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@onedaypenguinswillbeokay
headcanon that like his son, david hollander too can also stare at his partner with big doe eyes and get what he wants. it’s rare for ilya to see it but the first time he does he points aggressively and goes “YOU!!! is your fault i never win an argument!!!!” david just blinks while yuna nods solemnly and tells ilya that unfortunately shane learned from the best
hi the timeline is whatever it needs to be to make it happen, but i have such a clear vision in my head of the ottawa team just doing a silly video thing of the centaurs playing among us because i can see in my head the side by side frames of ilya and shane in their turns as the killer both going "okaaaay, where's my husband" because they for SURE have to kill him. has to be done. 1000000% that is their first and most important target. they straight up walk past other people and let them live because gotta kill hubby first.
even when one of them ISN'T the killer, they end up getting got because they're so busy trying to run from each other because they KNOW they're done for if the other is the killer.
literally the first and only time the world hears shane call ilya anything other than rozanov/roz on a video is when he is locked in on this game chasing him down and is SO evil when he is just, "nooo, babe, come back. everything's fine. come here." as he is actively trying to kill him.
bare - hollanov - @taylorswiftmicrofic - word count: 260 - click here to see my microfic archive!
“Hey Roz, will you spot me?”
Troy Barrett’s request was a welcome one, as Ilya definitely needed a break from his routine anyway. Turning toward his friend, he took his place behind him on the weight bench and made sure to keep his eyes on Troy’s movements as he lifted more than most of the guys on the team.
But just as the man finished one set and started another, the door to the gym opened, stealing Ilya’s attention for half a second.
And there he was: Shane. Clothed in new Centaurs athletic shorts and his chest completely bare, he walked in and stole Ilya’s breath completely away.
Fuck, he looked dangerous. Muscles rippling, face serious, eyes faraway, Ilya felt his body react before he could think. He needed to devour him. He had no choice. Rational thought wasn’t an option, he was working purely on instinct.
He began to walk towards his husband, a small smile on his face and his mouth watering. His hands tingled, already moving forward to touch that perfect, freckled skin. His brain only had one thought, everything else hazy and forgotten. Just ShaneShaneShane.
“Roz!”
“Wha-?”
He whipped around at the sound of his name, only to find Troy sitting up and frowning at him, face stormy, weight askew behind him. It was only then that Ilya remembered what he was meant to be doing.
“Ah,” he said eloquently. “Shit.”
Shortly after that, Harris created a new sign for the team gym:
For public safety, Shane Hollander is required to wear a shirt at all times. Thanks, 🏳️🌈management 🏳️🌈
Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats
stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household
You don't have to grieve alone.
partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that
Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.
my friend's puppy has baffling levels of attitude for someone who's only been around for a handful of months. he understands concepts like deceit and civil disobedience and other things i didn't fully grasp until well into my 20s. this guy doesn't even know the seasons loop yet. he's probably like okay spring. what's next. some other new bullshit i bet
I do wish we could make it a little more socially acceptable to wander the streets at night weeping inconsolably I feel like that would have a great catharsis factor for a lot of people
what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why
Hey whoa hi. Hello. I am looking directly into your ear canal. What do you mean you drank a tube of virus concentrate.
So, I was working in a lab, right? My job in the lab was preparing a pure, concentrated enough sample of virus. This is tricky since, y'know, viruses require hosts to replicate, but you then need to get the host cells (and the pieces of the host cells that died!) out of the sample while still keeping the viruses. Once I'd finished and the samples had been sent to the database for analysis as well as a second one sent to be frozen for future reference, there was still some left over that needed to be disposed of.
I, knowing that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, waited carefully for the lab director to be deep in conversation with someone else on the other side of the laboratory. And then I took my chance.
Test tubes, as it turns out, are really bad as shot glasses. Their shape turns any liquid inside into a stream, so you really can't knock it back quickly - it takes a couple seconds. Additionally, the best way I can describe the taste of virus concentrate was "sterile rot". A very unique kind of bad! Made worse by the test tube's inefficiency as a shot glass.
(by the way we were studying bacteriophages, not animal viruses. these viruses are too specialized on attacking prokaryotes to even recognize our cells as targets at all, according to studies.)
(but also like. if the viruses managed to successfully switch hosts and killed me with a violent infection, itd still be worth it.)
(for science.)
You have a fitting blog title
this post is getting 50k easy
“Your days are numbered” yeah it’s called a calendar you fucking idiot.
did england all get lobotomies during the hydration break or what
where to upgrade social battery. where to buy larger social battery. how to attach multiple social batteries. how to hang out with all your friends without getting tired. how to hang out with everyone you wanna hang out with without burning out. infinite social energy hack. nap tips
social battery rapid charger. social battery usable while plugged in. how to love everyone you love
is it normal for social battery to look like this
mye social battery is pillow because im so sleepy
the doctor told me aliens keep killing his companions so I asked how many companions he has and he says he just goes to earth and gets a new companion afterwards so i said it sounds like he's just feeding his companions to aliens and then he started crying
Yuna needs Shane to sign off on some paperwork, but she can’t get ahold of him. She calls Ilya and can’t reach him either. She gets worried, so she tells David she’s going over to the cottage. David is like, “DO. NOT. GO. OVER. THERE!” but Yuna is too worried, and she needs the papers signed because she’s on a deadline, and tells David she’s going. David tells her not to complain when she gets back. Yuna goes over to the cottage and walks in on Shane riding Ilya like his life depends on it. Luckily, they never see her and she quickly exits. When she returns home, a shell shocked Yuna just goes to their bedroom and lays down while David laughs and says, “Told you not to go over there.”
