Alright folks, Iâm going to teach you how to do a pretty cool party trick using only the power of your minds: Squaring large numbers!
No? doesnât sound impressive? Well, ok then, donât learn the cool thing. Move along, dummy.
Still here? Ok cool! So, pretty much everyone learned their times tables, so your 1 digit squares are already learned. Â But can you do 2 digits? 3 digits? 4 DIGITS!? You will when Iâm done with you! Â So lets go!
Ok, take your number, lets say 23, and think about it like what squaring a number means; 23^2 is just 23*23. Now, round one number to the nearest 10, as in 23 rounds down by 3 to 20. Then, move the other number the opposite way by the same amount, as in 23 up by 3 to 26. Â Now you have 26*20, which is SO MUCH EASIER. 26*2 is 52, *10 is 520. Â Now you just have to bring that number you shifted by earlier back in, square it, and add it to the end. We shifted by 3, 3^2 is 9, so our total is 529.
recap: 23^2, 23*23, 20*26 (shift 3), 520, 3^2=9, 529.
or maybe try 86. Â You have to round that up by 4 to get to 90, so the other 86 goes down by 4 to 82. Â 90*82 is 7380, then toss a 16 (ya know, 4^2), and you have 7396.
But what if it ends in a 5? Â Save your ass some time and brain juice and do this quick trick: take the tens place and multiply it by the next bigger number and throw a 25 at the end. 55? 5*6=30, 3025. Done. 75? 7*8=56, 5625.
And of course 2 digits ending in 0 are just the one digit square with 00 at the end, but, I mean, if you can do this in your head you knew that.
Anyways, you need to master this 2 digit process to do the rest of the harder ones, because you use this to simplify them. Â Work smarter, not harder, right?
So itâs tempting to want to square three digit numbers as (abc*abc) but then the longhand gets really jumbled. Donât bother, cut that shit down to (ab*ab) and make the first two digits into one! Instead of doing, say, 523^2 as (500+20+3)^2, you could just do (500+23)^2 because we already know what 23^2 is! Hereâs the process weâre going to use:
our number wonât be longer than 8 digits, so picture this: 0000 0000. Â See the gap? Square your first two digits and put it to the right of the gap, square the third digit and put it to the left. Â So 523 will look like 0025 0529. Â Remember those two numbers. Â How? Hold on, we need to learn something else!
make those numbers WORDS! Words are easier to store in your brain. Â Numbers use short term memory and you have a limit of about 7 objects and your short term memory is always purging. Convert the numbers to words and you an use your parietal lobe and lock that shit away in long term memory.
0 = s and z sounds, like Zero
1 = t and d sounds. 1 and t/d have straight spines
2 = n, because one bump
3 = m, because 2 bumps
4 = r, like fouR
5 = l, kinda hard but thing roman number 50 is L.
6 = sh, ch, soft g, j, all those sounds you push through clenched teeth.
7 = k and hard g. 7 and K are both sharp and angular.
8 = f and v. Â 8 looks like a cursive f.
9 = p and b. P and b both have a line and a bump like a 9.
You can use these to make words to store away your numbers.  Our 523 process above has 25 0529.  Thatâs âanal sail nubâ.  Now you can memorize that hilarious phrase, possibly with a little image with it, and move on to the next step.
3 DIGIT SQUARE, PART DEUX.
We have âanal sail nubâ stored away, so now we multiply the two numbers together and double them. 5*23=115, *2=230.  Drop 230 right in the middle of our number (00here00), 00023000.  Then we bring the rest back.  Nub, N,B, 29, 00023029. Sail, S,L, 05, 00023529. Anal, N,L, 25,00273529. 273,529!
You keeping up? Brain hurt? Well hold on, because weâre not done yet! Do you have the brain power to add one more digit!?
Do the same thing as the 3 digit, but 2 sets of 2 digit squares. Â (1000a+100b+10c+d)^2 Â becomes (100a+b)^2. Â Lets use 9523 as the example. Â Start with 95 and 23. Â 95^2 is 9025 and 23^2 is 529. Make number blocks 9025 0529. Menmonic major statements âPez Analâ and âSail Nubâ committed to memory. Move on to 95*23, but make like easy and do 100*23 and then just take 5*23 away, 2300-115=2185. Double it, 4370. Stick it in the middle, 00437000. Recall âSail Nubâ, S,L,N,B, 0529, 00437529. Â Recall âPez Analâ, P,Z,N,L, 9025, 90687529. 90,687,529!
Alright, no go impress people at parties, because I know you guys go to the good parties where this is totally something that impresses people.... right?
