Happy International Asexuality Day!!
💚💜♠️ sending so much love to any tumblr folk who are on the asexual &/or aromantic spectrums like me. ♠️💜💚
♠️What is Asexuality?♠️
An Asexual is a person who rarely or never experiences sexual attraction. They are not drawn to people sexually and do not feel compelled to act on attraction to others in a sexual way. Asexuality does not preclude you from experiencing other types of attraction (including romantic attraction) to people of the same or different gender to yourself, or define whether you want to be in a committed relationship.
💜Why is awareness important? 💜
An absence of attraction is much harder to define than a presence; and lack of awareness means many people have no idea that there are words to describe their experiences or others who feel the same. While the term has been in common use since the 1960s, many people are well over the age of 25 when they first hear the word - especially if they experience romantic attraction to the opposite gender and haven’t had much exposure to the broader LGBTIQAP+ community. When you’re told all of your life that romantic feelings about someone are inextricably linked to sexual attraction it can be confusing when your experiences don’t seem to match. It can also be hard to tell what is hyperbole and what are thoughts that allosexual (the opposite of asexual) people have the intention of doing?
There is are strong social and cultural messages which use the development of sexual thoughts, sexual relationships and having children as markers of age and maturity. It can be difficult to express a lack of sexual desire without being invalidated or challenged by the people around you or your own built in expectation that sex is fundamental to being human. Are you medically or psychologically unwell? Are you repressed? Broken? Prudish? A late bloomer? Will this “all make sense” when I meet “the right person”?
While most identities on the LGBTIQAP+ spectrum are becoming better protected from medicalisation and psychiatric diagnosis - Asexuality has a long way to go.
It is still very common for people who are questioning or on the Asexuality spectrum to be offered medical testing and treatment aimed at curing their Asexuality. Most GPs still routinely recommend blood tests to check hormone levels, assessment for depression or other mental illnesses, recommend counselling or prescribe medication to boost libido.
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♠️Celibacy Vs Asexuality♠️
Celibacy is like being on a diet. You still want to have sex and have sexual thoughts about others but are choosing not to act on them at that time. Whether it’s based on your beliefs or availability of a suitable partner varies but that desire is still present even if intentionally suppressed.
Asexuality is like not experiencing hunger because you’re already eaten enough. You don’t have sexual thoughts about others or feel compelled to act on them.
💜Attraction Vs Libido💜
Libido is typically the amount that you think about sex and how much you want to engage in sexual activities either partnered or solo. Libido is on a spectrum for people of all sexual orientations. They normally range from high to low. Libido can fluctuate and change over the lifespan and it can be influenced by hormone levels as well as some medications.
Attraction is usually whether your libido is directed at a particular person or type of person. Attraction can also be seen as the extent to which you want to act on sexual thoughts about a particular person.
Asexual people can and do experience a range of libidos from high to low. However they do not experience attraction, therefore are less likely to feel compelled to act on it and rarely associate it with a specific person.
♠️Attitudes towards Sex♠️
Asexuality is a wide spectrum, individual wants and needs vary but all are valid and normal.
In broad terms: Some asexuals are sex positive, they may not experience hunger but still get pleasure out of sharing a meal with someone. Some asexuals are ambivalent towards sex, it’s something they can take or leave. Some asexuals are completely or partially repelled by the idea of personally participating in sexual activity with a partner.
Resources:
Asexuality Visability & Education Network (AVEN) www.Asexuality.org
‘Finding Asexuality in the Archives’ by Michael Waters (Article on the history of Asexuality)
‘Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex’ by Angela Chen (Nonfiction book) http://www.angelachen.org/ace.html
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker (Nonfiction Book)
A-Ok Podcast (30-60 min interviews with people on the Asexual &/or Aromantic Spectrums) https://www.aokpod.com
There are a lot of fictional books for adults and teens with asexual characters & if anyone is interested I can provide links 😊
