the way that i feel about him
in the second video he explains that when he was 18 after his freshman year he declared a philosophy-linguistics major and wanted to be a philosopher and a poet but his parents wanted him to rethink things in terms of career and he did and ultimately chose to become a neurosurgeon but it wasnt what was in his heart and while he was in medicine and starting to feel frustrated with it and his inability to help people heal in the way he wanted to due to the systems and institutions he had to work within and he would agonize over these tiny decisions like whether to get all-season tires or snow tires and just agonize and agonize for weeks driving his wife crazy and it was because he couldn't trust himself anymore. because he betrayed himself
