Benjamin Carroll of New York Outlaws:
Benny is a person who you could describe as an open book. He embraces all thatâs around him and is a very profound thinker. Benny was someone who I sought out after watching the Awakening Series because he had a great effect on the Baystate Bandits, I just had to pick his mind. For many hours, days, and a month of messaging and finally meeting at NXL Dallas, this interview came to be. I wanted to show you all his thought process so I could better understand it also.
Photos By:Â Sonsini Media
(click links below for more info on Benny)
Splatlife: Share with me your purpose coming back into paintball.
 Benny: I got dragged back in! (Laughs). Seriously, I got dragged back in by an âopen doorâ in my consciousness, a debt to repay. But for real the whole experience had bigger plans for me, growing up plans, maturing plans, learning lifeâs curriculum through paintball plans. I had to repay a debt to Jeff Stein back from the (New England) Hurricanes days, but the universe had plans to turn my mess into a message and the following two years were nothing short of magical. This is very well documented in the Awakening Series by my good friend and ex Hurricane Steven Schloss on YouTube if youâd like to see more.
 Splatlife: Would you say because of that âcauseâ it has had a greater effect on you later? You seemed to keep growing during the time with and without the Baystate Bandits but left some long lasting effect on the team and viewers. I hear great things youâve said repeated at events, myself included.
Benny: Yes the Bandits were my transition into finding paintball as a âsadhanaâ, which means, path of transformation in yoga. Paintball became my yoga, became my means of transforming and it took on a new form as a martial art; a way, a movement practice and really something that served me in all aspects of my life.
 âIn my opinion paintball is (or at least can be) a valid path of human potential when we approach it in a certain way.â
And I guess if you were to ask in what way, it would be to approach paintball with reverence, with respect, as a path the universe has laid out in front of us to teach us; really, to serve us. A series of lessons that can only be here to serve our highest evolution.
 SplatlIife: Who has a positive influence on you to be the way you are, Iâm curious? I know you read a lot also. It leads me to think that itâs Bruce Lee, but thereâs bigger than him it seems.
 Benny: Bruce Lee. What an amazing character.
 Splatlife:  Thatâs mine for sure and Jesus.
 Benny: He has influenced me in ways, I love listening to his old dialogues about flowing like water. His philosophy on striking has also impacted me practically when throwing paintball combinations (strikes) on the field. But furthermore you bring up a good point. More of a name, Jesus. Who is Jesus? And to me, what did he teach? Has influenced me a lot. Jesus to me was and is an embodiment of ancient and universal, eternal wisdom. And in particular the wisdom of, âthe kingdom is withinâ. Iâve been heavily influenced by all the paths of wisdom and all the great avatars, from Jesus to others who have come to teach and embody this wisdom, this love, and this power. There are modern ones also, Matt Kahn rocks my world as well as a handful of others, but the fact remains. I found the kingdom within myself and that connection to God, The Source, The All That Is, The Great Orchestrator, The Creator, whatever you want to call that infinite intelligence within my being, is whatâs influenced me the most. When I need help, I enlist the universe, it really is that simple.
Before this interview, before any training session, before any great endeavor, small endeavor, a conversation with my girlfriend or the start of my day, I enlist the universe by asking for its intelligence to move through me (and others), in magical ways to bring out the best in myself and everybody for the upliftment of all.By doing this over and over, and not separating myself from the process (realizing I am the process and I am the participator) the kingdom reveals itself within me. All sorts of magical and miraculous things happen in my life. I often smile and realizeâŠI could NOT have possibly done, thought or comprehended the magnitude of variables that went into creating this unique moment. Surely the universe is alive, and furthermore alive in me and in the great words of our forefathers with this knowledge, "It conspires in my favorâ. Commitment to enlisting the universe does that. It creates a conspiracy, and I itâs theory.
Splat Life: I can see your level of influence had a great effect on the Bandits and once again, myself included. By the time the episode âWillpowerâ came out I started reading too, this game is very mental. What would you say for people that think itâs just about shooting and hitting the other guy, could you break down an important truth to make it understandable why that is? Thereâs so much more that is missed in the process of that.
Benny: Well it really is about just shooting and hitting the other guy, because thatâs the base parameter of the game. To constrain the game to itâs literal active component is well, beneficial. Constraints are the perfect breeding ground for creativity. And to solve this riddle of how we actually do that, shoot people, move and stay alive, is the inquiry that brings us down the path of having to read books, develop mental abilities, physical abilities, skill acquisition and all the fun stuff we love to dive into. I actually wrote a post about this recently called âThe Three Treasuresâ on the Art of Paintball if people want to  take a look. It boils paintball down into those three treasures (shooting people, moving and staying alive) as the simplicity that we can extract all the sophistication, all the gold of the game, from.
Anyway, looping back, I explain paintball to other people like thisâŠ
 Itâs tag, for adults. Human chess, itâs like the grown up, glorious version of a snowball fight. That in part disarms them, but itâs the absolute truth. The game is simply about tagging the other guy and I say this to reveal a truth that lies deep in my being. The game is not a game that came into existence to be about winning for dominationâs sake. It came into existence because tagging someone is just friggin fun. The elation of victory is isolated into a safe space to express your version of achieving that goal. NOT to fucking bury the other guy, cheat and kill until you win. If youâre at the point of âdoing anything to winâ youâve lost the point. Games are about direct intimacy with reality, period. Not so much about winning and losing. We created that, as a culture, and it emanates into our youth and schooling and our jobs and although winning is FUN, itâs not the POINT. Where consciousness is going, no matter how long it takes, the gameâs potential will be about the process of winning. Not simply about winning. The process is a healthy means of collaboration on the unique lessons only competition can bring forward. The game in its purity, in my opinion, is about gaming for gamingâs sake.The game is about playing. Itâs about the jovial pursuit of how you actually tag someone. The myriad of ways and possibilities and options for creativity in which you COULD tag someone. The game is meant to be gamed. Winning is the result of creativity, sensitivity, and execution coming alive in an efficient performance worthy of 5 tags. I feel weâve lost the purpose and often sacrifice creativity for domination, and the desire to suppress another rather than to express oneself. To WIN more so than to enjoy. And I understand at the highest levels a bit of this sacrifice is necessary and Iâm riding a fine line, but my original point remains. If you are only playing the game to win youâve lost the point. If winning has become your drug and youâre only happy when you win, youâve let an adventure become an addiction. You started playing paintball because it was fun. It was fun to find and explore all those ways to beat the game and celebrate every teamâs pursuit of that in a melting pot of âooohâsâ and âahhhhâsâ and a direct participation in that journey as the point of playing in the first place. I want to make that direct and clear. I believe the potential of paintball is to achieve direct intimacy with reality. Participation in a moment of glorious time where you as the paintbrush of the universe express yourself. And that, for us paintball players, happens to be a streak of paintball genius, where we propel our bodies, our intelligence, our paint (our medium) across and around a field to do one thing. Tag the other guy.
Splatlife: So everything basically translates to one another in this process, how do you put that together on the field? You play a different game out there, your style is like fluid. Why is that?
Benny: Well, Iâd attribute that to sensitivity. I look at paintball differently than others or at least I explain it in new ways but many have found this path at the highest levels and that path is sensitivity. Sensitivity to the moment. My path is simple, just show up, have an idea of what you want to do and go for it. Merge to emerge. For me, a better word would be an intuition of what you want to do. We get caught up with this idea of âenforcing our willâ but often I find that we run into problems when our will doesnât match what the moment offers us and we force things. Better taxonomy for me would be to sense. Sense into what the moment has made available for you and adopt it as your âwillâ or intention. Sense into what the game is opening up for you, and then in the point, in the game, just be hyper aware and open to what seems to be the next door opening and be there when it opens (which is probably the number one attribute of players that evolve quickly, their ability to predict and be unpredictable). The game is like a labyrinth calling you into deeper sensitivity with the moment. Therein lies what I brought up before, direct intimacy with reality, and why I play. To learn the art of being completely present. To merge with the moment as a means of emerging as something greater, more sensitive to the flow of life than ever before. When you train to be sensitive to Life in all mediums, whether Iâm with my girlfriend, my mom, writing or playing paintball â feeling and sensing into whatâs happening (paying attention) brings that intelligence within you to life. When itâs Alive it cooperates and integrates with life around you. And when that happens you connect to the point, the field, the bodies on the field, the refs, the fans, the original intention of the game plan and it all becomes one dance. Thatâs why it seems fluid, because I really am dancing out there, Iâm just present to my partners in the dance. Some would say, âOh your teammates?â. I would say, âNot just my teammates, but all the contributors.â Iâm dancing with the others guys, the refs, the bunkers, the layout, all to bring out the performance of a lifetime,  to solve the riddle, the labyrinth, and ultimately, to âwinâ. And trust me, I lose track of that sometimes and Iâll explain a practical example to ground this that will hopefully tie it together. I play my best ball when I just show up. When I start âexertingâ my own will without regard for the dynamics and variables of the game is when I start to get shot and âlose trackâ of the game. I eluded to this earlier. It happened to me in our recent playoff game in Dallas with the (New York) Outlaws and it happened to me at the Beast Of The East (the one on one tournament which Benny won and was awarded a Twister CS1). Would you like me to tell you what went wrong, how I lost my connection to the moment?
Splat LIfe: Sure explain more! Itâs your time to shine. Tell people what you think they should know!
 Benny: Well, in Beast Of The East, in the early rounds I put myself in a vulnerable spot against a player I am fundamentally better. I made a mistake Iâve made many times before. I overextended myself by moving without knowing where he was and he snuck a shot in. It was impatience and a lack of sensitivity to the principles the game has shown me work (i.e.) Shoot your way into every spot and win with your gun first, then movement. Which are principles that arose after hundreds of times being shot by valuing movement first and my gun (patience, poise, IQ) second. Moving wasnât what the moment was offering me and instead of winning with my gun first and movement second, I exerted my will and chose to move anyway. Years prior to this moment I asked the universe to help and it showed me that shooting your way into every spot when you have the time and space to do so is MUCH more effective than just, moving for movementâs sake. See I used to make a living on moving in 7 man as a small guyguy coming up the ranks, I could get away with it. Just crawling around, flying through unmanned gaps on the field, penetrating sloppily guarded zones, won games in style. But as I crawled up the ranks and got close to the professional peak of the paintball mountain, I started to get denied passage. Those zones were now manned by skilled guards forged in years of professional combat. And they made me pay until the point of passionate surrender, where I was completely done with getting shot âstupidâ overexerting myself. It was too painful and when I was ready to learn the lesson it came in those principles. So anytime I get shot moving itâs a reminder that maybe Iâm forcing it a bit. Iâm anxious to win instead of dance and I âstep on my own toesâ and get shot. No big deal, but sometimes it does in fact hurt and cause a âlossâ. Which is really another word for âlearningâ or âlessonâ in disguise. (ie: To take a loss, to learn a lesson).Â
So in Beast Of The East after that happened I took a moment to reassure myself. I walked off the field, where moments before I stood congratulating the winners of other points and encouraging the losers to stay with it, and found a quiet corner. I closed my eyes and asked the universe to show me my mistake, my lesson. RememberâŠEnlist the universe. It came back clear. I smiled, it was a mistake I had made many times before. I reassured myself, I donât have to do anything fancy, I am fundamentally better than my competition. Literally my fundamentals are better. My mistake was clear and so was my solution. I made an adjustment within myself to win first with my gun and second with my movement and one step at a time, upon that principle, I crawled out of the losers bracket and ended up winning. I treated everyone as âdangerousâ, equal. I got no more or less amped for the ânamesâ than I did for the ânobodiesâ. My process was simple. Show up and execute the fundamentals well. Use the principles and trust that the outcome will take care of itself. It was testament to the theory of respect. I respected every player as deadly and I stepped out there every time just being hypersensitive, not overextending, relying on my gun first and movement second. All of the sudden I looked up and Ryan Greenspan is cheering, every pair of eyes was fixated on me and I realized I won. It was a fun feeling, Iâm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. Such good energy pouring in from everyone, props galore, pictures with young guns looking up with starlit eyes. It was all really cool andâŠI remember a distinct feeling of maturity growing and emanating within me brighter than ever before. This experience showed me intimately how if I lose connection, even for just a moment, asking the universe to reveal my mistake, and making an adjustment can get you on course quickly. I think every great player and team has found their own unique way onto this path.Â
This is my process mid match. That is a happy story of how the result was celebration of a win. Where I had to celebrate a loss recently was in Dallas where I forced two moves early in a semis match trying to push the pace against PC Katana (exert my own will â I wanted to fly down the snake instead of earn my passage and do it right) and got picked up both times by opponents being more patient than me. We lost 3-4. If I was more sensitive, patient, and willing to listen to the moment then my body in those early points could have swayed that ship in our favor. And so I chose to celebrate that lesson, because next time, I will relax into patience when pressure arises, maintain my connection to whatâs available, not get shot out, and ultimately, hopefully, if itâs our timeâŠWin!
Reflecting over recent win at NXL Nashville with New York Outlaws June 2016:
(Wow looking back on this, I wrote this before Nashville and here we are. Overtime win against Katana for first place. Apparently I learned a few lessons. I think this is quite ironic but itâs testimony that this path works. Hopefully you take a little nugget of something I said and plant it within your game. At Least for meâŠitâs becoming battle tested).
 Splatlife: I feel people should understand the pure essence of this game. Thatâs why I made this blog. Thereâs people that want to go further that donât understand or donât know what to ask. I built this a guide for myself and them. Technically Iâm thirteen again in the paintball world because thatâs when I understood what I could be!
Benny: Iâm glad you built this blog. Itâs of great service to those people that thirst for these conversations and you and I are those people. I love hearing and watching Oliver (Lang) because heâs always trending on this knowledge. Others are to: Archie, Marcello and I love (Tyler) Harmon, that dude has the universal impulse of love and passion pulsing through his veins. Iâm really happy you and others are coming forward to be creative and put up stuff like this, bravo and thank you.
Splat LIfe: Iâm just a kid who wants to be like the other guys, and youâre right, I struck up a convo with Tyler and heâs easily one of my favorites right now. Itâs interesting to be on this journey and have a life being fulfilled through paintball.
 Benny: Yes, heâs like the embodiment of passionate paintball. The things he says in the pits are so productive to keeping the energy moving forward. You are, youâre on the same journey as the pros are on. Like I say often, being professional is not a rank, itâs a process. Itâs a mindset, an attitude you bring to the game, and you have that attitude.
Splatlife: Youâre right man, Iâm glad to be on this journey and now I know more that Iâm headed in the right direction! Please, talk about the Art of Paintball, I can see the concept of what youâve learned and shared with me is the driving force of wanting to share what you see through paintball. Promote it, drop those details!
Benny: Ah, the Art of Paintball. Itâs just marinating and maturing. Itâs my side piece that I work on little by little, my labor of love. Soon there will be an influx of energy and funds to shoot it from seed to flower but currently itâs germinating. The idea is to build a sanctuary for this knowledge to grow within the sport. Maybe Iâll do a Kickstarter or a Gofundme and really bring it to life. Iâm currently rocking it in the yoga world and putting money aside to give it the financial nutrients it needs. I have all the tools and the inspiration and the people to bring it to life, itâs coming.
 You can go to http://www.artofpaintball.com and see the seed of it but whatâs coming next and what is unpublished is the real baby. Whatâs up right now is like the picture from an ultrasound. You havenât actually seen my baby yet, only glimpsed a fraction of what it will become. I also share what inspires me at the Art of paintball Facebook page where I cross pollinate good stuff from around the internet with paintball to bring out some unique posts. Feel free to connect with that here: http://www.facebook.com/propaintballtraining
Thank you for the opportunity to share my baby. Itâs a privilege and an honor to be of service in these ways to the paintball community. Hopefully something inspires someone.
Splat Life: Oh it will, it always does. Iâve got Pros and Joeâs thanking me, but itâs really all you guys.
Benny: TeâShawn youâre the man though. For real I talk to so many guys from the  (Baysate) Bandits, to the ( New York) Outlaws, to all these guys on the pro and semi pro scene that know and love what you do! Keep it up, itâs so healthy for the sport.
Splatlife: Dude thank you I never would of thought. Iâm glad I can be a part of this big picture we all paint, pun intended. What would be something you want people to know, paintball or non paintball? Something that will stay on the heart and mind for a while?
Benny: Let paintball serve you! Donât burn out! To do that we must change our approach ever so slightly, even by just a degree. That degree is that we need to make sure we put more in the tank that we are expelling. It will bring you into direct communion with your own innate love, wisdom and power and allow paintball to grace you with gifts instead of strip you. Iâve seen both happen, Iâve experienced both. I cringe when I see the first and I rejoice when I see the latter. Iâm passionate about bringing to life the patterns and the path to paintball serving your highest evolution, abundance and joy. For real if I was to say anything to the paintball world it would be to find balance so we donât burn out. Iâve struggled in so many ways to do this and maybe this is a reminder to start sharing ways to end this struggle through the Art of Paintball. But I have to say, this sport, running on the old operating system, exhausts people. It burns people up and out of the sport. Weâve all seen it happen and we are the surviving players. Itâs very important for us to refresh our roots for our sport to thrive and move forward. If we donât create living breathing gardens, sanctuaries as teams for our young, up and coming talent we risk our sport (soil) and our new players (seeds) becoming infertile, and that would be a disaster. We need to pour water upon ourselves and our environments, we need to find ways to keep the process and the journey fresh, uplifting and balanced. Ultimately it needs to be FUN. Hard work can be fun, but it also can not be.We need to embody balance so we pass on balanced ways.
 *Sidenote, if you are a top player on any team, someone somewhere is looking up to you. You are having an influence on someone. Please use it as wisely, responsibly and positively as you know how.*
 If we do this paintball will become a plentiful world full of abundance and life. If we donât, teams will break, players will leave and our sport wonât have deep enough roots to produce the sweet fruit of a blossoming human being. The eternal optimist in me knows we will do so. Brotherhood is the best start we have to building positive, productive soil for paintball to serve us and was the core of my work with the (Baystate) Bandits. An environment where each player feels safe to explore and express and learn the game is absolutely critical to paintball becoming a healthy place for growth. Growth being the sign of a flourishing human being. Love binds, and our sport needs to come together in order to move forward. The evolution of teams into brotherhoods and âfamiliesâ was the first step.
(If youâre too young to remember, teams used to be more gang-like than family-like. I came into the sport on the tail end of this but fights at the paintball field were still a reality and the sport was littered with a lingering origin of war, and a âwin at all costsâ mentality that bred belligerence rather than execution. Not that itâs gone, but itâs evolving into something more productive than destructive.)
Now, as a sport the next step is to develop a reverence and respect for our opponents. When we do this moms will see the value in letting their kids come into this sport (yep Iâm going there) and we will become strong. We will empower and give strength to the up and coming talent in ways that help them thrive in all aspects of their lives. They will have more respect for the very mothers that drop them off at the field and they will find belonging, good example  and friendship on their teams which will help them become profitable individuals in other social circles. If we do this, if we develop a respect for opponents akin to Rugby or any of the great gentlemenâs games, Paintball will be viewed as a sport that brings out the best in people. This is important, very important. And I view the next step is developing a deep sense of respect for the competition, as necessary, as teacher, âI am because you areâ. Paintball is a process, a game that is in fact a valid path of human potential that holds within it an honorable curriculum. In that womb we can rebirth ourselves and our sport as one that celebrates and cultivates harmony and sensitivity instead of destroys it.
First, Develop brotherhood. Bring safety (to be who they are and try things on the field; i.e. permission to miss and to succeed) and celebration into your team. Celebrate each other, celebrate the wins, the losses, the attempts, celebrate everything and we will as a sport move into the vibrational alignment that allows life to pour in reasons to celebrate. Thatâs what we need, thatâs what we want, so letâs do it. For real.Â
Second, develop respect for opponents. How? Celebrate them also. Recognize their necessity and potentially how similar they could be. Every player that chooses the energy of celebration ushers in the next generation of paintball abundance. The choice is yours. Always has been always will be.
Splat Life: Lastly, is there anyone you would like to thank?
Benny: I would love to thank everyone! Everyone that Iâve ever talked to, shook hands with, competed against, played with, forâŠAll the wins and losses the hardships and the good times. I want to thank it all, you are all the universe in disguise that brought me to where I am now so thank you so much!
Jeff Stein for giving me my first pro shot on the Hurricanes and for reeling me back into the sport.
To the whole Baystate Bandits organization for giving me a platform to test my coaching theories and grow my leadership abilities.
To Beau and the  (New York) Outlaws for finally uniting me again with a team I love playing for and with. Reuniting old friends on new paths.
Thank you to  Dynasty and Oliver for always being the embodiment of a team thatâs (overall) healthy and for moving the sport toward brotherhood and heart.
To George Zervas, Dave Webb and the whole NEX Crew for the glory days.
To Dave Painter for the first magical years of Kamo Killaz and (Upton) 187 where this national journey began with a great patriarchal figure to help us kids play paintball across the country.
To Thomas Mantoni for slapping me upside the head (literally) and teaching me how often I was saying âbutâ and making excuses and how full my cup was when I first went pro, forever humbling me on this journey into a more receptive way.
To (Upton) 187 for repeatedly not taking me (Iâm being serious) because itâs taught me a LOT about life and paintball on my journey.
To (Matt) Darula for always being my training partner and the thousand of one on oneâs weâve done over the years.
 To Steven Schloss for being my absolute homie on and off the field and coming back with your film skills to make the Bandits and I look good in the Awakening series.
 To all the great ones in this sport that have and continue to inspire me with what could be.
To Grayson, Marcello, K School, Oliverâs Ebook, Jrab and Paintball U, Greg Siewers, Scott Kempâs Fitness for Paintball, and all the ones I havenât mentioned for finally making paintball knowledge and wisdom accessible to the ones who thirst for it.
To my Dad for being the best coach I could have ever had and valuing the simplicity of fundamentals so much. As well as my whole family for dealing with me through the ups and downs of paintball as I found my way.
To all the great ones in all the wisdom traditions, and for my number one mentor and influence, God (Source, The Universe, whatever) who lives and breathes in my heart, I canât thank this force of Life more. You are me and I recognize that now and I continue to ask that you rain blessings down on this sport, all the people in it and me. Help us to find our way and to be the best stewards of life that you desire us to be. I donât know how to do it, so please help me and anyone who asks for help, please send a special dispensation of light and love and wisdom into this sport and make each open player a conduit for this new consciousness to emerge in our sport. Thank you!
And TeâShawn, Itâs been an honor and a privilege, I hope that I didnât scare the whole world of paintball and that everyone was open and receptive of this message. I know parts were from my heart and parts where from my mind. I hope that somehow some way it influences everyone in a way that uplifts and empowers, I love you bro and I thank you.
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