Officially Violet

8th January, 2019, Officially Violet Louise Langley! 💙 All About Mental Health & Body Image, Learning To Love & Accept Myself. 💙

[officially-violet-blog]

Thank you facebook memories for the heartbreaking reminder! 💔 It's a scary thought.. It's crazy to think.. I would of been a mother.. They would of been 6 in August! But my body rejected the life growing within me. 💔 Life would of been so different.. Sometimes I'm happy the miscarriage happened.. Just because of the person I was with at the time.. The person you would of been calling 'dad'.. But it's heartbreaking.. Because I've missed out on so much.. I've missed out on the ups & downs of carrying you for 9 months.. I've missed out on creating memories with you.. I've missed out on watching you grow up!! You would of loved your uncles and your aunt.. Especially your aunt Mia-Lillie, she would of fussed over you soo much! 💙 I wish I got the chance to meet you.. But I know Great grandmother Violet and Nanny Rita would both look after you! I may not of got the chance to meet you.. But I love you, with all my heart! 💙 #miscarriage #lifelost #miscarriagematters #heartbroken #alwaysmybaby #alwaysinmyheart #iloveyou #facebookmemoriessuck https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs8k0nYAk8tj1O9TgyIvxgdIGyafXKnGHkx9LI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ulcdclelejf8

[officially-violet-blog]

"Expect The Unexpected" . I live by that! . I've had fun the last couple weeks, with the most unexpected company! . @ltjames141 . 💙 We're expecting some questions.. I'm expecting some shit.. But.. Fair to say.. We don't give a fuck! 😁👌 Now it's out there.. We haven't put a label on this.. We're seeing how it goes.. We didn't plan this.. We've sure as hell surprised ourselves! I'm enjoying the company though.. The smiling like a fool.. Laughing so much until it hurts.. It's great! . Would say I'm Sorry to a certain someone that this has happened.. But then, I would be lying! So yea.. I'm so not Sorry! 😁 💙 #expecttheunexpected #seeinghim #funtimes #quethequestions #mostunlikelycompany #enjoyinghiscompany #havingfun #surprisedourselves https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsv3n6Cgd7m8NP7q0V0tSvwX5S2rUIUcxDpMFg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=bugkjqibcfji

[officially-violet-blog]

"My Curves Are Where They Are Meant To Be... And There Is Nothing Shameful About That!" 💙 Learning to accept my body, day by day! . I do actually, love my curves at the moment.. Every inch.. At the moment, anyway! 😂 Learning to accept your body is one of the hardest things to do.. I know far too many people who are exactly like me.. Want to change something or other about their bodies.. Why?! Because others have made them feel like they need too! Told them, they are too thin.. Too fat.. Told them, they are ugly.. They need to change.. They won't ever find anyone who will accept them.. They won't find someone who will love every inch of them! . Body image.. Mental health.. Such a big thing in life.. And some people still choose to ignore these problems. Guess that's life! . But to those learning to love and accept themselves.. I applaud you! I know it's hard.. I'm right there with you.. But day by day, you will get there! 💙 On another note.. I'm dying to get in front of the camera.. 🤔📷 Also, Primark underwear sets, are to die for!! My absolute favourites!! 💙 #bodyimage #bodyconfidence #confident #daybyday #curvy #curves #loveyourself #acceptance #acceptyourbody #underwear #primarkforthewin #comfort #pretty #sexy #lacey #myfavourites https://www.instagram.com/p/BsqpHY0A5_zc43kONuKiRPJ-xgbJzTeVlOySbU0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1x4ybf5dql2ie

[officially-violet-blog]

Can't put into words how happy I am this arrived this morning.. Made a quick visit to my friend, so he could be my witness.. But.. It's done! It's Official! . I am Violet Louise Langley. 💙 #deedpoll #namechange #wholenamechange #switchnamesaround #itsofficial #itsfinal #beyondhappy https://www.instagram.com/p/BsYf53KAAyoJyUhZ23Jh6GEdzeCwegA2THfk7Q0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=bqhr31c5trai

[officially-violet-blog]

"Love Your Body" . Easier said than done, sometimes! . But I'm learning.. I have days where I'll suddenly feel uncomfortable.. Self-conscious.. Can't quite get comfortable in anything I own.. It's horrible!! Start picking away at what I don't like.. What I want to change. . But I have moments like right now.. Where I feel comfortable.. Confident.. Baring in mind, right now.. I'm all bunged up, aching, and have a major headache! But I'm fine with my body, happy with it, with all the ups and downs over the past 10 years, the damage I've put it through or other people have!! Constantly battling with my body.. But I'm finally getting there! 💙 On another note.. That underwear set.. I'm in love with! That much, I now have it in 8 colours 🙊 Love lace, but also love comfort.. This set is perfect! Pretty, sexy, lacey, and comfortable!! 😍 🙌 #bodyimage #bodyconfidence #learntoacceptyourself #acceptyourbody #loveyourbody #loveyourself #flawsandall #confident #comfortable #underwear #love #pretty #lacey #primarkforthewin https://www.instagram.com/p/BsWXVTugOuBg8KChYPeNvfE1cLTtbgTJ9B6O4w0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14848lbl24tnp

[officially-violet-blog]

Haven't really had much of a Christmas this year, due to working all the way through... It's been somewhat of a shit year.. Between broken relationship.. Losing certain friends.. Work.. Mental health.. Medications.. Anxiety attacks.. . . But.. Also this year.. The very few ups.. Making some new friends.. I absolutely adore each and every single one of them.. Finally getting the piercings and tattoos done.. Getting back in front of the camera.. Preparing to set up my own business.. And getting ready to take on a new hobby come January.. . . But.. You know what the highlight of Christmas was.. Even though I was working.. Having a friend, unexpectedly show up at my work with flowers.. The last person I expected to see on Christmas day.. Pretty much died behind the tills.. 😂 But the fact someone took the time to come and surprise me.. To cheer me up.. Was one of the most amazing things to happen during the last few weeks! Not alot of people will make the effort to do such a thing.. But I am so happy they did! Cheered me up more than I expected it too!! 💙 He's definitely set the bar high for other guys though.. 😂 Expect the unexpected! ❤ #Christmasday #flowers #roses #lillies #myfavourites #adorethem #beautiful #Christmassurprise #expecttheunexpected #thankyou https://www.instagram.com/p/Br_XXjnAWY3AC6XKj-aV53A3Nbi9go76FDLDX00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yk3y2tt3y68v

[officially-violet-blog]

"Life is about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." . Sometimes, to do what makes you happy, means making big changes. . For a long time, I've been toying with the idea of changing my surname.. Back to what it originally was. "Langley" I was never really a "Morgan".. I never will be. . During the past few years, I've been toying with the idea of changing my first name too.. Not really changing it as such, just switching my first and second names around, to what they should of been. . It's the one regret I know my nan has.. And that's not letting my mum call me Violet, after my great grandmother, because she wasn't over her passing, which is understandable! . But now... I'm changing that.. Time to start finding myself again.. And be who I'm suppose to be.. I will no longer be.. "Louise Violet Morgan" But.. "Violet Louise Langley" 💙 #bigchange #majorchange #nameswitch #namechange #beyourself #findyourself #notamorgan #alwayslangley https://www.instagram.com/p/BsIhKM6glsqtmHvp6QgBEQlAiPbZt5_SZUo8E00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12g0asosd6wto

[officially-violet-blog]

My Choice. My Body. Scarred. Pierced. Tattooed. It's mine! ✌ Funny when someone asks you to stop one or all of the above.. Because your body is good as it is.. Okay, fine.. But.. It's my body. Piercings.. Tattoos.. Scars.. My way of expressing myself! 👌 No-one will ever change that! Good Luck to anyone who thinks they can tell me or ask me to stop! 👏 😂 #expression #formofexpression #expressyourself #tattooed #pierced #scarred #mybody #mychoices #inkedgirl #goodlucktoyou https://www.instagram.com/p/BriwL7oAyrEtN17p4Tf9gcAcLRRh898HpzoOJ80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=r7c8zh81o7lm

[officially-violet-blog]

Back to the doctors yesterday... Previous doctor didn't really seem all that concerned.. This one.. The look on her face with everything I was saying.. She actually looked worried for me.. Understandable! I've already had a friend say to start putting myself first.. My health first.. Take time away from everything.. Switch off.. Before I end up somewhere I shouldn't be! She pretty much said the same. . Doctor changed my medication.. I start them tonight.. I'm freaking out a bit.. She said they will make me ill when I first start taking them.. I can't deal with being ill, on top of my mental state! If anyone has been on this medication, Sertraline before.. Let me know how it went for you.. 😩 💔 #doctors #medication #sertraline #depression #anxiety #anxietyattacks #mentalstatedeteriorating #mentalhealth #antidepressants #needtostartputtingmyselffirst #lookhoweasyitistofakeasmile https://www.instagram.com/p/BrV8PRHgFLJHO2eWKy19aBpqW-lrr04kfVb7R40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13n6ca7c6iqky

[officially-violet-blog]

Anyone who really knows me, know that my siblings are my world! 💙 My sister though... She is EVERYTHING! She is one of the few reasons why I am still standing. 💜 Yesterday, I spent a bit of time with her before seeing my friend.. Took her to town, because I had a couple things I wanted to look for.. I could feel another panic attack occuring.. 😩 I gripped her hand tighter.. Trying to get out of the crowds as quick as possible.. I could see her in the corner of my eye, looking up at me.. She knew something was wrong.. She held onto my hand.. Squeezing as hard as she could.. She didn't let go.. My heart sank.. Couldn't believe it was about to happen again.. And with her around.. But I was able to calm myself.. For her sake! 💔 I hate myself for it.. Not something I want happening when I'm with my little sister.. It's ripping me apart inside.. I don't want it happening infront of her, but I'm glad she was with me.. Because she was with me, I was able to calm myself.. 🙏 My little sister. My daughter. My best friend. My World. 🌎 I'm not promising anything, but.. I'll try my best to keep on fighting! 💜 #sisters #littlesister #bigsister #myworld #mybestfriend #mydaughter #thereasonistand #keepsmegoing #reasonforliving https://www.instagram.com/p/BrOaGbGg22pPE66WTwiIvVUzCG0H5F0wQRtHdg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=101hsy8btt5gy

[officially-violet-blog]

Yesterday.. My 20 year old brother asked me if I've been eating properly... I just looked at him confused.. His reply.. You look like you've lost loads of weight again.. Well.. I never eat properly.. But I haven't.. I've put on 5lbs.. Still at my lightest in over 10 years though.. Over 5st dropped in the last year and a half.. After struggling for so long! And it's not from trying.. Was from stress.. My mental health deteriorating.. And trying so hard to make things work with my ex.. But.. My mental health got the better of me! ✌ Body image has become such a big thing.. People always putting others down for their size and shape.. People expected to be a certain size, a certain shape... Why?! All that matters is that you are happy.. Make sure you are healthy though.. But make sure you are HAPPY too! 💙 I grew up with being told I was fat.. A fat pig.. A fat cow.. Even asked if I was pregnant because of my size at one point.. Not going to lie, year after that I did have a miscarriage.. . . Would you believe though.. That above.. Is comments from my family.. It's worse when it's your family.. Your family is suppose to love and accept you.. Got to be fair, not sure that my family accept me for who I am now.. Apart from my sister.. An 11 year old girl can accept every little thing.. My mental health.. My size.. My scars.. My tattoos.. My piercings.. My crazy hair.. My meds.. . It scares her.. It worries her.. But.. She still accepts it all! . What worries me though.. Is her growing up worrying about appearances.. About her body image.. . I want her to grow up being one of the most accepting and most understanding person around.. I want her to accept her body no matter what.. To accept herself in everyway.. To be unique.. To be crazy.. To be a wild, beautiful girl, that she is! 💜 To never change for anyone! 🙏 Not to grow up worrying about everything like I did! 💔 #bodyimage #appearance #acceptyourself #loveyourself #beyou #dontchange #behappy #beaccepting #dontbeavictim #stopteachingpeopletohatethemselves #peoplecomeinallshapes https://www.instagram.com/p/BrKk4A5BRgyK48f2XL0KMBAIc0ZWR5zoa6gagI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pzkjzm447lgn

[officially-violet-blog]

Works do Thursday night... It was good, it was fun! But... Ended the night with a panic attack.. Just glad I had one of my best friends with me.. God knows what would of happened if I had been on my own.. First time his friend had met me too.. And that happens.. 3 of us stood in the rain.. Me having a panic attack.. Them trying to keep me up when I wanted to fall.. My best friend had me repeating these words.. I Am Blue I Am A Warrior I Always Overcome Every Thing I Always Win 💙 Blue because my hair is blue, even when I change it, I'm still Blue.. Warrior, because Louise means Famous Warrior, Renowned Fighter! ✌ These panic attacks are becoming a regular occurrence.. I hate it.. Wish they would go away!! 💔 Thank you guys for staying with me.. For keeping me up! 💜 #depression #panicattack #sobad #iwantedtofall #breakingdowm #imsorry #loveyouguys #keepingmeupwheniwanttofall #iamblue #iamawarrior #iovercomeeverything #ialwayswin #keepfighting #louisemeanswarrior https://www.instagram.com/p/BrHtt8Th1Bnz1zlwtrZPaVEnd00ygNv9hMWx100/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=c7k5oykck71b

[officially-violet-blog]

Been a little spaced out the last few days or so.. Keep picking at myself for something or other.. I need to stop.. Sometimes I just can't help it.. Trying not to let my mind bully my body.. I fool people with my smile.. I will one day be fully comfortable.. For now.. Just take it one day at a time! 💙 #learningtoacceptmybody #bodyimage #bodyconfidence #fakeasmile #foolthepeople #mindbullyingthebody #dontletyourmindbullyyourbody #learntobeconfident #youonlyhaveonebody https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqz36rPgo0ozJ0m0vYgR6HFNZug0hnSHGZRmpM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1w5bke4i6tb0b

[officially-violet-blog]

Loving and accepting someone else, is so much easier than loving and accepting yourself.. Eventually though, you lose that love for someone else.. Because you haven't quite learned to love yourself yet.. Something I'm trying to do.. Trying to accept myself.. Accept my flaws.. Trying to love myself.. Before I start loving someone else.. One day, I will accept and love myself.. I have people in my life who need to do the same.. I accept and love them for who they are.. And I hope one day, they can love and accept themselves!! 💙 #learntoacceptyourself #learntoloveyourself #acceptance #love #oneday #overtime #loveyourself #loveyourselffirst #healyourself #findyourself https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq6C3z8g685tfU-J6ISNpuWf9CIQ_pLkiJBPKs0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ccrndl1z42zy

[officially-violet-blog]

Mental health.. Is a daily battle.. Constant.. Never ending.. You have good days.. You have bad days.. Your mind is a battlefield.. You try to be okay.. But.. It's okay not to be okay! . I've battled with depression alot longer than I would like to admit. The suicidal thoughts. The self harm. The extremely bad days. . I can fake a smile. I've gotten pretty good at it. But sometimes.. People can still see it.. They can see something's not right.. It's usually the eyes.. The sadness.. The pain.. The battle.. . I finally made the first step.. As of yesterday, I am now on medication. It's a step I've never wanted to take. But it's done! . #depression #selfharmer #suicidal #constantbattle #battlefield #mentalhealth #firststep #fightingthisbattle #bestfriends #lovethem https://www.instagram.com/p/BqhYxrOgiRvczkYuiQaQll4zeTDAGe6781Ezaw0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=v1sk9oujlas3

[officially-violet-blog]

Breakdowns. . Happens quite often lately. . Bad days. . Dark days. . Dark thoughts. . Told one or two friends of what I had done. . I wear skirts and dresses most of the time. . It's hard not to notice. . It's not something I do often. . It's hard to explain it. . It's hard for anyone to explain it. . Why they do it. . It's pain. . But it's a pain that takes your mind away from all the other pain. . Distracts you from everything else. . Even if it's only for a brief moment. . It's still taking you away from everything else. . Never deep. . Just enough. . Fades in time. . Faint purple lines in the cold. . Eventually, it's not even noticeable. . Can't guarantee it won't happen again. . All I can do, is say.. . I'm Sorry! . #depression #suicidal #selfharmer #darkdays #darkthoughts #mindisamess #mindisabattlefield #constantbattle #takeeachdayasitcomes #onestepatatime https://www.instagram.com/p/BqaOqTMAk6qVhKgmeBabq7FaghF4VEfMW1YJ1Q0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1d71xpyr7k9j9

[officially-violet-blog]

Depression.. Suicidal.. Self harming.. 🔪 Everyone has their own battles! Everyone has their own demon! 😈 Mine are above! 🔝 Always feeling crazy.. Feeling alone.. Like I don't belong anywhere.. Like I don't fit in.. Like I shouldn't be here! 😖 The crazy feelings I have had since I was younger than my sister... She's 11! 💔 My mother, my brothers... They are not too sure when it comes to me... My sister worries... My dad wishes he hadn't missed so much... Reminds me my name means Warrior.. And to keep fighting! 💙 I'm trying!! 💔 #selfharm #suicidal #depression #feelingcrazy #feelingalone #dontbelong #dontfitin #downdayssuck https://www.instagram.com/p/BqM_u4QgaBaTSDNN5pnTz915t6aAF8uQLxtmRc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=dlx5man5h2t3