hey there! this is a blog to spread awareness and support for hypersexuals. feel free to vent, share your experiences, or give positive reminders for our community.
the mod here is floret, she/fae 🪭
i’m acespec and an adult, first of all! i’ve been hypersexual since 12, but i learned the term just this year ♡ the causes of my hypersexuality include adhd, religious/sexual trauma, and emotions like stress and shame.
mistakes happen! asks off anon will not be posted unless there’s explicit permission you’re okay with it. i’ll dm you, instead of answering privately.
adults: if you don’t want minors to view your post, begin your ask with (🔞) and i’ll apply the mature filter.
You aren’t dirty or wrong if your response to trauma is hypersexuality.
We often talk about sex repulsion in response to trauma where it might make you feel your response is wrong if that isn’t what it is. But you’re equally as valid whether you’re sex-repulsed or hypersexual.
How do I know if I’m hypersexual?
since the summer started I’ve been so fucking horny all the time and it’s worrying me because I’m ace and this never happens, I keep thinking about sex and sexual things all the time and reading smut at least once a day and it’s just very weird to me. I have been harassed by an ex friend repeatedly in the past so that might have something to do with it but that was like multiple years ago so idk 💐
Well, there's really no definitive test. It's kind of an umbrella term that was proposed (though I don't believe it was technically "approved") for someone struggling with intrusive thoughts and urges regarding sex but it can be more complicated than that.
That said, being really horny and reading smut aren't necessarily signs of being hypersexual.
If being horny and thinking about sex and reading smut are things you don't enjoy and/or yet you constantly feel like you have to do them and it's causing you distress, that could definitely be a sign but just being horny and reading smut regularly (even if you're asexual) aren't.
(Also, trauma can trigger hypersexuality for some people! But it is unlikely for it to randomly trigger years later unless you've specifically been struggling with that recently.)
Libido (which controls when you're horny and how much) can change though, even if it never has before. Libido changes, all throughout life, are actually very common.
That said, if it's causing you a lot of distress, or you're feeling unable to do things you actually want to do because of it or even if your issue seems more like you're constantly aroused (which is another medical condition) as opposed to intrusive thoughts/urges, it'd definitely be a good idea to see a doctor about it if you can.
i have asked this before on a different page and i CANNOT get an answer but can someone pls explain how porn addiction isn’t real??
like we had someone during sex ed in school bring it up as a topic and explain that (primarily a penis haver) you can train your brain to only be able to get hard/cum to porn and not be able to with a real person… and like sex addiction is real? but porn addiction is not? r there people just using “porn addiction” as a reason to ban porn all together and demonize it? like is that why?
i’m sorry if this comes across ignorant in any way. i am genuinely asking and open minded about this. if u take the time to answer thank you!! 🙏🏻
hi anon,
so it's actually helpful, and interesting, that you mention sex addiction, because that's also on pretty shaky ground as an actual thing that can be meaningfully diagnosed. which isn't to say that no one in the world exhibits maladaptive sexual behaviors, of course, but whether those behaviors can be accurately characterized as addictions is actively debated. in many cases what's casually described as "sex addiction" (which includes the use of pornography) would more accurately be classified as compulsive sexual behavior disorder, or CSBD, which has much more in common with obsessive compulsive disorder than addiction. to my knowledge, CSBD is rarely treated as a primary diagnoses, but rather part of a larger pattern of compulsive behavioral issues.
put this way: in many cases, saying that someone is a "sex addict" is sort of like saying someone with OCD is "addicted to washing their hands," in that it's misrepresenting a symptom as the primary issue and misunderstanding the cause of the behavior to boot.
now, talking about CSBD gives us a great segue into something that I think is really important when discussing the validity of porn addiction, which I'll lead into with this quote:
In their study, Grubbs, et al., analyzed data from about 15 different studies by varied researchers (and reviewed many more), comprising nearly 7,000 different participants. Studies were conducted in-person and online, in the United States and Europe. The team found that, first, religiousness was a strong, clear predictor of moral incongruence regarding porn use. This is important, as it indicates that we can and should use a person’s religiousness as an indicator of the likelihood of moral conflict over porn use. Not all people who are morally opposed to porn are religious, but it appears that religiosity captures the majority of people who feel this way. Given that the WHO and ICD-11 recommend an exclusion of moral conflict over sex from the diagnosis of Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, this finding suggests that when diagnosing CSBD, a person’s religiousness is a critically important factor.
put more simply: high levels of religious guilt contribute to so much self-reported "porn addiction" that it can make it hard to figure out who's experiencing actual, verifiable compulsive behavioral issues.
this quote comes from an article called "Science Stopped Believing In Porn Addiction. You Should, Too," in which the author argues that porn addiction is essentially an outmoded understanding of problematic consumption of pornography that's failing to take into account other factors, in this case the moral incongruence or sense of conflict that many people feel about viewing pornography that causes them to feel shameful, dirty, or "out of control" when the use it. it can be read here:
Research finds that porn-related problems are predominantly caused by religious conflict. Clinically, this means people need help, but not n
porn addiction is problematic as a classification for other reasons as well; Dr. Devon price elaborates very neatly on many of them here:
Autistic Advice #7
again, I don't point out any of this to argue that no one ever has a relationship to sex or pornography that's detrimental to them and their ability to function, only that branding that as addiction is a.) inaccurate b.) unhelpful and c.) deeply loaded in a culture that so often stigmatizes addiction as a matter of weakness and poor character rather than recognizing it for what it actually is. many people grow up in a cultural context that profoundly stigmatizes sexuality, which makes a lot of people worry that they're aberrant and dangerous for doing anything that brings them sexual pleasure. trust me, my own inbox is a testament to that; I spend an enormous amount of time reassuring people that they're allowed to partake in utterly benign sexual behavior.
your example of people training themselves to only get off with porn is actually a great example here. the simple truth is that it's possible for people to train themselves into all kinds of sexual behaviors whether porn is involved or not, because if you only get off one way then your brain and body will simply learn to associate that particular type of stimuli with sexual pleasure and have a more difficult time with anything else.
people with clits who have spent a lot of time getting off by putting a vibrator smack on their clitoris benefit hugely from taking breaks and varying their masturbation style, especially since human partners are rarely able to provide the same type of stimuli as a toy. folks who are accustomed to only getting off in one position, whether it's on their back or humping a pillow or whatever else, can struggle with orgasming in other other position. people who have spent years masturbating before having partnered sex for the first time often find that it's a difficult adjustment—and I can attest to that one personally, because I had trouble for YEARS finishing with partners and almost always had to touch myself to make it happen. you can't even accuse porn of being responsible for that, because I've never particularly enjoyed watching porn and can probably count on one hand the number of times I've used it to get off.
to your final question about whether people are just claiming the existence of porn addiction as a reason to ban it—absolutely yes, many are. if you dig a little beneath the surface you'll find very quickly that many of the most vocal and well-funded anti-porn groups are run by deeply conservative religious groups and other far right wingnuts who stand to benefit tremendously if they can a.) ban porn and then b.) define "porn" as "anything that includes any kind of depiction of sexuality that I personally think is yucky." you see this deployed frequently with challenges to books in schools and libraries and subsequent book banning, which frequently target books about sex education, books featuring information about sexual abuse, and LGBTQ+ books of all stripes as "pornographic."
tl;dr I'm certainly not arguing that nobody on earth has a bad relationship with porn, but I do think the words we use to talk about that are important and porn addiction is a largely unhelpful way to do so.
is it ever… scary- regularly having people admit to being sexually assaulted to you whether they realise it or not /genq
Absolutely! Especially since I have a disability that impairs my communication skills, it definitely worries/scares me sometimes because I'm not always sure if I'm understanding things correctly or explaining things correctly.
But I've also found a lot of healing and purpose in being able to help people and I think I'd feel a lot more scared just to ignore people when I have information that could be helpful.
So yes, it's scary but it also keeps me aware of how much I can help people despite my position and keeps me aware of how important it is to discuss things like consent and assault in sex education!
So more than anything, I appreciate people trusting me to discuss things like that with them. I've never discussed most of my experiences with sexual assault and their bravery is astounding and fucking sacred to me, tbh.
about that ask where anon feels uncomfortable with "this alter is hypersexual":
we are a system that has hypersexual alters. not everyone of us is hypersexual, infact many are sex repulsed or plain not interested.
i think its okay to label yourself as an individual headmate as hypersexual, since for us, many traits are split off into different alters and its just more accurate than saying We All are hypersexual.
i do understand compared to autism that it feels a bit off, i know its unclear and controversial wether a headmate can really have a condition that the body / the collective does not have.
but i assure you, if we are to have a banner that says this alter is hypersexual, it is not meant to be offensive, it is simply descriptive of our reality.
much love, and i wish you a nice day!
(anon is referring to this post; i’ll delete my reblog)
ooh, this is very helpful as someone who isn’t plural. thank you!
“many traits are split off into different alters and its just more accurate than saying We All are hypersexual” is something i can understand.
even if it’s unclear whether an alter can have a disorder the body doesn’t, if it best fits your experience, then i say you’re valid.
whenever i see people posting like "i jerk off sooo much... sometimes i masturbate multiple times a week... sometimes even every day -_-" it makes me want to scream, not at them just like in general. that is well within the range of normal you have been lied to by a boatload of stigma around sexual desire and arousal and especially jerking off. as long as you are taking care of your other responsibilities and your body and your relationships it is okay to get off when you are horny and in an appropriate setting 👍
Not all healing is loud. Not every step forward is a social media post, a big announcement, or a celebration with friends. Sometimes, healing happens quietly, in the privacy of your own heart.
It’s in the nights you break down on your bathroom floor and pull yourself through.
It’s in the mornings you wake up after crying into your pillow so quietly no one heard you.
It’s in the choice to keep moving forward, even when no one will ever know how hard it was.
Healing in secret can feel lonely. There’s no applause, no congratulations, no public proof that you’re doing the work. Sometimes, it can even feel like it “doesn’t count” if no one notices.
I'm here to say it counts. It absolutely counts. And sometimes, the most powerful healing happens when no one else is watching.
Do you have any tips on starting a streak of not jorking it? I say this lightheartedly, but I've gotten to the point of causing a minor tear with a toy from constant use. It's healed by now but I felt sore in a bad way after last time and I am consciously aware that I should pause for a bit so I don't injure myself again. I think I'll stick to vibration, since it won't irritate anything. And cold turkey doesn't really work for me. But I do want to put a pause on acting on my urges for now.
find something to distract yourself. personally i eat snacks lmao, when i’m stressed or need to do a large task i either 1) masturbate or 2) multitask with a treat beside me :)
basically keep yourself busy, whether it’s your hands, mind, or both! exercise, draw/write, listen to music (loud) (drown the thoughts away)
it also helps to understand where your urges come from. distraction helps in most cases, but treating adhd, bpd, etc (if you know your urges stem from those) or working to heal trauma can help, too.
Definition: An asexual identity under the psuedosexual umbrella. Lushsexual individuals experience a false or psuedo-sexual attraction due to hypersexuality, although they do not experience real sexual attraction to any other person
Coined By: Me :3
(NSFW below->)
They may…
• Have the urge to be sexual or enjoy bdsm/kink
• Describe their sexuality as an attraction to sexual activity rather than an attraction to people
• Have little or no preference for their sexual partner OR be extremely picky and unable to find anyone to actually do sexual acts with
• Find people themselves to be a turn off and/or have a hard time enjoying face-to-face sexual acts
• Imagine faceless bodies when fantasizing, but not actual people
• Experience what feels like real sexual attraction right up until the point of actually having sex with a person, then losing that attraction
You can be lushsexual even if you…
• do not have sex
• feel romantic attraction
• experience some rare sexual attraction but are still acespec
• are sex-repulsed (towards the actual act of sex)
