Collar x Malice -Unlimited- ăăŁăŠăŻăżăźCD ăăăăŠă ăäşäşşăăăŽćšŻç čă
Collar x Malice -Unlimited- Okazaki Kei Character CD Mini Drama - A Hot Bath for the Two of Us
Spoiler free. Just a note that I used a Chinese translation as my main source, and did some light cross-referencing from the original audio. There might be some inaccuracies.
**Please donât move this translation or claim it as your own.**
Since weâve started dating, weâve gone on countless dates. But usually theyâre nothing more than spending a few hours with each other between work, and even if we get days off, we can only get together and laze around at home. She often says that itâs unhealthy for her. Even though itâs fun and soothing to just be able to spend time with her, it might be good to go on a proper date like lovers would.Â
Jed has made her choice, and it's the hardest one, for her, and for her love, Lugus. Before the tragedy plays out in the morning, they come together one last time, lovers for one night, bound for good.
You can also read this fic on AO3 if you prefer!
WARNING! CONTAINS:
- Spoilers for the Heroine Ending of Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk
- 18+ content
The Love of Two Beasts
"You really are a witch. You're telling me to kill the woman I love."
The snow fell thicker, so thick that I could feel its flakes melt through my wig, their cold touch on my scalp. Lugus's hair lay limp and heavy on his cheeks, drops of pale water sliding down to his coat, like tears. Still, neither of us moved.
Was it cruel of me? It was - but every other choice was harsher. Better be cruel to this one man, no matter how much it made my heart choke, than let the whole town sink to the endless depths of its decay.
Lugus. He would do it, and that would have to be enough. And we would never see each other again, in this world or another.
Before I could stop it, my hand found his cheek.
It was coarse and glacial under my fingers, the touch of two ghosts carved from rough stone. To give it warmth, to give it life... I stood on tiptoe and pressed my lips to his face. They caught a taste of snow, and farewell, and salt.
Then they tasted him. His mouth was on mine, and already his arms, awoken by my touch, hugged me to him, so hard I thought I'd break, as if he could meld us into one timeless sculpture. An eternity together. An impossible wish.
I broke the kiss first but did not back away. We deserved better. Would this soaked, miserable embrace be the last touch he'd give me before the steel of our swords pushed our hands apart? There had to be more. Something that would be only ours, his to remember through lifetimes, mine to forget forever. Our eyes searched each other for confirmation.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
He said it first. I was grateful that now as before Lugus's voice did not flinch and held no trace of doubt. I was grateful, too, to the man who had found him after losing me and gave him his courage as he had given me my life, who had taken care of him, for me, for me to love and to hurt.
"Yes."
"Then come with me."
His words were impassive, but his tone was gentle. Lugus took my hand and through the barren garden before his manor, through the cold corridors of that place marred by death, he led me to a warm sanctuary: a small room panelled with wood, painted gold by the flames of a small hearth, a refuge only for us.
He took a thick cover off the narrow bed and spread it on the floor, over plush rugs, to give us space and comfort. I watched the fabric glisten under the dancing flames, the vines and flowers embroidered on its surface like a promise of a spring I would not see. From a sturdy table, he took a tumbler of warm water and put it in my hand. His other hand fell on my shoulder. His smell enveloped me; thawed ice, fresh sweat.
"Eiar... These hours that we have, they're yours more than mine. The decision of what to do with them is yours."
It was, and I had made it, even before I left my prison to seek out my love and ask of him what no soul should give.
"I'm not experienced in these things. But what I want is for us to be together. The way lovers are."
I was pleased that my voice came out strong and certain. Lugus's fingers tensed on my shoulder. He looked away, and I wondered if I had mistaken his intent, bewildered him. Then he looked at me again.
"I'm not experienced in this either, nor do I regret it. Let's find our way together, my love."
As soon as he was done speaking, his lips pressed to mine. It was a gentle kiss, light and tender, a mark of his patient devotion. Then he led me by the waist to our makeshift bed.
We lowered onto our knees, side by side, our hips brushing against each other through the layers of our clothes. A singular shiver ran through me at his proximity.
Lugus turned to face me and looked at me in silence, his breath the only sound next to the crackling of the fire. I let my eyes drop. The water he had given me wet my lips, steadied my heart. I put it away and met his gaze again. I found it soft and exacting, waiting on me with restrained fervour. My resolve strengthened. He must have perceived it, for his fingers raised to my face and trailed on my skin, leaving a flutter in their wake. He slid his hand under my wig, then in a deft gesture, pulled it off and tossed it away.
"I've never so much as kissed you without this thing on."
"Did you like me better in it?"
"No. Everything you are is perfect, just as it is."
He caught my hair, his fingers weaved through its short strands.
"My witch..."
He closed the distance between us and pressed me to his chest, my lips to his lips. Soon his other hand slid along my neck, to the buttons of my shirt. He opened the first one, then the next one, then the one after that. I would learn his touch in new ways; I felt my throat close at the idea. I didn't dare move lest the moment shattered, and with each stroke of his fingers, I heard my heart pulse louder in my ears.
My shirt was open now, but it hung over my body, hiding it from his view. He slipped his hand through it, only to lay it flat on my stomach, skin to skin, as if to brace the both of us. My muscles clenched and my heat flew to his caress. I brought my hands up and finished what he started, pulled the fabric apart. He watched.
Fresh air hit my skin and I looked down at my small, boyish chest. My apprehension turned to panic, untied my tongue.
"Do you remember when you made fun of me? In the tower?"
I took a light tone, but the memory stung. To my surprise, Lugus looked away. His dark cheeks turned a redder brown.
"I didn't make fun of you. Eiar. On the contrary... Every day, to want you, but to doubt my desire, and to know you didn't want me back. To discover that new part of you... stirred me."
It was my turn to flush. He looked at me again and smiled through his reserve. His hands slid the shirt off my shoulders, caressed my arms, my sides.
"Everything you are is perfect."
Softly, he drew closer to my breasts and caught them from below. His thumbs floated to their trembling tips, and I bit my own hand to forestall the cry I felt spilling from my throat.
Then he pushed me.
It was a gentle nudge, yet enough to turn my view upside down. My back was on the cover, and Lugus was above me, so close I breathed in his breath, felt the tips of his hair sharp and bristly on my open neck. I welcomed it, every tickle, every sting, everything new I learned about him a gold coin for the trove of my memories. His hips were pressing down on me, and my head grew faint as my blood flew to his weight, giving focus to my yearning. I sank into the floor and entrusted myself to him. He stared at me.
"Your eye..."
In my excitement, I hadn't noticed the rush of warmth to my face. I raised my hand to hide the red that glowed there, but Lugus caught it and pushed it back.
"No. Remember. Everything you are..."
Then his lips were pressed to mine again. Their prior softness had been replaced by urgency. His breath grew shallow, his tongue parted my mouth. All subtlety gone, his fingers dug into my skirt. He tore it off me. I responded in kind, tugged at his clothes until he too was rid of them. I followed the scars on his arms with my hands, traced the design of his tattoos over the thin, wounded skin. He shivered and the corner of his eyes stuck to my movement, as far as he could, up to his shoulders. Then he lowered himself down, his warm stomach brushed against mine - and we both stopped.
He was embracing me. My hands were lying in the small of his back. His hips were pressed to mine, and I felt another part of him there, so close to my own desire that I guessed its purpose without being told. I caught my breath.
"What's next?" I asked.
His voice came out low and broken.
"Give me your hand." I brought my right hand to the front of his body and he caught it in his. He slid it down along his skin until it reached the coarse hair at the bottom of his stomach. He turned it over then and curled my fingers around his length. I felt him throb against me, an unfamiliar life that I loved at once and claimed as mine. I held him more firmly. He let out a moan. In retaliation, his hand, now free, found the source of my longing, and I melted at his shy touch. I threw my head back, cried out, and my legs kicked against his hips - but he didn't leave me, and my yearning only grew.
He touched me and I him, our eyes locked together, curious of each other's shape, of our reactions to minute changes in our caresses. Uncertain at first, soon I could distinguish how we answered each other; he found the spots that pleased me most, and I found his. When he grew tired of probing me outside, his fingers slipped inside me, and my hips rose in joy at his unusual presence. Encouraged, he spread and stroked me, and I opened up to him in earnest.
"Lugus..."
I called to him in a voice that did not sound like mine. His breath caught. Satisfied with his discoveries, he guided my hand away, so he could close the space between us.
He kissed me once more, and his serious eyes surveyed me.
"Together..." I whispered, and he understood. Our eyes, our hands, our legs found and clasped each other, joined up, braced in anticipation. "Eiar", he called to me, and held like this, at last, he made his way inside me.
His thick touch was like nothing I expected. It was much better and much worse, deep pain and infinite joy mingling, and I laughed and wept as I let him explore me, both of us existing only for each other, focused only on where we met. He grew more demanding as I grew accustomed to him. His hips pulled him out and sank him back inside me, until I learned the pattern and followed it like snow swept by a blizzard.
He paused to catch his breath, to wipe the sweat from his chin, and an impulse formed in my mind. I wanted to own him as he had owned me. I slid away from under him and pushed him down with a flick of my hand.
Surprised, he let himself fall, his hair spread around his face like a bright halo, dipped in red by the embers. I followed the curve of his parted lips, the stern line of his jaw, the sinews on his neck, joining above his broad chest. I would make it so that every part of him lived on in the abyss, that even when I stopped being, his image would hover over my absence. I locked my eyes onto his and never let them drop, as I sank onto him, took him back in me, and felt him rise up to meet me; a new dance to which we had always known the steps.
My movements free now, I noticed the pleas of my body and let my selfishness take over. I sought him out in the way that satisfied me most. A tight coil formed inside me around his touch. He took his cue from me. His grip firm on my hips, he thrust up, deep and fast, where I guided him.
I think I cried his name, again and again, until my head jingled and my voice broke, until my words became one long moan, my movements one long shiver, and my world drowned in a shallow abyss of elation. My nails dug into his shoulders, and he flipped us over again as I floated slowly to the surface, still occupied by him, filled by his pursuit of his own ending. When he trembled and fell onto me, I let my arms hug his back. I rocked him, my Lugus, my love, our cheeks wet with our sweat, with my tears.
Our legs tangled together, our embrace crushed our chests to each other, and lying face to face, lips close enough to touch, we fell into a fitful sleep.
I could not have dozed off for longer than an hour when I woke up. The embers of the fire were glowing low in the hearth, and the night chill raised goosebumps on my skin. In the half-light, I sought Lugus. Before I could find him, I felt the warmth of a cover thrown over me. I looked up.
He stood above me, limned on his left by the dark red of the hearth, on his right, by the pale blue of the winter moon. His hair glistened like the snowdrops he so loved. His skin, naked and still damp, was flushed at the neck, at the chest, at the hips. His scars wrapped around his arms like vines. His body was unfamiliar, but already it had become my province. With more time, how much could I learn about him? How close could we get? Could this scene ever grow so usual that the exquisite chill I felt at his view would recede? I didn't think so. He could never stop feeling both mine and other, both known and new. I imagined how our lives together would be. I imagined and held onto that dream.
He crouched next to me with a smile.
"No more sleep?" he asked. I raised my hand and caught a strand of his hair. He turned to kiss my palm, then put the tumbler of water in it. As I drank from it, he slid under the cover and snuggled up to me.
His head was lying by my elbow. He looked young then, much younger than the lord of the Hawks - a child still, lost in this big manor that was not meant for him - but his eyes had their usual mettle. He pulled on my shoulder and I fell into his arms.
"Enchant me, my witch. Tell me about us," he asked, as if he'd read my thoughts. "Tell me about our lives as the lord and lady of this town."
"Right. Because we fell in love, children of the beasts, that'll put an end to the strife. Next year, the snow will melt, and there'll be no more pain, no more fear. Wolves and Hawks will come together, and every day will be like the masquerade. We'll help each other out, laugh about small things, drink together at the tavern, and the town will be filled with joy."
"But our joy will be the greatest, for I will marry you."
My heart swelled at his words.
"You will. We'll learn our way around each other, work together, laugh together. And on the third day of spring, after the masquerade has passed, we'll stand under green boughs before the church, you and I. You'll hold my hands, and I will swear to love you forever."
He caught my hands and raised them to his chest.
"Like this?"
"Just like this."
"Then I will listen to your vow, and make mine in return."
His eyes turned solemn. They caught me in their depths, and I couldn't look away. His voice came out steady, each word slow and assured.
"Wherever you are, I will come to you. No matter how many times I lose you, I will find you again. All the lives we have left - I will live each one with you. I swear it by everything you've given me. Tomorrow is the last time I will let anything steal you away from me."
I knew he could not hold that promise, yet in that instant, I trusted him. Our gazes stuck together, I nodded.
"So you will."
His chest spread in relief, and he pressed me to it, held me in it as if to hide me from the world. For another hour, we stayed like that, awake, silent, unmoving, breathing in each other's skin.
Then it was time.
We pulled away at the same moment. Lugus got up and fetched my clothes from around the room. He pulled my shirt on for me, and before closing it, bent and kissed me on my heart - both marking me, I knew, and asking my forgiveness for what was to come.
"You are so much more, even, than I hoped you'd be," he said against my skin.
I caught his hands before they could leave, and held them in mine, a last indulgence. We looked at each other, a fleeting "what if" darkening both our faces - then it was gone. The moment of choice had already passed.
I turned away, found the rest of my clothes, pulled them on. I was about to pick up the wig from the floor, but Lugus, fully clothed, beat me to it.
"Let me."
He stood before me, and I found myself in his eyes, the boy named Jed, the woman named Eiar, the witch. All of them felt right when I saw them through him. Done with my hair, still, he let his hands linger on my cheeks.
"Eiar. One last time."
He pulled me close and kissed me, deeply, as deeply as the first time, when he didn't know me, as the second time, when he didn't have me; as he had a few hours ago, when we came together at last. His touch stoked a small fire in me, but we had no time to let it burn. Our arms fell away, our chests swelled with a deep breath. He took my hand again, and we left our love behind in this small wooden room, guarded by embers that would not blaze, by vines that would not flower.
It was still night outside. The air was cold and crisp, and it cut us apart like a knife of glass. We faced each other and bit back our words of parting, "I love you," "I love you too," a promise without future, without use for our already bound hearts.
Instead, Lugus bent over me and kissed my forehead.
"I'll come to fetch you in a few hours."
"I'll be ready."
I took a step away, tore myself from his warmth. Then I turned and walked, in slow strides, to my cell. I did not look back.
I found Hugh sitting in a corner, a nonchalant leg swinging over a knee. He gave me a bright smile, with a lack of surprise that would have embarrassed me in less extraordinary times.
"I'm sorry, I'm late." I looked away.
"Indeed, you're not. You're just in time for the last act, little witch. I have but one errand to run before the new day." He winked.
"For the story must come to its rightful end, or what sort of writer would I be?"
And with that, he was gone.
I sank to the ground. My fingers splayed on the cold stone, I felt its harshness, then I felt it melt away until there was nothing left but the memory of warm flowers embroidered in delicate thread, and of the warm skin I had made mine. I searched myself for fear, for sadness, for regret, but found only peace. The choice was made; now it would play out. My red eye wide open, I waited for the break of a sallow dawn.Â
Kei and Ichika have a scene where they make out in chapter 6, and there seems to be some ambiguity within the English-reading community as to how consensual it all is, how pushy Kei is being, and whether they do or donât⌠erm⌠bring it home.
I think the Japanese version makes it clear that it is consensual, that Kei is being quite considerate in his Kei way, and that they do bring it home.
I also thought it would be an opportunity to discuss a few of the sceneâs themes - many of which are present throughout Keiâs route and additional content.
So I did a translation pass on the scene and changed the bits that felt inaccurate in theme or meaning. I explained some of the big differences below the translation.
In bold, the parts that I changed from the original localisation.
Translation:
KEI: âMore importantly, we canât really make out if your brother comes home early.â
ICHIKA: â...â
KEI: âIâm just kidding. Iâll wait until youâre completely ready.â
ICHIKA: â... No. You donât need to wait.â
KEI: âHuh?â
ICHIKA: âI⌠I also want to make out with you.â
KEI: â...â
Okazakiâs eyes widened, and he blinked a few times.Â
ICHIKA: (M-Maybe that was too sudden.)
But it was sincerely how I felt.Â
These might be our last moments together. That was all I could think about.Â
KEI: âAre you serious about that?â
His hand gently reached for my cheek.Â
The touch caused my shoulders to tremble slightly, but I kept my eyes fixed on his.
ICHIKA: â... Yes.â
Then we inched close enough that I could feel his breath on mineâŚ
ICHIKA: âO-oh but wait, just a moment. Thereâs something I want to ask you first.â
KEI: â...â
Okazaki hung his head, clearly disappointed by the sudden interruption.
KEI: â... Ichika. Donât you think youâre teasing me a bit much?â
ICHIKA: âS-Sorry. But I really need to ask.â
Our faces were still very close, and his eyes invited me to continue.Â
ICHIKA: âErm⌠Okazaki, what do you like about me?â
Although he had confessed his feelings to me, I had turned him away in that moment, and I hadnât quite believed what Iâd heard.
After learning his past and sharing our feelings I thought weâd finally become close, yetâŚ
ICHIKA: (Somehow⌠I still canât quite believe it.)
The affection that he had for me was unmistakable. But I was still sure he only viewed me as an ideal.Â
KEI: â... There are a whole lot of people that I can say I like.â
ICHIKA: (...?!)
Suddenly, he dropped a bomb on me and my mind just froze.Â
KEI: âI like Yanagiâs team, Yoshinari, my friends in the force, and even girls I see walking by, I guess. I like a lot of people I think are good people. But⌠I canât really say that Iâve ever gotten attached to anybody.â
ICHIKA: â...â
KEI: âEven when people confessed to me and went out with me, I was often told that things were different from what they expected. âIâm not special to you.â âIâm just another person in the crowd for you.â ⌠Stuff like thatâ
ICHIKA: (I think I can understand that)
KEI: âHowever, youâre the only one whoâs special to me.Â
It doesnât make sense. Itâs not about liking or disliking you.Â
Youâre someone that I need to live. âŚNow youâre the proof of my being, youâre my identity.â
KEI: âIsnât it normal to want to touch that person, or keep her all to myself?â
While he talked, his fingers touched my cheek. The gesture was completely gentle, and I could feel the warmth from this fingertips. It conveyed his feelings much better than his words did.
KEI: âBack when you were mad at me, I thought that I shouldâve done a better job hiding it from you. Maybe I should have said my death wish was a joke, and that I just wanted you to feel safe. Yeah⌠I couldâve lied to you and kept using you.
But I couldnât make myself do it. I wanted you to accept me for the person I really am.â
ICHIKA: â...â
I was rendered speechless by his complete honesty.Â
Iâm not special, my being is not important to anyone else - I was sure that I and everybody else had felt that way before.
ICHIKA: (What should I do? Iâm so happy.)
This was more than love or romance - what he wanted was my being.Â
It made me so happy that I shivered.Â
KEI: âSo, what do you like about me?â
ICHIKA: âEhâŚâ
KEI: âI was happy to hear that you like me, but itâs still a bit of a wonder to me.
You got that angry for my sake, and you even said that youâd rather sacrifice someone else so that I could live because you didnât want to lose me.
I donât think Iâm worth that much.
⌠To be honest, I canât honestly believe that you actually feel that way.
After all, you didnât like me that much at first, did you?â
ICHIKA: â...â
The sudden question troubled me. I had been attracted to his kindness at first. He was warm and gave me peace of mind. He put a broad smile on my face and made my days gentle.Â
But he was stubborn and uncompromising. He could be cold and lived by his own rules. Heâd ignored my feelings and stubbornly wanted to die for his own satisfaction.
ICHIKA: (When I think about itâŚ)
ICHIKA: âWhat DO I like about youâŚ?â
I unconsciously let that slip.Â
KEI: âShould you really be saying that in front of me?â
ICHIKA: âS-Sorry⌠But Iâm the same as you.
What I like about you, or dislike about you⌠I dislike everything that isnât a part of you. I need your being.â
KEI: âHehehe. So there are still things that we canât believe or understand about each other.
Yet we still want to be together. Doesnât that feel pretty special to you?â
ICHIKA: â... It does.â
When we put it that way, I could agree with it.Â
KEI: âIf itâs hard to put into words⌠wanna try this?â
ICHIKA: âHuh? Try what?â
I tilted my head, unsure what he meant. But in the next momentâŚ
ICHIKA: âEh?â
My world turned upside down, and I saw stars.
Eventually, I realised I had been pushed down.Â
Above me, he was smiling calmly.Â
KEI âDo you dislike it when I do this?â
ICHIKA: â...â
My heart was pounding. This was unfair. Right now, I was feeling⌠vexed.
ICHIKA: âItâs vexing⌠But I donât dislike it.â
Rather than dislike⌠I felt happy.Â
When I nodded, Okazaki chuckled.
KEI: âThen, thereâs your answer.â
ICHIKA: âYou said you were going to try something, but isnât this a little extreme?â
KEI: âBut you understand me now, donât you? If it was meaningless, I wouldnât want to do this.
Forget about like, dislike, all the small stuff. Right now I just want⌠you.â
ICHIKA: â...!â
KEI: âIf you dislike this even a little, then just refuse me. But if you feel the same way I do⌠Then please accept me.â
ICHIKA: â... Youâre mean.â
Unlike the gentleness from before, our hands held each other so tight it hurt.Â
He looked at me with hot, passionate eyes, and lovingly ran his hand through my hairâŚ
ICHIKA: (And yet thereâs no reason to refuse.)
KEI: âBefore, I said there are a lot of people I like, but I rarely find anyone I want to be mean to.â
ICHIKA: âI donât know⌠Youâre pretty mean to Yoshinari, too.â
KEI: âYeah. Thatâs just my way of showing him I care. Obviously, my feelings for you are different.
I want to be kinder towards you than anyone, but at the same time, I want to put you on the spot.â
ICHIKA: âI remember Shiraishi saying youâre a selfish man.â
KEI: âYeah, didnât you know?â
ICHIKA: âYouâre good-looking but bad on the inside.â
KEI: âHeh. Thatâs right. But itâs your fault for getting involved with this bad boy, so wonât you resign yourself to it?â
Okazakiâs fingers touched the nape of my neck.
There was a slight click as his fingertips landed on my collar.
ICHIKA: (Heâs saying that at a time like this?!)
KEI: âIâll never hand you over to the likes of them.â
He threw these provocative words at them.
I knew that I wouldnât be killed as long as I had some use for Adonis. But now that Okazaki was being targeted, my mind was in turmoil.
KEI: âDonât break our promise, or I wonât forgive you.â
He said that with an infinitely gentle smile, as if he could see right through my heart.
ICHIKA: â...Okay.â
I couldnât stop my voice from cracking.Â
KEI: âIf you donât want to let me die, then donât run away from me.â
He whispered those words into my ear. They sounded as if he was casting a spell.Â
ICHIKA: (Heâs so unfair.)
I thought that, but contrary to those words, I was filled with overwhelming love for him.Â
I was unable to take my eyes off his bewitching smile. In truth, perhaps I should resist this. ButâŚ
As he had said, no matter how we tried to make each other understand with words, weâd never be able to fully express ourselves that way.
KEI: âI donât want you to think of anything else. I want to be the only thought on your mind.
Because the more you crave me, the more I want to live.
Ichika⌠Be only mine.â
ICHIKA: â...â
I wanted him to take everything. Just for now, I didnât want to let go of this hand.
That was the only thing I was sure of.
With acceptance and anticipation, I clasped his hand tight.
Comments:
The major translation issues:
They translate ăăĄăăăĄă at the beginning as âsteamyâ stuff when Kei uses the word, then as âflirtingâ when Ichika uses it. It means the same thing in both cases, which is to make out, and is clearly physical. Sheâs not being coy. She states from the beginning she wants them to fool around.Â
When he pushes her down, the localisation again uses two different translations for the same word, ćăă: âhumiliatedâ and âembarrassedâ. Both are wrong. The first one is SUPER strong and very shocking to read, and implies that sheâs feeling degraded. Thatâs not what it means - that nuance is not in the word at all. But itâs not as light as just âembarrassedâ, either. What it means is along the lines of âvexedâ or âmortifiedâ.Â
In general, they use different translations for the same Japanese words that are used in close proximity, and often in dialogue. The problem is that it a) breaks the flow of dialogue and b) breaks the themes of the scene. In fact, during the whole scene, Kei and Ichika are picking up on each otherâs words and riffing off each other constantly. Among those words are âmaking outâ (as we established), âmeanâ (that they bicker back and forth on, teasingly, as foreplay), and many smaller bits of dialogue. But more importantly, the big theme of this confession is that they go beyond and discard the concepts of ĺŤ and 弽ă (dislike and like). Instead, they affirm their connection to each otherâs being or essence (ĺĺ¨) and their way to reach that connexion is beyond words - by merging those beings in a, well, more direct way, which is what the whole conversation leads to on both sides.
Part of that theme is Keiâs confession. In English they make Kei say that sheâs âthe reason Iâm aliveâ, which sounds like heâs grateful she brought him back from the brink. But thatâs not what he says. He means much more than that. He says that sheâs his ĺĺ¨č¨źć, which sounds more like âproof/justification of my beingâ (reusing the same kanji for being as I mentioned in point 3 above), and seems to be often translated as âidentityâ. Kei boy doesnât mince words lol :D
Thereâs an unexplained translation mistake at the end. In English Kei says âIf you want us to live together, you have to want to live too.â Thatâs not what he says at all. He says âThe more you want/crave me, the more I want to live,â which makes more sense thematically tbh.
Here's the last and the emo-est of the lot! Aiji always the man for heart-rending soul-searching.
Dim memories unfurl
Through the window of the night
Recurrent nightmares
Still linger in the dusky gloom
No one can be expected to forgive
The throbbing scar on my soul
Murmurs and whispers won't bring me salvation.
In the midst of a cold winter,
I happened upon you once more,
Iâm sure of it...
So that the past that lurks in this closed sky
Never disappears
I picked up its broken fragments.
Even if I canât reach it myself,
If I can protect the distant future,
Iâll only think back on the scenery of that day
In the city I used to love, and lost.
As hours stack upon hours,
My interrupted words
Tear a gap between our hollow hearts
They conceal my fear.
The pain lodged inside my soul
Embraces me now in its invisible thorns:
I know that touching you is a sin.
Before the smouldering glow
Vanishes
From my frozen fingertipsâŚ
My dark heart that was lost
In this city blanketed in sorrow,
Your smile swayed it,
And I was drawn to you before I even noticed.
I wonder whatâs reflected
In the depths of your earnest eyes.
They lit up in me the strength
To look at my sighing and even my pain
Without averting my gaze.
With my wounded hand on top of yours,
I can overcome any feeling,
Any recurrent nightmares.
Illuminated by the open sky,
Your tears that announce the end of the night,
I wonât deceive them with false thoughts.
Letâs work together with this city
So that we can always talk about the future.
Iâll keep living by your side -
My fingers make you that promise forever,
And shine with radiant light.
Here's sweet boy Mineo's song! What a brave little baka lol. 4 down, one to go.
I wanted to find my way
To where I kept longing for,
To become a strong hero,
The kind who can protect someone.
But before I noticed it,Â
I was only trying to escape.
While I was yearning for a sky
That was out of my reach,
I pretended not to see
Either reality of suffering.
I may run, I may run,Â
But I only crash into my helplessness.
I still canât forgetÂ
The seasons that have passed.
The person that I chanced upon
Was beautiful and had clear eyes.
Even though her body was trembling,
She wished to live so strongly.
She was like a mirror
Reflecting the old me.
As I wished for a future
That couldnât come true if things stayed the same,Â
I found the courage
To come to grips with the cruel reality.
That uncool person
With his back turned, his head hung low,
Was also real -
Because Iâm just me.
I had been carrying old scars
Without stopping the rain of regret.
The weakness that made me turn my eyes away
And the lies - Iâll admit everything.
Letâs start running.
Even if there's a sky
That's out of my reach,
Even if Iâm overwhelmed
By the cruel reality,
I wonât lose my way again
And I will stare at the truth
And at the aspirations I wonât give up
With both eyes open.
We can embrace
Each otherâs precious justice
And make each other smile, side by side.
For your sake.
Jumbled with irritating noise,
Steeped in grey,
This city of contradictions
Confuses black and white.
Suddenly, the bonds
That entangled my feet are severed,
And the scent of shattered memories rises again.
Every time I escape the dark snares
That are laid out over and over,
I whisper: What will be left in my hand?
I donât need a meaningless answer.
If I can't reach the conclusion Iâm seeking,
Any light that shines is only a hindrance.
In the shadows into which I gaze
The only thing that makes me smile
Is a sweet temptation from the other side.
At the threshold of a frozen season,
I closed my eyes next to someone.
Nostalgic and inopportune,
It was a night of contradictions.
I wonder why I didnât hate
The touch of her sleeping breath on my ear.
I wish I could discard these virtuous misgivings.
Her eyes were pure and fragile,
Like delicate glass.
I worry earnestly: What can I do?
Iâm looking for an impossible answer.
I wonder why there's so much light glimmering
At the end of this world
That entraps us in hatred.
Me, who was getting charmed
By the shadows into which I gaze,
Youâre binding me to this place.
Although you hung your head in impotence,
It was your grasp that stopped me in my tracks.
The dark past from which I could not be rescued
Not matter how much I struggled,
I have escaped it to rejoin the present.
You, who chased me with such honesty,
In your tears I've found
The answer that unlocks the future.
So, to share the conclusion that I wanted
And now hold in my hand, I need no words.
Your body that I pulled to me, this thought, I embrace them both, tight.
I choose only the tomorrow in which you exist.
Another translation, this time of Shiraishi's character song.
I stand by myself, all on my own,
In the memories of my childhood years.
On the eyelids I have softly cast down,
All I can see reflected is a white wall.
I peek through the window at a mineral sky.
Nothing changes in that sandbox.
In time, the meaningless days engraved on my extinguished heart
Disappear, leaving neither recollections nor wounds behind.
What was staring at you
Was a fake smile and a fake gaze.
Shadow of a doll.
Although I had no tomorrow and no future,
I made memories with you.
They overcame the cold night,
And a colour I didnât know spread around me.
How did you change my landscape
With nothing but a warm touch of your fingers?
If my heart cannot be extinguished
Whether I face trials or yearn for a bright sky,
Then in this warped world
I wanted to fall in love with you like a man.
Dream of a doll.
Even if we cannot touch each other ever again,
Each day that I count, I know my recollections and my wounds
Will never go back to zero
Theyâre precious and overflowing with tenderness.
From far away, I keep wishing
For a world in which you smile.
A dream of my own.
This is Kei Okazakiâs song from Collar x Malice. I thought Iâd translate the lyrics into English for those of you who also stan Kei :D
I was looking for light, aloneÂ
In a monochrome town.
The powdery snow heaped on my heart
Concealed my pain.
Knowing that the faint warmth
Of the moment I fell asleep
Was but a fleeting illusion,
I held out my hand.
I was just dreaming of the end that I wanted,
Praying for it without reprieve
Now Iâve discovered a sparkling treasure
Chancing upon youÂ
Is the most precious thing to me.
Although you always pass me by
And vanish in a blinkÂ
Your smile, left behind in my heart,
Won't come off.
But the truth cannot be conveyed
Only by letters blotted out
Into distant traces,
Flickering at the bottom of a cold river.
Even if the end I wanted doesn't come,
I donât want to lose you
Ah, I want to stay by your side,
Protecting you, forever and beyond,
My special person.
Close your eyes
Give me a sweet kiss
As time stops,
We can feel eternity
In this moment.
Listen, I want to keep dreaming of the same future
And walking together
Even after I wake up from my slumber,
Stay by my side and hold my hand
Yes, the promise that we made together
Gave me proof that I should live
I wonât let you go, my treasure.
A world where I can be with you
Is the most precious thing to me.
