Author of queer romance, sff, and essays. Half agony, half hope, bisexual. Romance fiction columnist for the New York Times Book Review. Choice bits of what I read as a critic get tagged as âromance hors dâoeuvres.â
okay there are 42 chapters in the book, and dividing 3000 by 42 = ~72
so Iâd have to write the chapter titles like this:
Chapter 2: In Which an Elf Is Concussed, but itâs Not Really My Fault Because What Would You Have Done? Would You Not Have Concussed the Elf? No, Of Course You Would Have. We All Would Have Concussed the Elf. Besides Which, I Am Very Sorry for Concussing Her and Will Try to Make Amends Later If She Stops Trying to Kill Me. Also, Her Intent to Kill Me Was a Highly Relevant Factor In My Decision to Concuss Her
if i told you what's happening at my retiree mom's local beekeeper association meetings you would call me a big ol liar
it's escalated to the point that one of the board members is bringing a gun today?? there is a president and a false president. everyone's lawyered up. bee lawyers
okay here is a rundown of the beekeeper association coup that I KNOW sounds made up. I swear I am reporting it as close to my understanding as possible
So there's an ongoing attempt to oust the current president and install the former president, who's been bribing members with "as much beeswax as you want" to vote in her favor. like, she's pulling in members who've been inactive for months or years with the promise of free bee products if they'll vote her way. the reason she wants to be president again after stepping down several years ago is that she isn't moving out of state like she'd hoped bc the sale of some farmland she wanted to grow her beekeeping business fell through. And now she wants to regain control of the local beekeeper group, POSSIBLY to exploit new members to work for her for free as part of a "mentorship" program. unpaid Drones, if you will.
anyway to oust the current president, some members of the board have accused him of embezzling (embuzzling?) funds from the club. Or possibly accusing him of selling honey illegally to support the club. Or possibly both. the current president was locked out of the club's Square account, but in order for the anti-current prez board members to access the account, they need his permission? but he couldn't even if he wanted to? It's a technological snafu that basically means whoever created the account in the first place needs to be located, and no one remembers who that is. Lawyers are definitely involved. lotta cease and desists are flying around. (BEES and desists?)
So now there is a schism in the club with the supporters of the current president on one side and the supporters (some of them bribed) of the former president on the other. according to the club's bylaws, they need a certain quorum of board members to vote in order to oust a sitting president or not, and since my mom is the secretary (a board position) she has refused to vote at all, which has resulted in a stalemate. Former President didn't count on her doing that, lol. she didn't even offer mom any wax or honey. that ain't how survivor is played, Lori, oh my god. seriously un-queen shit.
not that mom would take the bribe, since overhearing the negotiations for bribed votes taking place over by the coffee urn at last month's meeting. she's pro-current president all the way, I think, but she's also sick of all this backstabbing (backstinging?) and wants to create a splinter group. she's already got a name: Bees Sans Bullsh*t (with a bee in the place of the censor asterisk). she'd like to sell tee shirts
but before that can happen, the original group is calling yet another meeting for yet another vote. since there's no way for them to get to a quorum without mom, the prevailing theory is that they'll just try to illegally plow through their candidate and take over the club without any real authority. again, lawyers are involved. a royal jelly clusterfuck.
I feel kind of bad for the security team at the local community college where these meetings are being held because it IS likely violence is going to break out today and mom said she's going to sit next to "the best exit/egress" just in case
I'll let you know how it goes and obviously post a link to the tee shirt (BEE shirt) when it happens.
Cozy murder mystery but make it in space but make it knitting but make it tea but make it handcrafted cocktails but make it VIBES. This advertisement is for Murder by Memory by Olivia Waite.
WHATâS IT ABOUT:
Aboard the HMS Fairweather, Her Majestyâs most luxurious interstellar passenger liner, minds are carefully preserved in glass in the library, shielded from every danger while passengers amuse themselves for the years it takes to reach their destination. Ship detective Dorothy Gentleman is still mourning the accidental death of her beloved wife, but when she wakes up in a body that isnât hers just as someone else is discovered murdered she finds herself on the hunt for a killer.
A Tutorial On Typesetting In Affinity (With Template)
This is an semi-abbreviated guide to typesetting in Affinity Publisher, using the template I posted here.
While this is not a comprehensive tutorial, I tried to be as detailed as possible, and hope this help folks with their typesetting journeys!
Note: there are different ways to to do this, these are just the ways I've used personally. (And by 'used', I mean all the features and functions I've bashed my head against till something readable came out).
Second Note: these steps do apply specifically to the template I posted. This is the template I use to save time when typesetting, as it already has all the Paragraph and Character Styles and text boxes and margins I've made in previous works.
Warning: wall of text below the break!
Part 1
Importing your text into Affinity.
First things first, this step all depends on where you are getting your text from. If you are typesetting something from Project Gutenburg or a similar site, copy and paste the text into Google Docs. If you are typesetting from AO3 or a similar site, download an html file of the text, then copy and paste that into Google Docs.
Once in Google Docs, download the file as Rich Text Format (.rtf). Open the .rtf, and copy and paste that into the Affinity Template. Just stick it into any of the body pages on page 9 or up. It'll 'flow' automatically to fill the pages.
Whew. Okay. Now, you can actually work on your text in the template.
Document size (optional).
So the template I made is for half letter (letter folio). Letter is the size of the page I would be printing on, and folio is the imposition (which means if I was making it into a physical book, I would fold that page in half. Folio = the page is in halves. Quatro = page is in quarters. Octavo = page is in eighths etc.). You want your document size to be the size of one single page in your book.
- Now, again, the template I have is all set up for a single page size equal to half letter. If you want to change the size, you can go to File -> Document Setup -> Dimensions. If you change the size, you will have to go in and change the text boxes and margins I have left in the template to fit your new dimensions.
How to Auto Flow your text.
You will notice that the template only has 50 pages. Chances are, you can't see all your text. To get it to automatically appear, just hold down Shift and click the red triangle on the right of one of the text boxes with your body text in it. It should automatically generate the pages you need with your text.
- If you need to manually get your text to flow from one text box to another, just click the little triangle on the right of the text box your text starts in, and then click the text box you want it to flow into.
Bonus:
To make a text box, click the image of the T in the white square on the left, and draw it on the page. This is the Frame Text Tool, or the text box maker,
To add a picture, click the rectangle with an X through it. This is the Picture Frame Rectangle. Draw a frame, then go to File -> Place, and add your image.
Your text is in the template. Time to get it dressed.
Okay, now you need to set up your Text Styles. Text Styles should be located on the right hand tool bar. Text Styles are essentially how you tell Affinity how you want the different parts of text to look like. You can change your fonts, spacing, justification, etc, by playing around in the settings of a Text Style (to do so, just click the three lines next to the text style's name, or create a new one by clicking one of the + symbols at the bottom of the Text Style tool bar.
Now, there are two types of Text Styles: Paragraph Styles (have the backwards 'P' looking symbol) and Character Styles (have the underlined 'a' symbol). Think of these like jackets and shirts for your text to where. The Paragraph Styles go on over the Character Styles, but you can still see the Character Styles underneath.
- First thing to do is go to Find and Replace. It should be next to the left hand tool bar.
- Click the cog to the right of 'Find'. Then click 'Format'. This should bring up the screen below.
- Click the box next to Italics so it turns into a check mark. Now hit Ok. This will now allow you to find all Italics in your text.
- When you find the Italics, you can now Replace them. Hit the cog next to 'Replace with'. Click Character Style. Click Emphasis.
-Find and Replace all.
This will save all your Italics while you work on the text. Note, do NOT select all your text and use a Character Style on it. It will override and remove your Italics. You can only have one Character Style and one Paragraph Style applied to specific text. Because of this, I don't really use any Body Character Styles, and make all my changes usually in Paragraph Styles.
Part 2
Chapter Headings.
Find and Replace is one your best friends in Affinity. After I have Italics saved, I do the Chapter Headings in the text next. I Find and Replace the Chapter Headings if I can, or manually select them. Then I apply the Chapter Character Style to them. Now, if I ever want to change them en mass, I can just Find them using that Character Style to apply a new Paragraph Style or whatever I want to them.
Body Text.
Now is the time to finally use a Paragraph Style. I select my text, and apply the Paragraph Style labeled Body to it. While I have it selected, I can change my font type, size, and leading to whatever I want. If I change leading, I do have to go in and edit the Paragraph Styles to have the same leading across all of them. The template is setup for 11 pt font and 140% leading.
- To change leading in a Paragraph Style, click the three lines to the right of the Style -> Edit 'Name' -> Spacing -> Leading.
- If you change font size/leading, you will need to change the Baseline Grid. Baseline Grid is the underlying grid that your text will snap to (you can disable this in a Paragraph Style, but I like to use Baseline Grid to make sure the Body Text is all lined up the same). To change Baseline Grid, click the button in the top middle of Affinity that looks like an A with blue lines behind it. Then go to Grid Spacing. I usually set it to whatever is my body text leading equal to.
Back to Chapter Headings.
At this point, I usually use Find and Replace again, and Find the Chapter Headings with their Character Style. I use Replace to apply the Paragraph Style 'Chapter Heading' to them.
Other Styles.
Okay, so Chapter Headings are set. Body text are set. But there's still text that need different formats, like where there's a body divider/dinkus, or the start of a chapter where there's no indent. From here, I manually go through the text, and start setting the little things that weren't covered by the Body or Chapter Heading styles. I use Body No Indent Drop Cap (Paragraph Style) for the first paragraph of each chapter. I use Body Divider (Paragraph Style) wherever there's a section break. I use Body No Ident (Paragraph Style) wherever there's a new paragraph after a section break. And I use Body Special as needed, if there's unique bits of text in the work, like letters, or poems, or songs, to make them stand out more.
- This part of typesetting is a lot of me just going through manually, while scrolling through and checking the original text I am typesetting to see if there's any places that need special attention or different paragraph styles. Lot of side by side scrolling and comparing how the original author/publisher had the fic looking, and making sure my typeset matches in a way that I like.
More on Body Dividers.
You can check out my book of dinkuses for potential fonts for section breaks/dividers.
Once I find the dinkus I like, I copy and paste it into my text, or use find and replace. Just make sure that the Body Divider Paragraph Style is applied to whatever you put.
- Now, you may need to adjust the dinkus because it's not centered or spaced how you like. To do this, click the three lines to the right of Body Divider under the Text Styles tab on right hand side of your screen. This brings up the Text Style Editor Box (see the picture below).
- To get the divider looking how I want, I go to Paragraph and then adjust the Leading, Space Before, and Space After until the Body Divider looks how I want. Sometimes you might want a section break with a lot of space, sometimes you might want it narrower. This is the place to do it.
Part 3
Next step: Working in Master Pages.
Master Pages are great. You can apply them to your text to make your text look uniform. Whatever the Master Page is, the other pages must follow.
-To apply a Master Page, right click the page you want on the left sidebar under Pages. Then click apply Apply Master. Then choose what Master to apply. The body text pages all have the Master Body text applied to them already, but you may need to change one because it's the start of a new Chapter.
-If you want different margins in your text, this is where to do it. I have mine set up for .8 outer and inner margins, and slightly narrower on the top and bottom margins to account for leading. If you want to change this, just drag the text box to whatever size you want to fit your margins.
Headers/Footers.
In the Master Page titled Master Body, you can change the placements and formats of the headers/footers. I usually just have these all centered, but you can put them and size them however you like here, and it will apply to all the main body pages of your text.
- The template is setup so you can just fill in your title name and author name in the header locations of the Master Body pages. Click the text boxes and type in whatever you want. If you don't want to use these, you can delete them on the Master Pages, and they won't show up at all.
Master Chapter Heading.
The Master Chapter Heading pages are not applied to the text. In the template, you will see that page 9 does not have the Master Body applied to it. This is because I like to play around with different text box sizes and chapter heading designs here, then copy and paste them into the Master Chapter Heading when I have one I like. Then, I can just apply the Master Chapter Heading to wherever there is the start of a new chapter.
Part 4
How to add a Table of Contents.
Okay, once all the Chapter Headings are formatted and everything is on the page they should be on, you can put in a table of contents. To add a table of contents, put a text box down wherever you'd like your table of contents to be located. This is usually on page 7 of the template for me, but it may be different for you based on your text or how you do your front matter.
- Click in that text box. Then, click Text (on top of your Affinity Screen, towards the left). Go to Table of Contents. Then Insert Table of Contents.
- See the picture below. Your screen should look similar to this.
- On the left, you can see we are in the Table of Contents tab now. Under Style Name, check the one that says Chapter Heading. Now, everything that had the Paragraph Style Chapter Heading will be in our Table of Contents.
- Click the three lines to the right of where we checked Chapter Heading. You can then check Include Page Numbers here.
Part 5
Alright! Now we have pretty much everything done. Almost.
There's just the front matter to do now. These parts are pretty much just pasting/typing in your information. The front matter in the template I made is set up for Project Gutenburg public domain stuff. When I typeset things from AO3, I put the stats here instead.
Front matter. What is it exactly.
The front matter included in the template is as follows: bastard title page (just the name of the book), blank page, full title page (title and author; you can include publication/imprint info here as well), copyright page, book bound by page (this is not an official thing, just something I decided to add to my templates since mine as free to use), blank page, table of contents. Sometimes a text has a preface or dedication. You can add these pages to the front matter, and if you need more pages to add them, just right click on the left hand side under Pages wherever you would like the new pages to go, then click Add Pages. I use Master A for front matter pages. These are just plain, blank pages with nothing on them.
Title Pages.
Title pages. You can pretty much do whatever you want here. I've posted links before to places you get free to use images/art, but you don't need to include any images/art at all. It's all totally optional, I just like to have a bit of fun on my title pages and put in little extra bits.
Anyway, hope this helps and I didn't ramble tooooo much (this started as a short post to just talk about how to import text). If you're looking for more detailed help, I do recommend joining the Renegade Binder discord. I learned how to use Affinity Publisher from someone's tutorial there. I can also try to make more posts in the future further explaining things.
"Catherine, flustered, dropped her eyes to the page again: the attractive force between two bodies . . . All at once it was a great deal of work simply to pull breath into her lungs, and force it out again."
-Olivia Waite, "The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics"
i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice
Inspired by Letters From Watson and Letters From Bunny, which send their subscribers the Holmes and Raffles stories, respectively, please welcome Letters Regarding Jeeves, which will send you all the public domain Jeeves stories starting February 14th, 2024 - the anniversary of P. G. Wodehouse's death. And you can officially subscribe now!
Hey you! Yes you. Are you looking for a painfully sweet fucking awesome WLW fake-dating tragicomic happy-ending romance novel?? If so, read Fly With Me.
Actually, I don't care if you're not looking for a WLW romance novel - read Fly With Me anyway. I cleared it in two days it is so good I literally couldn't put it down.
Get it from Barnes and Noble, your local library, or wherever! Just get it. What are you doing still reading this go
While Iâm on an absolute contemporary art kick, letâs talk about the Handphone Table by Laurie Anderson.
Originally created in the late 1970âs, visitors entering the exhibit room would stumble upon an wooden table, a few chairs and a photo on the wall depicting two patrons at the same table with their elbows up and hands over their ears.
Naturally most visitors would sit down at the table and try to match the people in the picture. And in doing so, they would be quite surprised to hear Andersonâs voice coming through their hands as if she was entering their consciousness.
What they didnât know was Anderson had installed a secret, special speaker inside the table that transmitted sound vibrations through solid material rather than air. That is to say, the listenersâ bones conducted her recorded voice.
It was a way for a performance artist to be invisible and yet still presentâŠinside a visitorâs head.
I stumbled upon an alternate, updated version of this artwork at the Hirshhorn, where instead of her voice, I heard her droning, experimental music vibrating up my arms and into my ears (among many talents, she is also a composer). Still just as trippy and deliciously creepy though. ;)
All hail Gustave Caillebotte, the only Impressionist who bothered to say âYou know what this art movement doesnât have enough of? Shirtless rough trade, thatâs what!â And then he became the change he wanted to see in the world, and I think thatâs beautiful.
i saw this in a museum once and i gotta go off on this for a secondâ not only is it a gorgeous display of technical mastery over light, darkness, composition, form. itâs also a slap in the face to artistic conventions at the time. at the time, you could have nudes but they had to be heroic. they had to be virtuous. 1875, parisâ art was supposed to be elevating. it was for the wealthy, it was to be uplifting, it was so everyone who commissioned the pictures could flex their classics education. okay?
so hereâs the floor planers. theyâre workmen. theyâre workmen. theyâre not some rent boy you dolled up with a helmet to be achilles or adonis. artists have been hornily painting working-class models (and sex-worker boyfriends) into their portraits forever, but youâre supposed to frame your appreciation for the male form as an intellectually irreproachable appreciation for the heroic body from literature, or, conversely you could depict the humble beauty of peasants, if you must, but it had to be a sort of ode to nature and the simple life. peasants could be art, as long as they were⊠out there, you know. in a field. being a metaphor. so thereâs your options for looking at a shirtless guy: heâs got to be mythic.
but no. look, here, at the workmen. the floor planers. the workmenâs bodies not dressed up in sandals and helmet, in flowers, on a pedestal. the workmen not employed as some distant paean to an arcadian countryside, not stacking sheaves or holding a lamb or elevating the beauty of nature. theyâre here, theyâre urban, theyâre in a room just like you might have. the workers of your world, in your home, in this reality. the male body as a very real, very nonfigurative tool, humble and employed, but still gorgeous. the beauty of the men that the patrician class pays not to see. the men who come into your mansion through the back door and work unseen and leave unseen. those men. there, right there, this painting, glowing and beautiful.
not adonis. but beautiful.
anyway at the time everyone fucking hated this picture because itâs a direct slap across the classist chops. they were BIG MAD, this was filthy, it was an affront. they hated it. the paris salon rejected it. established intellectuals didnât want anything to do with this kind of confrontation. it wasnât art.
i just love that.
like, look at those hot guys go. look at the shine on the floor and the way their arms are. no virtuous framing, no classic allusions. just some regular guys making the floors nice for a rich fucker who never laid eyes on them at all. but here they are: look at them.
Members get 25% off on preorders today thru Sept. 8. That's a big percent! And since SECOND CHANCES IN NEW PORT STEPHEN is coming out in December, it's part of the sale.
I didn't even know you could preorder books before I became an author, but NOW I'm very smart and attractive and understand that preorders are The Thing that helps authors the most. Wherever you preorder from, it sends a message both algorithmically and humanly to the bookstore that says "there are people in the world who literally cannot wait to give you money for this book that isn't even out yet."
That's a powerful message! That's the difference between my books being put on a high shelf where only 7ft tall readers can find them and being put on a sweet, sweet display table. It's the difference between my books being simply posted on a website and being featured in a Best Of list. It's the difference between a bookseller being aware of my books and handselling them like mad. So if you can, PLEASE PREORDER from wherever you buy books. And if you're a B&N girlie gender neutral, this promotion is a great excuse to get started.
You just have to be a B&N member (membership is free) and use code PREORDER25. If you're a Premium Member, which sounds fancy therefore I have no idea what it means, you get an extra 10% off.
Let me know what you've preordered for the fall season!!! I'd love to know.
[Image ID:
slide one: me, a white nonbinary person with glasses, visible from the eyes up behind a stack of arcs.
slide two: a graphic with the B&N sale info, 25% off starts 9/6, ends on 9/8]
titsay
gummygunk
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
annaxmalina
pixelskylines
areudirty
