Oakley @oakleydjelassi - Tumblr Blog

Today was a good day

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Shoutout to Tunisia by Oakley

Getting into digital art and having the time of my life

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Tunisian Kitten by Oakley Djelassi

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I bite

Acrylic on canvas

Relapse

I thought a weekend apart Would be enough. I was ready to be friends. Just friends. But then you smelt like that. I kept leaning in Giggling as if a joke Soaking you in. The cinema was dark Your scent inches away. Then you turned to me And warned me If it went on You would kiss me. I stopped. Then the film startled me And your hand found itself in mine. You held me. The comfort turned to touching. It was soothing Being so close to you again I knew that we couldn’t But I couldn’t move away. Guilt gnawed at me It was wrong But wanting it Nonetheless. Once the film finished, You looked at me The same way you used to. I knew what you wanted But you still asked permission. The cinema emptied And your lips were on mine. You wanted more, I denied you While wanting the same. You walked me to my bus stop Rain poured down. I kept you covered. By the time we arrive, It’s as though no time as passed. As if you never told me what you did And I didn’t have to end it. End us. You pulled me into your lap Beard prickling my neck. I tell you just how bad of an idea We would be. I’m after love You’re are love or fun. I.e. fun before love. For a moment, We seem possible Still I know it won’t last. The second I get on that bus I’ll come back to my senses And so will you. All the way home I will daydream. When night falls, Kissing you may be on my mind But so will it’s harm. My bus passes on by. I tell you I will take the next one I don’t. I want to sit here In your arms A little while longer. Before I leave, I kiss you. An exchange for you T aking my umbrella. I wanted you to stay dry. I made it home. Hours later, My shirt still reeks of you I take it off Throw it in my laundry basket. I may like tasting you now But you’re poison. I can‘t forget that You’re poison.

Chance

This is my poem about dating someone with a porn addiction.

I met this man and had a magical night Followed by a wonderful date. I thought he was my dream man. Attentive, romantic, kind. As ashamed as I am, A Frenchman swept me off my feet As we played a couple in a game. He dared to like me. Even asked me on a date, Something no man Has ever done. When we met again It was filled with pleasure. He gave me my first orgasm. When it was his turn, He told me, “If I take too long, It's not you. It's because I watch porn every day.” He detailed his anger And impatience When he goes without The severe impact on his mood.. It dawned on me He was addicted And it was to The one thing I could never compete with. I give him what he wants But it wouldn’t leave my mind. Each time he looks at my body I think of all those he has seen. The ones in impossible positions Covered in surgeries Designed to please men. Everything I do is erotic Because that’s all women are to him. He claims he only watches “normal sex,” But fantasises about sleeping with two girls. I jest saying, “Good thing I’m bi.” But my smile doesn’t reach my eyes. Afterwards, He holds me in his bed Satisfied But I still haven’t recovered. I voice, “I don’t think I'm what you want.” And that we can’t be together. I tell him he needs help And that I will help him get it. He hugs me. When I think he is about to cry. He thanks me. For the past week, We have been ‘friends.’ He listened to me, And told his parents Asked them for help. I promised to help him Get his life back. It is starting to work. He has a job A therapist on the way He’s doing his hobbies again I am getting him new friends. He’s stopped for now, But how long will it take For him to break? Last I saw him, He kissed me on the cheek. My face flushed As if it were the night we met. I want to be with him, But I can’t. He needs a friend Not a girlfriend. All that should be on his mind Is getting better, But I still want him. The thing is Even if he were better, I don’t know if we Could be happy. With an addict, You can never trust them. Even if he calls me His one and only, It will never just be me. His mind may heal, But the urges May never disappear. I worry I will never Find a man As good as him With a porn addiction. The more research I do, The more I see it In every man I see. I have not known him long But I know I could love him And maybe I do, But I can’t. It would only hurt me. My stocmach churns at the thought. Of checking his phone And finding dozens of women I look nothing like. A year from now, Things may change. He may be well, So might I, But there are no guarantees. I shouldn’t wait Or try to fix him, So why do I want to? I have to stop myself Each time I go in for a kiss. We are friends That’s all we can be. It may be all We will ever be Because, For most of his life, His pleasure has come From girls on a screen. Still, I’ll be there for him Until he recovers Surrounded by the support system I am helping him build.

He doesn’t know it yet, But that is when I will leave. Being near him, Even as friends Hurts, And it won’t stop hurting Until I am gone. One day, I’ll say goodbye. The next time he calls, The line will be dead. His number will be blocked. I’m not leaving Because I don’t love him But because I do. Loving him Could kill me, And I have to do what it takes To survive.