When two waves collide at the perfect time of day
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@openmouthwideeye
When two waves collide at the perfect time of day
Black and red the ripples ran, deep within the steel. Valyrian steel, spell-forged. It was a sword fit for a hero.
loungetoy on twitter
such a handsome strain of koi!
*shoves one of these raccoons into a sack in a cruel and ultimately misguided attempt to destroy the moon and depower the ocean*
Test your colour vision
IM A FUCKING MOLE
i tried again and got dog HOW AM I AN ART KID
I hate that I laughed at this
“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” and another one appears. And dodges the downward sweep of claws, darting to the side, bouncing off the pentagram’s barriers, and tripping over the demon’s tail. “In the Vatican!” she cries out as she moves, using the State Farm Agent summoning charm to modify the situation as she was taught, and mentally thanking her trainer for expecting her to be fast enough to do it on the first incantation.
Most State Farm agents, when they run into trouble, have to get the customer to do the jingle a second time. That guy with the buffalo was lucky.
The magic takes hold, and she materializes in the aisle of St. Peter’s Basilica, still holding the demon by the tail, in the middle of Sunday morning Mass. The music clatters unprofessionally to a halt as laypeople, deacons, priests, monks, nuns, and the Pope all turn their attention to the surprised demon whose fifth course of dinner has turned, unaccountably, into a visit to one of his least favorite places on Earth.
There is chanting in Latin, and vaguely cross-shaped gestures, and clouds of incense, and the demon vanishes in a puff of smoke, whether from the efforts of the clergy or of his own volition no one can say. The Agent doesn’t wait, fleeing towards the doors and escaping in the confusion.
She gains the exit and walks, purposefully, toward Rome proper; there, she ducks into the nearest alley. A burner cell phone comes out of one of the less-used pockets of her purse, and she dials a number from memory.
“Allstate,” says a smooth masculine voice after three rings.
“State Farm,” she answers. “I’m calling in a favor.”
“Yeah?” Interest. “What sort?”
As she talks she’s pulling out her smartphone, keying an app that was activated by the summoning, and pulling up the policyholder data that enabled the incantation to work.
“Insurance fraud,” she said, and can almost hear teeth sharpening on the other end of the line. She gives him the name, the address, the policy number. “Someone needs some mayhem.”
“That’s my name,” the man says.
She smiles. “Someone needs all the mayhem.”
He chuckles. Slow. Evil. Even with the echoes of demonic laughter ringing in her ears, she’s impressed. “Don’t worry,” he says, almost purring.
“You’re in good hands.”
OH MY FUCKING GOD I just read insurance commercial fan fiction and it was so good, bless you, I’m going to remember this day forever.
TL;DR : Watch this incredible story in video
holy fuck! so how did the penguins taste?????
this is the cutest video in the entire world. this seal is just so afraid for this dumb weird baby she thinks she’s found out in the ocean. have a bird. have another bird. no, see, eat the bird! the bird is food! why won’t this stupid baby eat. open your mouth you idiot baby i will feed you bird if it’s the last thing i do
Support Stewart Semple and his quest to keep color in the public domain
“Mother’s love” just a piece of old gloomy fanart with Zuko and Ursa. … an alternate universe where Ursa killed Azulon. And then she thought a little more and killed Ozai too
Congratulations to Declan and Jordan for being a straight couple I like
#shit moira says
the greatest plan in history
Adam POV on Ronan: a god, a knife, savagely handsome, dangerous, pretty eyelashes
Gansey POV on Ronan: marvelous creature, honest, vulnerable, insomnia partner, loyal
Ronan: regularly chokes on food, stumbles on the farm and blames invisible boars, joins a dreamer cult out of boredom, actually maybe a little excited about his new zoo membership, watches movies next to a bird poop blanket
I was thinking this weekend about how awkward it was that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them insists that Americans call muggles “no-maj.” First off, it just doesn’t sound like an abbreviation we’d use, and it sounds even worse in plural. But I finally realized the more important point: it’s too direct. Especially for the time period, Americans would never have been that straightforward in talking about a topic that sensitive. And so I would like to submit, in the spirit of early twentieth-century slang, a list of possible euphemisms we may have used for muggles:
He washes his dishes with a cloth.
He pays in nickels and dimes.
He rides the trolley to work.
He takes his boots to the cobbler.
He’s grateful for Mr. Edison.
He’s one of Grisham’s boys. (here imagining that Grisham was a prominent wizard who famously fathered no magic children)
He dances on the ground.
He writes with a pen.
He’s fond of a two-piece suit.
He’s more King Arthur than Merlin.
He’s got to wind his pocket watch.
He gets his wax from bees.
His wife darns his socks.
He treats his ailments with tonics.
His portraits stay put.
His broom is only for sweeping.
I’m having a little too much fun with this, so if you have any to add, please send them over.
I think to most fun thing about this is that after a while of these phrases being popularized, they would end up getting shortened, like Trolley boys or Two-piecers.
I’m just saying, imagine how scandalized (or ecstatic) Arthur Weasley would be if he found in America, muggles were called “Arthurs”.
The ashley’s are all different?? How did I miss this?
The Raven Boys:
The Dream Thieves:
The Raven King:
Call Down The Hawk
Rip to literally every other thing that happened in cdth, but Declan in fact dating three Ashleys therefore making all of these Ashleys different people, was the plot twist of the century.
Paraselene Women
that is to say, Jordan, Hennessy, and Jordan Hennessy in another life maybe.
Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.
If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.
If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.
Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.
Thank you this is the first post about self love that hasn’t made me want to throw things