak up about it. 

He laughed slightly when Dummy came up and interrupted them. He didn’t mind it at all; it was kind of cute actually, how Dummy was fighting for Tony’s attention and playing a form of ‘get the thing’ with him. He raised an eyebrow when Tony mentioned that loving him came with the circus as if Steve did not already know that. He loved it down there. He loved being around the place where Tony was at his best, loved watching the technology work around him, loved the bots, loved JARVIS. “I know. I wouldn’t be down here so much if I couldn’t accept that, you know.” He replied, pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead and smiling at the sight around the workshop. To him, this place was home.

[nucleardeterrent]

Tony was quite far from 'uncomfortable' with it; in fact, he found himself instinctively leaning into Steve's touch instead, pressing the man's fingers even harder into his sides. There was nothing like that super soldier grip. At Steve's words, however, Tony grew quiet and still. It wasn't exactly usual, people coming down to sit with him in his lab. The place was dirty, grease stained and louder than any room should ever be. He always played the music a little too loud, made a bit too big of a mess, and talked a little too much, even when the room was empty. He talked to the bots, and he argued with JARVIS, and he yelled at his projects that weren't working. There was nothing peaceful about the place, not in any standard sense at least. It was chaotic, a dozen holograms up at once, a handful of bots bumping into your legs, voices and commands and booms and bangs coming from all directions, and for most people it was too much, too crazy. Tony was used to being convinced to leave, used to being told that he wasted his time, that he he needed a cleaner space, a more functioning space, that it was time to stop "playing"; he wasn't used to the easy, unflinching acceptance that Steve was showing him now.

 "Can I see your sketches?" he asked quietly. They'd long had a system: Tony tinkered; Steve sketched. Tony had always spent a good deal of his time trying to sneak a peak at Steve's sketches, but most of it was teasing, half hearted attempts to look over the top of the sketchbook; in the end, Tony always asked. Because it was amazing what Steve could do, amazing that the man could come down here, immerse himself into this mess, into the circus, and through it he could make art, take a blank piece of paper, a blank slate and create something beautiful far beyond Tony's imagination, something that amazed him each and every time.