[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:

Books I personally recommend:

- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.

- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”

- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.

- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.

- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.

- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.

Books I can kind of recommend:

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”

- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.

- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.

Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but they’re all important parts of my library and I’ve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.

[sparklefartstheunicorn]

May I also suggest Hell on Wheels and Kneeling in Spirit by Raven Kaldera, d/s companion books that address kink with a disability. They're a should read for everyone, imo. You never know when you or a partner are going to have changes in your body that affect what you can physically do. Temporary illness/injury and even just age can affect your sex life.

[dogspouse]

I'd like to suggest Better Bondage for Every Body! It goes really in depth on anatomy, pain processing, self-tying, and has chapters specifically focusing on how to do rope bondage on/for someone who is disabled or has chronic pain, which was really important to me.

[friendlycoffeefiend]

reblogging specifically for these last additions bc I don't think I've ever seen resources for kink w/ disability

[milesiantales]

Reposting as a public service

[queer-as-city-folk]

Technological literacy only exists in a very slim age demographic of people born from roughly 1980 to roughly 2007

[queer-as-city-folk]

Like I know someone who was born in '09, they can't even use the windows file manager to mod the Sims 4, after I made the folders for it!! All you need to do is move the files from downloads to the mod folder

[queer-as-city-folk]

This isn’t me saying young people are stupid, it's me saying, we have a massive fucking problem if young people can't even do simple tasks with computers considering how digital our world is

[prismatic-bell]

There has been a deliberate stifling of that education and it needs to stop.

[prismatic-bell]

I was here in April.

I need you all to know that a few weeks ago I was at an anime convention and the girl coming up behind me was in a panic because her entire panel was online, and she apparently hadn't read the panelist agreement to know the convention doesn't provide WiFi.

So I said "it's fine, I can hook you into my hotspot and we can download your panel to a local folder" and she looked at me like I'd just started speaking in Martian.

So I said: "I have internet through my phone. We can put your panel onto your computer so you won't need internet. Go ahead and pull up your WiFi options."

She didn't know what that was.

I need to emphasize you have to be at least sixteen to panel at this convention, and most panelists are eighteen. Including this girl. WHO WAS IN COLLEGE.

I showed her how to connect to my hotspot. Then, seeing a Google Drive icon on one of her tabs, I said "okay, we're in business! Go ahead and open your Google Drive."

...y'all.

This girl.

Who had a high school diploma.

And got accepted to college.

Looked at me.

And said.

"What's that?"

I had to explain that Google Drive was the name of the website (I didn't dare say "program" because we were running short on setup time) that she made slideshows on.

I showed her how to download her panel and check that it was working on her computer locally.

And then, as I went to unplug my phone from her computer, she panicked because she thought "downloaded locally" was like using a .webp file.

Y'all, if you are a teen or young adult, I am BEGGING you to learn this stuff. Don't assume you'll never need it because a lot of stuff gets done on phones (notice she didn't even know how a mobile hotspot worked?). Don't let Big Capitalism convince you that these are useless skills. They're not and not knowing them is literally just handing all your data to people who'd sell their own mothers for half a corn chip. And if you're thinking "so? Let them have my stupid Hamlet essay, whatever"....

YOUR TAXES.

YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.

YOUR PICTURES.

Learn these skills. I guarantee your local library has a class. Mine has a series of classes that literally starts with "how to use a computer mouse."

If you want to take power from capitalism, take control of your data.

[becherdireinen]

If you’re not in a good place today: be easy on yourself and be patient with yourself. Sometimes it’s slow or even feels like you’ve gone backwards, but that’s okay. Keep going.

[meaningfall]

———

C. A. Singh • How To Age

2-24-24

[prettydumbloverboy]

Actually, people are good by nature and you’re a fool if you think otherwise.

[prettydumbloverboy]

When you sneeze in public, strangers will say “bless you”, even though they don’t know you.

When you ask for directions on the street someone will show you the way, even though they have nothing to gain from it.

People squeeze their legs against the chair so you don’t have to hop over them on your way to your seat in the theatre, and make funny faces to make babies laugh, and purposefully step on leaves to hear them scrunch, and hold the door open for someone leaving behind them, and ask what floor you’re heading to when you enter the elevator, and send others photos of things that reminded them of them, and recommend each other songs, and ask if anyone else wants a coffee because they’re getting one, and make videos teaching how to sew a button, and wish on shooting stars, and share fun facts, and listen to others rant about things they don’t even understand, and let you cross the street first, and give a bit of their food to others, and laugh at jokes they don’t find funny to make you feel good, and listen to kids talk for hours about nonsense, and let you know your keys fell from your pocket, and they may be strangers, but with every little gesture they’re saying “I love you, I love you, I love you”.

[phinarei]

God, I needed to read this today. Humanity is overwhelmingly full of hope and kindness and it’s very easy to forget that these days.

[what-even-is-thiss]

You know, museums lend exhibits to each other all the time so it's not like the British museum would be completely without exhibits from other cultures if they returned the stuff people are asking for. Unless they've made so many enemies that nobody wants to lend them exhibits I guess.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I recently went to an exhibit on loan from Japan here in the US. Nobody stole anything and I got to see some really old Japanese art in person. I've also seen plenty of art from various local tribes and other countries everywhere over the years freely gifted or sold to universities and museums. There's also legal ways to obtain things personally. Like sometimes people are fine with certain artifacts not being housed in their country. They'd just prefer you didn't steal it.

[thedankmemes]

[serethereal]

deadbeat tumblr mutual

[papayajuan2019]

the night is still young. i can do yoga and use my oil pastels. i can cut another fruit. i can write in my journal. i can make a poem. i can invite the figure outside my window in

[oneindividualonly]

I was 14 years old when I joined Tumblr. Mostly because of the content that isn't here anymore, which seems sort of amusing to me.

Anyway, now I'm 24 since few weeks ago. This account holds all my parts at one place together.. Mostly the painful ones, the inner feelings that some maybe shared with me, photos with empty eyes, posts in English that lack basic grammar or more complex vocabulary. This will be one of them, since I suppose that my English didn't get much better since then. Pictures don't show my age either I suppose except the eyes for now. It amuses me because now it seems they show nothing but I wouldn't call them empty as I used to. It's a different kind of empty... When you're 14 or when I was, they held the kind of empty through which you see pain and loss and suffering and hopes and light and wondering.

Now they are empty in a practical way. I did grow up to that age in which I am no longer a teen but not yet considered an adult adult as in The Sims. Is it the age of realization? Of how much time we spend working and doing laundry and washing dishes, commuting and waiting at train stations, planning meetings with friends that never work out and when finally seeing them often talking about non sense instead of our own lives. I think it's this kind of empty. Most things don't make much sense anymore. You start to eat healthy, move more, just so your body dies a bit less. Colleague of yours recommends you to start taking collagen because in your early 20s you should start with it so that I'm your 40s you don't look too bad.

It's seems like a funny age to me.. You're finally an adult although not many people treat you like one. And you can do whatever you want but you still spend a tremendous amount of time doing things you don't want to do. There are these moments in which there sneaks in a bit of light when you lose yourself in feelings, happiness, mostly with people you love and because of these moments you do all the other things. So that you are all fine, healthy, at peace and you can spend your time together laughing, making love and reminiscing.

This is not to say that I miss my 14yo me, nope, not at all. I don't envy her a bit, I'm calm now, most of the time, not like her, stressing, overthinking and analyzing everything and everyone and getting her hopes up for everything. Do I miss the light that age brings along? Sometimes, but I'd never change my place with her.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[creamypancakebatter]

this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks

[oneindividualonly]

“Which is why I got into a pretty good school, and if I keep up what I’m doing now, I can probably get a job at a pretty good company. So then I’ll probably make a pretty good marriage and have a pretty good home…”

— “After Dark”, Haruki Murakami

[ihateyouvishal]

when he says "i dont care who you be with" but albert camus said "If you must die, I'll envy even the earth that wraps your body."

[unforecasted-st0rm]

[capnsoapy]

it's good for your mental health to have mutuals who are wildly horny about kinks which do nothing at all for you

[capnsoapy]

this is both as in. sometimes you will realise that actually these kinks do do something for you and that can be very eye-opening and liberating

and also as in. sometimes you will hear someone decry these kinks as indicative of moral failing, and being friends with people like this makes you immune to that sort of knee-jerk outrage

[dovewithscales]

Also primes you for awareness that there are a lot of people who like a lot of things you don’t like or even that make you uncomfortable, and that is okay, has nothing to do with their character, and is also none of your business.

[fittingoutjane]

It’s always good practice. Remember that minding your own business costs $0 and has numerous health benefits.

[bulletstapes]

“Having freaky friends to immunise you against moral panic” is a take so good I can’t believe I don’t hear it more often.

[digitaldiscipline]

"I have been attending the Devil's sacrament with you perverts for three weeks straight and you haven't awakened a fucking thing in me."

[televisionenjoyer]

i respect people who want to keep their menstruation to themselves but i have to make it everyone's problem. Literally if it was socially acceptable to lead every conversation with "I'm menstruating" i would.

[oneindividualonly]

When in a foreign country, you sit and watch people walking by

Creating this illusion that you belong there for a while

But you don't really, your hands are lost while your mind keeps wandering