Very often, when people with eating disorders fear recovery, it is not really about the fear of weight gain, or the fear of foods. They might make it to be about that, both to others and to themselves, but truth is, it is often not that simple.
It is a fear of losing your identity. You might feel as though you’ve become your struggle, and if your eating disorder left you thin, you might feel being “the thin one” is your identity or purpose.
It is a fear of the expectations from others, and society, that comes when you are no longer ill (or “visibly ill”). Now you have to face the world, and you can no longer blame your illness.
It is a fear of losing your coping mechanisms. An eating disorder is often a tool to deal with whatever curveball life has thrown at you.
It is a fear of letting go of the stability and safety of eating disorder. All these rules and restriction might have given you a sense of predictability. Recovery is messy and unpredictable.
But truth is, if something is trying to kill you it is not safe. If something leaves you miserable in the long run, it is not a healthy way to cope. If something leaves you isolated and unable to live a normal, rewarding life, it is not sustainable.
Our worst enemies are the ones disguised as helpful friends. Please do not let the lies of an eating disorder seduce you to death.