[krabby-kronicle]

[anthrocentric]

Sure-fire Anthropologist Pick-Up Lines

Hey Baby, I wanna see your bedrock!

Let’s pretend you’re full of  C14 so I can date you.

Baby, you must have time distortion powers because you’are turning me into Homo Erectus!

Would you like to examine my bone?

What a nice pair of platform mounds you got there!

Wanna extract some minerals from my bone?

Let’s forget the carbon and move straight to the dating!

Hey baby, Can I probe your moist area?

My, my you are a special find.

Are you an excavation site?  Because I dig you.

I’m a linguistic anthropologist, may i study your tongue?

Hey baby, I wanna go down today… about 10 centimeters.

Fancy rimming my sherd?

Hey baby, can i use my GPR on you?

I sure would like to calibrate your curves.

Baby you’re more precious than an artifact!

Wanna share a trench?

I would never bury our love in a coniferous forest, because the acidity of the soil would ruin any chance of preservation.

So, wanna get dirty?

I’d like to excavate your site.

You know, you really match my culturally constructed beauty standard !

Care to shine my trowel?

You like petrology? Well, check out this cleavage!

Would you like to see my totem ?

Come here and let me demonstrate how to shovel probe.

My, what a large ranging pole you have!

Hey baby, could i have a look at your artifacts?

Can I excavate your mounds?

Hey, I’ve just discovered a bone in my pants, and I was wondering if you could date it.

Hey baby, can I survey your features ?

I find your culture fascinating…I’d like to learn more about your mating rituals.

Can I touch your tanglible heritage?

Is that an increment borer in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Wow, and all this time I thought nothing was sexier than archaeometry!

Did it hurt when you fell from your culture’s dogmatic view of an afterlife?

Let’s have a debate. I’ll be a cultural relativist, and you assume the missionary position.

If I told you that you had some nice secondary sex characteristics, would you hold them against me?

You remind me of the Kennewick Man, I’d do anything to claim you for my own.

Baby, your hotness is a social fact!

I like your hotspot.

Baby, I’ve got a huge grant !

[pink-princess-baby]

[pr1nceshawn]

Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.

[percy-jackson-and-the-end]

This made my day

[princessflowerbong]

The last one 😢

[qinni]

Just a timelapse of a painting. I turn the paper around a lot lol.

I’m using Windsor & Newton gouache here, and finished off with gold ink. 

Instagram | dA

[brisbone]

Saying you child is your “kid” is an insult to goats everywhere.

[zooophagous]

I’ll insult moms everywhere. Fight me Pam.

[cakelikeowen]

Fuck you, Barbara 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

You want to do this now, Helen?

[ohgodshesloose]

Oh it is on Brenda

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Eight o clock after the PTA meeting, Joan

[saddest-faery-gothmother]

Uhm, my kids will be going to bed at 8, Sandy, because unlike SOME mothers I put my children to bed at a responsible time!

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Don’t you bring my kids into this, Janet

[martinscorsissy-deactivated2019]

You’re right Sandy, we shouldn’t bring your C- average kids into this. We should, however, bring your 2013 Honda Odyssey that reeks of failure and cigarettes from your midnight affairs with the mail man.

[kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd]

At least I have a man touching me, unlike SOMEONE I know. When was the last time Frank so much as looked at you, Jackie?

[loptrcoptr]

C-Carol, you’ve gone t-t-too far!

[cu2co3oh2sio2]

NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED TO THE CASSEROLE POTLUCK! That includes you, Cynthia…

[bando--grand-scamyon]

[blvckdynamite]

God this is magical

[conchitacouldyounot]

→ “Rise Like a Phoenix” — Malou Efter tio

[conchitacouldyounot]

[amitafeenia-deactivated20151116]

[24-karat-vagina-deactivated2014]

I LOVE THIS VINE SO MUCH PLEASE WATCH IT

[notlindsay]

[toinfinityandbeyonce-deactivate]

[fireball-mudflap]

[sadsadsadboy-deactivated2022030]

[master-of-booty]

Babe!

[babebllue-deactivated20160508]

This is a rescued owl named Zeus, he is blind but his eyes hold the universe

[jamesstagclothing]

[taemins-day]

because nothing starts ur day off right like darth vader crying heavily over ur naked body

[pomeranian2]

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

I’m the friends.

[weloveshortvideos]

[vincentvanhoes-deactivated20160]

THIS IS MY FUCKING FAVORITE VINE IN THE WHOLE GOD DAMN INTERNET