cut throat ink

my little secret space

[p0eteasesqueez]

i was strong

high, and narrow—

don’t be impressed

my temptations led me to a pit of despair

a girl who loves loving

found in a pit of brokenness

longed to end at the age of

11, 14, 19, 21

strayed away from the better chapters

say yes and be compromised

a gradual flame that became a future without blessings.

death—

i accepted.

my sobs, aged

to a long pause

oh my gosh....oh, my gosh

what are you to do?

they say it isn’t time for what i considered to be the only option left

silence—

i had to breakthrough

when i stopped believing in the right thing to do

my choices—

horrible, wrong, dead, stale

a girl who pretended to be

comfortable

with the harm that nobody needed to know.

via @poeteasesqueez

where did you come from, where are you going?//t.t

[p0eteasesqueez]

restless nights

i remember the restless nights 

cramping fingers hanging onto a limp wrist

weary eyes flashing back and forth between a 

screen and stacks of index cards thick

enough to snap a rubber band or

when i crisscrossed my legs

across from you at your dining room table

passing a plate back and forth 

into the next day 

but the red ink that stained my skin has

long washed away

i remember the restless nights

when the playground benches were

full of laughter captured in each flash

into the next day

wearing blue collars & chugging coffee 

trying not to crash

when i would spin you around in circles

at 2 am on the dance floor

sneaking kisses in the trunk of my nissan

now tonight i am restless

wishing there could have been more 

via @poeteasesqueez

[p0eteasesqueez]

nothing like 4am alone searching for sleep and wanting to die

[p0eteasesqueez]

my favorite number

two years

of desire in disguise

even though you caught me

blushing a time or

two

two windows

where i would burn up

trying to remember that damn side of ranch

never any luck when i’d catch sight of

you

two weeks

in and full of surprises

slipping notes and making eyes

just couldn’t resist what’s been

long overdue

two engines

running in a parking lot

two floors

to climb before sleeping inn

two pairs

of pants along the bedside

two bodies

connected as one

again and again and again

my lips are sealed, but

i would love to let you check for yourself

because i haven’t found any bubblegum

to make my mouth water the way that you do

keep reminding me before i take off

of just how sweet you taste

and i’ll endow your skin with words

softly written by my tongue

but come what may,

our memories will trek through my mind

to soothe me

like vapor that circulates through your lungs

two months

and some change

before i’m nearly

two thousand

miles away

two sets of

wheels that may eventually return

to put me back in your

two arms

again someday

t.t//my favorite number

via @poeteasesqueez

[p0eteasesqueez]

my lover in Maine

still don’t always know

wrong from right

deciding whether or not to

erase

souvenirs at my fingertips

oh-so unreachable

unrelenting

unfeigned

when i saw you again

i knew it was wrong

to believe that i could ever

wash away

our hateful memories because

you are that unique situation

where i decided to try barred soap

and the more i loved it

the more it disappeared

inevitably slipping out of my hands

even when i reached for it less

may be hopeless gestures

both doing what we do

but when i saw you

standing in arms reach yet

unable

to hold your hand

i felt a hole in my chest but

i smiled as i said i hated you

and god damn it,

i wish that i could

t.t// my lover in Maine

via @poeteasesqueez

[p0eteasesqueez]

you are that unique situation

where i decided to try barred soap

and the more i loved it

the more it disappeared

inevitably slipping out of my hands

even when i reached for it less

t.t// my lover in Maine

via @poeteasesqueez

[p0eteasesqueez]

“shhhh ole wade”

we all know where to find a box of tissues

and I’ve been old enough to wear a crown 

days run together like the alarms i snooze

missed calls from my family on the other side of town 

i choke 

when they come around 

asking about better times

that I’ve forgotten all about 

because i felt that “weird bubbly hysteria” 

climbing up my spine 

dissociated too far from reality 

reached out one too many times

when i was trying my best but

still beat and broken down

started having fun with my nose  

plunging my head through the crown 

a little warrior led astray

no traction and seat-belt undone

sped through every stop sign i saw

disintegrated as i lost the sun 

but i’m beginning to see daylight

and i finally cleaned by room 

haven’t opened a new box of tissues in a while

took off the crown that chased my doom

returned from hell with wings before

holding on for ole wade

i’ll silently piece this puzzle back together

so i can live another day 

[p0eteasesqueez]

chasing nothing

next time

i want to lead you in the room

we can dance around a little

make dessert with our lips

may never get enough of you calling me,

sugar

next time

i’ll memorize the rhythm of your breath

and devour every kiss

because if i’m being honest baby,

nothing compares to this

t.t//chasing nothing

via @poeteasesqueez

[thegoodvybe]

[p0eteasesqueez]

mama

i’ll pour sweet tea and vodka to feel closer to you 

[p0eteasesqueez]

work probs

time sneaks away

still smile on the clock

little tease in black tees

hiding behind laughter and small talk

my thoughts are loud

and everything is loud 

she makes it so hard

to dance in this crowd 

[p0eteasesqueez]

chasing nothing

next time

i want to lead you in the room

we can dance around a little

make dessert with our lips

may never get enough of you calling me,

sugar

next time

i’ll memorize the rhythm of your breath

and devour every kiss

because if i’m being honest baby,

nothing compares to this

t.t//chasing nothing

via @poeteasesqueez

[p0eteasesqueez]

day 2: something that someone told me about myself that i’ll never forget:

“you are the reason for why i am still alive”

[p0eteasesqueez]

day 1: list 10 things that make you really happy

1. unfolding in arms that feel like home

2. inanimate warmth layered where i sleep

3. courage, even when it doesn’t really matter

4. the ability to hear

5. the ocean at night

6. grass in my lungs

7. forehead kisses, intimate or platonic

8. starry road trips with people i love

9. being off work on a cloudy day

10. cheeseburgers

[p0eteasesqueez]

i found a 30 day writing challenge and imma give it a go

[quotes-of-her]

"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway."

Edgar Allan Poe

[p0eteasesqueez]

“shhhh ole wade”

we all know where to find a box of tissues

and I’ve been old enough to wear a crown 

days run together like the alarms i snooze

missed calls from my family on the other side of town 

i choke 

when they come around 

asking about better times

that I’ve forgotten all about 

because i felt that “weird bubbly hysteria” 

climbing up my spine 

dissociated too far from reality 

reached out one too many times

when i was trying my best but

still beat and broken down

started having fun with my nose  

plunging my head through the crown 

a little warrior led astray

no traction and seat-belt undone

sped through every stop sign i saw

disintegrated as i lost the sun 

but i’m beginning to see daylight

and i finally cleaned by room 

haven’t opened a new box of tissues in a while

took off the crown that chased my doom

returned from hell with wings before

holding on for ole wade

i’ll silently piece this puzzle back together

so i can live another day