Oh no

[oculus-journal]

Hello.

This blog will focus on our trauma, which includes extreme trauma such as trafficking, torture, and programming.

Don’t follow if not prepared to see those types of topics. We will tag as needed.

Please be respectful.

This blog is for us and us only, we will not cater to those who are uncomfortable (not triggered, there’s a difference) by the existence of survivors such as us.

If you bring syscourse into this blog we will block you.

Have a good day, and take care of yourself or yourselves.

[oculus-journal]

A little vent ish post ?

If you recognize me no you don’t

[oculus-journal]

I feel nothing about my younger self

She is separate from me. She’s not me.

Did she even exist ?

I doubt it.

[oculus-journal]

I wish everyone with religious programming a safe and healthy Easter.

We’re not looking forwards to programs acting up during that time, so we thought we’d make this post. :]

[oculus-journal]

We can’t afford another mental hospital visit

[oculus-journal]

Anyone else genuinely fucking hate seeing their dad happy ?

[oculus-journal]

Tehy ssaid if theey were gonna fo something to hurt themselves they would tell me

maybe they forgot to

[oculus-journal]

They arenet resspojdidjbgg theyre either napping or dead and dead seems a lot more likely right now I can’t fucking do this anymore

[oculus-journal]

It says they’ve been active in the past 3 hours but what if they’re dead

they could’ve fucking killed themselevss in that time frame I’m actually going to fucking lose it

[oculus-journal]

please be okay please be okay please be okay please be okay please be okay please be okay

[oculus-journal]

I’m scared my partner is dead

[oculus-journal]

I might kill myself tonight. Who knows.

Can’t afford proper treatment and my therapist won’t look into anything because she feels like I “want to go to a hospital” OFC I FUCKING WANT TO GO I NEED FUCKING HELP I NEED TO NOT BE UNSTABLE I NEED TO DIE

I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL MY NEXT THERAPY SESSION IM GOINGNTO FUCKING DIE AND NOBODY IS RESPONDING TO MY WORDS I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME

I CANT CALL A CRISIS LINE BECAUSE IF THE POLICE COME BY AGAIN EVERYTHING WILL GO TO SHIT MY PARENTS WILL DO SOMETHING REALLY REALLY BAD

I CANT FUCKIN DO THIS ANYMORE.

[oculus-journal]

Attempted.

Too much of a coward to really do it.

I’m scared of pain.

[oculus-journal]

I might kill myself tonight. Who knows.

Can’t afford proper treatment and my therapist won’t look into anything because she feels like I “want to go to a hospital” OFC I FUCKING WANT TO GO I NEED FUCKING HELP I NEED TO NOT BE UNSTABLE I NEED TO DIE

I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL MY NEXT THERAPY SESSION IM GOINGNTO FUCKING DIE AND NOBODY IS RESPONDING TO MY WORDS I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME

I CANT CALL A CRISIS LINE BECAUSE IF THE POLICE COME BY AGAIN EVERYTHING WILL GO TO SHIT MY PARENTS WILL DO SOMETHING REALLY REALLY BAD

I CANT FUCKIN DO THIS ANYMORE.

[oculus-journal]

I might use emotional manipulation to keep them alive I don’t fucking care at this point I need them alive

[oculus-journal]

If my partner dies I’m killing myself immediately /srs

[oculus-journal]

Guys I’m fucking terrified because my partner is suicidal and I’m scared they’re gonna seriously hurt themselves or even kill themselves (they’re the only person that keeps me alive so if they kill themselves I will fucking do it too)

But I have no idea how to comfort people because I’ve never really been comforted until I met them

I’m fucking scared I don’t want them to die

[oculus-journal]

I would kill myself in front of my mom, but I think moving out and cutting all contact with her would hurt her more