the queerest team in the league

ari | they/them | 27 side blog to @akiirameta german shitposting on @hitzige-rivalitaet

[ottawa--centaurs]

looking for some hollanov fanfiction?

here are my recommendations: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9

all of the fics mentioned are in my public ao3 bookmarks, and you can check my rec tag for reblogs of fics i've read recently

i also have tags for my ramblings, my music thoughts, and my art

you can find all of my thoughts on the german dub here

if you ever see me reblog something that's ai generated, please let me know – i wouldn't ever do that on purpose! also please tell me if you see any of my posts on instagram/twitter/reddit

[butdarlingthestarrs]

Ksenia Daniela Kharlamova as Svetlana Vetrova & Connor Storrie as Ilya Rozanov | Heated Rivalry | Season 1 Episode 2

[madamoisellemabry]

#myilya has a reputation for being openly a giant gossip about other players. and like, not that that’s not canon, but there’s some faction of girls who are lesbians into hockey who call it for what dude bros never would - rozanov isn’t chirping just on the ice, he’s openly mean girling with other players off the ice too. roz “wendy williams” rozanov becomes a trending thing a few times over the course of his career, with brainrot memes about “wendy williams was pregnant with roz here” to match.

a video by a fan of him and cliff marleau talking INSANE shit on the bench resurfaces after The Outing, and the internet starts up on its usual bullshit of how ilya is too fun for shane again. the usual “oh it’s so sad that roz doesn’t have someone to match his energy” and “hollander is so boring what does a guy who talks like this even see in that”.

anyway, svetlana (who cares less about shane’s hockey image and letting him remain untarnished than ilya does—she’s smart and also a minority so she feels less guilt about pushing shane on it) catches wind of this. one day, out of actually fucking nowhere it’s just some wednesday, she posts a video from the cottage. shes been invited to stay the week to babysit shane who is out on IR, and they’re watching a centaurs vs. guardians game.

the camera is shaky, and held low, and at first you can only hear shane in the background, but then he becomes visible at an odd angle. he’s got his injured ankle up on the couch, he’s wearing a really low cut tank top and a slutty pair of shorts. he is also mid rant about “— and if your entire team is still falling apart to this level TWO YEARS LATER just because you lost one good player and another caught a case, then you have to ask yourself what’s f****** wrong with the f****** coaches. i mean, mathewson is an ugly son of a b**** but i didn’t realize he was f****** stupid too. and we’re not even playing well, smith is just that much of a f****** sieve. maybe if he put half as much weight into moving towards the puck as he puts into pushing his wife around — you’d like her by the way-“

the video goes viral instantaneously. people cannot believe that captain hollander is this mean, but devoted hockey fans also keep quoting it, shocked because he’s RIGHT. some girl who’s been a roz fan since boston tweets, “roz will chirp to piss you off, but hollzy will kill your family because he finds you disrespectful to the sport.”

the only response anyone can get out of the rozanov-hollanders is ilya retweeting that post.

[penandinkprincess]

gifted with the divine vision that shane and ilya both have a habit of clenching their teeth, which means they also develop a couple's habit of reaching over and *gentle squeeze* of each other's jaws as a reminder to stop

which on the inside is very sweet but from the outside either looks like a strange sex thing or them just using each other's faces like stress toys

[themoonandmyman]

If Shane suddenly got bitten and became a vampire he’d just carry on like everything is normal. Yeah no the sun kinda crisps me up a bit but it’s fine. I’m ravenous all the time for something I can’t name…. usual shit …

[themoonandmyman]

hockey is an indoor sport man… nothing has to change..

[sublunagh]

SOPHIE NÉLISSE as ROSE LANDRY

[persimmony-snicket]

myshane was a really difficult baby and toddler—never took to formula, fussy sleeper, really restricted food preferences, always stripping naked, biting, screaming at strange hours, struggled to maintain friendships, no imagination play—and so hockey was A Relief™️ for yuna and david. here was something their kid could do, and do well, and something he enjoyed. they could build whole routines around this. and when it became clear that he was beyond “doing hockey well,” that he was actually something of a prodigy ? even fucking better. bc they’re afraid the SECOND hockey goes away they’ll be back to backsliding, missing milestones, awful behavior.

fast forward twenty yrs and ruby pike comes along. she’s biting and screaming and tearing at her clothes and hair. she’s running into walls, throwing pillows, slamming her hands and feet on anything that will make noise. and shane can hardly look at her bc he’s reminded of how ashamed his parents were of him, ashamed to see himself from the outside. but he loves this kid. he loves her and he wants what’s best for her. so he makes it his business to take her out on the ice. she’s not a great shot but on a whim he sticks her in the net and uhhh. well. shane knows a bit about the pwhl but damn it looks like he’s about to learn a lot more.

[userilyarozanov]

I love you. Good job. I love you. ILYA ROZANOV HEATED RIVALRY (2025 - ) ▸1x03, hunter

[fuckrozanov]

goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

[katesgottareadthebooks]

Those poor people who work with David. For years they have had to hear about the Canadian treasure that is Shane Hollander. “Yes I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son is in the Stanley cup finals”

“Yes, that is my son on that billboard, he’s got a new sponsorship”

“Yes, my son has started a new charity and is running hockey camps”

I know at least one of them was hoping they get a terrible in-law, but no it’s Ilya Rozanov. So now its

“Yes, my son and his husband were over for dinner, they wanted to talk to my wife about expanding their charity. You know the one they founded together”

“Yes, I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son and his husband are in the Stanley cup finals. Yes, again.”

“Yes, we’re so happy that NHL players are going back to the Olympics. We’re hoping both of our boys get to go.”

I think David pushes off retirement just so he can keep bragging.

[heartedrivalry]

idk why shane gets annoyed with his mom laying out a 30 step plan to have his coming out sponsored by nike and rolex as if shane didnt wake ilya up with a powerpoint presentation on how to soft launch their relationship via a nonprofit

[vesnuszki]

An assortment of sex related injuries hollanov have sustained:

-Shane smashed his fingers in between the headboard and the wall one time (the jolt of pain that shot through him as Ilya kept pounding into him made him make a sound that was not entirely agony)

-some lube spilled on the hardwood floor and Ilya slipped and fell on his ass (cue Shane laughing his ass off until Ilya is not getting up for like ten seconds Should I call an ambulance? to which Ilya replies, panting heavily I AM FINE)

-so many instances of sprained adductors. like it’s a miracle that they manage to heal fully before Shane pulls them next time. And that’s not even taking into account the sprains he gets during hockey

-that one time Ilya got a hamstring cramp that wouldn’t go away for a couple of days (baby, have taken magnesium? yes. have you tried rolling it out? yes. do you want me to massage it out? yes 🥰)

-difficult to say how actually close and how many times Shane was to a concussion from banging his head on the headboards. This tally is also tainted by hockey to be fair.

-and you’d think with how hard they go, one of them should have broken his penis at least one time by now, but actually by some miracle neither of them have. which is a fact that Ilya manages to weave into any conversation with anyone with a broken limb (I’ve never broken any bones, you know, not even The Bone he says chuckling proudly, gesturing to his crotch)

[actuallysara]

Hudson Williams at the SKIN1004 event in Seoul, South Korea (via hudmexx)

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

College AU Russian studies major Shane Hollander forgets to tell the fuckbuddy he met through his speaking tutor Svetlana Vetrova that he is fluent in Russian and that he understands phrases like "you're so fucking perfect" and "you have ruined me" and "you look like a sexy librarian you perfect slut"

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

Ilya, whiny voice: come back to bed hollander i want to fuck you

Shane: can't i really need to finish this essay

Ilya: whats it on maybe i can help you

Shane, sweating staring at 2k words on modern russian pop culture: haha probably not no it's boring

[gimmiekiss1221]

op don't let these die in the tags

[ottawa--centaurs]

#mancrushmonday probably did a lot for shane's denial, huh

[ottawa--centaurs]

i looked up when that was a thing bc i couldn't remember, and it started in 2009, gaining popularity in 2013. oh poor baby shane

[ottawa--centaurs]

great tags by @tinylilhollander

i love the idea of shane being in the torment nexus but still judging the hell out of people for picking someone who isn't even in the top 10 scorers of the league and doesn't have the looks to make up for that fact, if he's being honest.

[damn-write]

Prompt: Vacation. ~350 words. @shanesummerfest (Post-TLG.)

Shane found Ilya leaning out on the balcony of their honeymoon suite in beautiful Ibiza, watching the rose-gold sunset over lavender waters. Shane joined him, linking their hands together as he settled beside him.

There was nowhere else in the world Shane would rather be in this moment than right beside his husband, looking at the palm trees swaying, listening to the ocean waves rolling in, and enjoying the evening breeze, cool and refreshing.

"I could live here." Ilya sighed contentedly.

Ilya took to Ibiza like a loon to water, the beach sky providing the perfect background to Ilya's stunning features. Shane had begun wondering when he'd wake up to Ilya's side of the bed, cold and empty, with a note saying he'd retired from ice hockey to live out the rest of his days by the ocean.

"I can see you living here," Shane replied easily.

"Oh?" Ilya's eyebrows raised. "And how about you?"

"Hmm." Shane shrugged. "I'd make myself fit."

"Ah." Ilya let out a breath. "Like… square stick in round hole?"

Shane chuckled at the familiar phrase, a wave of nostalgia flooding him. "It's a peg," he corrected. "A square peg in a round hole."

"Mm," Ilya hummed before turning to Shane, classic, crooked smile on his face. "Kinky."

Shane rolled his eyes.

He recalled that night with Rose, when she sat him down and told him lovingly that they weren't meant to fit. That really confused Shane at the time. Because if not their picture-perfect relationship, then where was he supposed to be? He was so scared back then. Of his feelings, his desires. But most of all, he feared the limitations he'd face if he lived his truth.

He looked at the man beside him now, the sky reflected in Ilya's eyes; Shane no longer had any doubts about where he was meant to be all along.

"How about… an Ilya-shaped peg in a Shane-shaped hole?" Shane said with a small smile.

It took a second. Then, Ilya choked on his own spit, taken aback. "Pervert!" he accused.

Shane teased back, "I think you like it."

"Yes." Ilya didn't miss a beat. "I love it."

+ (more on AO3)

[emmiegoesinsane]

shane when he joins the ottawa centaurs: