nyalien :3

ur local gay mentally ill self-sabotaging autistic socially awkward yamikawaii furry! (jiraidols: 🌧🪽🏥/angel/trout, alented, angel-pd, 🥩💌/maggotbb)

[ny4li3n]

⋆ ｡˚ ʚ "Welcome to the mind fuck!" ɞ ˚｡⋆

‧˚꒰introoo ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

Haihai! My name is nyalien! Welcome to my blog!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡

🩰 ₊ ⊹ he/him/his ✧˚ ｡4teen .♡ ݁˖ yamikawa ⋆˙⟡ 🩰

🍥 ~ HUGE fan of OMORI, MARETU, kikuo, DECO*27, saihate station, attack on titan, project hail mary, iron lung, bloodymary, doki doki literature club, happy sugar life, made in abyss and so many more! <𝟑 .ᐟ

🧁 ~ current hyperfixation: bloodymary (Simon!iron lung x Grace!project hail mary) ⋆˙⟡

♡ more info under the cut!~ ♡

⋆ ｡˚ ʚ "私メンヘラじゃないもん!!" ɞ ˚｡⋆

❤︎ clinically depressed for 6 years TwT

❤︎ anxiety

❤︎ binge/purge anorexia nervosa

❤︎ autistic

❤︎ narcissistic personality disorder traits

❤︎ PTSD

⋆ ｡˚ ʚ "何かに早く心臓を押しつけなきゃ

治らないこの思いは

毎日毎日わたしばっかり構って

いや逆にしんどいか解散っ..." ɞ ˚｡⋆

🌸 ~ account rules! <3

❤︎ you must worship me as your angel*

❤︎ respect everyone's opinions and emotions!!

❤︎ DNFI: T.R.A.S.H, nsfw blogs, people over 19 or under 13, RCTA, people who have very strong opinions about darkshipping, anti-furs, religious blogs (not including angel/god kins). I block freely. Anyone can interact, this is just a list of people I don't want following me.

*you don't HAVE to, but it would be nice :3

🎀 ~ other (trigger warnings, quote info) >⩊<

on this account I will frequently be mentioning mental health related issues such as anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicide, escapism, hallucinations, delusions, panic attacks, autistic meltdowns, gender dysphoria, disordered eating, sexual trauma and a lot more.

quote no.1 from Mind Brand by MARETU

quote no.2 from Menhera Janaimon! by 勇魚

quote no.2 from Horror! Collapse! Violent! by USAHARA KYOMUKO

translations

quote no.2 translates to "it's not like I'm mentally ill!!"

quote no.3 (roughly) translates to "I need to press my heart against something fast— this feeling just won't go away— everyday, you'll give me all your attention. No, nevermind, that's painful..."

my emoji combo: 🛸🩷

[star--covered]

Sometimes when I get brain fog I feel like this

[ny4li3n]

i wanna go home i feel so uncomfortable being anywhere other than my bedroom. its the only place i belong in

[ny4li3n]

i WILL become famous in the future it has to happen its my destiny how could someone as amazing and talented as me not be famous? its ridiculous!

[ny4li3n]

love her so much it makes me want to kill her then myself

[ny4li3n]

yeah i ate 400 calories but i couldve eaten 0.

yeah im thin but i could be thinner.

yeah im underweight but i could be worse.

[pleadtothestars]

i miss my moots . we need to all have a cuddle pile on the floor with blankets and pillows right now . reblog if you want to have a cuddle pile with your moots

[ny4li3n]

at what weight will i finally be free?

[ny4li3n]

in the past ive had what ive been calling "attention seeking episodes" but im really curious about what they could actually be caused by. ive looked into NPD, BPD and DID. when i have these episodes i get a really strong need for attention and i do harmful stuff to get said attention. it started with just drawing for like 8 hours straight to get praise, but that wasnt giving me enough attention and it took too much effort so i started posting pictures of my self harm on twitter, but that wasnt giving me enough attention either so i started sending random people nudes online. that got me into some pretty bad situations. but anyway, when i have these episodes i feel like a totally different person. i often dont notice it though until afterwards. i become overly feminine and sexual towards people, using she/her even though im a trans boy. i do all of this for attention. i also get really jealous of other people, especially when they get more attention than me or if theyre better at something than me. when i come out of these episodes i have to deal with all the shit i did and tell the people dming me for nudes to fuck off, which is hard and annoying.

i sadly dont have a therapist or whatever to talk to about this so im asking jiraiblr lol :p just wanted to see if anyone has any similar experiences. i also have like another person in my head and i cant control what they do or say? theyre super fucking annoying (shouting at me while writing this) and get on my nerves constantly. ive also had episodes where i literally cant vontrol my body. like im totally conscious and my normal self but my body will just move on its own if i dont concentrate on stopping it, and do stuff like eat paint or whatever. ive had to tie muyself up because of it lol. anyway ive been yapping for way too long

[ny4li3n]

tw: body check (kinda?), €d talk

i know i have technically lost weight, and thats clear cos this binder was tight on me when i first got it

but i dont feel like ive lost weight. i still look the same. like yeah now can see my riba on my chest but i dont actually look thinner. idk

[maggotbb]

Breathing is overrated

# prettyist corpse in the morgue

[bumbleluvsduck]

Mizisuas ur BloodyMary

[ny4li3n]

sick of abuse always being portrayed as small helpless victim & big scary abuser. like yes sometimes it is like that but what about abuser who was/is also a victim who doesnt know better & victim who thinks the abuse is normal and goes on to abuse another person or actually evil abuser & victim who knows the abuse is bad but still goes on to abuse others, maybe even their abuser, im the future.

[ny4li3n]

how to view drafts question

[ny4li3n]

so phm pilled im speaking like rocky

[ny4li3n]

how to view drafts question

[trashy-trout46]

YO MY PACKAGES ARRIVED LETS GOOOO

[trashy-trout46]

I lied they still haven’t arrived I just got excited 💔💔💔

[maggotbb]

*screams of agony and struggle mixed with the sounds of a heavy-duty machine the quiter sounds of bones cracking and the squish of fleash being ground up, quickly the screaming stops and the only noise that remains is the meat grinder*

You're told to sit and wait, you can hear the shuffle of their feet, then the sounds of cooking begin peacefully, its quite the contrast from the earlier scene. You can barely think as your mind buzzes in shock of the whole situation, your attention is drawn from you as the sound of meat begins to sizzle, and your stomach twists.

The smell drifts from the kitchen to the room you are in, it's heavenly, but your appetite is gone.