How should I even start this?
Well here I go. I’m unhappy. And all of my decisions pushed me to this point. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed but I miss feeling happy for no reason and actually enjoying little things in life. So I’ve decided, a hard-reset on my dopamine levels, an extreme measure, to come(pun intended) from a daily fapper(some days a did twice the “activity” or even triple) to 0 is a pretty hard break for me to pull off. Keep in mind I didn’t go 3 days in my life without fapping (except when I was a kid obviously, started at 13 I think) .
This is an experiment, to say the least. I want to see if I can do it. If I’m in control of this body, if I can decide. I took this decision and now in the next 30 days I’ll fight(like its fucking cancer, Jesus..) the urges.
I wanted to do something like this for a long time. Not the fap part, but the controlling part. I wanted to do cold showers(like really cold) every day, but that’s a challenge for another month.
A few of my girl friends said this to me: “I didn’t need to do it”. And holy shit did I get jealous. So it came from that place mostly. I figured its a good thing for my mental health but as for the physical I can’t really say. Studies(idk which) kinda point to mastubating as being a good thing for the body. But the self-loathing that it sometimes comes with...for me it’s unbearable.
I quit smoking a year ago, fairly easily, I even felt guilty for how simple it felt. But I’ve been studying smoking for long before I decided to quit. I understood every angle of how addiction works for me and I can only hope that those experiences help me in this new adventure.
You should know a few surface things about me. I’m a white, european male, studying Computer Science in Romania, currently 20, looking to make my life 10 times better. I like light philosophy and coding(not the best combo but hey..). Not the best reader out there but I might change that in the coming month. And as you can tell, a bit of a control freak.
This is a journal, this is for nobody but me, to keep my thoughts in order, to push for another day, like, I’m not gonna fap to publish my feelings tomorrow. You’re free to read it, maybe it helps you. If you’re going through something similar please share you’re story, I’d like to read it.