pick your poison.

shin haeyeon; 14.09.1992 jinx's lead vocal / lead dance. nevertheless, she persisted. "no one calls you honey when you're sitting on a throne."

[archivedidjowi-blog]

fidget.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idjowi‌:

“it’s okay, i googled it and chileans aren’t native english speakers either, so they’ll be chill. besides. maybe they’re just happy to see us, right? when was the last time this many groups came to chile at once. if they’re here they’re predisposed to be like, pretty understanding if we fuck up, probably. if you forget just like, vocalize semi-phonetically.” she says this like she hadn’t spent hours pouring over the syllables, asking sophia for tips, and san, and anyone else she could track down. 

it’s refreshing, haeyeon thinks, to be able to work on a project with someone like jowi. the two don’t know each other well; they only really started to talk to on another after they were put onto this special stage together. it’s nice, though, to be able to work with someone who has a similar mindset to her. the two of them are both dedicated to being the best, to putting on a perfect show and being afraid to let anyone down. well, at least on haeyeon’s end she’s afraid, that is. she’s had to work so hard in her career to get to where she is in the general public’s eye. starting off as someone that wasn’t even seen as an integral part of her group, she had to fight tooth and nail to be accepted as someone who deserved to be in jinx. 

haeyeon is used to be the oldest. she’s older than many of the girls in the industry now, most of the girls she sees backstage at shows fresh and starting new. even though jowi is technically 2 years younger than she is, it doesn’t feel that way when they sit and talk. there’s a maturity with jowi that haeyeon isn’t really sure she wants to know where she got it from. even with the well rounded image he has, haeyeon can tell that there’s something about her that feels too old. too used to the damages the life of being an idol entails. there’s a sharpness there that makes haeyeon feel like jowi can hold her own, but at the same makes haeyeon feel like she’s dealing with a ticking time bomb.

jowi’s candid response forces a laugh out of haeyeon, the boldness of it reinforcing the respect she has for the other girl. “no, it’s okay,” haeyeon says with her eyebrows raised, a surprised smirk on her lips. “it’s actually really cool to hear someone speak their mind. most people are too intimidated by me to actually say things like that.” she studies her own face in the mirror for a beat, taking in her facial features, wondering what exactly it is about her that makes people think she’s not approachable. 

“going off script on stage if i fuck something up is definitely not my strong suit,” she breaks off with a quick laugh. haeyeon had to work so hard to get to a point where she felt like a performer after having her confidence broken from debut, so having to think on her feet on stage is terrifying to her. she doesn’t know what would be worse: to fuck up what she was supposed to do or try and unfuck up her fuck up and fuck that up even worse than before? “hopefully we won’t have to deal with that.” hopefully if it does happen, haeyeon won’t freeze up and feel like that scared 18 year old she used to be that was afraid of even stepping onto a stage in front of people. afraid of being anything other than perfect. 

[oldidhaeyeon]

forever.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idsooyeon‌:

“scratch that– they’re definitely not ready, korean men should be totally terrified of you now… oh my god… was that your plan all along?!” 

taking a slow sip of her wine, haeyeon locked eyes with sooyeon over the edge of her glass. she wasn’t going to tell her what to do when it came to her friend and group mate, but she also wouldn’t tell her that she didn’t like the direction this was all heading in. haeyeon was nervous for her friend. she could hide behind laughter and bravado, but she could tell that everything was eating sooyeon up inside. she would be there to pick up the pieces no matter what, but that didn’t mean she wanted to sit idly by and watch her friend crumble. but there was only so much pushing her to talk she could do before pushing her away completely, so she let her friend change the subject, letting the previous conversation drop. maybe she’ll try again later. maybe not. she’s known sooyeon for long enough to know when stop poking around her feelings.

a sly smile came over her face at the mention of her solo debut, something she was actually really proud of. most people wrote haeyeon off when jinx had first debuted. called her talentless, an extra body for the group that didn’t really supply much in the way of skill. with her solo debut that she helped write and produce, she felt like she was sticking it to everyone who told her no. she laughs and does a tiny bow as if she was an actress on the stage at the end of a production. “thank you, thank you.” a giggle escapes her and she sets he glass down so she can pull her long dark hair up into a bun on top of her head. “you know, i really didn’t know if this day would ever come but fucking... look at me now!” she tossed her friend a cheesy grin and bobbed her head from side to side cockily. 

she didn’t intend to send south korea into a frenzy with dally. honestly, she didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. her group had done similar moves throughout their career and she had definitely worn less on a stage with jinx before, so she didn’t expect for people to collectively lose their shit about it. it also wasn’t a secret to anyone that haeyeon actively was vocal (as vocal as she could be anyway) about double standards in the industry. she was honestly surprised it hadn’t gotten her in major trouble yet. so doing something so bold that made certain people uncomfortable was win in her books. 

“hey i worked hard to get here,” she says proudly, jutting out her chin, “and i wasn’t going to put out something that didn’t feel like me. i wanted to be authentic. and if korean men can’t handle my ass, then i’ll find a girl who can.” she laughs loudly at this, carefully watching her friends face before continuing. “hell, if that is all it takes to scare off men, then i should hav been doing it for years.”

[archivedidjowi-blog]

fidget.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idjowi‌:

still, each change brought with it new stressors and changed expectations, and while this might be an overseas stage that didn’t, in the grand scheme of things, truly mean all that much, it was still an important part of furthering these new narratives, for jowi. for aj, really. and she was acutely aware of that in this moment, as they prepare to rehearse the stage, and she tilts her head to glance at the girl beside her. “i’m really excited for this stage,” she admits, runs her tongue against a sharp canine tooth with a thoughtful expression, “i’m nervous, though. i don’t do a lot of vocal heavy stages,” she sighs, slightly, and threads her fingers through her hair. “it’ll probably be fine, right?” she fiddles with her fingers as she twists them together in front of her, examining her reflection in the waiting room mirror.

haeyeon has had to get used to the idea of doing stages without her members over the past few months. when she had first started out in jinx, it was all she could do to not hide behind her members since that’s what the public thought she did anyway. all the netizen posts, all the negative comments on videos, she saw them all and it crushed it. they made her feel smaller than who she really is. over the years, she was able to establish herself as a powerhouse, someone who she knew she was but had to prove to the rest of the world. and now with nine years under her belt of being an idol, she got to have a solo debut and is doing stuff without the support of her members. 

if anything, haeyeon is super proud to be able to do work on her own. the rush of being on a stage and knowing people are there for you, to cheer for you, it’s a rush that she always knew she wanted. when she was approached by management to do a duet stage with one of the members of cherry bomb, she knew she had to take it. like it or not, jinx seems to be falling behind. they came out of the gate swinging, winning music shows and newcomer awards left and right, but nowadays, it seems like people aren’t excited by the group like they used to be. doing a stage with a popular member of a popular group? it might just bring jinx the attention they need to stay in the game. 

haeyeon sits in the chair next to jowi, reading over the lyrics of the song on her phone. she’s nervous. haeyeon doesn’t really know english all that well, so she’s not expecting too much other than stumbling over the words. at least if that happens, she can just try to pump up the crowd. “it’s funny,” she says, turning to face the other girl. ‘you’d think after all these years of being on a stage that at some point i would stop getting nervous but that has yet to happen.” she lets out a sigh of a laugh, twirling the ends of her long dark hair. “i’m mostly afraid i’m going to forget the lyrics though. english was never really my strong suit.” 

haeyeon gently tosses her phone up onto the counter in front of her and huffs out a breath, hoping to calm down the knots in her stomach. “we’ll be fine,” she says after steeling herself. “they’re gonna love us even if we don’t sing it the right way.” she tries to make it sound convincing because at this point, she’s also trying to convince herself. 

[oldidhaeyeon]

feel like home.

[oldidhaeyeon]

iddahyun‌:

dahyun pushes all negative thoughts aside as she spots haeyeon outside the restaurant they agreed to meet at. “unnie!” she exclaims, pulling the girl into a tight hug. it’s not often that she gets to use that term; she’s usually the older one in the situation. “i’m happy we got to do this! i missed you! and it’s nice to go out without having to worry.” with her guy friends, they can’t go out like this, in public, without worrying. everything is a scandal waiting to happen.

it’s nice, being able to see dahyun after such a long time. that’s always the struggle of being friends with fellow idols; every one has heir own mixed up and crazy schedule so finding time to work one another in is like a puzzle. schedules almost never line up, so it’s quick trips together to get coffees or hanging out backstage at a music show where people are interrupting you every few seconds. so it’s been way too long since haeyeon and dahyun have had a chance to sit down and relax, not having to worry so much about time constraints. 

once upon a time, this would have hit haeyeon in a different way. sitting down to a nice dinner, just the two of them with all the time in the world to be around each other. she had always known that she had a weakness for the girls who seemed to radiate sunshine. and dahyun was no exception to that. throughout their time as trainees and after, the crush haeyeon developed for her friend was almost too much to handle. she would catch herself staring after the girl, day dreaming about the could be’s, knowing she could never have the courage to say something to dahyun about it. she had been burned by falling for straight girls too many times to want to see how it would end if she tried with this particular friend. 

so she forgot about it. well, she tried to. and it was pretty easy, with how busy jinx got over their first years as a group and then with aurora debuting, it was simple to just forget. haeyeon was constantly worried about her public image and keeping up with her group mates that she didn’t have time for friends, let alone crushes on them. and the time away, well it worked. she could be around dahyun without getting a racing heart and being able to spend time with her as a friend, no fantasies of happily ever afters running through her brain.

haeyeon leans into the hug from dahyun, unsurprised at how enthusiastic the other woman was being. some things would never change, and park dahyun being excited to see the people she cares about will never be one of those things. “i’ve missed you too!” haeyeon says back. it’s nice that they can slip back into this. go back to talking as if they hadn’t caught up in a while. it was refreshing to know that she would always have dahyun even if they don’t speak for months. “that sounds like a story to me, ms. dahyun. who have you been having to worry about going out with?” she replies with a smirk, quirking up her eyebrow.

“i hope you’re hungry. i came here the other week with my members and it’s some of the best dakgalbi i’ve ever had.” haeyeon says, winding her arm through dahyun’s and pulling them into the restaurant. usually, she isn’t the most tactile of people, but something about dahyun brings it out in her.

[oldidhaeyeon]

feel like home.

closed starter for @iddahyun

sometimes haeyeon feels like she has been doing this whole idol thing for way too long. she has seen so many groups come and go, so many trainees in and out of practice rooms and then never seen again, so many friends that have  come into her life and then grown apart. it’s been over eight years since she debuted and she’s been with midas for nine, so it’s only fair that her idol life seems to be slowing down a bit. people don’t get as excited for her group as they used to; there’s new girl groups that are doing new concepts that get to thrive because of jinx and the girl groups before them. even midas has a girl group under them that have been out for years now and more probably in the works. she tries to keep up with the trainees, learn their names or at least what they can do, help them out while she can. she knows all of the aurora girls and a good bit of the trainees. 

26 isn’t old enough for her to be feeling like she’s out of the hip crowd, and yet when she sees the tiny trainees coming in with their big smiles and nervous energy, she feels like she could be their grandmother. haeyeon remembers what it was like to start training. she had come up from gwangju on her own, no place to stay and not much money to her name, but she wanted to make it big. so she worked hard, saved up money when she could and went to open mic nights as often as possible, hoping someone would se that she was talented. and it worked. she went to midas to start training and immediately felt out of place because she was the new kid. she was quiet and kept to herself, piping up when someone asked her a question, but she was mainly alone. growing up, people said she looked intimidating, so she wasn’t surprised that that reputation followed her to the big city. 

during the beginning, haeyeon usually felt alone, being by herself more often than not. of course she talked to some of the girls, knew their names and everything, but it wasn’t like she was making friends. that is, until dahyun. that girl could be friends with a brick wall if she tried hard enough. and even though dahyun didn’t make it into jinx (which had haeyeon feeling guilty most of the time), the two of them remained close. 

with her solo promotions done and jinx not having any major schedules, it feels like a good time to reconnect with her old friend. haeyeon has been laying in bed all day, a magical day off giving her some much needed relaxation, and she slides her phone open to call her friend. “hey dahyun,” she starts off casually, sliding into conversation easily with someone who is as close to her as dahyun is. “i was hoping maybe you had some free time tonight to catch up on some much needed friend time.” haeyeon smiled into the phone. “wanna meet up for some dinner later tonight?”

[thegolddig]

[blvckcrystal]

x

[oldidhaeyeon]

forever.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idsooyeon‌:

then her voice turned small, as if she was the same little nobody who fell in love without a care in the world. now, years later, it seemed like na junseo still called the shots, even without meaning to do so.

“i hate myself for crying.”

haeyeon was always this person for people. she was a good listener, silently waiting for times to chime in with something that she hoped would be good advice (or at least not be terrible enough to fuck up someone). and she enjoyed it for the most part. she felt needed, felt like she could help a friend when they might not have anyone else to turn to. in this fucked up world of celebrity and fame and everything in between that they all lived in, it was hard to know who you could trust. so to know that many people turned to haeyeon, hoping that she wouldn’t blabber to someone about their woes, felt nice. she had always pretty down to earth, becoming an idol for the sheer reason of wanting to perform. fame, money, recognition, sure it was all fine, but haeyeon really just wanted to write and perform because it’s one of the only things she knew she was decent at. 

one thing she wasn’t decent at, though, was keeping up with how everyone had intertwined themselves.

“shiiiiit,” haeyeon drawled, taking in a breath afterwards. “i didn’t even fucking think about ryan.” and she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t bother her. haeyeon and ryan had stuck together for their whole careers, looking out for one another as they fought through being in jinx together. she didn’t like feeling like she had to choose one loyalty over another, so she wasn’t going to. call her switzerland. “what do you think you’re going to do? cause you’ll have to tell her, as much as that will suck. it’d be better that she hears it from you instead of from random people at the party.” 

watching sooyeon breaking was hard for her to handle. they were both incredibly strong women, but haeyeon also knew that she didn’t have to put up with nearly as much shit as her friend did. haeyeon could slide by as the quiet girl, the one that didn’t always shine so brightly, but sooyeon didn’t have that luxury and seeing it affect her like this was heartbreaking. 

“you know you’re allowed to cry, right?” haeyeon said softly as sooyeon broke off. it was as if she approaching a wounded animal, something small and sweet that didn’t understand what was happening. she didn’t want to spook her off. she needed to be delicate. “what you’re going though, it’s a lot. anyone would understand the stress of it all.” she moved to lay her hand gently on her friend’s back, rubbing in what she hoped was a soothing way. 

“junseo and you... you’re both hurting and it’s getting the better of you. communication was never really a strong point for you guys and i think it’s playing a part in all of this. have you tried talking to him?” she paused and thought for a second. “would you even want to talk to him?”

[oldidhaeyeon]

disenchanted.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PROMPT: detail the shittiest moment in your career. WORD COUNT: 1,043 words TIMELINE: jinx’s debut to now

it wasn’t until three days after their debut stage that haeyeon looked online. jinx was already popular; she could tell at music shows that the crowds loved them, loved their song, loved something about the group. she never stopped to think about the fans not loving her. haeyeon was part of the group and she had a (probably) naive idea that it would mean they loved her. 

- what is she even doing on the stage? embarrassing herself?  -  i heard she paid her way into midas. did you know she only trained for a few months? it really shows.  - midas really wanted a filler girl i guess. she can’t sing and she can’t really dance. i guess they just wanted another pretty face cause it seems like that’s all haeyeon can give them 

she was wrong.

haeyeon never expected the kind of backlash she got after debut. nothing had really prepared her for the harsh words that she would hear about herself over the weeks they held their debut stages. saying she had no talent, saying she was only there to be pretty, saying that jinx didn’t need her. the resolve she had built up when she had first come to seoul from gwangju was now completely obliterated. 

and then they went onto variety shows. there, haeyeon could hide behind her members, let them do any and all talking that needed to be done. she would pop up every now and then when she was asked a direct question, but nothing too major. in general, she wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, but now she had to be careful about how she chose her words, unsure of how people would see her. think that she was as useless at variety as she was onstage. it was better to stay quiet and not give the people online anything negative.

- oh so she’s even more of a disappointment on tv than she is on stage - seriously why would midas let someone like her be in a group? does she even do anything? - must be nice to be that pretty and not have to rely on actual talent -i feel bad for the other girls. they have a lot of dead weight to carry around with her  

it broke her; haeyeon would hole herself in her room whenever the girls got back from whatever schedule they were doing that day. it wasn’t like they had a lot of time to themselves in between schedules, but whatever time she got, she would pull away from the others. she wouldn’t be surprised if they were a little worried about her, but she didn’t care. she just needed to be alone with her thoughts. she didn’t want to bother any of them with the war on herself that she was playing inside her head. a girl who was once so confident and assured of herself came crumbling down at the nasty words of random faceless people on the internet. 

she was disappointed in herself. she could do better than that. be better than someone who moped alone in their room because she didn’t get her way. but her brain wouldn’t let her. she was constantly reminding herself that she needed to be better. she needed to be needed in the group. she wasn’t a filler bitch, she was shin haeyeon and she deserved to be in the group just like every one else. 

and so she worked. hard. not only did she work on her skill, but on her mental health, on speaking to people on shows. how to be likable 101: written by someone who wasn’t haeyeon. after bad girl good girl was over, she trained even harder than she thought she should. when she was tired, she made herself keep going, spending countless amounts of time going over their dances, watching every move she made in a mirror and finding what looked even slightly wrong. she practiced every day in the vocal studio, warming up her vocals for what felt like hours before trying to find what notes she could hit, what she had the abilities to do, recording herself and listening back to it over and over until it didn’t even bother her to hear her own voice. she made a new friend named sooyeon who was a natural at getting people to fall in love with her through interviews, so haeyeon enlisted her help to try and teach her the ways of winning people over. 

and it wasn’t like it happened over night. jinx’s next comeback was still rocky, but haeyeon resolved herself to not look at the forum boards. she would sit with the other members when they would get home; she would actually try to be a part of them, not just someone who was bringing the team down. eventually, the cheers for her grew louder and louder when they had their stages and the hate about her online grew quieter and quieter. people actually seemed a bit glad to meet her at fan meetings, not just someone to get an autograph of without sparing so much of a glance at her. haeyeon could go onto variety shows and actually show herself off a bit, surprising the hosts and viewers alike. 

- woah where did this haeyeon come from? she’s actually kind of funny - i don’t think i’ve ever actually noticed her before but she seems kind of cool - it’s a little refreshing to see an idol who doesn’t seem to just be a cute girl

and it wasn’t like haeyeon needed to hear it from people online. she didn’t need to know that other people were starting to like her or that they were starting to see her as talented. she needed to know it for herself. even if it took a while to get there, she was able to break herself out of the misery she allowed herself to fall into. now, she could be free.

- i still can’t believe there was a time when every one slept on miss shin haeyeon that much. i bet she looks back on that time now and is laughing in her riches. i’m so proud of you, our little haenmuji, you’ve grown so well.

[oldidhaeyeon]

forever.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idsooyeon‌:

“d’you wanna know the kicker? i just shot junseo’s music video for his solo song… the song that i’m in… the fucking song that was about us…” a small pause for effect, another generous gulp of wine.

“and he didn’t speak to me, not even once.”

“jesus,” haeyeon said with a sigh after a beat when sooyeon was done, taking a gulp of her wine to process everything that she had told her. of course it all came back to junseo. of course it did. for two people to have such intertwining lives, she would be surprised if more of sooyeon’s life didn’t revolve around him. and it’s not a fault, haeyeon could never blame her for it. they had a history with twists and turns and too much love and feelings for haeyeon to think it would all disappear if they broke up for good. but it does make it hard for haeyeon sometimes to have to listen to her friend hurting about him. 

she had met junseo through sooyeon and the two became fast friends, so it had seemed like fate that her best friend would be dating someone she could also get along with so easily. he quickly went from being “my friend’s boyfriend” to just being “my friend”, so watching the two of them struggle was hard for her. she obviously wanted to be there for junseo, help him with how he was feeling, but sooyeon... she was the one that haeyeon had to be with. sooyeon was one of the most important people in her life and she was the priority. but it sucked. haeyeon didn’t want to talk about junseo behind his back, but she also needed to be there for her girl. 

“oh sooyeon,” she started, making sure she was phrasing her words properly, “that’s really a lot to unpack.” another sip of wine. “i still can’t believe him and jiyeon. even thinking about it is too much for my brain to handle. but you’re right, you gotta stop letting him have this power over you.” haeyeon reached out and rubbed sooyeon’s leg, a small comfort to remind her that she was here for her. “i know it must be hard but you’re never going to be able to move on if you keep dwelling on him and jiyeon or him and whoever he gets with next.” 

“apparently you and i were at two different parties because i didn’t know about that!” haeyeon said, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. “but really. taeho? that’s a bit...” desperate, her mind supplies but would never say out loud. her friend was hurting and she would never want to increase that pain. “you know you never have to that, right? put yourself in exile, i mean. guys are shit and especially with the world we live in? i don’t understand how anyone can make it out alive.” but that’s all easy for her to say. she doesn’t have to deal with scandals like sooyeon doesn’t; she isn’t as in the public as sooyeon. haeyeon’s able to lay low, people not really bothering about her love life or very much lack there of. but sooyeon is wrapped up in so many activities, so many people, so it’s easier for people to speculate about her and it breaks haeyeon’s heart to see how it affects her. 

haeyeon’s face crinkled up in a mix surprise and disgust, leaning her head to her friend as if she didn’t hear her right. “wait, you spent a whole entire day with junseo and you didn’t talk at all? how is that even possible?! that song is all about you guys, how could you guys not even have spoken a little about it?” haeyeon paused, not wanting to get to defensive over sooyeon, not wanting to go in too deep about how fucked up the sooyeon and junseo show is. not wanting to hurt either of her friends.

[oldidhaeyeon]

forever.

closed starter for @idsooyeon

for someone so seemingly distant, haeyeon actually did have friends. she loved being around the ones she would consider to be her friend, the definition of loyal to them until given a reason not to be. she was a protector, a listener, and fiercely loved those who she was close to. being in the industry for years had led her to meeting some nice people, people who would stick around and be there for her when she assumed they would leave. haeyeon considered herself lucky for having the opportunity to be around people with the same goals as her, making it easy for her to open up. but the one who really changed everything was sooyeon.

they had met after her debut, back when haeyeon was too shy and reserved to be taken seriously as an idol, not knowing how to act when the attention was on her. she would crawl into herself and make herself comfortable even though she knew how icy it made her seem to others. sooyeon wormed her way in, helped her with the way she seemed on camera, and in return haeyeon offered her unwavering friendship. the two of them were closer than haeyeon had been to anyone in her life. the jinx girls, they were a constant. she loved her members with a ferocity that was unrivaled. but with sooyeon... she relied on her for everything. all of her secrets, all of her doubts and fears and troubles were safe with her and it was vice versa. you could rarely see one without the other over all the years they had been friends, so it wasn't surprising to anyone that haeyeon was at sooyeon's apartment that night drinking too much wine and giggling like school children.

haeyeon was sitting on the floor with her back against the soft couch, her legs crossed over one another and her head lolling back onto the cushion behind her. she felt comfortable here; she was with her best friend and she didn't have to pretend to be anything she wasn't when she was with sooyeon.

"i'm glad we go the chance to do this tonight," haeyeon said, lifting her head up just enough to look sooyeon in the eye with a soft smile before taking a quick swig from her wine glass. she turned where she was sitting, pulling her legs underneath her and resting her elbow on the couch. "i feel like i haven't seen you in forever." it was understandable, they were both constantly busy with schedules. haeyeon had wrapped promotions for dally not too long ago and sooyeon had plenty of other duties that kept her occupied. she placed her head in her palm and looked back up a sooyeon with a smirk. "so how are you? and don't give me any bullshit cause i'll know if you're lying."

[oldidhaeyeon]

hiya idolize! i’m here with a re-intro post for my main gal, shin haeyeon! she’s the lead vocalist and lead dancer for jinx, just had her solo debut with “dally” and is currently seeking a gf for her lonely lil heart. please like or reply to this with an emoji or a word or anything and i’ll come to you about plotting! i don’t really have many connections for her so i’m starting her off pretty blank aka so many opportunities to find a plot some how. more info is below the cut so i don’t take up too much space on the page!

bio | profile | plots

face claim: kim hyunah / solo & former 4minute opportunities: siblings day out storylines: REIGN (+) loyal, clever, strong-willed, controlled, rational, intelligent (-) blunt, cold, hard-headed, critical, indecisive, unforgiving, aloof

hello this is shin haeyeon! uwu

from gwangju, south korea

parents owned a norebang so they were the opposite of rich

grew up in said norebang where she learned she loved music and performing

worked odd jobs to save up money to move to seoul after finishing high school

became a busker/open mic night wiz in seoul going by the stage name of “honey” which she has since left behind her

was scouted at a night club at an open mic night

became a midas trainee in november 2010

which meant she was only a trainee for 10 months

y i k e s

after debut, people assumed she only debuted because of her looks and because jinx needed extra backing vocals

worked her a s s off in order for people to take her seriously

thinks she is the least liked member of jinx because she is reserved on variety shows and isn’t “cute”

she doesn’t really try to make people like her like most idols do

began lyric writing as soon as she could so she could work her way up in the music industry and is now working on music production

wants to last as long as she can as an idol and then go strictly behind the scenes to write for other groups

is a very gay very strongly feminist gal

she wants to protect all the other female idols in the industry from all the bad shit people say about them, since she’s had to deal with so much over her years in the biz

pls come plot with her she’s just a sad gay mom

[oldidhaeyeon]

a little help.

closed event party starter for @iddahyun time: late into the night wc: 484

sitting at a table alone, haeyeon wonders what happened to her. she used to be the first one ready to go for a wild night out, taking multiple shots before even leaving the dorm and then drinking too much whenever they would make it where ever they were all going. she’d drink until the sun came up, sometimes even after it had, crawling into bed after a long night of dancing and screaming and smoking too many cigarettes. people used to associate haeyeon with partying like it was her only hobby. but now. now she’s gotten over it. 

it all became the same. she’d see the same people, go to the same bars, order the same drinks, hear the same songs. it all got... boring. so haeyeon stopped going out so much. she took the time to write, curled up in her apartment, a glass of wine or 7 to help the process along. eventually, going out became a chore for her. she’d go out with her friends for dinners, drinking with the small group before they would all part ways and go home. it was nothing like how she was before. 

industry parties are the worst. haeyeon sits there in an uncomfortable dress poking at the finger food they serve for a meal, knocking back champagne like it’s her job. looking around the room, she can see all the younger idols dancing and laughing, flitting around from group to group and talking to everyone they can. ‘when did i get this old,’ she thinks as she rolls her head from side to side, wondering where her group members were and if she could just go home already. the champagne isn’t really doing anything other than making her stomach hurt a bit and the food went cold a while ago, sitting there unappetizingly. the music is loud and she can feel it in her ears like it’s her pulse. pushing away from the table, she straightens out her dress and puts her high heels back on from where they were hiding under the table top after she threw them off an hour ago. 

haeyeon heads for the nearest exit pulling her cigarettes from the clutch she’s carrying. she wants to get away from all of this. before she reaches the door she looks around and sees dahyun. sweet, lovely dahyun. who is currently making a complete ass of herself. haeyeon closes her eyes and sighs, shoving her cigarettes back into her bag and making a beeline for her friend. her feet scream in protest for standing, but she’ll have to push through that for a while considereing how far gone dahyun seems to be. 

“dahyun,” haeyeon says over the noise trying her best not to startle her as she comes up to her from behind before placing her hands on the tops of her shoulders to turn her friend around. “what are you doing?”

[oldidhaeyeon]

[iddahye-deactivated20190512]

siren

[oldidhaeyeon]

iddahye‌:

and dahye lies down on haeyeon’s shoulders, stretches her legs, cheeks resting against haeyeon’s collarbones. she feels warm, she thinks. warm, but also cold. “no one can resist but to kiss me,” she smiles, cheeky, pouts. and then frowns. “is everything all right?”

haeyeon can feel her shoulders relax from where they had climbed almost to her ears as dahye says it was just a dare. she feels dumb for being so bothered by it. she knows she has no claim over her friend, she knows she has no right to be as jealous as she is. but she can feel it burning her from the inside out, the heat starting in her stomach and making it’s way to her face. her cheeks are flushed, whether from the envy or the embarrassment she’ll never know. haeyeon can feel how closed off she must look now and hopes that dahye won’t notice. if there’s one person she doesn’t want to alienate from her, it’s dahye. 

with a tight smile, she takes a long sip straight from her bottle of wine, her hands itching for anything to hold onto instead of grabbing her friend then and there. “ahh, i should have known better,” she says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, sounding tiny in a too quiet room. she chuckles to fill the silence, trying to shake herself from the funk she’s put herself in. “so you were the person who started it.” haeyeon can feel the jealously coursing through her again, picturing dahye approaching jiyeon, all sly smiles and wandering hands before pressing their lips together. haeyeon glances quickly at her friend before choking out a short reply, “i’m impressed.” 

and the worst part is, haeyeon knows she’s over reacting. she knows any sane fucking person wouldn’t be clawing themselves from the inside out to just tell someone they have feelings for them. she’s too scared to tell dahye what she really feels and that’s no one’s fault except her owns. she wants to put the blame somewhere but the only place it can even possible go is onto her own cowardice. 

haeyeon feels dahye rest her head on her shoulder, feels the warmth of her cheek and the slight brush from her lashes on her collarbone, the whisper of her breath warm on her already flushed skin. she feels like she can’t breathe; her chest becomes tight, almost as if she was to move she would break whatever spell is being cast on her to make dahye stay pressed against her. haeyeon looks down slowly, looks at the way her friend can be the most stunning human being and the worst thing to ever happen to her at the same time. if a heart could break from being too full, it would be happening to her. 

“i know i wouldn’t be able to,” haeyeon says, shocking herself out of the haze she was in. if she could, haeyeon would take the words and put them back inside her mouth, not letting them escape from her again. if dahye heard, she didn’t seem to react, other than asking haeyeon is she was okay. haeyeon closes her eyes and lets out a soft sigh, the movement causing some of dahye’s hair to fall into her face. she takes her free hand and carefully pushes the strand off of her cheek behind her ear, feeling how vulnerable her face must look now as she looks at the person holding onto her heart. “i honestly don’t know anymore, dahye,” she breathes out, scared of how open the words were.

[oldidhaeyeon]

count on me.

[oldidhaeyeon]

idgoeun‌:

“i was actually hoping i could talk to you about something? if you’re not too busy, i don’t wanna bother you.” she suddenly felt bad for wanting to take up haeyeon’s time, which was probably so scarce during jinx’s promotions.

haeyeon prided herself on being a helping hand for her hoobaes. when jinx had first debuted, she didn’t really have much in a sense of guidance, other than her fellow jinx members who were just as new to the industry as she was and the boys in olympus, who couldn’t exactly understand the troubles she was going through. she had had to sort everything out on her own. haeyeon would hole herself up in her room and think back onto what she could do to make the public like her more. did she need to smile more or would the forced nature of it do the opposite and push people away? did she need to be louder in group interviews or would her brash and logical way of speaking rub viewers the wrong way, alienating herself more? the only thing she could think of do when she was younger was to practice harder, to make herself unable to look away from on stage.

now that haeyeon had more experience, she wanted to pass it down to the younger girls in the industry. she knew first hand how hard it could be on a rookie to deal with the constant comparisons and negativity that came with being an idol. so when goeun sought her out for advice, it came second nature to her to hear the girl out. 

haeyeon shook her head, a small smile on her face. “no, don’t worry about it. i always have time for you, goeunie.” she pulled her long hair out of the disastrous pony tail it was currently in, sweeping back the hair in face before redoing her hair in a bun. “i wasn’t doing much of anything important anyway. just some simple practicing.” looking at her younger friend’s face, she could tell the girl was struggling with something and the last thing she would do was make her leave. 

“here, come sit down,” haeyeon said softly, warmly, coaxing the girl to come sit next to her near the large mirror in the room. haeyeon pressed her back against the mirror and pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on the tops of her knees. she fixed her gaze on goeun, hoping it didn’t feel too harsh so she would feel comfortable opening up to her. “so,” she huffed out a breath and steeled herself for whatever her friend would tell her. “tell me what’s on your mind.”

[oldidhaeyeon]

☃️

Send me ☃️ to find out a resolution my muse has for the new year.

there are many things haeyeon thinks are wrong with the way she deals with people. she’s too quiet, she isn’t warm and welcoming enough to be an idol, she withholds too much, keeps people at an arms length until she’s sure that she can trust them. for the new year, she wants to work on being better with her people skills. haeyeon knows it’s important to be open for this career path, even if it bothers her to have to try so hard. she wishes she could be as overwhelmingly friendly as some of her fellow idols are, but that’s just not how she is. but for the new year, she wants to at least try to come out of the mysterious and cold box that she has given herself. she knows if she wants to succeed any farther, haeyeon is going to have to lighten up. even if that will be harder than she’s ready for. 

[oldidhaeyeon]

❄️ (accidental !! 🤭)

Send me ❄️for my muse’s response to being underneath mistletoe with your muse.

haeyeon considers herself lucky. she’s known for helping out younger idols when she can, silently doting on them and pushing them in the right direction even if they can’t tell she’s doing it. she loves that she can be a quiet force for the girls who might not know how to navigate in this industry that she had to get used to herself too quickly. 

but when she finds herself under the mistletoe with a younger idol that she’s never really met before, she freezes. nervously, haeyeon laughs a little and rubs at the back of her neck, feeling her face warm up at the younger girl smiling from the absurdity of it all. sophia, her brain supplies out of nowhere, knowing her face from the times cherry bomb and jinx have been around each other at shows and what not. haeyeon’s brain shuts down for a bit, trying to work out how the two of them found themselves in this situation. she knows that sophia is known for being a bright girl, the opposite of haeyeon. she herself isn’t the most outgoing of people, so this isn’t excatly a place she wants to be.

“hah, the uhhh.... the mistletoe. it’s uhhh,” she doesn’t exactly know what to say and she’s freaking out about how awkward the situation is and she wants it to be done and over with so she quickly darts down and places a kiss on the younger girl’s cheek, leaving a sticky print of her lipstick on the other girl. “sorry, was that okay? i didn’t umm.” she can feel herself freezing up, her blush going all the way down to her neck. “i’m haeyeon, by the way,” she says to fill the awkward silence she feels like is suffocating her.”i’ll just,” and without waiting for a response, she walks away, not waiting for sophia’s response, her fight or flight instinct telling her to run away immediately.