recently i was diagnosed schizophrenia. finally. it was a bpd before.
well how to start. there was a very tough year. i made a lot of bad irrational things, lost my job, tried to commit suicide over and over again. a lot of people just stuck me out of their life. the voices shouted in my head. the cockroaches. gosh, a lot of cockroaches. blood. the man following me. and, god, i was so paranoid. i didn’t realize what happened to me. not a clue. i was delusional, lost and hallucinated almost all the time. and to be honest it wasn’t my first psychotic episode. i have started to see things since i was seven (i’m 25 now). but it always was an explanation. you know, vivid fantasy or magic or ghosts or paranormal things or anything else but hallucinations. i thought i was okay. anxious and manic, but okay. it’s not a big deal, you see.
i was drowning, but one very special person pulled me out. still words can't express my gratitude. and i decided to fight the disease for him, ‘cause i lack motivation to do it for me. i wish i could write i feel better now, but to be honest i still struggle with hallucinations and paranoia every day. despite my medication and therapy.
well then i’m going to post here some thoughts about my condition and how to live with schizophrenia. so if you have a problem with that, feel free to unfollow me.
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