Half diary, half record of creative projects

Wannabe Vocaloid producer and author, therapy isn't working so I'm trying tumblr, ended up on jiraiblr and I’m staying, now making stimboards, they/it, 19

[p-patchwork]

Hi

I'm Patchwork (or P-Patchwork or Producer Patchwork, whichever you prefer)

I've started this blog to try and motivate myself to finally start working on learning to create vocaloid music, something I've always wanted to do. I've been depressed and struggling with other mental health issues ever since I was a very young child, I've been in therapy for years and it's gotten to the point where I don't think it's helping anymore. So I've decided that I might as well try making a blog and try to talk to people and be creative.

Admittedly, this will probably end up being fairly unstructured and more of a diary then anything else, but I'd like to at least try to connect with people and discover new things that make me happy.

A little about me: I'm 19, unemployed and have dropped out of uni, I'm learning Japanese, I'm autistic and chronically ill, I'm beginning to explore Jirai Kei fashion and Denpa, I want to create music and write a book/visual novel but I'm starting with music.

Honestly I'm fairly open to talking about anything, if you're also feeling lonely send me an ask about whatever you want.

I've started making stimboards as well. Feel free to request any aesthetics, colours, or themes you'd like. I can also do character based ones if you want however I will need to know what media they are from so please put it in the ask.

The picrew I used to make my pfp of my sona is here: X

The dividers I use were made by @sisterlucifergraphics

[p-patchwork]

Neurotypicals are weird

Baking course is going well so far but we just had a class on customer service and all the rules were so weird?

Like there was the normal stuff like make eye contact and use the correct tone and I was like ok that sucks but I understand how that works.

But the there was all sorts of weird stuff like “crossing your legs means you are angry and don’t want to talk to people” ???? No it’s just comfortable to sit like that???? “Don’t fold your arms” or “have them in your lap” what do I do with my hands then????

I give up trying to understand people

[p-patchwork]

Side effects

Started some new meds yesterday and the side effects are pretty awful, hopefully they’ll calm down in a day or two but ouch.

[p-patchwork]

Tsundoku!

Our first Japanese word of the day (week? I don’t know how often I’ll do these)

Pronounced tsun-do-ku, made up of the kanji 積 (tsun) which means “to be piled up” in this context but can also mean “to load” or “to heap up” as well as the kanji 読 (doku) which means “read”

Put together the word translates to “letting books pile up unread” which I am very guilty of ahah.

Anyway, do you like this format? Have any ideas for themes for more words for me to find? Let me know!

[404ngelpilled]

I'm always like "omg don't be scared to DM!!!!" But then turns into the most scared mf on earth when I want to talk to some1

[p-patchwork]

Writing

Would it be weird to try and write a book? Trying to learn how to make music is kinda kicking my ass, I at least know how to type.

I’m pretty worried about my future and my ability to work, maybe I can make a little money off writing.

Probably not but it would be nice to write again haha, haven’t done that in awhile.

[p-patchwork]

Japanese words!

So I’m learning Japanese but it’s been about a month or so since I’ve had classes and I need to get back into the habit.

I was wondering if Jiraiblr would be interested in me doing a Japanese word of the day type of thing? Or maybe just weekly? Don’t know if every day would bore people ahah.

There’s so many interesting words that we don’t have in English and I really need to learn kanji cause I know none of them haha.

Anyway, let me know what you think!

[p-patchwork]

Pink and black Jirai Kei fashion stimboard for @romeoscoffin

My first request! I really hope you like it, thank you so much for requesting!

X x X / x X x / X x X

[p-patchwork]

classic pink/black jirai kei fashion and aesthetic stimboard? ^v^ i rlly appreciate it - @romeoscoffin

All done! hope you like it, thank you so much for requesting!

[p-patchwork]

Tattoo went great!

We ended up adding a bit more to the design so it ended up taking six hours instead of four but it looks so good I love it!

It wasn’t painful at the beginning but when there had to be multiple layers of ink on top of each other it started to sting pretty bad. Totally worth it though and the artist did such a great job!

[p-patchwork]

Getting tattooed tomorrow!!

Won’t post pics cause I don’t wanna be easily identifiable but I’m getting an insect as a reference to the Metamorphosis!

I’m pretty attached to the novel, being disabled and all, and I wanted my first tattoo to be something meaningful.

It’ll take four hours so we’ll see how well I can cope with that, hopefully my high pain tolerance will give me an edge haha.

I’m super excited!

[despairsofthedivine]

“why is jirablr so toxic 🥺🥺🥺🥺”

because 85% percent of yall only give a shit about your notes.

[despairsofthedivine]

this.

[p-patchwork]

Meeting update

It went… ok? They said they’d talk to a few other higher ups at the university and see what they can do about accomodating me.

So definitely better then a flat out no like it was before, but it’s still very much up in the air and I really don’t want to get my hopes up.

The course starts next week and while I can do the first week without any accommodations (since it’s all theory work) I have no idea when they’ll make up their minds.

If this doesn’t get solved within a week I’ll still have to drop out of the course and I hate this feeling of being in limbo.

[p-patchwork]

Meeting

Going to another meeting with the university tomorrow, hopefully this time they’ll actually give me my accommodations but I don’t want to get my hopes up.

They were pretty adamant about denying me last time, but I’m meeting with the department head so maybe it’ll be different

[p-patchwork]

Why I haven’t been around

So I was considering not posting this but honestly it will feel good to get it off my chest, I haven’t even told my friends yet.

I know my blog isn’t popular like at all haha, but I’ve posted a little about how I got into a baking course and how excited I was to become a baker.

I dropped out of uni at the start of the year because I hated my course, the only reason I was doing it was because I am disabled and thought I couldn’t handle a physical career even though it was the only one I’d ever wanted.

Anyway I worked up the courage to start the baking course and met with the disability team only to be told they couldn’t accomodate me, which was utterly crushing and left me pretty disassociated. I’m trying to work with the university to fix this but I’m terrified that I won’t be able to do this course.

There aren’t any other careers that I would enjoy and be able to physically do, if this doesn’t work out I have no options left and I don’t know what I’ll do.

[p-patchwork]

Sleepy

Pretty sure I spend more time asleep then I do awake nowadays.

Chronic illnesses on top of depression is just so exhausting, plus staying awake honestly doesn’t seem worth it most of the time.

[p-patchwork]

Absence

Sorry I haven’t been around for awhile, life has been really rough lately and I just haven’t had the energy to post or do anything at all.

Hopefully things will get better, doesn’t seem like it will but I have to try.

I’ll try to post some more, maybe finally start making friends on here too. We’ll see.