Starry Night

TW - just a place to vent my thoughts

[ohtobevangoghsear]

Once a fucking again, left out

[ohtobevangoghsear]

Just want this self loathing to end - death seems the only option

[sugaglos]

Maybe my death would fix everyone's problems

[bleulivide]

I just want to disappear.

[ohtobevangoghsear]

I thought people cared

[werewolveswithdiaries]

[ohtobevangoghsear]

There are days when I think it might get better, I know I’m kidding myself cause ill always slip and slide back into the depths of depression

[obscurix]

!!! i’m so fucking tired of feeling wrong and crazy and insane and fucked up and angry and sad and not real and what the fuck is the point

[maybeshehasbpd]

what’s it like not wanting to die every five minutes

[ohtobevangoghsear]

You know what I hate the most, when you realise that you don’t mean as much to someone as they did to you. Like no that person wasn’t gonna be your new friends actually you’re just a weirdo to them. I hate it. Planning a fucking wedding sucks when you have no one who actually wants to attend from your side.

No one fucking cares

[osazaisbloodstainedbandages]

so youre telling me that theres MENTALLY STABLE, NEUROTYPICAL, NOT BORDERLINE people who dont get suicidal thoughts at every minor inconvenience??????

[ohtobevangoghsear]

Pencil sharpers are in my thoughts rn. I’m so tired of pretending it’s all okay.

[beaten-dog]

Remembering people who forgot about me hurts

[maybeshehasbpd]

I only have one personality and that’s wanting to die

[ohtobevangoghsear]

Thoughts I’m writing to my therapist

think I got what you said, try and writing about it and think about to see what caused the thought? I guess peel back the horses foot.

The thought: I can’t do anything right.

My first instinct is to say it’s true. Cause to me it feels like it is. I mess up everything, maybe if I had done it all differently, if I hadn’t spoken or had spoken things would be different, if I changed my facial expression to look different. People tell me I look moody or like I feel sorry for them which I don’t. But then they don’t believe me cause they think they can read my face.

Back to the thought, I guess a childhood of having to walk a tightrope always worried if you said the wrong thing you’d get a snappy reply or you’d put her (mum) in a bad mood.

I also hate that I’m writing this cause it would be easier if it was me, it’s easier to hate myself than my mother. I hate this, I just hate this cycle, I don’t think I’m ever gonna leave it. Maybe it would be better if I was dead, the thoughts the heaving feeling of self loathing of everything you do upsetting/annoying the person you love.

[ribbonz-regrezzion]

having a bad evening

[ajissleepy]

seeing someone online but not responding is one of the worst feelings, like hello am i being ignored? do you hate me? are you going to abandon me? am i an awful person? have i upset you? im sorry please dont leave me

[smilescircus-deactivated2026020]

I'm so exhausted. Can I die now?