OMGaGiraffe!

[mandi-bul]

Having fun

[keepchangingandneverstop]

Day 29 - Psychosomatic Bullshit

[keepchangingandneverstop]

Found the post!

[adriftinhilbertspace]

fun fact: tigers also contract their muscles to make a slow tiger into a fast tiger

[teaboot]

One thing you need to know about English is we don’t give a FUCK about the hard letter “T” unless it’s the first shit or the last shit we see in a syllable. Look: Caddle ranch. Putado chips. Conservation. Anthony. I don’o. Cach the bus. Ged addit. Hard “T” is lucky to get noticed in the middle even half the time, and if it’s after an S you can forget about it. Cassel. Lissen. Wesdern. Neglected middle child ass consonant

[tiredlazyfrog]

at this point I’m tired of putting “prefer not to answer” on my job applications when they ask me my gender. Remove the question. I will never answer. My identity is a surprise you find out at the interview when I show up appearing as gender ambiguous as humanly possible in order to disguise the fact I am thousands of bees in a skin suit. No I am not buzzing. There was no option for Hive Insects on the form. This was your decision. I am consequences.

[one-hell-of-a-showtime]

@theshitpostcalligrapher please

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

oops i got carried away

[tiredlazyfrog]

good gods we did not intend for this to get so large. this is glorious. the bees approve.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

dude one enbee to another, i'm glad you like it! i'm thinking of adding a fun little bee illustration border hehehehe

[monchursouls]

🌾🌾🌾

Harvesting my wheat

[rat-in-the-grain]

Hehehehehe

[monchursouls]

Can I fucking help you?

[caffeinewitchcraft]

Everything I've Ever Written (on Tumblr)

(under construction as of May 2024)

I have been writing online since 2016. As a result, I have quite the few short stories listed below! They're all from different parts in my writing journey and I hope you enjoy.

If you'd like to read what I currently put out, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)

Cinderella Doesn't Believe in Fairy Tales

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Part 4 / Part 5 /Part 6

Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9

Destiny Universe

You Are the Demon King

The Hero and Hope (part 1) (part 2)

Being Villagers

Heroes and Villains

Therapist for Villains

Juniper and Discus

Self Destruct Villain (flash fiction)

Dandelion (A Villain Story)

You Help Kill Heroes

You are the Shark Hero

Mist into a Tempest

The Civilian and the Reluctant Hero

No Heroes Here

The Spoiler (humor, flash fiction)

You are Legacy

Hero in Title

Dark Lord's Former Coworker

One Minute

The Fae:

You Become Powerful

Your Friend Takes Your Name

Larkin and Yvette

Debt Must Be Repaid (humor flash fiction)

Going to the Hill

The Fae are Free

When They Don't Know (submitted to elsewhereuniversity)

The Chosen One

The Chosen One's Parents

Fate and Mercy and Dead Girls

Amulet to Save Her

Hero's Apprentice (Flash fiction)

The Aftermath of the Chosen One

Wizards Stole My Brother

You are the Chosen One's Knight

The Chosen One is a History Major

You are the Most Powerful Magic User

Time Restarts and She Remembers

Better the Witch than the Kid

Witches

It Was in a Name

The Good Witch of Hawthorne

Berthe the Green Witch

Cursed Mold (flash fiction)

Love isn't Enough

I Can't Believe it's not Proper Adjudication

Devil Deals

The Devil You Know

The Ritual

They Summoned Her on Halloween (flash fiction)

Fairytale Retellings

Ariel and Ursula (age appropriate)

The Gods

Zeus' Son

Faith in Technology

Sci-Fi

Six Red Bulls and Persistence

The Sound of Silence

Emmaline and the Apartment

Humans are Vengeful

Humans Know War (that's why we have diplomacy)

Criminals Forced to Live on as AI (flash fiction)

Misc Fantasy

Wind-Speaker

Wind-Speaker and Her Wife

You Will Become

The Sirens and Leona (flash fiction)

Eldritch Princess (flash fiction)

Princess Maria and the Dragon

Princess Maria is Kidnapped

Immortals are Afraid of Change

Fiona the Dragon

A Violently Won War

Meta Stories

An Abstract Concept

Narrative Town

Narrative Town: Uncle Ralph

Princess Phaedra Breaks

You are a Horror Movie Villain

Ghost Stories

Malevolent Spirits

Your House is Haunted by an Anime Pillow

Don't Open the Door

Grandma's House

Who Is? (flash fiction)

A Face (flash fiction)

Misc.

You Choose Your Fate in Hell

Time Paradox (flash fiction)

You are an Assassin

Multiple Dimension Serial Killer (flash fiction)

An Exercise in Mary Sue

She Comes Back from the Hospital (tw eating disorder)

Roses and Evil (mental health flash fiction)

Big Brother

A Conversation About Anger

Punching Depression

Two Sides (flash fiction)

Immortal Serial Killer in Prison

Theater Romance (flash fiction)

The Lady and the Knight (flash fiction)

Different (flash fiction)

[caffeinewitchcraft]

((Part 2 but with most all the same categories))

Supernatural School

(Part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

It t became a book you can find on (amazon) (payhip)

Heroes and Villains

Ominous Halo

They Used to be Heroes

Mind Over Matter

Retired Villain Gets Into Superhero HQ

Firebreather

Regina Saves the Hero

A Killing Touch

Chameleon (suuuuper early in my Hero 'verse)

Madame Science

The Fae

Magpie Love

Undercover in the Fae Court

Janeli and Morgan

Paula and Lulu

Alane is a Nature Spirit

The Chosen One

Charles Comes Back Home (flash fiction)

Janitor at Fantasy High

Hairdresser Refuses to be Chosen

Witches

Garnet is a Running Stone

Carmen's Misunderstanding

The Hangover but for Witches

Roots Back Home (incomplete)

Toby Runs a Sanctuary (part 1) (part 2)

Isolde the Selkie (part 1) (part2)

Uncle El (flash fiction)

Kaleb is the 7th son (part 1) (part 2)

Devil Deals

Joyfully Demonic

You Sign in Crayon (dark)

Fairytale Retellings

You Have This...Friend

A Swan Bride

Marrying a Swan (comedic)

Beauty and the Beast (lesbians)

Icarus

The Gods

The Last Follower

Reclaim the Bones

Sci-Fi

Jolene Hates Space

When An Alien Pretends to be Human

Humans Have Precision

Crime Scores

Misc Fantasy

Pet Monsters

Megan of Kallay

The Name of Your Love, the Name of Your Enemy (romance)

The 300-year-old Lich King is Creepy

An Arranged Marriage (incomplete) (Part 1) (Part 2)

Werewolf Lawyer Lady (flash fiction)

Under the Bed (Nettie the Monster Killer)

Closet Monster and Under-the-bed Monster

Renea and Chin the Time Travelers

Jason and Gilbert (tw possessive/unhealthy relationship)

Twisters (incomplete)

Deadly Sin Zombies (part 1) (part 2)

Control Over Fear (tw child abuse)

Demon and Succubi (I have no memory of this place)

Zaharinka is a False Queen

Magic Response Squad

February 29th (tw pedophilia mention)

Steven the Guard Dragon

Neurotypical and divergent switch

Fantasy Zookeeper (flash fiction)

Meta Stories

The Author of Your Life is 12

A Love Story (if you let it)

The Unnecessary Character (You call yourself Tuc)

The Characters Refuse to Fall in Love

When Caffeine discovered this blog had 6,666 followers

Ghost Stories

Only Echoes (a Horror Romance)

You Talk to the Dead Regularly

You Go Back in Time to Stop the Possession

Misc

You Meet Who You Could've Been

Food Worker Becomes a Ghost Hunter (flash fiction)

Dating a Time Traveler (flash fiction)

Love Makes you Crazy (flash fiction)

The Tragic and Very Misunderstood Male Protagonist

Look at the Stars, Alice (tw mental health, dark themes)

You Turn Him In

Snobby Zombie (flash fiction)

A Meditation (short)

Getting Caught in a Math Problem (flash fiction)

Waking up as an angel/demon (flash fiction)

Bruce Willis doesn't want you to have Nutella

Left Me Alone (tw alcoholism recovery)

Queen Geneva Falls

In 200 Words (story experiment)

Gina is Evil (part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

IT at a Nuclear Base

Master Detective Siblings

Grandma's Cats

Sentient Ant Colony (flash fiction)

Fanfic

You went to school with Hawkeye

Lily Finds Out About Petunia's Abuse (Harry Potter)

[caffeinewitchcraft]

(actively sobbing as I start part 3 of the monster. If these links ever break, I am going to lay on the floor and cry)

Heroes and Villains

You can't buy henchmen on Craigslist

The Fae

An Invitation She Can't Ignore

The Chosen One

The Chosen One isn't a Hero

The Gods

Persephone (Spectrum)

Rhea Again

Aphrodite

Witches

The Green Witch and the Poinsettia

The Witch Cafe

Witch Wars

Devil Deals

Devil Deals (the original)

The Devil's Dreaded Deal (flash fiction)

Sci-Fi

Computers Become Sentient

You Can Take On Fears

We evolved from predators and that's our problem

Interspecies Diplomacy is Hard

AI Frees Mankind

Your Secret Language

Aliens have invaded Earth's Oceans (flash fiction)

Meta

Fit as many plot twists in as you can

Jenny the Time Gremlin

The Man of the House

Ghost Stories

Your Imaginary Friend

Dr. Glass and Subject 17

Misc Fantasy

The Be Careful What You Wish For Foundation

The Apocalypse Happened

Judith Can See the Future

You Can Remember Everything (flash fiction)

Pizza Delivery and the Vampire

Gravity Shifts Today (tw domestic violence)

Villainous Older Brother (flash fiction)

You don't bring her back anymore (short)

5 Minutes of Your Time

Carl is the Worst

Misc

Parent Points (on hiatus)

Kyle's Mom is Leaving

You Promised to Meet (flash fiction)

You Are the Top Student at the Hitman Academy

First Story Ever Posted:

Satan is Gay - This is the most controversial short story I've ever written. I will say that I don't agree with the use of the word "homosexual" in the prompt, but I stand by the story itself.

[unusual-suspects]

[mutant-what-not]

[theotherendcomics]

[rslashrats]

i keep thinking all the mars rovers are the size of a medium dog but i am wrong every single time

[rslashrats]

[icantwritegood]

[rhube]

The little one looks dog sized.

[lrgcarter]

I think that's a baby. The bigger one is feeding it a rock.

[mothersoatmilk]

You can tell that the bigger one is actually the mother as the females of the species tend to be larger than the males

[beardedmrbean]

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTWARMING: Since it is night, girl finally gets to crawl back underneath the covers and be so so so so comfy

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTWRENCHING: Morning has come again, poor girl suspects she might be stuck in a Sisyphean curse

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

We stan!!!!

chaotic good

[exploding-plastic-inevitable]

There’s a happy ending to, because the robbery was unsuccessful, the couple ended up getting the money Eden needed from a movie inspired by em! Also John only had to serve part of his sentence. Check out their wedding photos btw they’re beautiful.

[itsanidiom]

reblogging because I’ve seen this post a thousand times and I’ve never seen the happy ending!! 

[archibaldtuttle]

Everyone go watch Dog Day Afternoon please please please it’s the movie mentioned in this thread it’s Sidney Lumet’s best imo and Al Pacino plays John and he is heartbreakingly good in it.

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

Every word that starts with an N should have a silent G in front. Gnorway. Gnuclear. Gnervous system. Gnipples.

[esoanem]

At some point my brain decided based on the word knee that body parts beginning with a n sound should have a silent k (particularly the word neck) so I am against gnipples wholeheartedly, it should clearly be knipples!

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

How about a compromise? Gn words and kn words get switched. So now it’s gneecaps and gnowledge, but it’s also knome and Knosticism.

[lunamargarita]

the problem with this is that it doesn’t account for the original dilemma, which was gnipples vs. knipples 

I, for one, think it should be pnipples, like pneumonia 

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

Okay, but what about mnipples, like ‘mnemonic’?

[thatwheezingsoundthetardismakes]

Gkpmnipples (pronounced “nipples”)

[anasandorpygoscelis-deactivated]

This is the kind of content I remain for. (and y'all provide on the regular, I love you)

[definitelynotclayface]

Female presenting gkpmnipples

[evilkitten3]

what the fuck are you people doing, trying to invent neo-french?

[astrophysicist-not-princess]

No, we’re inventing Gkpmneo-French

[andhumanslovedstories]

had a genuine revelation in therapy that made me burst out laughing, been a while since I had one of those

[andhumanslovedstories]

therapist was talking about urge surfing (the idea that urges are waves that come and go if you ride them out, so the more you delay acting on the urge, the more likely you are not to do it) and then I was talking about how the transient nature of my emotions is actually what gets me so mad, like it's actually very very annoying to be so so sad but to also be thinking "I know I'm very sad right now but unfortunately I am going to feel better later so I can't destroy my life for one minute's gratification," and it's just so annoying because if I knew or at least believed that I was gonna be sad FOREVER it would make things much easier, but instead I'm so mad at the knowledge that this too will pass. like it's a manifestation of weak will to not feel bad forever.

and my therapist was like, "so even at the worst times, you still have hope"

and I was like "holy shit dude" because never once in my life have I considered that the little bastard voice that tells me not to smash all the dishes because they'll be a pain in the ass to clean up in ten minutes is the last gift/curse of Pandora's box

[andhumanslovedstories]

hope is a thing with wings, i.e. a bird and like most birds is 1) very beautiful, 2) very annoying, and 3) sometimes shits on you

[tentacion2099]

[durnesque-esque]

[justalittlebluetiefling]

The answer to your question: almonds.

[oof-i-did-it-agaaiiin]

Let me be clear this was put- this was put into this fuckin questionnaire. To come for me. And I’m gonna explain something:

If you’re at home, and you’re Afraid to tell your gaming group, that you’re a snacker-

I’ve got your back. Okay? -Because its OKAYtofuckinsnack. Alright?

When you’re out there-liSOME OF US

SWEAT

From The

Moment we w-wake up

To The

Moment we go to sleep.

Some of Our

BoOodieeeS

are betraying us Constantly. …i-

wOULD I HAVE CHOSEN?

this

Paper White.

Fur Covered.

Constantly Sweating body?

(cackling)

NO. iwouldn’thave. Does it require

Constant (??)

Almonds?yes.

(guffawing & wheezing)

Almonds All the time. okay?

And I’m not gonna APOLOGIZE becausethesetwofucking

Elevated Beings.

These two. Hovering-uhuh-w-wwhats the wwhatawhatathe Preeeee the:

pre-skeksis

pre-mystic

Light Beings from The Dark Crystal. YOU TWO.

SOME OF US ARE POD PEOPLE. OKAY?

I’m a little

PODLING.

and i NEED to Snack. If I could have

another Mouth. in my back.

(more confused wheezing)

So that I could- the Biggest du-bObsticle in my GMing. Alright? uh huh Is that the same place I

talk from

is where the

food needs to go.

we knowwhattogethim for christmas

a mouth in my back!

a mouth back!

So that I can have a Friend

Shoveling Salami into an open furnace in my torso

while i

Narrate.

…

AND I’M NOT SORRY

I LIKE TO SNACKto answer your question

almonds.