I'm Average

shitposter. you don’t even want to know about my side blog.

[porterr-robinson]

[elasticitymudflap]

i can never face my family again

[inabasket]

You ever see something so funny you bypass laughing entirely and go straight for crying?

[warmbun]

me: *wailing dramatically while wandering the halls of my dark mansion in a long black chiffon dressing gown with a black feather trim that trails behind me about a foot over a simple and elegant black silk slip dress, holding a fully lit candelabra and leaving a trail of wax drippings on my hardwood floors*

my spouse: *turns on the hall light* we fucking talked about this

[shiropoint]

This is mesmerizing to watch.

[fuu-dog-treats]

actually physically painful to watch because you know months were spent masking all those frames for each of the kajillions of transitions in this

[ask-ickle-mod]

[thatsthat24]

Holy………..shmokes…….

[mozzarella-shenanigans]

Oh?? My god??

[pomrania]

I’ll try my best to describe this. It’s a video with a mash-up of a bunch of different Disney movies, set to a song that’s a mash-up of a bunch of other songs. That in and of itself wouldn’t make it praiseworthy, but this is DONE SO WELL that just, holy cow.

[drawnsnake]

HOLY SHIT

[c3rvida3]

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

[correct-vampire-opinions]

me

[heir-to-the-diamond-throne]

Me: *falling asleep to an audiobook on the science of the gut*

Book: saliva is actually filtered blood!

Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

[heir-to-the-diamond-throne]

Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

Book: saliva also contains a painkiller that is stronger than morphine, but we don’t produce a lot of it otherwise we’d be constantly high

Me: ʕʘ Д ʘʔ

[heir-to-the-diamond-throne]

Opiorphin is 6x stronger than morphine and actually contains an anti-depressant compound which is why some doctors believe it’s linked to comfort eating

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20610867/

[enbyroses]

Everyone spit on me so I won’t be depressed

[slab-o-meat]

crabs are so gentle, they can be so kind. their claws? precise little things, so careful in the sand, so careful with food. they do what they must to live and wave their claws to express their joy to the world for giving so much to them, for giving such kindness to these creatures known as crabs. please be gentle to crabs

[slab-o-meat]

i was on. a new sleep medication last night

[pizzaback-deactivated20201011]

but you were right

[thecommonchick]

[florencelovesyou-deactivated201]

LMAO

[mercedesbenzodiazepine]

I can’t decide which one I am

[mimikyu-chwan]

AHHHHHHHHHH

[lucentgallivanter]

me: i love you but please, please do not step on my keyboard. go a foot out of your way and go around

my lovable yet ungrateful cat, a troublegirl and a fiend: you could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature 

[movedto-nonbinarytyto-deactivat]

I went through 275 pages of my video tag to find these vines among others

[sapphirecutie1995-deactivated20]

this is a portal to a better place

[seobot]

[astonishmaint]

lil something to get you through the day

[localstarboy]

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

he lived with a man for a good decade so

[theheartisalonelyhunter]

newton was a gay sugar daddy pass it on

[352364334737574fr-deactivated20]

my physics teacher in highschool and college physics prof both talked about how he had a forbidden love w his pal fatio lmao

[surprisebitch]

wow physics and calculus are gay pass it on

[funnytwittertweets]

[30-minute-memes]

I remember back then

[jasper-rolls]

does anyone remember those stick figure fighting gifs that people used to use as their icons on forums

[jasper-rolls]

[grawly]

holy shit this thing is old

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

i think it's fucked up that there are plants that decided they wanted to eat meat

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

a plant's job is literally to just exist but the venus flytrap chose violence

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

what if i gently laid an uncooked steak on the soil for it to absorb

[iridescentjaq]

my tree biology teacher fed her calcium-deficient tree a whole-ass bbq rib bone - she stuck it in the ground near the base of the tree (after eating the meat off of it), and when she came back to collect it to show the tree biology class it was GONE

the tree had grown a root up through the center of it & out through the sides

also there’s an old story about a man who was buried beneath a tree, and when they went to exhume the body it had been completely absorbed by the tree’s roots- you could see the shape of the body in the way the roots grew, splitting up for clearly defined arms and legs. trees will absolutely eat a steak if you bury it & they need the nutrients.

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

that’s horrifying! thank you