Ourrainbowadventure

A 20-something gal who is lost by loss but is slowly trying to piece her life back together. I love to write and read. I’m a dreamer, always lost in a world that’s better than my own 💭 Mama to baby E in heaven Mama to Amelia-Rose born sleeping ‘A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved’ 💕

[ourrainbowadventure]

Mother’s Day..where exactly do I begin?

When I first found out I was pregnant, funnily enough Mother’s Day came to my mind..sometime soon I’m gonna have this little person to take care of, that’ll call me mum/mama/mummy..whatever I was, I’d always belong to someone and someone would always belong to me. There would be a day out of the year that I would be celebrated and thanked for simply doing the greatest job! It was weird to think that my greatest role in life was being a mother..it still is despite not having any children to take care of or eat cake on Mother’s Day with.

This Mother’s Day is spent alone with tear filled eyes and a heavy heart. It’s a surreal feeling, seeing so many people being celebrated..I should have but I’m not..that seems to be the common denominator in my life..I should have but I’m not/I should have but I don’t

It’s always the feeling of missing..something is missing in my life, someone is missing in my life..what even is my life. Loss makes you feel like you’re not worthy of anything again. Losing my children wasn’t my fault but it sure did feel like some sort of punishment..I ask the universe regularly ‘why me?’ But I’m yet to get an answer

I asked the universe today ‘does Mother’s Day ever get easier when you should have your children but you don’t?’ The universe’s reply was silence..always deep, dark, lonely silence..nothing but darkness and quiet in this oblivion I call life

[rowansmemory-blog]

[angelmommma]

👼❤️

[ourrainbowadventure]

Mama’s angels 💕

[ourrainbowadventure]

So here I am, writing my first post..if you wanna call it that..I used tumblr quite a few years ago, built up friendships, shared stories with people who had been through the same sort of thing as me. Then one day I just deleted it all, years worth of friendships and connections because I felt foolish for sharing such personal details about my life on a platform that anyone could read. But here I am again, years later coming back to the same place, hoping to build friendships again and share my stories..except this time I have more to share. I suppose I didn’t realise just how liberating it was to talk so openly about my hardships to a whole host of people and do it relatively anonymously. So I’m here to brain dump, to confess my true thoughts and feelings - in a way that I never feel like I can ‘in real life’ or to the people I have around me. Here is my road to recovery 💕