OMG! They Famous!

The only thing worse than someone bragging about celebrity sightings is someone blogging about them. Ooooops!

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Joe Montana, Athlete

It’s funny to see a San Francisco icon literally coming back to the city that made him a household name. But, that’s how I laid my eyes on Joe Montana this time around, as I was sitting at SFO awaiting my flight to New York. 

He was with his wife and had obviously just landed from wherever rich people come from. No idea whether or not he was rocking his Sketchers, but damn if that guy didn’t look like one cool ass dude. 

And, that’s the thing. It’d be amazing to be wealthy like he is, but even better if I was the human equivalent of teflon just like him. 

Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things and I write this blog mostly to amuse myself. What a weird, wild life this is. 

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Rita Wilson, Actress

It’s been a little while since I dribbled some nonsense onto this blog. And, I’ve got a story or two to tell now. 

First, let’s cut to San Francisco.

I saw the accomplished woman above while walking through the upper crust neighborhood of The Marina, with my wife. We’d just moved to town and I was attempting to show her a neighborhood that she might like and then we saw a bunch women brunching on Union Street. One of those women was Rita Wilson. 

When she’s not busy being famous for being the mother of Chet Haze, Rita is married to Tom Hanks. Well, that and she’s a wonderful philanthropist who shows up on screen sometimes in movies and TV shows. 

Anyway, we didn’t move to the Marina, so stop judging. But, damn if it wasn’t a nice day. 

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(Skinny) Jonah Hill, Actor

Ok, to start off, let me just say I got a lot of respect for Jonah Hill. I generally like him in everything I see him in and think he plays a good character. For some reason, he’s just pretty damn relatable to me. No matter what his body type is at any current moment. But, his weight fluctuation is crazy, right? RIGHT?

Sure, he’s been a in a clunker or two of a film, but his resume is pretty solid. Anyway, I was walking through TriBeCa, the night after the recent attack and couldn’t help but notice that everything seemed to be under construction. Way more so than when I worked in the neighborhood a few years back. I was walking along a narrow sidewalk, right by some fancy bar and saw a guy lighting up a cigarette next to a girl. I was literally forced to walk inches from his face and make eye contact with him, so we would see each other and I wouldn’t bump into him, when I realized I was staring at a skinny Jonah Hill.

Pretty neat stuff. I think.

What wasn’t neat was the awful smell I encountered in the subway shortly after. 

The end.

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Anthony Rapp, Actor

Well, this is quite strange. When I went to find this guy’s name on IMDb, knowing I’d passed him on the street just a few days ago in the East Village, I had no idea it was THAT Anthony Rapp. He, the man who came forward with his decades old story of sexual assault as perpetrated by Kevin Spacey. I just knew him as the teacher’s aid from the movie Road Trip. I never put 2 and 2 together or saw a picture of him in the Spacey stories I’d read. 

To be clear, it’s great that Mr Rapp had the courage to speak out. And, I hope others like him will continue to come forward with stories of abuse, so those evil deeds can be exposed. He obviously grappled with that dark memory for decades. 

But, what’s funny is that he just seemed to have a satisfied grin on his face. I wonder if he knew then that his name would be all over the news in a few days. 

Anyway, he looked like a normal dude. Me? I looked like I haven’t shaved my face in 3 or 4 months, because because, well, I haven’t. Point, Rapp. 

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Harvey Weinstein, Film Producer/Executive

If you read this blog, which I know you don’t, then you know I work in TriBeCa and see smarmy celebs all the time. Not true, I only see them sometimes. BUT THEY’RE ALL AROUND US.

Anywho, I was walking back from lunch with my homedog and I saw this, blue collar deadbeat Dad looking guy walking toward us. He had on a black T, some Levi’s and some Nike SB shoes. It was Harvey Weinstein. He’s way rich. He dresses way poor. 

I think I had a cup of soup in a paper bag at the time, so it’s not like I looked any better. 

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Just realized I wrote about this monster, a while back. 

What’s crazy is that I have nothing to do with the film industry. I am the furthest thing form it. Yet, I STILL heard rumors about him being a disgusting sexual harassing monster. HOW DID HE GO SO LONG WITHOUT BEING REPORTED??? Life is fucking crazy. 

Also, fuck this guy. 

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Nathan Fielder, Actor/Comedian/Writer

The East Village, home to many a German tourist asking what ‘the highlights’ are, was scraping by on a slow Wednesday. The sun was out a bit and it was kind of Globally Warmer than it usually is on an October day. 

That’s when I noticed Mr Nathan Fielder walking past me, not really looking like he knew where he was going. I mean, he didn’t look dumb or anything. He just didn’t look like he had a clear destination in mind. 

Anyway, he passed me. And, we all moved on with our lives. It was a delightful time as any.

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Lori Tan Chinn, Actress

After a weird night, this past Friday, I found myself wanting some delicious food. So, I stalked back to a new Chinese place in the East Village that I knew to be a sure fire provider of said sustenance. I WILL NOT give away my secrets, so I can’t say where it is. 

Once at this mystery location, I spotted Lori Tan Chinn in the back, chatting with a waiter like she owned the place (hey, maybe she actually does). I immediately recognized her, from her character on Orange is the New Black, and thought, “Oh, cool. Never thought I’d see her in real life.”

Now, that I dove into my internal dialogue, I think I need to stop writing this. And, you should probably do something more worthwhile with your time. Just my tips. 

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Oscar Isaac, Actor

In the interest of full disclosure, I was pretty star struck by this dude. He’s a big deal! But, neither my wife, nor a close friend of mine really knew who he was. Really? This dude is a legitimate movie star! 

Also weird, is that I saw him only minutes after catching another Guatemalan-born actor, on my previous post. Must be a sign?

Anyhow, I saw Oscar Isaac out grocery shopping with his partner Elvira Lind. It was a real neat time. I was buying ice cream and creamer for my wife. Maybe not fit for a movie star, but definitely right for me. 

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Arturo Castro, Actor

The other day, I was on a “cool hunting” mission in Williamsburg, looking for a scrubby brush to replace the worn out one in our kitchen. As the resident dishwasher in my household, I simply need working tools to do my business. 

Anyway, I was on a break from my search, sitting on one of those plastic construction dividers and who happens to walk by me, but Arturo Castro, who you may know best as the gay roommate on Broad City. 

Anyway, we didn’t talk or anything. But, he was there. So was I. And, that about wraps that up!

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Dave Chappelle, Comedian

I know you might not be able to tell from these oft-typo’d blog posts, but I do make my living as a freelance copywriter, sadly not as a celebrity. Huff!

Anywho, as I was sitting in an empty lobby waiting for the elevator to carry me to a meeting, I gazed out onto the street from the nearby windows with a thoughtless expression on my face. In a flash, three dudes sauntered by and the one in the middle turned and looked at me straight in the face. He was Dave Chappelle, a dude I’ve looked up to ever since that time I wished his character didn’t get crushed by the plane’s landing gear in Con Air. 

Anyway, Dave, probably didn’t think much of my thoughtless face and continued on down the street, while I just laughed to myself like a crazy person. 

I mean, I did have a Sweetgreen salad to eat. Couldn’t spend the rest of my day chasing dreams of Dave Chappelle and I as the best of buds. Nope, just had to perpetuate my life of clichés. 

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Steven Pasquale, Actor

When I finally noticed this guy sitting in the chair next to me at the barber shop, I tried to figure out who he was. That usually means I’m looking at someone a little too much. Understandably, he was looking back at me with skepticism. 

I honestly thought it was Steven Weber’s younger brother, so I guess that just means I watched a little too much “Wings” as I was growing up. But, I’m not here to apologize for that. 

Right after this dude left, and said he was not comfortable giving his phone number to the shop’s proprieter (who was only trying to get more business from him), the other barber told me who he was. He’s the guy who played Mark Fuhrman in the OJ show. 

Neat!

Anyway, those of us left in the barber shop went on to chat like any normal group of men, about manly things like pretty girls and gym memberships. Typical Brooklyn stuff. 

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Game of Thrones Cast, Actors

The wife and I were out in LA, on the her work trip. I, like a proud husband, was tagging along for the free room and board. 

Anyway, we were at some fancy hotel in West Hollywood, where she’d just finished up dinner with her coworkers. Still at her table, I saw Kit Harrington walk in the place and said, (probably loud enough for him to hear me) “That’s Jon Snow.” Well, I felt bad about that. No one needs to be called out. 

Then, we went over to the bar, for another drink and 5 minutes later were surrounded by what seemed to be the full Game of Thrones cast. They must have just gotten out of some kind of screening. At the bar were me and my wife, and then a room full of brits who star on HBO’s most popular show. They were crowding us. Grey Worm’s elbow was pricking me in the back, for shit’s sake. For once in my life, I did not like Game of Thrones, at all.

And, before you can ask...no, Ed Sheeran was not there. 

So, we went up to our room, fell asleep on a bed that was too small for the both of us and then went to the pool in the morning. Pretty fancy life we lead. 

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Frank Mason III, NBA Basketball Player

The picture above might not do him justice, but my man is one handsome sports bro. Of course, he wasn’t all dolled up when I saw him. He had a white hoody pulled over his head, and was waiting in line to check in at the Delta counter at JFK.

Why he was in New York, I have no idea. Because, my dude is a Sacramento King. Though, I completely understand why he wouldn’t be in Sacramento. Have you been to Sacramento? 

I don’t know, I barely know who the guy is and thought it was cool to see him. My wife, however, did not give a flying F, when I told her who we’d walk past. Nor did she care the 5th time I reminded here who he was. 

Then, we hopped on a metal machine that launched us a mile in the air, only to land somewhere in the South. Pretty neat stuff, all in all. 

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Chrissy Metz, Actor

Last week, I was doing this thing where I was talking to a friend of mine, but not really thinking about the words as they were coming out of my mouth. Pretty cool thing you should try sometime. Might get you popular some day. 

I was even doing it in a snooty cafe. 

Anyway, as I I was doing it, Chrissy Metz walked by and I had to start thinking, so I couldn't’ really talk. She looked so familiar, like a friend I’d had back in some day. Then I realized she’s just one of the stars of a NBC dramedy that I only hardly watch, “This Is Us.” 

Then I had this weird thought...she didn’t look as big in real life as she does on TV. How about that? The camera really does add it on. I shudder to think what I might look like on TV. But, then I’m not. Nor will I ever be. Nor do I want to be. 

At least I had some seltzer water. 

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Brittany Howard, Musician

Here’s what dummy I am. I was walking through my uber hip neighborhood, in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and I saw a woman walk toward me and I immediately thought, ‘That’s the lead singer from Alabama Shakes. I should tell her I’m a big fan.’ Nice thing to do, right? But, then I thought, ‘Wait a second. Maybe, it’s not her. And, maybe this random woman would NOT appreciate someone like me mixing people up?’ 

Why should it matter? What’s wrong with me for thinking something like that? 

I quickly googled on my phone to see if the band was in town that night and indeed they were. I was totally walking right behind Brittany Howard. But, I figured it all out too late, and she trickled into a bar. I lost my chance to just say, “Hey, I appreciate the music you’ve been making. I played your music at my wedding and I cried a whole bunch.” 

So, now that you’ve been privy to the bulk of my internal dialogue from one errant Thursday in Brooklyn, I bet you’re ready to make some great decisions. Go forth and conquer, blog reader you. Your life can only go up from here. 

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Harvey Keitel, Actor

Right now, I work in Hell’s Kitchen. Coolest name for what is kind of a lame neighborhood (sorry). 

Anyway, I was on my way to work during a cold February morning when walking the opposite direction of me was Harvey Keitel. I had my earphones on, listening to the WTF Podcast and I started smiling, because I was looking right at Harvey Keitel. He’s played so many bad ass characters. I couldn’t help myself. He smiled back and I think I actually mumbled, “Hi Harvey,” under my breath. 

Real smooth, Slick. 

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Zachary Quinto, Actor

Hey, maybe I didn’t go to Comic Con in New York City this past weekend, but I got MAD nerd cred, anyway. 

As I walked to the West 4th Subway stop, who did I see but Mr Spock, himself. No, not Leonard Nimoy. I didn’t see a corpse. However, I did see Zachary Quinto. Still counts as Spock, right?