incorrect red dead redemption

things that have definitely happened in the Van der Linde gang ft. reader

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: How did my pants even catch fire? I bought them because the tag said “inflammable”!

Arthur: Inflammable means flammable...

Reader: What?! That doesn’t even make sense!

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: Don’t you ever say anything encouraging?

Dutch: I encourage you not to die.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: I had a dream about you. We were holding each other, naked, by this river. You were this beautiful white crane and I was this magnificent crocodile. We were just laying there, holding each other for warmth...

Mary-Beth: Aw.

Reader: And then I ate you.

Mary-Beth: ...

Reader: There was blood everywhere.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: Don’t worry, Arthur. I’m fine.

Arthur: You got shot, Y/N. You’re not fine.

Reader: I’ve been shot before. So have you, right?

Arthur: It’s not like you build up an immunity to gunshot wounds.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: [to Dutch] I apologise for not doing a better job of pretending I was listening to you.

[overheard-at-camp]

Abigail: How would you like your coffee?

Reader: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Abigail: One glass of milk coming up.

[overheard-at-camp]

Arthur: [Looking for Y/N]

Arthur: [Sees a burning building]

Arthur: Yeah, that’s about right.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: That... uh... dress is really beautiful.

Molly: Do you think so?

Reader: Yes! I mean, it was nice on the hanger, but it looks even better on you. You should... you should wear it out.

Molly: ...I am wearing it.

Reader: Oh, right. Ha. Of course.

[overheard-at-camp]

Sean: Y/N, I need your help.

Reader: That’s not really my skill set... I’m much better at hindering efforts.

Sean: That’s perfect, I’m trying to mess up an opportunity.

Reader: Perfect!

[overheard-at-camp]

Arthur: [to Colm O’Driscoll] I am not scared of you! None of us are!

Reader: I kind of am.

Dutch: Shut up, Y/N.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: *running around, stressed* Where is my fucking gun?

Abigail: Y/N, Jack’s here, say it nicer maybe.

Reader: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking gun?

[overheard-at-camp]

Micah: Are you a practising homosexual?!

Reader: I don’t need to practice, I’m very good at it.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: I remember that story, Arthur. Mary-Beth and I read it in your journal.

Arthur: You read my journal?!

Mary-Beth: Hey, I just showed them where it was, they’re the one who picked the lock with a bobby pin.

[overheard-at-camp]

Lenny: *points at Y/N* This is not what I meant when I said get help.

Sean: Well, what did you mean?

Lenny: I meant someone who could actually help!

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: [after watching Sadie kill O’Driscoll’s] I was both horrified and aroused. Horroused, you might say.

[overheard-at-camp]

Arthur: [to Sean, Reader and Mary-Beth before the coach robbery] Alright, listen up you little shits.

Arthur: ...Not you Mary-Beth. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled that you’re here.

[overheard-at-camp]

Reader: [to an O’Driscoll] Yield or die!

Dutch: Y/N, take it down to like a seven.

Reader: [to an O’Driscoll] Yield or... else!