Beauty

可愛くしているから、大事にしてね。 walk in circles but I'll never figure out What I mean to you, do I belong?

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

Hm, what’s spoken makes Yamato realize how different they are when it comes to Okita-kun’s kindness. To come up with an assumption that maybe in the end, the other had detested their Master would have never came to the uchigatana’s mind. His eyes widen from his own disbelief, saying something like.. that can’t be true? Though it’s Kashuu who speaks these harmful words, if one continues to lie to themselves it becomes the truth, doesn’t it? It gets to the male inside to hear Kashuu speak like this when it’s a known fact that if they didn’t love Okita-kun, his impact on them wouldn’t have done a thing.

Like a rock thrown into a lake, it disappears until reaching the bottom but what it leaves behind is the ripples that cause an effect to the water. The ripples continue to go along endlessly, an impact just like their Master, though he is gone, the ripples lives along inside of them now. They’re the one who carries off his impact to others, if that is not love, he doesn’t know what it is. “I think.. Even if you do hate him.. even if you just continuously want the world to love you. As long as you lie to yourself about all these things and begin to believe it, Okita-kun.. he’ll always love you. We were his swords.. we stood by him until we couldn’t anymore.”

The head that digs into his shoulder for warmth and reassurance isn’ heavy for Yamato at all, looking up at the sky above him and his gaze blurs out as he thinks the tears will just fall again. Is he watching, does he see what they see or what they wish they could. “Even if you can’t wake up.. I’ll be here, if you think this is a dream or a nightmare in the end, when you wake up. I’ll be there.. I don’t know when you’ll realize .. but..” His words come to a pause, and he’s sure that he’s too weak to say any of this.

Would the other even listen. Arms that wrap around the male to pull him into this tight embrace, “Okita-kun could never hate you.. besides isn’t he always here for you.. You were the one that claimed that gust of wind was him.. Isn’t that him reaching out.. but his grasp was loose.. you know that he isn’t tangible so forgive him for not being able to hold you like before. So I’ll do it in his stead.. if he hated you.. I doubt he would have gave you a sign that he’s listening. He has no reason to forgive you because there’s nothing you did wrong..” Even his own tears give away, falling down his cheeks only in a light manner, his tears aren’t as heavy as the others.

Even though they stain his cheeks and drip off his chin every so often and probably land on the male’s cheek accidentally. He shakes his head as he looks back down to the other mentally rotting away in his arms, the embrace becomes tighter and he just wants to make sure Kashuu is okay. This all started from a simple act of acceptance that the other didn’t want and bow he feels trapped within a dream.. a nightmare. Something.

“You’ve never betrayed Okita-kun, not even now. You just.. needed someone to remind you..” His features changing to a frown, “I’ll help you wake up.. alright. You don’t need to suffer in such things as unhappiness.. You know, Okita-kun wouldn’t have liked that. He would never.. In the end, he’s waiting for us and to tell him about the happiest times of our lives.. how can you do that if you frown and cry at the world.. if you must dream.. at least dream a happy dream.. There are no nightmares if I’m here, alright? There is no such thing as that fear called rejection.. because Okita-kun accepted you such a long time ago.”

[okitaleft-blog]

Right now Kashuu felt so childish it was embarrassing but he couldn’t do anything about it everything was just falling apart within him. When was the last time he cried so hard like this? Honestly if he hadn’t been repressing these feelings for so long because of his pride he wouldn’t be breaking like this right now the way he was. 

Ahh his head hurt so much, as did his chest. He didn’t even know how more tears could come from him. He’s listening to what Yamato is saying and it doesn’t make sense to him. Just because he was Okita’s sword it doesn’t mean anything. He could still be disliked right? He doesn’t know.He’s so tired of spilling these tears and having his insecurities continue weighing him down along with the negativity plaguing his entire being. 

True it was him who claimed the strong wind was Okita because something about that particular wind felt so familiar. Was it really Okita trying to grab a hold of Kashuu?  As he felt himself be embraced so tightly his arms rose up to do the same. Brows knitting and unknitting together. “But that..s wrong I did do things wrong.... I have all these negative views on Okita don’t I? I’m betraying him aren’t I? These unforgivable acts. Okita doesn’t forgive....those who--” Kashuu felt those tears fall onto him and the embrace become even tighter it almost hurt a little but he wouldn’t complain, he just fell silent. He had to fall silent. 

He was beginning to realize he was hurting Yamato a whole lot every time he spit his negativity. The uchigatana didn’t want that. He didn’t. No. It was okay if Kashuu felt like this he didn’t care, but he did care how Yamato felt and he didn’t want him to continue hurting over him. Kashuu didn’t care how he felt as long as at least his brother was able to be happy so he couldn’t allow this to keep going. What he wanted the least in the whole world was to have the other concern himself over him and yet here it was happening and he wasn’t stopping himself.

“If you help me wake up, won’t I just be faced with an even worse nightmare. I...m scared to know. Even if you say you’ll be there I’m scared to know what you’ll say or what you’ll be feeling or thinking. I’m scared that Okita will project his distaste through you as well.” The uchigatana released a shaky breath. “I can’t tell Okita-kun of my happy encounters if I keep crying and feeling like this that’s true, but maybe it’s better that way.” Kashuu shook his head. The uchigatanas fears lessened with Yamato’s reassurances, but even so he couldn’t accept his words yet. 

“Peoples opinions change over time you know. I may had been accepted back then, but now.....” He laughed bitterly. “Who would want to accept a sword so messed up and pitiful  they can’t even keep their sanity in check.” His grip on the back of Yamatos clothes tightened. “Ahh I’m really so pathetic it’s laughable.” 

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

There’s so much that can go on at one time, the male trying his best to have the uchigatana before him understand. As Yamato spoke before, this isn’t about him at all and that the main point of view is Kashuu Kiyomitsu himself. Hoping that his words would get through to him, that’s all he wants at this moment for him not to bask in this pain anymore. As much as it’s gripped onto the raven’s heart and even his outlook on life, it’s been such a long time that he has to feel this way. Sapphire hues watch how a stagnant look reflects back to him, how distance it seems that there’s something between them and yet.. they were as close as they could be.

They’ve both have been around almost around the same time, he’s seen Kashuu when he’s happy and even when he’s in the worst of moods. But it’s been such a long since he’s seen the male so sick of the entirety around them. He knows that with him, he needs to be careful. He has to be gentle. In his mind, words can break him more than he’s ever been shattered before, his entire mental process could come crashing down if Yamato doesn’t watch his own words and actions. The way the male before him begins to crumble in on himself, Yamato is nothing but worried. His own eyes shaking with a sort of fear, considering what could be going on inside of him.

The male can’t read minds and if he could, he’s sure the inside of the other’s thoughts aren’t the best like his. That constant positivity he tries to give when it’s just a reflection of his Master, though they’re not able to reach him are they? His response are tears that begin to stain his features, finding a home where they seem to take as their own once more. As the lines begin to trail down over and over, the substance becoming more visible as they take Kashuu’s vision. Was it his words that brought the burning sensation to the other’s nose, how his face reddens from the emotions leaking from his person.

Slowly the hand that’s pushed away is now remaining in Kashuu’s grasp, being squeezed tight as a sort of reality for the other. He allows whatever pain to come to his hand, opening his ownmouth to speak and yet he falls on nothing but silence. To see the other’s tears like this only makes Yamato wonder if this was all worth it. “I want you to listen to me..” He asks for this as he can feel the other shake, his legs bringing him down whereas Yamato follows suit, down to his knees with the person who is family to him.

“Kashuu Kiyomitsu.. do you hear yourself?!” Watching how helpless the other is being, these words that leak from his lips speak nothing but sadness. Those words that he can choke out between his sobs, “You did take Okita-kun for a fool didn’t you.. on his death bed you still do.. don’t you? My hands.. can you feel them? Can you feel how warm they are.. Okita-kun’s isn’t like that anymore. His body is decaying.. Kashuu Kiyomitsu.. You said that people only care for things when they’re only nice.. and brand new, huh? Me and you.. are just as worn out as him and he still loves us.. His body is practically gone, we’ll never see his smile again, his life is gone.. So do you loathe him? Do you hate him because he died.. Okita-kun.. Do you hate him.. Did you only love him when he was alive and detested him when he left and you speak to me how much you cared for him but you .. second guess his love for you.. How hypocritical.. can you be about Okita-kun? ..You were with him longer than me.. You knew him much better than me.. You know things I probably don’t and you say this.”

“What if the toys now outlive their Master, their owner, should we hate him because he’s dead. You gained another chance and yet you don’t understand.. You was with him longer you should know how much he cared for you, that he loves you.” Of course, speaking so that Kashuu can understand, “In his life who did he always run to check on.. I wasn’t an idiot you know.. I can tell that he loves you a lot back then I wasn’t always the one who caught his eye because our happiness.. Our..”

He can feel a burning sensation coming around the bridge of his nose and he doesn’t want what he believes to happen. He lets out his own shaky breath, “My cry, can you hear it? My pleas.. I want you to hear everything I’m saying.. You’re not listening to me. Kashuu Kiyomitsu, why won’t … why won’t you listen me.. Can you.. Can you help me.. wake you from this nightmare? It hurts don’t it.. to talk like this because it hurts me.. My heart hurts because of what you’re saying, and if my heart hurts like this doesn’t that mean Okita-kun is hurting there too. I want to take it from my chest because I’m worried for you.. why do you think I would lie to you. I say crier.. and you say liar but I say.. you should hear the truth that I’m telling you.”

It’s true, Yamato does worship him more than a person should, but when it comes to a person who influences your entire life, wouldn’t you dedicate as much as you can for them. He sniffles, feeling that his own eyes wanting to water but his hand that rests on Kashuu’s shoulder is removed and the sleeve of his haori runs against his face. It’s only the beginning but he doesn’t want them to become apparent at this time, seeing Kashuu’s tears fall onto his clothing and hit the ground are truly bringing out Yamato’s own. Yet, he must hold them back for the other’s sake.

“Why don’t you just wipe away that weakness that holds you back.. Why would you let those cracks from before define you when it should only be me and Okita-kun’s thoughts that should matter.. Me and Okita-kun are the ones who love you and want to protect you because were always trying to be by your side. Aah.. I don’t know.. if you’ll listen to me anymore.. I..” He can feel his own tear run down his cheek, how pathetic. His free hand grips at the sleeve of his haori that Kashuu despretaly clings onto, pulling it inside out so that he can wrap it over the uchigatana’s person. It’s been so long to see it on him but he threw that means away. He does this to give the other reassurance.

“Will you let your thoughts.. define you.. Kashuu Kiyomitsu.. when what Okita-kun believes is right there.” Pulling his brother to him by pulling at his haori, the uchigatana rests his forehead against Kashuu’s own. Allowing the fabric to rest over the other’s shoulder, he places his hand right over the male’s heart. Right where he believes that Okita-kun’s words mean the most, “Your heart.. he’s always made you happy, right? There.. is where Okita-kun’s words lie and you remember them all.. so don’t turn him away, that happiness he gave us a long time ago.”

[okitaleft-blog]

"No...I didn’t take him for a fool. No! I didn’t hate him.......” Kashuu bit his lip as he trembeled trying to figure out his muddled thoughts. That was right Kashuu loved Okita right? His master...from long ago. Right? “I..........” His head quickly fell as he sniffed. “I don’t hate Okita-kun! I loved Okita-kun. I loved Okita-kun more than anyone I could have ever met. I still love him it doesn’t matter if he’s here or not--- but....” He shook his head. His mind was pounding against his skull as the truth collided with the negativity. “I don’t know anymore! I don’t.....what if I’m just lying to myself?! What if I don’t actually love him! What if...I’m actually that kind of a detestable person......?” His voice was cutting off on him. The uchigatana rubbed his puffy reddened trying to clear some of the tears eyes only for more after. He just couldn’t stop. 

“He..... only ran to check up on me because....because I was the one who always had a problem. From the start I was always problematic an--”  His words were cut short from realizing Yamato had let out a cry. He lifted his head with a concerned look. Yamato cried? for what reason it couldn’t have possibly been because of him. He shook his head. There was no reason for Yamato to be so worried for him that it brought him to tears. Having his brother have to cry because he was being so difficult made him only detest himself even more almost. “Please don’t......cry when it comes to my sake. Believe me spilling tears over something as.....as worthless as I truly isn’t worth it.” Kashuu couldn’t help but continue to beat himself up and fall deeper into his self loathing.  “I don’t know if.....I can wake up from this nightmare after so long honestly, this is my reality now. That’s fine isn’t it? Something as deplorable as me should be forced to live in a nightmare.” His voice was becoming a little hoarse from the crying. It sounded pretty dead. 

Wipe away the weakness? Ah that’s true he could do that, but he had no strength to do it the weakness had him completely restrained bending him to its will. Was he allowed to reach out for help? As the haori was draped onto his shoulders he gripped onto it as he was pulled forward to meet the others forehead. His gaze stayed to the floor. Feeling the hand over his heart Kashuu listened to Yamato. It was true all of Okita’s words that were the truth lied in his heart. That happiness from long ago....all the times he felt his heart skip a beat when Okita showed him an inch of affection....everything was there. He began to remember something from back then. 

One time when Okita had lost him at the marketplace, he couldn’t stop crying because he thought Okita had really abandoned him, but Okita eventually found him and he had looked so worried sick he remembered how Okita embraced him and made sure he was okay. He remembered how happy Okita was to know he was safe and....he remembered how happy it made him feel, to be showered with this affection that he wished for more than anything, more than life. The memory was still so vivid an audible sob escaped him and another one....and they just continued. 

The uchigatana moved and buried his face straight into the right shoulder of his brother. Kashuu had been so caught up in his lies he forgot he was actually ever loved for just being him, rather than for his beauty. He was made to realize this now-- but the nightmare wasn't quite over. The uchigatana began to murmur against the other staining his clothes with his own tears. “I’m beginning to think this right here is a nightmare in itself. Okita-kun would never forgive me after I've thought so ill of him for so long. He probably disowned me a long time ago. Everything that’s happening now it’s because I’m dreaming isn't it? This is what’s been lying deep down in my sub-conscious inst it? More than anything what I wished is for Okita-kun to reach out to me like he had before on that day that I was lost. Isn’t that right? I know Okita-kun and he was a ruthless man when it came down to people turning against him he wouldn't be reaching out to me when I’ve betrayed him like this.”  

He had gripped onto Yamatos sleeve and dragged it down. “If this is a nightmare or if it’s a dream whichever one I don’t want to.....” He shook his head. “I don’t want to wake up. If at least here I can beloved by my family if at least here my life has a worth then I...don’t want to wake up! Let me rot here for eternity.” His voice broke for the umpteenth time and he continued to shake his head. 

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

Words are all he has at this moment, he doesn’t mean to show much emotion in it but tell Kashuu himself how grateful he should be. To be by his side, to be with him so that he had at least one of his swords by his side seemed like a sort of happiness. Truthfully, he didn’t mean to sound upset with the other, his thoughts muddled together with how he could have rephrased certain things much better. It isn’t that he felt like a victim, he felt find where his standing is– his wish is that the other uchigatana sees how lucky he is for having such a chance to reunite with their Master.

His eyes spark up when he’s told that he’s wrong and nothing but sentences that supposedly holds such deep meaning come from him. It’s this topic that has the male’s chest tighten and it feels like he’ll choke on his own air, his body unable to take in what’s being spoken to him from out the other’s mouth. How his lips could let these sentiments pass so easily as if they’re to reassure him. He doesn’t know if this is something he could believe of if this is just honesty that he’s able to give that’s been belated for years.

“I..” His words are at a loss now, of course, something like this at one time is a bit much to take in where as he has to reevaluate what’s being told to him. Part of him feels like he’s going to be sick trying to take all this down but yet, he can feel his heart beat over and over and even find it’s way in his ears. It’s at this moment, he really does want to rip his heart out because these are things that upsets him, frustrates him but he shakes his head, wanting to deny that this.. 

“This isn’t about me..” It’s not, he only wants Kashuu to feel positive about the events that were given to him and yet, all this turned around to him. Okita being the prime subject of their conversation, he, who is possibly watching his two beloved swords argue in such a manner probably could bring a frown to his face. The backlash onto Yamato of what could be wrong or right, a flinch from every word that’s brought back to him and he’s unable to retort from how speechless he is. His body freezes as he feels a yanking of his scarf, tightly around his neck and hands raising him up from where he sat in order for the other to have some sort of upper hand as he speaks to him.

Forcing words down his person and throwing him to the side where the uchigatana gives no response considering he probably does deserve this. His hands propped against the ground of where he’s residing as he finally decides upon something, his hand placed to his own chest, “Do you think that I never thought of the consequences.. Do you think that..” Glancing down for about a few moments, he shakes his head as he decides upon what to speak about next. “I thought of the consequences. I did. Is it wrong for me to desire wants as well, Okita-kun, no matter what, I want to see him. Even if he’s said such kind things and I wasn’t able to hear them, they don’t make up for what I want.. To live through me, if that’s his wish.. he can but even through that I just want to see him..”

“It’s unfair.. I mean even you act as if Okita-kun didn’t love you when you know as much as me he did..”  Becoming gloomy is sadly something that can easily come to him, “Yet when I.. miss him, where I would have died to be with him you look down on me because of it yet.. He cared for us, he protected us, he watched us as we grew by his side and you take all that for granted because of something that couldn’t be fixed. Him, a God on Earth, who didn’t have to use us, took us in and allowed us to be by his side. It’s not me who could take Okita-kun for a fool.. Do you take him for one?”

“Then I am the same, until I have an answer out of his mouth, until he’s before me, I won’t stop trying to be by his side. If you believe he didn’t believe you were beautiful and you were discarded. If he’s living through me.” Pushing himself up off of the ground, his hands hanging by his side as he makes sure to look the direction of Kashuu. It’s simple, perhaps if he stayed asleep when he was trying to cool off, this couldn’t have happened.

Even if Kashuu pushes Yamato away, his hands extend as he comes towards him, placing them on the male’s shoulders to keep him up. “You said.. a straight answer.. then listen to me.. If Okita-kun.” A hand is removed from the male’s left shoulder, cupping Kashuu’s chin as he stares him dead in his crimson gaze. “Listen to me. You said Okita-kun, that he lives through me.” As much as he doesn’t believe this to be true, “Then his voice.. is my voice.”

A deep exhale as he makes sure the other is paying attention, “If Okita-kun is living within me, then, I want you to hear this out of me. I love you, you are important to us, me and Okita-kun. You are important to me. You are family and he tried everything in his power to keep us all together.. But back then doesn’t matter now, you’re here with me.. and as you say, he lives within me so he’s here as well and you get to fight by his side. Even if my request to see Okita-kun will not happen, please understand that not only am I important to him, you are as well. That’s what you tried telling me, right? It’s not about me, Kashuu Kiyomitsu, I don’t care about me, you’re the one I’m worried about I want you to understand that you are loved and I want you to remember that.”

[okitaleft-blog]

When Yamato finally began to respond to all Kashuu had said the words coming at him each one was like a slap in the face. Each thing he would say would make him realize something else it would make him realize where he himself was wrong. 

Kashuu knew Yamato just wanted to see Okita and when it came down to it he did think it was unlucky of him to be the one to go when it was always Yamato who was seemingly closer to Okita, he thought maybe it should have been him the one to be with Okita even for a mere few moments, rather than Kashuu who was so upset he couldn’t live longer. He knew it he knew why it was unfair. He agreed to an extent. Kashuu would never wish death upon Yamato of course not but if their fates had been reversed perhaps, then perhaps all of this wouldn’t be happening right now. They both would have gotten what they wanted. These are just what if’s however these things can’t happen anymore. He merely shakes his head of these thoughts.

 For a while he was silent staring down at his own two feet. “ I don’t take him for a fool, no. I’m not saying Okita never loved me. Surely he did when I was in perfect condition.” For a moment Kashuus thoughts were being clouded with a toxic negativity. “Everyone loves their toys when they’re brand new and still working right? Love is a fragile thing you see...it is something that can easily be swayed. I could be loved one day and then loathed the next. That’s just what happened. When a toy breaks their master doesn't look at it anymore and they eventually sit there to collect dust till one day the toy just completely falls apart.” What was he saying? This was pure nonsense, he knew none of this was how Okita felt towards him because he wasn't that type of person, but still. 

Kashuu had gone so long repressing these negative thoughts just simmering in his own self loathing acting like everything was fine. He was finally over the edge. Nothing positive was left within his thoughts. There were so many contradictions coming from Kashuu just which of his words were the truth on how he felt? If one could take a look inside the uchigatana they would only find a sticky darkness that consumed them. 

He didn’t react much as he felt those hands on his shoulders he did try to shake them off though without much effort. He just stared blankly at the ground that is until he was forced to keep his gaze on the other by that lift of the chin. For a while the words were just entering his ears and exiting the other his gaze wasn’t really focused. Till those specific words ringed within his head. “loved” what was being said? That he was loved? Brows knit together. As his eyes refocused he was met with a surprising sight. For a moment it was as if Okita was in front of him just now speaking those words. The sight eventually faded back to Yamato and now it’ was both of them before him. His eyes narrowed as tears began clouding his vision he was trying hard not to spill them. He tried to speak but words were caught in his throat. The uchigatana reached up to the others hand trying to push it away. “I....” His throat burned with everything he wanted to say. “Is that true......” 

It was pointless trying to fight back the tears now they just started to spill. For a moment he squeezed that hand that he was pushing away. His family...that’s right families loved each other unconditionally. “Was I really family....?”  Finally his knees just gave in and he slowly sank back down to the floor hands cupping his face as the tears continued spilling. He was so genuinely happy to hear those words because not only had they come from Yamato, but Okita as well just now. He was so happy and yet? Why was it that he still felt so disgusting inside. Why was it that he was still not able to believe those words when it couldn’t be anymore clear that they were the truth? The negativity took the chance to spread further. 

“This is just a lie right? Just so that I....will stop being troublesome. Just so that I’ll stop saying things that you hate hearing.” Kashuu made a pained face as he continued. “Because what I say is inconvenient to someone like you who worships Okita so much. I get it. I....get it. It isn’t to help me out of worry but to help yourself isn’t that it? I understand. I’m just so troublesome. So disgusting.” He spit those last few words out like acid. Kashuu may have been  in perfect condition on the outside but on the inside he was just so severely broken it was hard to imagine how he was even being held together. His insecurities were eating away at his sanity.

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

It makes him wonder, this change in the sudden air if Okita-kun is watching and if he is, it makes the uchigatana shudder at the thought. All words spoken before this dramatic act is all lost on Yamato, watching as Kashuu seems to have an inner turmoil with himself. The way he reacts, becoming fed up with anger is something that happens with him ever so easily, deep blue eyes watching how the grows irritated and yet, he’s waiting for him to admit what was hidden under his breath from moments ago.

“Huh..”

The way he spoke to the wind that kept roaring against them, he truly did seem tired of it so whatever must be leaving from his mouth has to be something of importance. A part of him wishes that his prayers sent to Okita-kun were as strong as the gusts of wind that were sent Kashuu’s direction. His immediate thought is that could it truly be him or has the spring wind decided to just come in at a nice time to bring the other uchigatana to admit his true feelings.

Either way, the words that leave from the male’s mouth aren’t something unknown, his gaze dead set upon the male. He’s hesitant at first, this being a conversation that shouldn’t be spoken on the balcony but it’s the best place for the male before him to breathe. The tension between them is thick and it can be cut with a knife most likely but he waits for him to finish, when he feels like talking isn’t something he needs to do anymore.

Once that happens.. “Why.. Why do you speak as if that’s such a bad thing?” He questions, maybe it’s a bit insincere from what he could have said. Thinking would have been much better, “You did all that you could, you fought valiantly and he did what he could to try and bring you back, didn’t he?” A hand raises that’s placed to his chest as he keeps his gaze on the uchigatana’s lowered head, “The days back then.. they were upsetting because people went one by one didn’t they.. but.. you should realize how lucky you were.. Kashuu Kiyomitsu.”

“When you couldn’t go on.. I too mourned to know it was just me..  When you passed.. I cried.. Okita-kun felt at a loss.. but he’d want to keep fighting.. Just like you. But I don’t understand why you act as if your death was such a bad thing. When it was just me.. and the other of the Shinsengumi, you know them by name no need for me to repeat; we’d all had our fair share of struggles. When Okita-kun’s sickness overtook his body.. It’s the same as you.. He couldn’t go on even though he’d say so. Even though he wanted to. Did you know I couldn’t see him? All I could do was sit there and listen outside the door, as he coughed and want to battle.. until his last breath took him. Do you think you were wronged from fighting, his life too was taken away just like that just similar to yours.”

His laughter that leaves from his lips is unnerving, almost as if he’s jealous as he continues. His hands are settled by his side. “In the end.. where did he go. He went to you didn’t he. You got to see him in the end.. In the end I just stood by, listening, but since you were gone.. because you shattered.. In the end you got to see him, you act as if your death was the worst thing but in the end who was the closest to Okita-kun? Between me and you..” His nails run against the surface of the ground, “It’s obvious.. right. It’s always been obvious.. It’s been you.. You think he threw you away but he came and saw you last, didn’t he!? He had no choice but to go just like you right.. And you speak to me like this.. You sound so ungrateful, if only I could have died.. If. I could have been the one with Okita-kun. I understood.. once you both were gone.. that death was possibly the best thing that could happen for you both, I was upset.. but I realized you were in a much better place.. By .. His side. I wish I could have been the one that broke at the moment.. maybe I would have been upset as well, but I would have been with Okita-kun, our Master, to be by his side.. Why couldn’t I have died.. if you have to be so ungrateful.. you were so lucky.”

His voice lowers, swallowing down his thoughts as he only lets them leave from his lips. “You look down on it.. but it was the best thing. Why couldn’t it have been me to go, why am I here why Okita-kun is all alone now. If you should be upset with anything, it should be that you left him, all alone. Even if I was alone in the end.. I would have understood that being with Okita-kun was and IS important so why.. why do you say he doesn’t think you’re beautiful.. or that .. he trashed you when.. in the end.. He came.. to see you. He died.. alone and went to you.”

[okitaleft-blog]

His eyes widen a little. Lucky? What was....Yamato saying? He wasn’t serious. Because if he was...well. The uchigatana raises his head. He hadn’t given it much thought but he recalled how Hijikata had begun holding Okita back from fighting due to his condition worsening. He realized now that surely as his illness got to its final stages Okita wouldn’t have been able to even get up and the Shinsengumi was most likely left with no choice but to also leave him behind at the compound. Ah. Okita probably felt as he did like Yamatonokami was saying. How foolish of him. Still. “I didn’t know. That you were unable to see him.” Truthfully he never asked Okita anything of what had happened during his final hours. 

 As Yamato begins to raise his voice he just keeps quiet. He had never realized how Yamato felt and it almost made him mad, because he has always been so perceptive to how the other was feeling. How could he not notice? He was a terrible “brother” he felt. When Yamato began to speak of dying instead of Kashuu. He felt his blood boil almost. His voice found its way back.

“You’re wrong.” He smiles and almost laughs not at Yamato, but at himself for being so oblivous? so foolish? “I wasn’t close to Okita-kun even when I did get to see him. I was by his side yes, but I was never able to make much conversation with him. Why? I don’t know.” He looks up at Yamato slowly. 

“You know something he’d always talk to me about though?” He folds his hands and focuses on them as he spoke. “He always talked about you. He wondered if you were alright? How you were doing. If you found a master that made you as happy as he did. Things like that.” 

For the moment Kashuu was calm where this sense of peace come from he didn’t know but he really needed it to continue speaking. “Sure he’d ask me how I had been doing, but he wouldn't push me too hard. I guess because he knew how betrayed I felt. He knew me better than I did after all.” His eyes narrowed as he laughed. “Those prayers of yours. Whenever they’d reach Okita he’d tell me of them and...whenever he did.” Kashuu pauses for a moment. “He’d look so happy he was practically radiating with joy whenever he’d speak of what you prayed to him about. Everything was always about you Okita-kun’s most precious. He was so happy that at least you were able to survive. More than anything all Okita ever wanted was for at least you to live a long happy life full of good memories. So stop it.” Kashuu sets the paints that had been sitting in front of them to the side. “Am I ungrateful? Am I selfish? Yeah I guess I am. I’m needy. I’m clingy. I have an inferiority complex. I’m materialistic. I’m a lot of things. I know. It’s how I’ve always been. I’m sorry for that I guess. I know I’m a frustrating person.”

“But...”He stands up pulling Yamato up with him holding him by the scarf. “You think the best would have been for you to also die and be by his side but you’re so wrong. Do you...” Crimson eyes looked directly into those blue ones. “ Do you honestly think..it would have made Okita happy at all having you up there with him after what I just told you?!” 

He let go of yamato almost pushing him back inside a little. “Look I may sound ungrateful, but what about you? You got to keep your life you got to keep living you got to keep breathing in this worlds air! You got to keep making connections with people! You got to continue enjoying the beauty that it had to offer and Okita was so happy!! He was so glad! At least one of his Uchigatanas was saved! At least he could continue watching over one of them as they continued their life! Those little joys you found and told him about with your prayers honestly if Okita was the crying type he would have been crying tears of joy to know that you found happiness sometimes. He was living through you Yamatonokami! Do you know how incredibly upset he’d be if you were to just give up your life for his sake?”

“Okita. Eventually the Shinsengumi joined him up there. So he was never lonely. We weren’t the only two things in this world for him you know. So there’s no reason for you to feel the way you currently do. Okita is fine and probably happier than ever that his two Uchigatanas are now able to keep moving forward in this life.” He feels like his knees are about to give in on him after all he was forced to remember and say. “He didn’t die alone because you were there with him even though you couldn’t go into the room. Do you take him for a fool? He knew you were out there. He also isn’t alone now. So just knock it off!” 

“Because I was never able to ask Okita-kun why he had discarded me when I could still fight because I was never able to ask him if he still loved me these feelings will keep resurfacing.” He places a hand to his chest. “Until I have an answer straight from his lips I won’t ever stop feeling this way probably.”  Kashuu was slowly forgetting about his own personal problems in favor of knocking sense back into Yamato.

[okitaleft-blog]

Hold my bags bb I’m about to go meet someone in the shoe section for an ass kickin’

Kashuu had been shopping all afternoon with Tsurumaru. The uchigatana is carrying quite a bit of baggage you’d think him to be done considering all he had, but he still had one or two more stores he wanted to visit. He was glad Tsurumaru hadn’t yet gotten to tired at least. Just to make sure though he decides to ask. “Tsurumaru Kuninaga are you feeling tired yet?” He glances up at the tachi with an inquisitive look. “If you are we can take a break soon after the next store since I’m almost done.” With that said he notices the store he wants to go in nearing. 

“Ahm-- ok let’s go in here next” He points over to the store mentioned. “There’s a spring sale apparently so they’ll probably have a lot of nice things available. I wanna see!” The uchigatana happily drags Tsurumaru along with him into the store. From the moment they set foot in in it’s like a war zone. Various people are crowding around the sales some shoving each other out of crowds to get what they want. Someone has already even bumped into the uchigatana in their madness while running. This is  a scary kind of sight to say in the least. It’s something Kashuu is accustomed to, however. 

Kashuu places hands to his hips and exhales. “Well where to begin.” He’s a master at slipping by people and grabbing things from under their noses so this would be easy. “Hm to make this quick how’s about we split up? I’ll go for the shoe section and if you could maybe grab me a new red satin scarf we could be done in no time!” He offers a grin. “What do you say?”

Rather excitedly he looks around to see what else was on sale he had just come for those two things but if there was something else then he would consider getting it also.

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

“I guess that shows that we both had different priorities, I think it’s still like that now. After every sortie and such, you could come back and use your free time for fixing yourself up but who did most of the work when you did that?” Laughing again, it’s nothing that he minded since it was simple work like sweeping the floor and wiping walls down just to keep the Keep clean when they were with the Saniwa Sage. “Come on, do you think so? Huh.. When I fight I was fine despite my hands not being as well done as yours, I guess I never noticed. From pain inflicted on yourself from the screams of your opponent and the blood that covers your attire, I guess I failed to notice.”

Jobs like fighting against the monsters to stop rewriting time was always efficient for him, Yamato is just as promising as Okita Souji himself. The only con is that when he’s too into it, his moves might become sloppy and his sanity slowly weighs away but he gets the work done. If it had to be done, it will be done.

He takes in a deep breath as this goes on, the air around them is clean and he enjoys what he can get from it. Unlike a long time ago, the air dirty with nasty words and actions that made home unbearable from where they came from. His eyes follows the other’s as he speaks, not understanding what was spoken under his breath but he does look off to the side as if he paid no mind to the male’s current words. He does wonder..

“Do you want to inflict pain on me that badly you’d do it in that means?” Though he’s only playing around himself, he knows the uchigatana before him wouldn’t do such a thing to him but he can humor his idea. His hand exposed to any idea that Kashuu could bring up can be done, though a reaction will be given. Possibly not the one that the other would want but it’s a best bet that Yamato would have to do something about it if he actually removed a nail from his hands. “If you’re going to do one why not all of them, huh?” A shake of his head as he stares at the other, “But there’s no reason to do it.. since I don’t want you messing up your hard work. A pain placed on me is uncomfortable.”

To hear that Okita had worked on Captain Hijikata is quite something, he wonders how he could have forgotten something that comical. “Okita-kun has always found a way to get his way sometimes, even if he had to lie to do just that.” At the brush of the wind against them, Yamato tilts his head,

“Do you think so.. I wonder, maybe it was him giving you a little push? You said something under your breath moments ago? I wonder.. what was that? If .. Okita-kun is listening, you wouldn’t mind sharing it with us, would you?” Though it hurts to speak like that, if he’s listening, he wonders what he could be thinking now.

[okitaleft-blog]

“Ha? Listen fixing myself is just as hard as cleaning up the place! Besides I would have helped after I was done if you really needed the extra hand.” Not that Yamato ever leaves anything to do when he’s tidying up. A breath escapes the uchigatana. “Ick...well when you put it that way I guess no you wouldn’t notice” He almost forgot how Yamato pretty much loses sense of everything in battle. “Still it does happen though just keep it in mind next time you come back to reality in battle!” The uchigatana lets out a huff. 

 “Well no not really I wouldn’t want to hurt my own family for no particular reason.” Kashuu pauses for a bit and looks up listening to what Yamato has to say in response to his earlier banter. “Yuck, ok listen there’s no point in removing the rest if they’re fine relax!” The uchigatana rolls his eyes and nods. It’s true he would be upset if after all that work he had just done would just go to waste immediately. 

“Hum that’s true. He was crafty! Okita-kun was such a kid....” The smile on Kashuus feature is soon gone with what Yamato has to say. Brows knit together and he purses his lips.Really had he heard him? Well not what he had said since he was asking. “W-what’s this all of a sudden Yamatonokami.” He manages a smile. “I didn’t say anything he didn’t hear. You don’t have to worry about it.” At what he says another few strong gusts come by pushing everything all over the place. 

The uchigatana closes his eyes and sighs rather loud. “Ah! Alright alright geez knock it off! I’ll speak up. Stop ruining my work would you!” The wind begins settling once again, that causes Kashuu to make a face. Damn that Okita if this really was him pushing him to speak up.

 “I......tch.” He didn’t want to talk about it because this was just his personal problem anyway Yamato didn’t have to get involved with it. “I said......If.......If i was so damned beautiful then why......why did he toss me out?! “ His voice is pained and he feels a burning in his throat as he swallows hard. “If i was so loved and so precious...if I was one of his prideful swords...then why even when I could still fight?! I still don’t get it. Was this just some joke the entire time?”  Why cant’ he stop talking.

The uchigatana lowers his head and chews hard on his lip. His knuckles begin to turn white of how hard he’s digging into his palms. “There you heard what I had to say. Are you happy?” That was meant more for Okita but it addressed both. He didn’t know why he was being made to bring this up when he would rather die than let it be known how disgusting he felt inside. He wondered what Okita thought of him thinking in this way and Yamato? Were they upset at Kashuu? For the moment he falls silent not meeting Yamatos gaze. He can’t. He hates this. He’s sure the moment he looks up he’ll be faced with Okita himself. Dammit.

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

“Do you think so?” He would have rubbed his thumb against the other’s skin but holding his hand is enough to clarify that Kashuu’s own were vary smooth and soft. Looking at the male’s hands happily, taking in what’s been done for his own, “You could give them tips in the least, learning secrets are hard, that’s what I believe.” This is why he believes that maybe the other is a gift to the world, could spread beauty and others can reap in the benefit. It’s not everyday someone like Kashuu is born and able to help those less fortunate.

His gaze follows to the right, looking at the scenery that’s gifted to him, the few buildings an signs of trees isn’t so bad. How petals fall into the wind every so often even though the heat is coming to get them soon. But his attention is grasped yet again at the other’s words, speaking of the person they consider as their Grandfather. Not many people come natural? It’s not like Yamato understands in the slightest, he’s never looked at something like that before.

“Huh? Well.. I think you both look nice? I guess anyone can be persuaded by both you and his looks? I .. You’re natural too huh, since you were crafted this way.” Thinking, he blinks just a bit not thinking of himself as he speaks, “I think if people looked at you for what reason would they have to look away? You shouldn’t have to compare yourself to anyone, you’re your own person and because of that, your beauty is different from everyone else’s, right?” He doesn’t know if that’s best to say but it’s what comes to his mind first, when Kashuu beings to speak like this about himself; Yamato does have to try and lighten him back up.

Laughing, “Well, it’s not but isn’t that normally what people say when you pull at their skin like this?” He’s playing around with the male knowing he does hard work when it comes to this. No complaints anymore as he swallows his words and allows silence to take them. As much as he could have basked in the serenity given to them, there’s a phrase, a word.. a name that’s able to break Yamato’s silence as his head raises up quickly.

“Okita-kun?” Repeating his name to see if he’s heard right and he’s sure that he did, a name like that doesn’t just pass their lips carelessly without reason. These waters that are being spoken are light, so he’s able to walk into them. Nothing too serious, nothing too deep. “I felt enough pain when I heard saw you flinching from it.. Even then, he gave it his best.” Who was he if he didn’t try and of course, he did almost everything that he could without fussing like a child.. sometimes.

“Aa, I guess he thought if he ripped them away fast you wouldn’t have to hurt.. but little did he know.” A smile coming back onto his features as he does’t move his hand as requested of him. The return of silence between them, he clears his throat as he takes in the smell that comes along with the purple liquid. He’s gotten use to it from the amount of times he’s became Kashuu’s backrest when he painted his nails, “Even if Okita-kun was rough in the beginning, as time progressed.. he learned a little something from you when it came to doing nails right.. so you know he tried hard for you.”

[okitaleft-blog]

“I absolutely do! Look you’re feeling my hands right now right? They don’t feel like yours at all right?” He nods. “Of course having rough hands is something that can be reversed though so its not that big a deal. Even back then with all the word I would do I still had soft hands and that’s because id take the time to give them moisture.” The uchigatana leans back to inspect the others hands to see if they were really even. “In the long run I think it’s really beneficial since if your skin starts cracking everywhere it will be uncomfortable wont it? You wont be able to do your job as efficiently.” 

“That’s true sure I can give tips and it’s hard to master something by just receiving instructions.” He has a feeling Yamato hadn’t grasped the true meaning of his words so he isn’t expecting much, but much to his surprise something Yamato said sparked in his mind. Everyone has different beauty? This was true. No one person looked the same and yet there were so many different beautiful people?  Kashuu sat on the thought. “I guess you have a point, but if that were true, about me, then.” His sharp eyes started to trail as his lips became a thin line. “If my beauty was so damn natural I wouldn’t have been thrown away the way I was...by him.” The words were hard to catch as he had practically said them under his breath. Shaking his head he gave the other a forced smile and went back to what he was doing. 

“Ahh-- I get it you’re messing with me arent you! Well if you want it to really hurt...” The grin on Kashuus face could have only meant trouble. “Did you know? Sometimes back then when someones nail was just so beat up theyd pull it till a new one grew back?” He pulls up Yamatos hand eyes narrowing. “Hummm-- you see like this one here.” He points to Yamatos index finger. “Maybe I will pull it.” He was only joking though the nail was completely fine.

An elongated sigh leaves his lips. “If only you were actually experiencing it though. If I had to pick between those experiences and torture I’d pick the second.” He nods his head. “Well doing it fast isn’t wrong but you still have to be gentle well he learned that in the end so its okay.” Kashuu focuses a little more as he begins applying the second coat to Yamatos nails scraping paint when he went goes the nail. 

“Hmm? You think so? No way he was an Oni till the end!” He made a face. “He did try hard though I remember he would ask to practice on captain Hijikata sometimes.”  The memory was still clear in his mind. “That Okita was something. To even convince him to agreeing.” And in the end it was for his sake. How funny. “I think the very last time he painted my nails was his best job though. He was so proud of himself too, hmph it wasnt that great either.” A sudden strong gust of wind had come out of nowhere now. Pulling the hair out of his eyes Kashuu snickered almost. “I think he was listening.” 

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

He should have known something like this would come from Kashuu’s mouth, but all he does his close his eyes and with a shake of his head. “I think you’re being over dramatic.. About how my hands feel but I guess not everyone can bask and have a baby’s bottom skin like yours, huh?” Between the two, the other was more about fixing up personal appearance and Yamato is more about surroundings being neat and tidy.

Knowing the other very well, he can only laugh softly at his words of not wanting to hold other people’s hands. He’s always been like this no matter what, if it isn’t him or someone the male trusted, there was no way in Hell was he going to touch any part of them. Besides, thinking about working on the people’s hands of this world, it doesn’t seem that bad but Kashuu had other plans, he guesses.

“You know, I don’t mind being the ‘other people’, it’s fine with me.” Yamato blinks as if it’s fine, though he’d be in the gross section of them all if he took the ‘other people’ title, he doesn’t want to bring the uchigatana to be stressed himself over forcing himself to do his nails or anything. There isn’t any need to apologize since it doesn’t bother him at all, maybe that’s the weird thing when it comes to him anyway, how he’s able to smile through thick and thin. “You’re fine, don’t think too much about it.”

Thinking on his words, he leans forward, “I don’t think anyone could try and do that if you helped them, maybe they’ll become second best?” Musing that, he looks at the variety of colors that he can choose from considering Kashuu’s routine of when he does this is that the male would have to pick one of them. Though he winces, looking over to seeing the other pull at the peeled skin around the nail, “Mm.. I remember why doing this kind of stuff isn’t something i can put up with everyday. It stings.”

Finally picking up a purple shade of polish, he holds it out to the other, “Is this one fine.. Ahh, I don’t wear purple but it’s a nice color that you have so I’d like this one if I really have to have my nails done.”

[okitaleft-blog]

Eyebrows knit together as he gave a disapproving look to the other uchigatana. “Am not it’s totally true! You wouldn't be able to tell because you’re used to the feel of your hands.” True not everyone could have baby soft skin like Kashuu, but they could if they actually cared just a little. “Depends on how much they care about their skin being healthy.” 

Kashuu had slightly tensed up for letting his tongue run before his thoughts, but his shoulders eased at Yamato thinking nothing of it. Still it was kind of annoying at the same time how he wasn’t bothered by it. Yamato was like this though so hey whatever. 

“Second best...perhaps, but what if it was someone like say Mikazuki Munechika? I’d totally be left in the dust I’m telling you! People with natural beauty are the most frustrating...” That last bit was a thought that he hadn't meant to blurt out. The Uchigatana raises a brow when Yamato winces. “Come on you can’t be serious you’ve dealt with worse. Your pain threshold cant be that low.” Still Kashuu tried to be a bit more careful so that it wouldn't sting as much it’d be inconvenient if Yamato started moving around because of the pain. “Besides I’m being as gentle as possible if it were someone like Okita-kun you’d be screaming for days!” He scoffed. “That guy.. I still remember the first time he helped me do my nails. He was a real Oni!” A shiver trailed down his spine at the memory. 

Okita had never really done something like that at first though so it was inevitable that he’d be sort of brutish when doing it. In the end Kashuu couldn’t help but laugh a little. “We were  both new to it though so I guess I can’t really blame him.”

Taking a look at the color Yamato had chosen Kashuu shook his head. “No it’s fine. It’s true it won’t match much but it’ll look nice against pale skin.” Since he was done with fixing Yamatos nails now he took hold of the polish and shook it a bit. “Keep your hands steady ‘kay?” He started to paint the others nails quietly.

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

[okitasright-blog]

The book is interesting by far but his best bet was try and get cool if he wanted to be active later for whatever reason. Though, laying with a book in front of his features and the fan whirring before him, it isn’t too long until he slowly began to doze off. Arms crossed to where he lays his head, his dream isn’t anything concerning, a smile on his features and an exhale. He’s enjoying the amount of cool air that blows upon him, his hair shifting from the machine and he has no reason to do anything more. Cuddling into his own warmth, the uchigatana is not aware of the other’s movements around the building and out to the balcony.

Sleep sounds nice no matter what but feeling something hit the side of his cheek in which he smacks it away though nothing is there anymore. Eyes slowly opening as he tries to adjust to the lighting, hearing Kashuu’s voice is enough to stir him from his sleep and a small yawn leaves from his lips. “Hm..?” Turning his head towards the balcony and spotting the other, he gives a lazy blink before rubbing his eyes to officially wake from his short doze.

“Huh? My.. nails?” Moving his hands from his eyes so he can extend out his fingers and stare at his nails, they’re not all too fancy nor are they too bad. Considering he hasn’t fought in awhile (the last being on the island and with Horikawa Kunihiro himself and that was enough to last him for awhle). “There’s no need to do them.” He speaks with a smile as he slowly gets to his feet, walking over to the door of the balcony and sitting there in place. “You know i do a lot of things with my hands, I might mess them up by the time they’re done.”

His hand raises to pull at his scarf just a bit so that he could make it slightly loose, “You’re always painting your nails, have you thought about taking that as a job?” He questions, a tilt of his head as he looks at the various vials of nail polish sat together by the other’s side.

[okitaleft-blog]

Kashuu shakes his head disapprovingly. “No need? There’s never not a need!” He watches as the other comes over to sit nearby. “Yeah. I know that, but i’ll just redo them if you mess them up I guess. I just wanna do someones nails besides my own!” He shrugs as he grabs one of Yamatos hands taking a look at his nails. “ ‘Sides no matter how much you may want to argue these nails have definitely seen better days. Look your skin is peeling at the corners and some nails are longer than the others. Geez.” Taking a closer look the uchigatana adds on. “Also have you ever heard of hand lotion? I feel like im holding an alligator foot. Ick.” There’s a half disturbed face as he says that. 

“Don’t worry I’ll get your nails and I guess your hands back to tip top shape!” He pauses at Yamatos inquisition. Nail painting as a job? It’ true that he had thought of such a thing before, but. “mm-- yeah I have thought of it, but you dont know how bad a condition other people could be in! To be honest its kinda gross holding other peoples nasty unattended hands.” 

Realizing his words almost seemed like a direct attack to the latter he stopped. “Ah- you’re the exception though I guess.” He holds an apologetic gaze as he gently shoves the paints forwards to Yamato slightly changing topic. “Anyway if I got my hands on people they’d become so beautiful they’d outshine me! I’d end up having to compete ten times harder than I do now! I don’t want to end up in the dust y’know?” 

Waiting for Yamato to pick colors he starts to file his nails so that they’re all even length and cut the ones that are too long. He also began pulling at the peeled skin knowing it hurts to do that he would do it with as much care as possible. Kashuu is now a little silent as he’s focused on what he’s doing. 

[okitaleft-blog]

*Nail painting emoji*

It was hot today, but nice. Cold weather god tiring pretty fast so this was a good change. Kashuu had not too long ago gotten back from doing some shopping with Yamato who was staying over for a little since they were pretty much neighbors.

Yamato had been cooling himself off  in front of a fan nearby upon arriving trying to beat the heat and reading what seemed to be one of the new books he had purchased. Judging from the silence though, he probably had fallen asleep. 

 Kashuu had moved over to sit out in the balcony bringing nail polish and nail polish remover along with him he figured he would re-do his nails since his paint was starting to crack. 

As the time passed and he was done applying the second coat to the last hand he leaned back blowing on his nails softly. As he became lost in thought staring at his nails an idea came to mind. He looked from the corner of his sharp eyes and spoke. “Hey...Yamato.” He shifted back up into a sitting position and turned his head. “You still awake over there? Heyyy--” The uchigatana tossed something light over at the latter in case he really was asleep. “I’m kinda bored so like if you’re still awake how’s about you let me do your nails?” A grin was upon his features. “I have lots of colors to choose from and everything what do you say huh? It’ll be fun. I can make them match your Haori even!” He hadn’t done this in a while considering Yamato just ruined the nails by the time the second coat was done, but he just had the urge to do someone elses nails so. 

“Come over here and take a look.”

[banafria]

I can still fight, so please don’t throw me away.

Supposedly Okita’s sword Kashuu Kiyomitsu broke in the battle at Ikedaya. Okita tried to have the blade repaired afterwards but was told it could not be done, and so Kashuu had to be discarded. Kashuu’s so obsessed about being beautiful and being loved because he equates beauty -> not being abandoned. While Yamato, though he was never irreparably damaged, was powerless to fight the tuberculosis that eventually killed his master. That’s why he keeps mentioning “Okita-kun” in his lines and took on Okita’s personality (friendly in life, ruthless in battle).

[okitaleft-blog]

Test

Im too hot (hot damn)

Called a police and a fireman

I'm too hot (hot damn)

Make a dragon wanna retire man

I'm too hot (hot damn)

Say my name you know who I am I'm too hot (hot damn) Am I bad 'bout that money, break it down