Pairing: Crowley x Human!reader
Summary: The end of time as you knew it was here. You, Crowley and Aziraphel had tried to stop it many times, but now with only God and the Devil in front of you, you realized it was really the end. And there were so many things that you hadn't been able to say, to do. Likewise, the demon beside you has the same regret.
Warnings: spoiler season 3 finale!!!!! use of she/her prons, and also my englsh is not my first language.
A/N: Sorry guys, I've finished the finale and after I've cried for two days straight I felt the need to write this. Someone asked me to do this? Absolutely not. Someone will read this? I have no idea, but I hope you'll enjoy this.
You were standing right at the end of time. And the end of time was Aziraphel's books shop. Fitting, you supposed, since it all started there. Years ago you had been in need of a job, and the Angel had took you in. It was supposed to be just a job to pay your studies, but it soon become a run to safe the world, thrice, alongside your winged boss and his dearest friend: the demon Crowley.
And, oh boy, if being mixed with biblical creatures wasn't enough, between a world's saving and the other, you hadn't realized how you had foolishly, recklessy, nonsensely started to fall for Crowley.
The demon who had fallen alonside Lucifer. The demon who didn't give a shit, apparently, of humans. The demon who always gave you a ride home when it was dark. The demon who always made sure you ate. The demon who killed his own kind when they had kidnapped you. The same demon who had left you alone the same day that Aziraphel left for heaven.
You had just risked your life, again. Bruises were all over you, but it was not the physical pain that bothered you. Aziraphel had left. He had chosen Heaven over you and Crowley. He had left you two alone, and you could feel that the demon beside you was devasted.
"There we are." He murmured before stepping out of the car and walking to open your door. "Go home, and rest."
He was off. He tried to hide it, but you had spent two years studying him. Drinking in every sight of him you could have.
Soflty, you brought a scarred hand to his arm. "Come inside with me." you offered gently. "Don't face it alone."
His body went rigid as soon as you touched him, but you knew better than being offended. Crowley wasn't used to gentleness.
You saw his eyes scanning your hand ebhind his sunglasses, then he rose his face and looked at you. For few seconds he said nothing, letting his eyes roaming all over your bruised face.
"It's better if I leave,Y/n. Now, before something happen to you again." he whispered in a graspy voice.
You widened your eyes, hoping you were understanding wrong. "What?"
"Y/n...this isn't safe." he prounonced those words like he had reapeated them a thousand time in his head before. "It has not been safe for a while. I was just too selfish to let you go."
You gulped, trying to make sense of what was happening. "Life is not safe, Crowley. But you? Aziraphel? You became part of my life."
"Yes, and look what it happened. You almost died. Again." he was suddenly angry. Not at you, you could see that. At himself. "I-...We made a vow, years ago. When you enetered Aziraphel's book store he promised himself to keep you safe. And...when you entered in my life I swore to keep every evil of this world away from you."
You could barely breath. What you two shared had always been an unsaid thing. You both had never acknowledged the other's feelings, always tip toing around each other. There had been some slips, of course, along the line. Some words that shouldn't have been said; some touches that had lingered for too long, and one or two kisses that had definetely never happened. "Crowley-"
"But I am part of that evil too." He continued, not angry anymore, just...tired. "As long as you are with me, you are a target. To the Angels to punish me, and to the Demons to have me back. Either sides will hurt you to get me."
You scrolled your head, your grip more firm on his arm. "I don't care. I've never cared, Crowley."
"I do, Human."
And like that, he was gone. You had been devastated, then angry, then sad, then...you accepted it. And you had been fine, really fine, until he come back. With Aziraphel. Actually, it had been Aziraphel who had brought Crowley with him when he bursted into your new work, talking about forgiveness and the fact that he had lost Jesus and the Book of Life.
Your eyes had met Crowley's, and while you had needed years to get over him. you had just needed a second to feel everything back. He stared at you and you stared at him. Frozen.
"And we do definetly need to talk about this too." said Aziraphel while he grabbed your arms and brought you to Crowley's Blentey.
And that was how you ended right there; at the end of time. WIth Crowley in front of you, shielding you with his body as the Devil himself stood in the same room.
"Do you have a pen?" he asked to the Angel, who nodded and run to take his best pens. You watched curious. Crowley had a plan, and as all the time before that, you were mesmerized by his whole being. "Pass me a book."
He started writing on the blank book. You rose on your tip toes and looked over his shoulder, seeing that he was writing about that exact moment.
"That isn't The Book of Life." You pointed out, still with your chin overing his shoulder.
He slightly angled his head to look at you in the eyes, and gave you one of his many smirks that you loved. "It is if we say it is, honey."
You heart started racing, as it did everytime Crowley called you like that. Before he could see the blush on your cheeks you stepped down and walked slowly to his side, between him and Aziraphel.
"What are you three idiots doing?" asked the Devil.
"I want answer." answered coldly Crowley. He passed the book to the Angel and the more he wrote, the lighter became the nothingness around you.
You felt Crowley's hand on your shoulder, and you turned around just to see a woman sitting on a big chair. Crowley's hand stayed on you, taking a single step forward, ready to shield you as he always did.
His touch. You had missed it like a man miss oxygen at the bottom of the ocean. It made you stable, it made you anchored.
"As you say, Aziraphale, you do not really need to summon me. I was already here." Said the woman, who only now you understood who it was.
God.
"So, Crowley, what's your question?" she asked smiling.
"I thought you didn't answer questions?"
"Time is done, Crowley." she said obviously. "I'll answer one question from you. But it had better be a good one."
"Oh, it's a good one." he replied taking a big breath. "Well, it's the only one I've got."
He was uncertain. he looked back to Aziraphale and you. "Ask." you whispered with a smile.
And as he walked away, toward God, you couldn't help but stare at him. At the Demon who had stolen your heart from the moment he had walked inside the book shop. At the Demon who cooked you dinner when you were sick. At the Demon who kept your apartament warm when your heating had broken down. At the Demon who had always loved you back, but never said it because you were from different words.
He cleared his voice. "Why make people, and then punish them to behaving like people? Humans are gonna human, no matter what we do. There's nothing we can ever do about that."
The question astonished you. He was using his only question to defend humans. You had always knew that he cared for your race more than he liked to admit, but you had never understood how much.
"They are born into a world that is against them in a thousand different ways, and then devote most of their energy to making it worse. Where you'll find the real grace and the real heart-stopping evil is right inside the human mind. But a person isn't the worst thing they've ever done, any more than they're the best thing they've ever done. Why..." his voice faltered, and his eyes found yours. "Why make her lovingly, good, brilliant, and then give her me. Why punish her?"
Your breath stuck in your throat. He thought that he was your punishment, but he couldn't be more wrong. Never in all those years you had seen your love for him like something negative, actually it might have been the only thing in your life that made sense. And you wanted to scream it.
"Free will." Was God's only answer. Crowley didn't accepted it, and tried to argue but the woman turned toward you with a secretive smile. "What about you, Y/n?"
You widened your eyes, looking away from Crowley and staring at God herself. "Me?"
"You." she replied calmly. "We talked about humans until now. Do you have a burning question?"
Many. Too many, you thought. Was the Big Bang really the start of everything? What was really Stonehenge? Is the Big Bounch true? Was Math really God's language? Why numbers? Why death? Why hreatbreaks? Why wars? Why make perfect, indipendent bodies, and create tumors?
But as you stand there, at the end of time, as the only human in all history who could make a question to God and receive an answer, the burning question was just one. So you rose your chin, walked toward her standing beside Crowley who was leaning against a pillar, and asked, "You didn't answer Crowley's second question."
"Human-" Crowley tried to warn you but you stopped him with a hand.
"Not about the punishment part." Your eyes met his again. "That was ridiculous. To even think that I saw you like anything but a saviour." You told him, and his eyes you something like regret. Regret to not have talked before. Regret to all the thing you two should have said to each other before it was too late.
You looked back at God, whose smile hadn't faltered. "Let's say this was all part of your Great Plan, and if it was let me say it sucks." She rose an eyebrow, showing surprise, but it didn't stop you. "So, everthyng was meant to end here, into nothingness. Every purpose, every good action, lead to nothing. Then, why give me Crowley? Why make me fall for the only person I could never had?"
You felt Crowley's presence close to you now, as he stepped closer and whispered in your ear. "She's not going to answer."
"No, beacuse I have to understand." You replied, not taking away your eyes from God. "I thought we needed time. I thought, he's a Demon, I'm a human; whatever could have happened between us would have happened with time. But you never planned to give us that time." You took a step closer to God, anger boiling in your vein. "Why? Why make all of this happen if nothing had a purpose."
God stood up from her chair. "Because you, the human girl from a little city, the human girl who lived her life day by day, the human girl who was brave enough to go against my WIll and stop the Armaggedon, was the only one who could give a fallen Angel a purpose again." She looked at Crowley knowingly. "Your love for her wa the messiest, selfishest, most predictable thing in the universe. You needed a purpose in a world where it didn't exist, she was your purpose." God smiled, the brighest smile you had ever seen. "And it always made me smile."
You felt Crowley's hand sliding in your righ hand, and his fingers interwining with yours. You squeezed it with all your strenght, anchoring you while you tried not to cry.
She looked at you again. "But it was you who set everything in motion. The moment you stepped inside that Book Shop, that was the spark of everything. You could've walked straight. You could've cross the road and asked job into another library. You had the Free WIll to never meet, but you chose that Book Shop." She clapped her hands. "But that was then. That universe is over. As I think are all of you."
You closed your eyes, holding tighly Crowley's hand as you waited to be turned into nothing.
"No! Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!" screamed the Demon beside you. "You still haven't answered the first question." You looked at him confused. "What I want to know is...why did you think it was a good idea, even a sensible idea, to make an infinite universe, run it for 6,000 years, and then just...tip the board over? The whole thing is lunacy."
"Everything ends." she answered firmly. "A story doesn't have to go beyond the last page of its book, Crowley, and that story is over."
"I don't accept that. And I don't accept that you are the one who get to make all decisions. Why should that be?"
"Vey well." God smiled almost crazily. "I'll let you choose. This decision, this one decision, can be yours. An Angel, a Demon and a Human. What do you want? Do you want me to put everything back the way it was? "
Yes, was your first answer. You wanted everything back as it was. You wanted time, time with Crowley, time with Aziraphale, but Crowley squeezed your hand and brought you back by a step. "Can we talk?"
You looked at him confused. There was nothing to talk about.
"Very well. I'll give you privacy."
The next moment you were standing inside what looked like the Book Shop, but with the apple's tree at the center of it. You, Crowley and Aziraphale couldn't look into each other's eyes. This was different from the other times. This time you hold the responsibilty to choose the future of the universe with just words.
"So," you asked not looking at any of them. "what do you want?"
"Us? It's your world, Human." Crowley said gently. "You should tell us what you want."
You closed your eyes for a monent, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. When you opened them again you looked in the opposite direction of Crowley. How could you look at him now?
He asked you what you wanted, but how could you be so selfish? You wanted to go back home with them. You wanted to go back at the Book Shop, working all day with Aziraphale and maybe, bravening up you would ask Crowley out, and maybe the two of you would finally have a date. You wanted to drive around in his Bentley; you wanted to see the world with him.
"I've just wanted time." you whispered crossing your arms. Then you looked at the tree in front of you, the first mistake that humans had ever done. "But we humans are known for being selfish. What I want is not in the interest of the universe...just mine."
"Y/n..." Crowley walked slowly toward you until your bodies were few inches apart.
You looked at him, in his yellow eyes. Eyes that had never scared you. Eyes that you had spent hours admiring. "What do you want, Crowley?"
"You know what I want." You saw tears forming in his eyes too, and somehow it felt like a goodbye. "I want a real universe. I want the people to have a chance. I want Free Will to be a real thing. People, you, deserve the chance...to live in the real world." You started to shake your head, hoping to stop him, hoping to be hearing wrong. His eyes looked behind you, at Aziraphale. "Even if there are no angels." Your eyes met again. "No demons. No us. Never again."
"No!" you said not believed what you were hearing. "That's not right. Tell him Aziraphale!" You looked behind at the Angel who was already looking at the two of you with sad eyes.
"It is the right thing." he simply said.
"It is not!" you exclaimed looking back at the Demon, who now avoided your eyes. "What about me? Had you ever thought that my life started to make sense again when I stepped in that Book Shop? What if you don't exist? What happen to me then?"
"You'll be free." Answered carefully Crowley. "Free from biblical dangers that should have never touched you. "
"What about us?" you asked suddenly, wiping away a tear on your cheek. "We fought demons, angels, the Armaggedon together for what? For me to never know you in the next life?"
"Exaclty. You'll never know I've ex-" you stopped Crowley mid sentece by grabbing his jacket with both hands and crashing his lips onto yours.
You were kissing him, a demon, under the tree that rappresented the original Sin. His lips that tasted like sins and whiskey, moved against yours with the same desperation that you felt inside you. His hands moved on your hips, grabbing you firmly and keeping you close to him. Kissing Crowley felt suddenly the only right thing you have ever done. The only thing you were supposed to do. You didn't want Free Will. You wanted him.
"Please" you begged on his lips. "Don't do this."
"Oh, my Y/n..." he gently brought his hand to your cheek. "The moment I saw you I knew that I would have never let nothing happen to you, and if rewiritng the universe is the solution, then I'll do it."
Aziraphale stepped slowly beside you, not overstepping, not interrupting. He gently put a hand on your shoulder and gave you his best smile. "I think we've come to a decision."
***
Crowley and Aziraphale comunicated to God what they had decided, all while you three hold hands with one another. You were between them, as always, and as God stood up, accepting what you thought was the worst universe possible, you squeezed both their hands tighter.
"Say goodbye then."
You launched yourself onto Aziraphale, hugging him with all the strenght you had. "Thank you." you whispered. "Thank you for taking me in. Thank you for giving me the best job I could ask for."
"No, thank you." he said, hugging you back. "Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for having such a good heart and made place for me and Crowley in it. Never change, Y/n. In every universe, stay like that."
You smiled at him one last time before turning back to the demon who was already looking at you with his big, sad eyes. "Come here..." he murmured slightly opening his arms.
You didn't waste a second and threw yourself in his arms. He hugged you like hi life depended on it. That was it; your last moment together before you would reborn in a universe without him. "I hate you." you murmured as tears started to fall freely from your eyes.
"I know." he whispered on your head. "But..." he put just enough distance between you to look at your face. "Just know that in my eternal life on earth I have no regrets but one. Not having asked you out when you first stepped inside the Book Shop." You smiled, despite the tears, despite the pain. And he smiled back. "I don't care if it was destiny, or God, or part of the Great Plan. It was you, and from the moment my eyes landed on you I knew. Aziraphale tried to convince me, but I didn't listen. And that is my only regret. But if this was all the time we could ever had, I'm glad of it."
"I would step inside that Book Shop again, Crowley. And in every universe with you and that Book Shop, be sure I'll step in. Because it's my choice, it's always gonna be my choice." You caressed his hair as you started to feel the universe being rewritten around you. "I love you, my bad, former Demon."
He chuckled. "If this is the last chance to say it...I love you, my impossible, reckless Human."
He kissed your forehead, and just like that, the universe rewrote itself.
***
13.8 Billion Years Later
"Alright, I left the box in the garage. You could lit a whole bonfire with all those books." said Anthony as he walked back to his friend. "Did you need something else, Asa?"
The blonde man smiled fondly. "I would never do that with your books."
Before he could say something else the door's bell ringed inside the shop.
The door opened.
The air froze.
Anthony felt the earth stopping moving.
The sound of a boot.
The feeling that something far away in the universe happened right then.
"Good Morning!" Anthony looked toward the door and his breath got caught in his throat. Standing there, stepping inside the shop, there was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had a bright smile on her face, a smokingcoffee in one of her hand while she hold a brown bag on the shoulder with the other. "I was on my way to work when I saw this shop. Can I burrow a book for few days? I forgot mine at home and can't survive a day without reading."
"O-of course!" he said without thinking. Wait, he didn't work there. Should he have stayed silent? Did he overstepped? Should he leave Asa to deal with her instead? But your eyes were already on him, and his brillant brain seemed to have stopped working. "What kind of book were you looking for?"
You smiled at him. "What kind of book you reccomend?"
Suddenly, the infinite list of books he had read vanished in thin air. He couldn't remember a name, so he looked at Asa for help. His friend smirked and looked at you. "Anthony here is a professor of Astrophysic, he could suggest some good book about it."
"Oh, I'm sure she doesn't-"
"I'd love to!" you interrupted him entusiastic. "I love Astrophysic; the only road we have to travell through space."
Anthony Crowley thought he fell in love right in that moment.
"This way then." he said gesturing you to walk toward the end of the shop. "We have all kind of book about it. Thermodinamic, Entanglement, Black Holes-"
"What about, 'Astopysich for everyone'?" you asked smiling with his book in your hands.
He laughed passing a hand behind his neck. "You don't have to, really."
"Why?" you tilted your head on one side. "You are a professor, who can better explain the subject if not someone who teaches it?"
"Picture me nervous." he chuckled. "But we'll put it half the price."
"Absoulutely not."
"Absoulutely yes."
"Full price."
"A third."
"Double."
"Free."
"You can't do that." you laughed crossing your arms.
"My book, my rules." he smirked. "I can decide to give it to you as a gift."
"And I can decide to leave a 20 punds tips at the register." you rose as eyebrow, still smiling amused.
"Stubborn girl." he shook his head as you smirked and started to walk back toward Asa and Derek. "Where you said you work?" he asked as he followed you.
"I didn't." you smirked again over your shoulder. You gave the book to Asa as he commented what a wonderfurl choice it was. "I work at the cafe across the street. Just a part time job to pay my studies."
"Funny, you work in the same street and I've never seen you until you stepped in here." Anthony said thinking out loud.
Your eyes met his as Asa returned the book to you after you paid him. "Funny it is." you said softly. "I've walked past here every morning for a year now, but I've never stopped by. Today I've decided to. It just...felt right."
"Right indeed." he repeated as he watched you put the book under your arm and grab the coffee you had rested on the table.
"Thank you, Professor. I'll let you know about the book in few days." you gave him one last smile before waving at the other two men inside the room.
Anthony smiled, the only thing he found himself able to do in the last minutes. "Can't wait."
And like you stepped in, you stepped out of the shop, leaving behind the ring of the door's bell and the silence that followed after.
"So?" Asa said behind him making him turn around with a confused look. "Aren't you gonna go after her?"
"What?" Anthony asked oblivious. "Why should I?"
"Because you liked her." said Derek from his chair. "And she seemed to like you too."
"I-..." he didn't know what to say. It was absourd to run after you, wasn't it?
"Anthony, go." Asa smiled at him. "Up, up. Now, before she start working."
The professor didn't think twice. The moment you had entered the shop something changed. He was a man of science, but he could be damned if he let this opportunity go.
So he ran. He ran after you who were almost in front at the coffee shop. He ran like he had to catch something he had lost time ago. "Wait!" you turned around, first surprised then immediately smiling as you saw him.
"Did I forget something?" you asked curious as you watched him catching breath.
"Yes..." he stood right, and pointed to the book under your arm with his finger. "You know my name, but I don't know yours."
You chuckled, a hint of a blush on your cheeks. "I'm Y/n."
"Enchanted, Y/n." Anthony said soflty. Then he cleared his throat, ready to say what he had meant to say from the moment he started running. "I wanted to propose you a deal."
You rose an eyebrow, your eyes burning with curiosity. "A deal?"
"Yes. You know, maybe one day I could become famous, and the book you have just bought might value a lot if it had my autograph on it." He started explaing, moving his hands around like he did when he was teaching at his classes. You smiled amused now, but you didn't stop him. "So...I thought I coudl be kind enough to autograph the book for you."
"Mh." you pretended to think about it. "Very generous of you."
"Thank you, that's who I am."
"And what do you want in exanche for the future bilions of pounds I'll make with this book?"
"I want you to tell me about the book, over dinner." He gave you one of his best charming smile. "So, future bilions of pounds for your number and a dinner."
"I won't give you my number." you said with a straight face.
Anthony rose his hands in the air, knowing he shouldn't have listened to his friends. "That's fair, I-"
"I finish my shift at seven o'clock." he saw a smirk appearing on your lips and his heart started beating again. "You want my number? Come and pick me up, I'll give it to you over dinner with a first impression of your book."
He smiled. Something in his chest felt lighter, like he fixed something he did wrong in another life time. He had dedicated all his life to study astrophysics, to understand the world around him; and after so many years, the universe finally made sense.
***
24 years later
"Honey, what are you doing out there? It's freezing." you husband stepped outside your house after he had probrably seen you in the garden through the window.
You smiled to yourself, not looking away from the night sky over your head. "The sky is beautiful tonight, love. You shouldn't miss it."
"You are beautiful." He said giving you a kiss on the head and putting a arm over your shoulder. "And freezing."
You laughed as you embraced his warmt and rested your head over his shoulder. "Maybe, but seriously. Look up."
He gave up with a sigh and looked up. There was the New Moon that night, and all the stars were perfectly visible. You had chosen your house away from the main cities to be able to enjoy these kind of sights. Your husband could study the sky whenever he wanted and you could sit beside him and admire your man.
"Do you ever wonder what's out there?" you asked softly. "If there is more than us?"
"I don't need to. I have evrything I need right here." you felt in his voice that he was smiling as he rested his head on top of yours. "The universe out there, and you."
"Mh, tell me Professor Crowley, when the universe will implode again-"
"If it will implode-"
"When. We both know the Big Bounch is true." You shushed him waving a hand. "Anyway, do you think we'll still be us? Like, another version of this universe, slightly different, but still...us?"
He laughed as he circled you with his arms and made you look at him. "I have no idea how the Universe will end or recreate itself, but..." his voice became softer as he looked at you like you were the only thing that existed in that moment. "I am sure that we are meant to find eachother in every life time."
And as he kissed you, like he had done thousands of time before, you were sure of it. You and Anthony J. Crowley would find each other in every universe.
This boy is Tired of the marked ones shenanigans… he spends half the book trying to reign in Sloane who is the opposite of her brother and extremely impulsive full of rage, attitude and impulsive.
The other half doing quest squad shit.
Then he he spends half the battle of Draithus watching them whip out second signets left and right and just having to go …. “Ok so we’ll talk later” BECAUSE HE’S STILL TRYING TO CHASE DOWN SLOANE.
When will be the next part of Burning flames? You left us on cliffhanger 😭😭
I’ve just finished the busiest month of my life and i’m exhausted 🥲 i promise you all that as soon as i got a bit of resting i’ll publish the next chapter, thank you all for your support 🫶🏻🥰
Headcanon that Sloane and Thoirt like being "fed" by Dain and Cath. Cath is hunting and bringing his Strawberry sheep, and Dain is cooking for Sloane whenever he can.
Just two girlies getting spoiled by their partners
Pairing: Eris Vanserra x Archeron!reader
Summary: Since you became High Fae there were only two things that scared you: your deadly power and your attraction toward the male you should hate most after Tamlin, Eris Vanserra.
Warnings: ANGST, mention of death, language and my english :)
A/n: And she is not death! I'm talking both about me and the reader, lmao. I'm sorry for the waiting, god knows how this month had been full for me, but don't worry, even if it will take me months to finish this fic I will! I have everything planned out and I won't leave you unsatisfied🫶🏻 Let me know if you liked this chapter, what you think of the fic so far and if you want to be added at the taglist ;)
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3- Chapter 4- Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7
You were nothing and you were everything. You were drowing and you were flying. Everything felt infinite and yet so small. Darkness filled you, but a bright light seduced you to follow it.
Stay.
A voice as familiar as your soul filled the infinite, little space around your entire existence.
Come back to me.
Home. The voice was home and you had been wandering what felt like forever looking for it.
Stay a little longer. Fight to live, please.
Home was calling for you. It was guiding you away from that bright, warm light.
Please, Little Flame. Don't leave me.
Your existence smiled, and then you launched yourself toward it. You wanted to go home. There were so many things you still had to do that you remember no one of them. You could see it now, the golden string leading you home. You grabbed onto it and hold it tight. Gold erupted around you, warm hugged you, and then your entire existence burned.
***
Your niece was the most beatiful creature you had ever seen. Currently sleeping in your arms you got lost observing how the beauty of both Rhysand and Feyre had crafted that tiny, little, breathtaking child.
You had asked Rhys how to hold him without hurting his wings at least a dozen of times. They were so fragile and thin that you were afraid they could get broken even with a wrong look.
"You had wasted money on that crib, Rhys." Mor softly said, not wanting to wake up Nyx. "He'll always sleep in someone's arms."
You wanted to speak in, to joke too, but your sore throat didn't allow you. It turned out that while Eris had tried to hold back from killing you, his fire had burned part of your vocal cords, and Madja had forbidden you from speaking for at least a week.
"Poor boy," Madja had said. "he must have suffered an atrocious pain to fight the Crown and not kill you."
"He is going to be a heartbreaker with those eyes." You joked in your head, knowing that only Rhys could hear you.
The male laughed while he poured a glass of wine to Mor. "Just like his father."
You rolled your eyes playfully as Cassian entered in the living room with a serious look on his face. He approached Rhys while giving you and Mor a quick smile. "I'm going to visit Eris."
Your eyes snapped on him, your whole body going rigid. Eris. Only the name sent shivers all over your body. You hadn't seen him since you blacked out in his arms, after you stupidly, recklessy, kissed him.
The heat that rose on your face was enough to make you look away, toward Nyx in your arms, hoping that your hair hid your blush.
You had tried not to think about him in those last days. Not to think about how he had kissed you back. How soft his lips were. How he tasted of honey, making you wonder if he tasted like that down-"You should go too, Y/n."
Rhys' voice snapped you out from your unholy, undecent, inappropriate thoughts. You watched him visibly confused, knowing there was no point in hiding that you were absolutely not listening.
"Eris had arrived at Hewn City this morning under my request." He informed you while his violet eyes seemed to look like through your soul. "I think your presence might be...welcomed. You saved his life after all."
You really hoped not to have flinched at his words, knowing that Mor was right beside him, looking at you curiously. Gods, what did she think of you? Saving the life of the male she hated. What would she think if she find out what you really think of him?
"If you think so." Your voice was barely a whisper, knowing that their fae's ears would catch it up.
The truth was that you had been dying to see him again. When you had woken up in Azriel's arms you had barely had the time to breath again that Feyre had started her labour. There had been no time to ask about what had happened, and when the baby was born Azriel informed you that Eris had gone back to his court, not remembering much about what had happened.
"I'll take him." Mor said standing up from the couch and gently taking Nyx from your arms and giving you a warm smile. "Be careful."
You gave her a nod before taking Cassian's arm and let him winnow you inside the Hewn City, right outside a poolished, black door. You guessed was Eris' suite, and the confirmation came when an angry Keir rushed out of it.
Mor's father stopped on his feet as soon as he saw you two, and gave you in particular a sneer. "If you take away some of her clothes he might be tell you something."
You had barely widened your eyes when he stormed away, probably sensing the death glare that Cassian was giving him now. You wondered if now that he was a fresh, mated male he felt more eager to tear apart other males, but you guessed that Keir didn't want to know the answer.
"Let's get this over." Cassian's breathed as he opened the door and entered before you, shielding you with his wings as he always did.
You thought you were past the point where they would still think that Eris was a danger to you, but after what happened with Briallyn you couldn't blame them. Mor had told you that Azriel had found you nearly dead in Eris' arms and, her words not yours, Gods knew what he would have done to you if Azriel hadn't arrived.
Jokes on you, you really hoped that Azriel hadn't seen how you had tried to save yourself. Not that the shadowsinger would ever let anything slip from his mouth, but still it would be...what? Mortifying? Yes, mortifying that you didn't feel ashamed at all.
Eris was reading a book by the roaring fire, an ankle crossed over a knee, as if his presence there were nothing unusual. As if he hadn’t been kidnapped, enchanted, and manipulated by a vengeful queen and a death-lord. As if you hadn't shagged him until blacking out.
Cassian shut the door behind you, and Eris lifted his amber eyes, meeting yours. Did he remeber? How much? Did he want to kill you for what you did? Would he start laughing and mocking you?
His gaze lowered to your neck where you knew you had a nice, red necklace made of burned flesh and purple bruises where his hand had choked you. You saw his jaw clenching and his posture stiffining as he looked back at Cassian. "I can't stay long."
His whole body and tone screamed that he didn't want to be there, and by the way he had stiffened as soon as he saw you, you were perfectly sure to be the reason why.
"Good." Cassian said dropping into the seat opposite him, trying to make room for you on the loveseat without succeding.
You gave him a smile, shaking your head to say that it didn't matter as you sat on its armrest. You saw Eris studying your interaction carefully as he closed the book in his hands. His eyes fixated on you, his amber eyes scorcing your soul with the intensity of his gaze, then they fell on your lips.
You ashamely shivered as his eyes seemed to relive the kiss you had shared. Mother...he remeber, you thought feeling a hint of heat appearing on your cheeks. Then, his hand tightened around his book as his eyes met your again. "You cannot speak."
It was a statement. Not a question. He was not thinking about your kiss, he was noticing how you still hadn't opened your mouth to speak. You were about to do so when Cassian spoke before you.
"You gave her quite the necklace, you prick." Cassian sneered, suddenly in a mood. Your gaze snapped on him, burning him with your eyes as he kept looking at the prince. "Her lungs and vocal cords were all burned."
You cleared your throat, preparing yourself for the pain that was going to come. "I can speak, you overprotective asshole." Your eyes immediately stung with tears as you felt sharp rocks rubbing the inside of your throat. You hated how your voice sounded rough, low and weak. "I was just advised not to."
You could have sworn Eris flinched as soon as he heard you speak. Eris Vanserra, heir to the Autumn Court, flinched at the sound of your voice. You weren't sure if you should get offended or feel touched.
"Don't worry, nothing permanent." You gave him a smile as you whispered, the only way to not ending up crying for the pain. "I'm fine."
Something shifted in his face. The worry, the hesitation were gone. If it hadn't been for his red hair you would have mistaken him for someone of the Winter Court. His face was a mask of pure coldness, his eyes, where flames usually danced, were now unmoving.
"I suppose you want to know what I told Briallyn." Eris said Cassian, as if the conversion you had never happened.
“Rhys already looked into your mind. Turns out, you didn’t know much.” Cassian gave the male a slashing grin.
You froze on your seat. Did Rhys saw the kiss? Was this the reason why he had watched you carefully those days? Why he wanted you to go and see Eris?
Eris rolled his eyes, not touched at all by the violetion of privacy. "So why am I here?"
Something was off with him, and it was not only his behaviour toward you. He seemed to not care about that conversation at all, he seemed like he wanted to do anything rather than talking about that.
"We wanted to know what you told Beron. Since you're sitting here, in one piece, I'm assuming he doesn't know about our involvement in your rescue." Cassian said, and your head snapped toward the Illyrian male.
That was not the reason why you were there. You had just wanted to know if Eris was alright. You were smart enough to trust that he obviously wouldn't have told Beron anything important, but for Cassian to imply just that was insulting.
"Oh, he knows that you...assisted me." the mocking in his tone, the hint of a smirk on his lips, were a relief compared to the emptiness you had seen in his eyes while Briallyn controlled him. "Always mix truth and lies, General. Didn't those warrior-brute teach you about how to withstand an enemy's torture?"
His words hadn't time to register in your head as Cassian spoke. "Beron tortured you?"
You watched Cassian confused. Why was he implying that? You knew that Beron was a monster, but Eris was his son. He would have probably tortured whoever he thought responsible for his kidnapping.
"Who cares what my father does to me?" Your eyes snapped to Eris as he stood up, tucking his book under an arm. No. You were undertanding wrong. "He believed my story about the shadowsinger's spies informing him that a valuable asset had been kidnapped by Briallyn, and that you lot were disgusted to arrive and find it was me, rather than someone from the Summer or Winter Courts or whoever stoops to associate with you."
The more he talked the more you felt sick. Beron had tortured him. Beron had tortured him. Beron had tortured him.
Beron.
Had.
Tortured.
Eris.
While you were uncoscious. While you were celebrating Nyx's born. While you were resting and healing and laughing, Eris was being tortured by his own father.
Tortured.
Did you even understand the meaning of that word? Could you even imagine what Beron actually did? To Eris. To your Eris.
Cassian was talking, Eris was answering, but you hear none of that. Blood was pounding in your ears. Fire was running in your veins. Red was filling your vision.
You wanted to scream. You wanted to burn. You wanted to leash out your fire and let it find Beron. Let it burn him and the entire castle. Anger. Anger was all you knew. Anger was all you had ever known.
You saw Eris wincing as he moved. Were he still hurt? Did he not get to a healer?
Beron had tortured him. How dared him touching what was yours? How dared him hurting what gave you happiness?
You will kill him. You will find Beron and kill him. You will burn his flesh piece after piece. You would let Eris' hounds eat him alive. Then you will heal him completely and start again. And again. And again. You will keep doing it until you crashed his brain. Until he wouldn't know what to beg for.
Fire. You would use the very thing Beron thought he controlled. You would shape it as his biggest nightmare and use it against him.
"Y/n." Were those voices? "Stop." Were those hands on your shoulders?
You were an arrow aimed straight, and the target was inside the Forest House in the Autumn Court. You would find him and stop him existence.
Look at me.
The words vibrated in your soul as amber filled your vision. Those were eyes you were staring into. Amber eyes. Beautiful, enchanting, living amber eyes.
Stay with me. Focus on me.
Eris' voice filled you whole, and then you realized that it was Eris standing in front of you. His hands had been the ones holding you. His eyes had been the ones you had been staring to.
He was speaking to you, but not really. His lips weren't moving, his breathing didn't shift.
Breath for me, Little Flame.
Little Flame. You recognized that name. It was Eris' name. It was your name. You blinked once. Twice. You took a better look at his face and knew that you would kill everyone who hurt him.
Smoke rose from his tailored shirt, and you needed another blink to notice the flames circling the both of you, making the world outside disappear. Making you two disappear from the world.
Gods. It was your flames that were slightly burning his shirt, and with a panicked wave you pushed the fire walls two feet more away from you. Since when you had that control? Since you don't want to hurt him.
"Your shirt." you whispered as the pain in your throat brought you completed back to the real world. "I burned it."
"Your neck." he replied so softly that you barely heard him. "I burned it."
His hands winced on your shoulders, and you felt his need to both push away and hold you tighter at the same time. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, and as he leaned closer you let your foreheads meet in the middle.
Your hands were shivering, begging you to seek revenge. You gripped his shirt's collar, inhaling the scent of him. Honey, burned wood, cinnamon, cedar. It felt like the home you had always dreamed about.
"I'm going to kill him." You didn't recognize your own voice when you spoke. It was the voice of death. You watched as Eris opened his eyes and met yours. "I'm going to make him suffer and then kill him."
Something shifted in his eyes. Something you couldn't decipher. Something cold and yet warm. Something dangerous but soft. He was having an internal battle, his hands were slowly letting you go and you didn't want it.
"Let me heal you." You whispered, hoping to smooth the anger inside you.
"Make the fire disappear." it was his only response as he took a step back, leaving you confused and lost. "Now."
You had to blink twice because you almost didn't recognize the male in front of you. His voice had turned cold, he had straightened his posture and his eyes were nothing but demanding.
You gulped as you started to call the fire back into you. Suddenly you realized you were still standing in the suit inside the Hewn City. A confused, worried Cassian was looking at the two of you from a spot beside the window.
When did you move from the couch?
But you didn't look at the Illyrian male. You didn't look at the burned forniture that needed to be replaced, or at the smoke that rose from it. Your eyes stayed on Eris, pinning him with your stare.
"Let me heal you." You whispered again, testing the air between your bodies.
He clenched his jaw, his hands fixed in two fits at his side, as if he was preparing phisically for what come next. "Take your pity and leave."
***
He saw your eyes widening. He saw your breathing catching and your eyebrows furrowing, as if you tried to understand what he had said. You were taken back, you tried to mutter words but with your burned neck nothing came out.
Good. Lets be quick.
He had to strike before it was too late, and he did. He had come too close to you. He had come too close to killing you. And he needed to put distance between the two of you again. He didn't need you to hate his father, he needed you to hate him. He needed you to hate him as much as he hated himself for what he did to you.
"It's not pity." you sounded almost insulted by his implication. "You're hurt, I can heal you."
But why would he deserve to be healed by you when you couldn't heal yourself from what he did? He deserved nothing. Nothing. Not to be healed. Not to be cared for. Not you.
"Don't bother to do something I wouldn't." he saw the physical punch his words gave you. He saw the lies he said placing roots inside you.
Gods, he could be so cruel when he wanted. He knew exactly how to hurt people without touching them, and he was doing it to the last person who deserved it.
He had been so close to killing you. He had seen the life leaving your eyes, and he couldn't have done nothing to stop it. To stop him. The Gods had played a sick joke on him. The very right moment he had got close to you, when he had started to believe that he might become someone worthy of you, they had reminded him the danger he was to you. They had reminded him that you would never be safe beside him. Too many enemies. Too much of his father's blood run into his veins. And he would have cut them open if it meant he could spill all of it away and replace it with something else.
The worst, most terrifying thing was not how he felt about you, he was too gone to be ever saved from it, but it was that you cared for him. In his way to get to know you, you had started to care for him, and where did it bring you? Right into death's hands. His hands.
You had kissed him to save him. You had kissed the very lips that were now spilling hurtful words to you. You had kissed him and let him take all your air to save him.
He couldn't let you be so reckless. Not for him. Not when he just found out that the universe must have born from one of your kisses, because nothing could ever feel as godly as your lips on his.
"I thought..." you gasped as you tried to speak throught the pain he could clearly see. "I thought we were..."
Dangerous were the words that could follow. But he needed to hear them. He needed to hear them in order to destroy them.
"What?" It was easy using his mockying voice. It was easy protecting you from him. "What did you think we were?"
He saw in your eyes you were searching for the right word. He dreaded you would find it. Not now. You couldn't know now. Because if you did, he wasn't sure he would control himself and go away.
"Friends..." your voice was broken, but not from the pain of your throat. "I thought we were friends."
Friends.
After five hundreds years of living on that earth Eris finally understood the meaning of the word 'devastated'. He felt devastated. His soul was being ripped apart and he was the one doing it.
You had considered him a friend.
Nothing could ever compare to it. Not mates. Not partners. Not family.
Friends.
Something you choose to be. Something you work hard to be. Something that in his world had never existed. Had someone ever considered him a friend? Had he ever considered someone a friend?
He would endure the horrors on his life another thousands times if it meant being worthy of being your friend. Worthy of being called such. Worthy of your trust, and not because a bond told you so but because you had decided it on your own.
And you did. You had actually choosen to give him your trust, to call him your friend. And now he was breaking it. Stripping himself from the honor of that word.
He laughed. At you. At himself. At the Mother for having given him something so perfect while he would never be able to have it. He laughed because he felt he would cry otherwise. He laughed because he wanted nothing more than kneel in front of you and beg for forgiveness.
"I don't need your pathetic excuse of a friendship. I need your power." Never in his life had words left such a bitter taste in his mouth. "Do something useful and keep training it."
He didn't need the bond to know how much his words hurt you, because you were letting him see everything on your beautiful face. You were letting him see how he was breaking the trust you had in him piece after piece.
You gulped, and he traced every movements with his eyes, wondering if this would be the last time he saw you for a very long time.
He saw in you eyes that you wanted to say something, but he guessed you decided that he was not worth the pain in your throat, and he surely was not.
He watched as you silently walked out of the suit, unaware that you were taking away a piece of his heart with you. A piece he had willingly, stupidly gave you.
He watched as the door closed behind you, as the silence that followed filled his ears. As the damage he had done took form in the emptiness he felt inside him.
“You know, Eris,” Cassian said, a hand wrapping around the doorknob ready to follow you. “I think you might be a decent male, deep down, trapped in a terrible situation.”
Eris scoffed, hating the pity look that the General was giving him. Cassian out of everyone should hate him. Both for what he presumely did to Mor and for what he just saw.
"You should be happy your little 'sister' won't speak with a monster like me ever again." If with you every word had been strecthed, with Cassian was easy. A dance they had been doing for centuries. "A pity you are mated to her twin. I heard Illyrians have the habits of fucking their sisters."
Cassian studied the burned furniture around them, the only proof of the rage you had felt. The only proof that something glimmering gold tied Eris to you.
“I grew up surrounded by monsters. I’ve spent my existence fighting them. And I see you, Eris. You’re not one of them. Not even close. I think you might even be a good male.” Cassian opened the door, turning from Eris’s curled lip. “You’re just too much of a coward to act like one.”
FInally the Illyrian walked away, giving Eris the pleasure of the solitude. Alone he couldn't hurt anyone but himself. Alone no one could hurt him but himself.
He winnowed right back in his bedroom back at the secret cottage he owned deep in the forest of the Autumn Court, close to the border of Winter. Everything was still, unmoving. He had not been able to go there for over two months.
Every window was rightfully closed, every fire out, and in the darkness of the house he could not bring himself to regret what he had done. Memories of your lifeless body hunted his mind, because you had died.
He had never noticed how a second was long, and he had not been prepared when for twenty-three long seconds your heart had stopped beating. For twenty-three long seconds his life had lost any meaning. For twenty-three long seconds he had wished to be dead.
Eris had grabbed into the bond, he had grabbed it with teeth and claws, and had begged you to stay while Azriel had held him down with his shadows and Cassian tried to reanimate you. He had yelled at you to come back. He had show you the image of the cottage, of the Autumn's forest around it, of his hounds peacefully sleeping in the grass. He had promised you to show you all of it if you came back.
You could not breath, he had realized while Cassian tried to make your heart beat again. You could not breath for the damaged he had caused you. So Eris had grabbed a hold on your power too, he had found the last strike of flames left in you and healed you from the inside. It had not been much, but it had been enough to allow the air to enter in you again.
You had died for twenty-three seconds.
Eris could live without a mate. He had done it for five hundreds years. He had never wanted one. Never needed one. But it had been in the brightness of the day, as the sunlight hit the falling leaves of the trees, as the sounds of his hounds running through the forest filled his ears, that he realized he could not live without you.
A/N: I do have a question: The Eris in your head has long or short hair? I was talking about it with a new dear friend of mine and I am curious about your opinions!
"If Solas comes near you again, he knows I will devour his human whole and let him rot within me while his heart still beats, and then I’ll take the eye I so graciously left him."
