this is not a criticism of trinity santos these are just facts about her character that i know to be true.
she has a massive victim complex and it’s becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. this stems from her being victimized in her youth, but the way she feeds into it and refuses to heal means she is always going to view herself as a perpetual victim and always as the harmed party. this is a detriment not only to her own mental health but also to the people around her. she lashes out at people but doesn’t think she’s hurting them because in her mind she CAN’T hurt anyone. SHE’S always the victim. she can make fun of whitaker for his patient dying but he can’t make fun of her dropping a scalpel. she can call victoria a shitty nickname and just because she doesn’t intend for it to be malicious, that should mean that victoria shouldn’t tell her to stop, regardless of it’s impact. when she messes up and gets reprimanded, she goes into a total freeze because she doesn’t know how to cope with a situation without making herself the victim. power and agency was taken from trinity when she was young and vulnerable and she’s never been able to grow from that. that’s why she projects onto to every little girl that comes through the er. she has to look out for patients she sees herself in because she needed help and didn’t get any. and i think you can really see how stuck in her own misery she is through the way she views langdon. she thinks she’s a pariah because of langdon and not her own actions. she brought him up to garcia multiple times over the ten months he was away even when she thought that he had been fired and she wouldn’t ever see him again. she’s addicted to picking at her own wounds. this probably ties into her self harming habit too, she is always hurting herself again and again because hurt is the only way she knows how to be. she can’t accept that langdon has grown because she doesn’t know what it’s like to grow and move on from something.
"she doesn’t know what it’s like to grow and move on from something."
Did we watch the same show..? Yall didn't see how her character developed during the single shift at the hospital? My god some of you people just WANT to hate her so you guys twist the narrative to fit your needs... "Pariah bc of her own actions" god forbid a girl wants to have silly banter w her coworkers. You can't joke around with your colleagues anymore bc of woke 😿 also the massive fucking elephant in the room named "Frank langdons totally unjustified crashout against the day one intern" not being mentioned really tracks considering your profile ♥️
I tightened the grip on my arms. I was trying to keep the gray figure I had barely trapped in my arms from bursting out of my hold. Across from me, Baek Saheon was aiming a small, toy-like gun in my direction.
‘Why is that bastard taking so long?’
If the gray figure slipped away again, there was no telling when we’d be able to catch it next. I shouted urgently.
“Shoot!”
“I’m aiming!”
‘Aiming, are you kidding?’
Just shoot what’s right in front of you, what’s so hard about—ah.
“Saheon-ssi! I’m fine! It's okay if you shoot through me, I have you to help me!”
Right. As long as we hit this thing, we can escape this darkness. So hurry up and fire! Hurry—
—Bang.
The gray figure in my arms flickered strangely for an instant, then vanished.
At the same time, a searing pain tore through my left leg. I collapsed on the spot. I could hear Baek Saheon running toward me.
‘You bastard—even so, did you really have to shoot through my leg…?!’
Still, we had escaped the immediate danger. I used the bandage item Baek Saheon handed me for first aid. It must have had a mild painkilling effect, because the pain soon subsided to about half what it had been.
“Thank you, Saheon-ssi.”
I smiled deliberately as I spoke.
Baek Saheon just stared at my leg, saying nothing. His face was pale.
…Could it be that he was actually feeling guilty?
Maybe he really had been trying to avoid hitting my leg earlier.
‘Good thing I told him to just shoot through it.’
In any case, I was taken aback to see Baek Saheon react like this to someone else’s pain. It seemed that my suspicions were correct; he was definitely feeling somewhat friendly towards the agent.
‘Come to think of it, he handed over the item without hesitation, too.’
Not that the bandage was a particularly valuable item. But still…
I felt strange. It was almost a sense of pride towards him.
----
The reason Baek Saheon chose to accompany the agent was simple.
Although weird and uncomfortable things tended to happen whenever he helped with the agent’s plans, in the end, it never quite felt bad.
The sense of fulfillment that came from giving “help.”
It was a strange sensation he had never experienced before.
So this time, too, although he grumbled, he readily agreed to come along.
The toy gun item Baek Saheon had recently acquired in a Darkness had clear strengths and weaknesses.
With this item, even a beginner could hit a target with 95% accuracy.
However, it required at least thirty seconds of wait time before shooting. Despite its cute appearance, it was essentially a sniper item.
Baek Saheon didn’t bother explaining these properties to the agent. While responding vaguely to the agent’s urgings, he was waiting out the thirty seconds. After all, there was no need to injure the agent when he could cleanly hit only the monster.
But then—
It's okay if you shoot through me, I have you to help me!
‘…Me,’
He has me to help him…
Thirty seconds passed.
Baek Saheon lowered the muzzle slightly and aimed precisely at the agent’s leg.
----
“Thank you, Saheon-ssi.”
The agent smiled at him through his cold sweat.
It was the sight Baek Saheon had been unconsciously wishing for. But he could not say anything in return.
‘What did I just do?’
The agent who was inexperienced and foolish, yet only ever made promises that he could keep.
The agent who never mocked or sneered at him, who always spoke calmly and seriously.
The agent who had said that the two of them could survive together.
He had shot that agent in the leg.
It hadn't been for survival.
It was just…
What he'd wanted was...
“Saheon-ssi, I’m sorry, but could you help me a little? I think I’ll need assistance walking to the exit.”
Without a word, Baek Saheon approached and supported him. The agent leaned against him, and their hands clasped together.
The agent’s hand was warm.
Just as he had thought it would be.
And from that, Baek Saheon could tell—
His own hand, unlike the agent’s, was cold.
----
Normally, after helping, Baek Saheon would have gone on and on about how I should be paying him back. But this time, he was quiet.
Was it that much of a shock?
It was almost unsettling. I opened my mouth.
“Thank you for your help, Saheon-ssi.”
Baek Saheon’s hand twitched.
I spoke deliberately.
“And you did well to fire without hesitation earlier. Thanks to you, we’re both alive and able to return like this. So—”
“Listen.”
Baek Saheon cut me off.
“Look… can I ask you something?”
‘Suddenly?’
Weird timing, I thought, but answered readily.
“What would you like to know?”
After a brief silence, he spoke.
“When you’re working… don’t you ever think the person you’re saving might be… I don't know, a bad person?”
What are you talking about, out of nowhere…
I considered for a moment before answering.
“That may be true. But even so, I think they'd still want to live.”
Baek Saheon said nothing. I thought a little more.
“…And I don’t think people split that neatly into good and bad.”
Look at me, for example.
I had tried to be a good person by shoving the parts of myself I didn’t like into Darknesses and pretending they weren’t there. But that just meant I wasn’t being true to myself. It was only when I acknowledged all of myself—spineless at times, selfish at times—that I was finally able to regain myself.
“Nobody's just one version of themselves. Even someone who's lived their whole life one way might make a different choice at some point.”
“‘Choice’.”
Baek Saheon spoke suddenly.
“That’s right.”
“…Then if they keep choosing the same thing… doesn’t that mean that’s just who they are?”
“You don't know that, Saheon-ssi,” I said.
“They might do differently tomorrow.”
Maybe it was my imagination, but it felt as though his hand was trembling. I tightened my grip around him.
Just moments ago, his hand had been cool like shade. But perhaps because I kept holding it, I thought I could now feel the faintest trace of warmth from him.
Brasol: their relationship is eternal(good?). Braun's sweet moments are few and far between. No matter how long their relationship has lasted, they never seem to understand each other. Bad end seems likely.
Sahsol: if he's not in kse's line of sight he's forgotten. When he is kse has fun menacing him and then giving him items out of guilt. bsh would never ask for anything more. Kse would never initiate anything either.
Jaesol: Bronze will reject himself before kse can do it. He'd just clench his fist and drown in his one-sided feelings. Kse will just be like 'oh? He wants to punch me again? ...But why?'
Choisol: the more Choi clings to kse, the more he gets avoided. He can't win. But he wont let himself lose. Atticwife kse might just happen. Somehow, it's for his own good.
Jahsol: it'd be kse one-sidedly pining in this case. And he'd pull a Bronze and just bottle up his feelings until the day he dies (if it's possible. Braun might not allow old age to take him.)
Jaysol: Jay will need to be able to see through the fog of his contaminated brain to figure out his own feelings. If he somehow overcomes it, he'd still value kse's feelings above his own. Also pulls a Bronze.
HoSol: another guy who would atticwife kse.
Gosol: they both just don't think of it. They'll realize maybe 15 years into the future when it's too late.
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