I was talking about Sherlock Holmes with my cool weird 42 year old coworker the other day and he said that he had read other works by ACD but not any Sherlock Holmes. ACD is smiling down from heaven on his one and only true fan.
Sibling abuse typically takes place between blood, foster, or step-siblings close in age. Usually, the victim and abuser live under the same
For this week's Off Topic Tuesday, I'm choosing a darker and less pleasant topic, but one that's important for me to raise awareness for: sibling abuse.
Sibling abuse is one of the most common forms of domestic violence, and it's also estimated to be the most under-reported due to how incredibly normalized and accepted it is. Despite how common, under-reported, and normalized sibling abuse is, it is equally as traumatic and damaging as parental abuse.
It's normal for siblings to argue, it's normal for siblings to tease each other, it's normal for siblings to have some rivalry. It is not normal / healthy sibling rivalry for one sibling to repeatedly harm and terrorize the other, especially when the sibling repeatedly doing the harming and terrorizing has some power dynamic tilted in their favor (such as being older, larger, stronger, etc.)
This is important to me because I am a survivor of sibling abuse. I have been completely non-contact with my siblings for over ten years now, and I have also spent those ten years in trauma therapy to try to recover from the things my siblings did to me and put me through. I feel very passionate about the cause of sibling abuse because all the while I was enduring abuse the adults around me dismissed it as "sibling rivalry" instead of helping or protecting me.
It's not normal sibling rivalry that I spent my childhood and adolescence covered in bruises from being assaulted by my older siblings (and couldn't fight back because they were bigger than me). It's not normal that as a teenager I couldn't sleep at night because I was so afraid of my older siblings, and ten years later I still need to take sleep aids at night because despite all the trauma therapy and being no-contact, that terror of my older siblings still lives within me which still makes it hard to sleep at night. Someone might have intervened earlier and taken the abuse seriously if it had been an adult, such as a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent who was harming and terrorizing me. But because it was "just" my siblings no one really cared or intervened.
So here's what you can do: stop contributing to the idea that abusive behavior between siblings is in any way normal or acceptable. If it would be wrong for a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc to do it to a child, it's wrong for a sibling to do it. This is especially the case when power dynamics come into play, such as one sibling being older / bigger / stronger than the other sibling they're harming and/or terrorizing.
Not to say younger siblings never abuse older siblings, it is true that the majority of sibling abuse cases are an older sibling abusing a younger sibling, but if a younger sibling has some power dynamic or advantage tilted in their favor (such as the older sibling being disabled while the younger sibling is able bodied) a younger sibling can still abuse an older sibling.
If you are also a survivor of sibling abuse, I am so sorry. Your pain and trauma is legitimate. What happened to you is wrong and horrible, and wasn't just normal sibling rivalry. You deserve the same recognition as a survivor of abuse as anyone else.
Another thing you can do (as mentioned in the article) if you're a parent/guardian/caregiver and want to prevent sibling abuse: make sure you are teaching and enforcing boundaries from as young as possible.
This was definitely a major contributing factor in my case. I can't really say that the adults in my family really ever taught or enforced boundaries on my older siblings. Nobody taught or enforced to my older siblings that they actually need to respect words like "stop" "no" and "don't", so if someone smaller and weaker than them (such as a younger sibling) tried to use those words to them it was completely meaningless.
By the time we were teenagers and eventually young adults and their behavior had escalated into what was undeniably domestic violence, when the (older) adults in my family at this point *finally* started thinking "hmm, maybe we should tell the older kids to back off a little in how much they physically assault and verbally abuse (my name)" at this point it was essentially too late. They had been getting away with it for too long, and they couldn't suddenly learn to respect boundaries and the words "no" or "stop" as easily a younger kid might be able to.
Another thing the article mentions that I think is a good point is that preventing sibling abuse means making sure kids are getting age appropriate adult supervision, because kids not getting enough age appropriate supervision can be a risk factor for sibling abuse developing. Violent and inappropriate behavior should be nipped in the bud as soon as adults witness it, but that's not always possible if adults aren't present to witness it in the first place. Lack of age appropriate adult supervision can lead to violent and inappropriate behavior to continue without being properly addressed by an adult.
This is part of the reason many places will have laws about the minimum age kids can be left alone, and also laws on the minimum age a child is allowed to babysit or supervise younger children.
Another thing worth mentioning is preventing sibling abuse can be an important step in preventing other forms of abuse (parent on child abuse, intimate partner abuse, etc)
As mentioned I've been completely no-contact with my siblings for over a decade. However, I've still heard bits and pieces here and there about my siblings and how their adult relationships and marriages are going, and I've heard more than a few questionable and concerning things about how my siblings treat their partners.
To me I guess it just makes sense, if someone spends their formative years getting away with abusing their sibling, no one intervening or teaching them that it's wrong, what's to stop them from repeating that same behavior as an adult with their partners and/or children?
Sibling abuse of course is important to stop and prevent for the sake of the sibling they're abusing (trust me, I know), but preventing and stopping abusive behavior between siblings is also really important for the sake of their future partners and/or children.
I'm willing to bet that taking sibling abuse seriously and preventing it / nipping it in the bud would also reduce the amount of partner / spousal and child abuse too.
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz
Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.
Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.
My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.
Called the county clerk.
Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.
Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?
Me: Yes, but he's a cat.
Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?
Me: He's a legal cat.
Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.
Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.
Clerk: You can file on his behalf.
Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."
Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."
Me: What's the medical reason?
Clerk: He's a cat.
Me: That's not a medical condition.
Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.
Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.
"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."
Took the letter to my vet.
Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.
Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?
Me: Excellent question. No good answer.
Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.
Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?
Vet: On what grounds?
Me: He's a cat.
Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."
Me: Perfect.
Sent it in. Got another rejection.
"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."
My roommate thought this was hilarious.
Roommate: Felix is going to jail.
Me: This is serious.
Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.
Decided that was actually the only option left.
Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.
Checked in at the courthouse.
Clerk: Name?
Me: Felix Martinez.
Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.
Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.
Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?
Me: I filed three. All rejected.
Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.
Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?
Me: Twice.
Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.
Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.
Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?
Me: You tell me.
Supervisor: This is a data error.
Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.
They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.
Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.
Me: Appreciate it.
Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?
Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.
Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.
For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.
Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.
Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.
Roommate: That's what they all say.
Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.
Fitting end to his legal career.
end id]
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
areudirty
blakekathryn
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
