One of the things thatâs started troubling me more and more about discourse online, and particularly queer discourse (since thatâs what Iâm most embedded in) is how restrictive we get about acceptable/unacceptable terms.Â
This is something that can and does hurt people within the community. I think it can be a little invisible to those within the online community that our terms, our way of talking about these terms, and the terms we define as outdated or inaccurate, can change very, very quickly. Online discussions, and especially decentralized online discussions like tumblr or twitter that rely on spreading a post through a network of connected individuals rather than a centralized discussion space â these donât reach everyone at the same time.Â
Why is this bothering me? I recently wound up in a discussion about older trans folks who use the term âtranssexualâ to describe themselves.Â
Now, âtranssexualâ is a depreciated term. Itâs not current. Someone who uses it is probably going to get a side-eye from any queer folks within earshot. But itâs also an identity term for people who have fought long and hard for their identities. And those people are still here, still with us. Who are we, younger and more online, surrounded by our communities, to tell older trans folks, the ones who didnât have the internet to answer their questions and connect them with others, who had to risk it all to visit each other in person or forge their way in painful solitude for years or decades, what they can and cannot call themselves?Â
I think itâs good that there is online discussion. I think itâs great that we can continue to refine our language and the way we think about our identity and our community. Adding to the language we have to define ourselves is no bad thing. Â
My plea, instead, is that we not subtract from that language. If someone feels that âtranssexualâ is the term that best describes them, let them have it! If a trans woman feels that âMTFâ is the term that most accurately describes her life journey, who am I to crawl up her ass with a lecture about how that language invalidates people who feel they never were their AGAB and donât have a âtoâ of any kind? Itâs not about them! Sheâs talking about herself, and telling her that her own self-chosen term is outdated or even transphobic (!!!!) is bullshit of the highest order.Â
The weakness of progressivism is the tendency to turn on each other, and to spend so much time fighting amongst each other over minor details that we lose sight of our goals that, ultimately, align. Fighting over the precise connotations of different terms blinds us to the fight for genuine freedom to be ourselves.Â
Terms for the broad community are likewise never going to sit exactly right with the entire community. Some terms are going to be better than others, of course, and get wider acceptance â but thereâs no universally accepted, universally identified-with language. We do the best with what we have, and itâs important to remember that not everyone has access to the exact same information â the same tumblr posts, the same twitter feeds, the same subreddits, the same Facebook groups â that you might have seen. And that does not make people who havenât seen those exact same posts/discussions/etc ignorant, misinformed, or malicious.
We do the best with what we have. Language is an imperfect tool, and all the more imperfect for its uneven transmission. If a person says âtransmanâ when you feel they should be saying âtrans manâ â does correcting them further the movement? Does attacking them strengthen our resistance against the legions of people who want to see us crushed down and forced to conform to the M or F slapped on our birth certificates?Â
Accept that there is a broad, diverse range of ways to talk about our experiences, our identities, and our struggles. There is no one right way to be trans, no universal lesbian experience, no single bi or pan definition that covers everyone precisely. There is no official measure of gay.Â
The language we use matters. But our solidarity matters more. Choose the battles that will advance our freedom, rather than tearing down your siblings in arms.
