Royal Heart You will never be let down by anyone more than you will be let down by the one you love most in the world it’s how gravity works it’s why they call it “falling” it’s why the truth is harder to tell every year you have more to lose but you can choose to bury your past in the garden beside the tulips water it until it’s so alive it lets go and you belong to yourself again When you belong to yourself again Remember forgiveness is not a tidy grave It is a ready loyal knight kneeling before your royal heart Call in your royal heart Tell it bravery cannot be measured by a lack of fear It takes guts to tremble It takes so much tremble to love Every first date is a fucking earth quake Sweetheart, on our first date I showed off all my therapy I flaunted the couch Where I finally sweat out my history Pulled out the photo album from the last time I wore a lie to the school dance I smiled and said “that was never my style Look how fixed I am Look how there’s no more drywall on my fist Look at the stilts I’ve carved for my short temper Look how my wrist is not something I have to hide” I said Well I was hiding it The telephone pole still down from the storm By our third date I had fixed the line I said listen, I have a hard time I mean I cry as often as most people pee and I don’t shut the door behind me I’ll be up in your face screaming “SEATTLE IS TOO RAINY SEATTLE IS TOO RAINY IM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO LIVE HERE.” I sobbed on our fourth date I can’t live here In my body, I mean I can’t live in my body all the time it feels too much So if I ever feel far away know I am not gone I am just underneath my grief Adjusting the dial on my radio face so I can take this life with all of it’s love and all of it’s loss See I already know that you are the place where I am finally going to sing without any static meaning I’m never gonna wait that extra twenty minutes to text you back, and I’m never gonna play hard to get when I know your life has been hard enough already. When we all know everyone’s life has been hard enough already it’s hard to watch the game we make of love, like everyone’s playing checkers with their scars, saying checkmate whenever they get out without a broken heart. Just to be clear I don’t want to get out without a broken heart. I intend to leave this life so shattered there’s gonna have to be a thousand separate heavens for all of my separate parts And none of those parts are going to be wearing the romance from the overpriced vintage rack That is to say I am not going to get a single speed bike if I can’t make it up the hill I know exactly how many gears I’m going to need to love you well And none of them look hip at the hot coffee shop They all have God saying “good job you’re finally not full of bullshit” You finally met someone who’s going to flatten your knee caps into skipping stones Baby, throw me Throw me as far as I can go I don’t want to leave this life without ever having come home And I want to come home to you I can figure out the rain
Andrea Gibson, “Royal Heart” (via ohandreagibson)
