french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE
Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.
Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.
Indonesian recipes: have you added spices? Add some just in case. Eat with rice. It’s not a proper meal until there’s rice in it. You just had bread/burger/cake/pizza? Eat rice anyway or you’ll die of starvation
Bonus Javanese recipes: Have you added sugar? What do you mean it’s meant to be salty/sour/spicy/something else? ADD SUGAR.TO IT
Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.
Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam
Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.
Hungarian recipes: paprika? Check. Onions? Check. Sour cream? Check. Literally you can do anything else you got the main three things so
Romanian recipes: this is identical to a Hungarian/German/Turkish recipe but if you ever call it Hungarian/German/Turkish or even use Hungarian/German/Turkish-produced ingredients, Vlad Țepeș himself will punch you in the gut.
Ukrainian recipes: you’ve got flour, kovbasa, beets, and potatoes. Throw that shit in a pot. Oh shit, burned that dinner? That’s alright. Vodka is made from potatoes. Therefore, vodka is a vegetable.
