Ace Week: my story how I realized I'm in the ace spectrum
Sorry my delay, here's my little story:
I thought my whole life that I was heterosexual, even I fantasized a lot with “enjoying sex with the one” (I was raised in a religious family). Even when I started to date my partner, I was open to have sex (but I was too shy to undress in front of other person… so it were baby steps in that).
But the problem started to be visible when I started to stay the weekend with him. We talked about “my lack of initiative” and “my lack of sexual desire” countless times, even I started to worry, thinking I was wrong.
It went even worse when we started to live together, I wasn't up to sex even less than before... and that exploded last December, when my partner was losing his patience waiting to fix myself. So, I confessed the whole problem to my psychologist, and she told me that we could try some techniques to make more visible my existent sexual desire.
My psychologist's advice worked until last August, where we had a brief split up with my partner (for two weeks). In these weeks, I realized that what I missed the most were the hugs, the kisses, the acts of love; I was fine without any sex. But, really fine. Even I “joked” with my psychologist saying “I'm in an asexual era”. I didn't expect the realization I'd make some days later...
When we came back to live together, he started to ask for sex, I started to reject him, saying what I've missed the most. I said "I think i'm in the asexual spectrum". So, after he went to bed and sleep, I started to search about asexuality. I almost ended being defeated, I wasn't finding myself... Until I saw a hyperlink that said graysexual. I thought "well, I'll read its article just in case". And while I was reading the article, the truth was revealed. My situation has a name. I wasn't broken.
Since that night, I started to feel more free, more happy... and relieved.
I'm like this, take it or leave it.
Last but not least, thanks to this I'm questioning another things, like my gender identity, which wasn't that femenine lately... let's see where it leads.
Credits for the first image with the cat: @meoskyan
