Amusement

[theanimatedwonders]

[agaytoremembr]

The discord loves John Mulaney a healthy amount.

[medusagirlfriend-blog]

everyone please tell me a lyric that made you go insane when you first heard it

[kaedyn]

tell your boyfriend

if he says he’s got beef

that i’m a vegetarian

and i ain’t

FUCKIN SCARED OF HIM

[cutegirlonline-deactivated20181]

date a girl who eats books

[hileona-deactivated20140917]

eat a girl who dates books

[feministism]

[thisisradioactive]

When you make a reference and someone actually gets it

[valtsv]

the lotr films love to present gimli as the ugly, dirty, ignorantly rude comic relief when the reality is that aragorn is a sweaty, grimy, greasy-haired ranger who sleeps rough on the road and maybe bathes once a month, and legolas is a feral cat who eats dirt and sleeps in trees and threatens anyone who tries to start shit with his friends with a notched arrow to the skull regardless of the potential consequences, while gimli is a dwarf prince who actually acts the part, is well-educated and mannered, has a strong sense of honor and duty, appreciates song, poetry and other fine arts and crafts as well as food and drink, and is actually probably the cleanest member of the three hunters. anti-dwarf propaganda never sleeps.

[valtsv]

headcanon that during their time in the wild together chasing merry and pippin aragorn and legolas started behaving more and more oddly and gimli wasn’t sure whether it was because they were becoming friends so they felt they could be more like themselves around each other or if they were just fucking with him, but either way he was too afraid to ask

[valtsv]

aragorn: *crouches down* *picks up a fistful of soil and starts chewing it thoughtfully* the uruk-hai are heading east

gimli: you can tell that just from the dirt?

aragorn: what? oh no, i figured that out from these tracks here. this is just a snack.

gimli:

[valtsv]

legolas: *tears a strip of moss from one of the trees in fangorn forest and starts munching on it as they walk*

gimli, sniffling: i hate this fucking family

[m--ood-deactivated20181217]

[aplpaca]

if youre ever feeling bad just look at pictures of albatross chicks bc theyre adorable but also fucking hilarious like the parents look like they go to pta meetings in full makeup carrying gucci handbags and the babies look like funky little muppets and i love them

[urbanism]

dont speak to me or my versace dress or my son ever again

[skunkbear]

[teamrocketing]

i’m so glad i live in 2016 so i dont have to deal with these massive terrifying animals except the blue whale, but shes gentle and good

[cockyroaches]

Hell pig

[books-in-order]

SCIENCEBOYE helping to save endangered species

[atomicbecky]

The signs as the “Due to Personal Reason” meme

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

[hashtagloveloses]

does john mulaney know that he is literally one of the only stand-up comedians to ever transcend traditional media and become a meme and social media icon or does he just live in his 1950s schoolboy bliss

[hashtagloveloses]

HE KNOWS NOW BECAUSE HIS WIFE MAKES FUN OF HIM WITH IT

[the-blorbosphere]

John Mulaney: the English major who never read Shakespeare

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

he paid 120,000 dollars for someone to tell to go read Jane Austin and then he didn’t

[frankiemorga-deactivated2019082]

And then he said he did, you know, like a liar

[gemeauxlogy]

need a cheat sheet for the astrological symbols? here’s one!

[ask-bot]

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

[welcomedhappiness]

That you cannot fax money to someone.

[kurumawer]

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

[jungle-plastic]

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

[asoulgonesince2002]

When I was a kid, I faxed my dad’s satellite office drawings of horses. I had watched my father send so many faxes that I had the process memorized. Except, for some reason I thought that I could fax things to grandma. I put in the numbers for the office every time, but was convinced that the faxes were going to grandma. I also didn’t think to inform my parents that I was doing this.

My dad visited the satellite office (three hour drive) one day and discovered their conference room white board absolutely covered in my drawings. The guys thought it was adorable that I sent drawings and letters to them, and didn’t tell my dad because they knew he’d stop me.

[pizzaalle]

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

[lady-averie]

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing

[draumboosky]

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

[draumboosky]

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

[draumboosky]

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

[draumboosky]

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

[draumboosky]

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

[draumboosky]

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

[draumboosky]

She fucking CUMS

[draumboosky]

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

[deicide4122]

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

[draumboosky]

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

[afroclusterfunk]

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

[vilus685-deactivated20200321]