imagine being an employee at S-Mart, and your coworker that everyone is like 87% certain went insane & killed a bunch of his friends & gf, is just chilling, talking up customers with wild stories about saving a fantasy kingdom from the undead. it’s a little annoying that he’s slacking off while you have to pick up the slack, but you’ve learned with this guy it’s more trouble than it’s worth to complain.
he tells the same story to every single girl that comes in, and every single time he acts like it’s something the girl he’s talking to should actually be impressed by—as if it’s something that actually happened. and you can’t tell if he’s joking around and just committing to the bit really hard as some weird form of flirting, or if he really is crazy enough to believe every word of what he’s saying. but bizarrely it’s working for him? she seems into it somehow?
and you’re not sure what to think. should you be worried for this girl? he can be incredibly charming, but he’s just a complete & total weirdo (and sometimes he really creeps you out).
like you remember this one time he literally told you he hacked up his girlfriend—an actual missing person that he is THE top suspect in the disappearance of—with a chainsaw attached to his hand. but he said it like he’s some kind of pulp fiction action hero, and (again) you can’t tell if he’s joking? (who would joke about something like that? who would just casually admit to that if they actually did it?) it’s so bizarre you tell yourself you have to have imagined it.
but there’s other stuff too. he refuses to wear just a normal prosthetic hand to work—he has like a whole medieval ass gauntlet for a hand?? clearly he’s read way too many comic books, and has a really demented sense of humor, but you’ve worked with this guy enough to know he’s a total incompetent loser. there’s no way he’s actually dangerous, right? he’s just a bit weird, that’s all…
and as you’re trying to figure all this out there’s this lady on bath salts that comes out of nowhere and she’s jumping around the place like she’s yoda, growling and yelling about how she’s going to swallow people’s souls and attacking people?? and to make matters worse your crazy ass coworker breaks a gun out of the display case and starts jumping on carts shooting at her??? and then the next day you come into work and have to just check people out at the register with this guy like nothing happened???????
