Tori

27. CA born. Tall AF. Here to make the world a better place with sarcasm and innuendos.

[deadpooly]

Since y’all told the government the day u will be raiding Area 51 now u gotta go one day early and surprise the bitches

[shitthehousessay]

Ravenclaw: What’s your biggest fear?

Slytherin: Brendon Urie coming into my house and murdering me at 3 am

Ravenclaw: *intrigued, scared* ….Okay what’s your biggest hope?

Slytherin: Brendon Urie coming into my house and murdering me at 3 am

[extramadness]

[shitthehousessay]

Hufflepuff: I'm not even a 2nd choice. I'm like an 8th choice. Sometimes a 10th

[floralls]

by  lunaa80

[depression-healthy-carrier]

ever miss yourself? the person you were, before you became depressed, before you started hating yourself, before you wanted to die.

[illinicoise]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[spn-fandom-breathing-heavily]

not even risking that shit

[codyslipring-deactivated2015060]

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

[tumblgang]

She ain’t no games in real life so I take her serious all the time

Anyone with a name that starts with a “Z”, ends with an “i”, and isn’t some kind of Italian pasta, IS SERIOUS

I’m not climbing no mountain with a pig on my back, 🙅🏽🙅🏾🙅🏿 Negative.

[skuubasally]

Nope. I know better, have your reblog Madame Zeroni.

[luckytaters]

who the fuck is Madame Zeroni

[saudadesinfinitas-deactivated20]

Look at these stupid children who don’t know who Madame Zeroni is

[drayaintshit-deactivated2019030]

☝🏾😂

[callmedeku24]

Man lissen if you don’t know you better ask somebody AFTER you hit the reblog button

[emeraldmercury]

Idk who she is but I have an exam today so I’ll reblog her

[haiku-robot]

idk who she is but i have an exam today so i’ll reblog her

^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!

[jacobmick]

Because wise, I am.

[seymonecristina]

Oh fucks no she’s back lmao must reblog. I’m sorry guys

[secrettranslittleboy-blog]

Sowwy for the cuss words but I don’t need bad luck right before I move 300 miles to a new place

[just-sleeping-or-killing]

Guys forgive the language, but I don’t want to have to do exercise to break a curse

[dailyravenclaw]

Best Friends?

Hufflepuff: Who was that guy you were talking to earlier?

Ravenclaw: *looking up from their book* It was no one. It was a boyfriend.

Hufflepuff: Oh yeah, just a boyfriend?

Ravenclaw: ... Yeah, we just started dating.

Hufflepuff: Well he better be just a boyfriend because I'm your best friend and last time I checked you weren't looking for another best friend.

Ravenclaw: I'm not.

Hufflepuff: I'm happy that you've found love in your life.

Ravenclaw: Thank you

Hufflepuff: But just know, the second you stray into best friend territory with him I'm out.

Ravenclaw: Okay

Hufflepuff: Because I'm the best platonic friend you got, so remember that.

Ravenclaw: Alright, I will.

Hufflepuff: Good. You're my best friend *begins to walk out* Let me hear it.

Ravenclaw: You're my best friend

Hufflepuff: Thank you! *skips away*

[shitthehousessay]

Ravenclaw: *holding an antique bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Gryffindor: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Gryffindor:

Gryffindor: It's perfume.

[organizedchaos317]

So the biggest joke in my house growing up before and after I got my license was the fact I was so spatially unaware and couldn't remember how to get to simple places. My brother asked me earlier to drive him to his friends house tonight and I've only been there once. About an hour later I exclaimed "oh my God I know how to get there! I remembered something!" And my dad was just like "that's great kid I'm really proud let's go get a cupcake" and I'm reminded that my father is basically the best man I've ever known.