Oh No

Have I done something? Probably

[quarryknightcosplayandcustoms]

I made another comic

[letsgayguys-blog]

Godamnit this has me cr y in g

[serenaci]

[samcahntent]

Cursed Creature here

[fattypanc4kes]

Spicy Cowboy 🤠

[likealimestonecowboy]

Dairy-free Gremlin

[mylovesnotfragile]

demonic thot

[morgeysplace]

Clueless Activist 

[autistickryptonian-deactivated2]

“Horrific Cowboy”

oh… it me,,,,

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

So when Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi he looked like this

But turning to the dark side changed his physical appearance. Most notably his eyes, which became yellow (a very typical Sith transformation in many species)

And while I know that Wookies are not supposed to be able to be force sensitive and therefore cannot become Jedi or Sith, all I am saying is that

.... You know?

[alittleoptimistic]

There is literally no way I could have guessed where this post was heading

[doodlegirll]

This is one of the funniest holiday cards I have ever seen.

[laughconfetti]

this has been in my queue for an entire year

[lotad]

[liberalsarecool]

Holidays are for everyone.

Conservatives have to make it about themselves.

[charminglyantiquated]

so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.

BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.

i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…

you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist

[roachpatrol]

okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim. 

finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’

and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’

and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’

and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’ 

and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’

the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this. 

and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons. 

[naamahdarling]

@elodieunderglass

tagged for imaginary swans doing the lord’s work

[drferox]

A++, two thumbs up.

It may also interest someone to know that swans can projectile poop.

[hellenhighwater]

I know a real-world mama swan who got shot in the wing and walked four miles overland to get back to her babies and dad swan, with her broken wing bleeding and dragging the whole way. She just kept going. Don’t mess with lady swans. 

Also? Swans don’t have a lot of obvious physical markings that divide the males from females. So some idiot might be like, “damn, that’s a sexy bird, I wanna marry her” and then like. It’s a dude swan. You just transformed thirty pounds of angry aggressive bird into 200+ pounds of angry aggressive adult man, who will totally kick your butt. (Also I’m pretty sure that if you turned a lady swan into a human, you would not get a willowy little 5′0″ girl. You’d probably have a 6-foot amazon with biceps the size of your head. Swans are heavy birds and it takes a LOT of muscle to get them into the air. They are among the baddest bitches in the bird kingdom)

And when a swan decides to beat you up, it is not with fancy martial arts. Swans are brawlers. They have bone clubs built into their wing joints specifically for beating people up. A human swan is gonna come at you screaming and spitting and just keep punching you in the face until you regret every decision you have made ever in your life and also some of the ones your parents made too. 

[alpacalypticbex]

[toomanyschwas]

@elodieunderglass

[elodieunderglass]

I hope this is giving everyone plenty of material for their wedding proposals

[karalora]

A swan that stands up to its full height can peck you in the trachea. Just thought I’d point that out.

[otherwindow]

An absolutely CRITICAL part of mermaid social etiquette is to ALWAYS swim around head height with other mermaids. This prevents both mermaids from harming each other via their tails, fins, and other appendages.

This etiquette is also intended to symbolize equality – regardless of whether you’re a coastal mermaid, a small freshwater mermaid, or a 50ft tall deep sea mermaid, everybody is deserving of equal stature.

[harvestspriteirl]

OP: It’s for etiquette and safety for other mermaids! 

Me: Hell yeah! :)

OP: Because all mermaids are equal. 

Me, crying: H-hell,,, yeah,,,!!!! :,)

[criptochecca]

[losttomyownself]

[lesbx]

I love this channel this guy just reviews and picks different locks in a very unbiased, low energy way and every time he gets one open theres 100 comments of people just roasting the hell out of the lock

[tsunglasses]

So this bot followed me and I swear to God it’s made a better shitpost than everyone on tumblr combined

I’m fucking losing my mind here man.

[messy-kobalt]

When it’s time to pet your cat

[lovelyardie]

In foookin HOWLIN

[screaming-fan-girl]

I don’t know if I reblogged this already but I am not lying when I say I’ve watched this about 3 dozen times

[homunculus-argument]

cat: hey you gonna eat that?

human: uh, that’s a rat. They’ve been showing up ever since we started harvesting grain. We don’t eat them, they eat our food.

cat: free game then. Cool.

human: be my guest.

cat: hey is this spot free? It looks warm and I need a place to have my litter.

humans: this is my house. Feel free, I guess, just don’t get stepped on.

cat: hey can you watch my kittens for me? I need to hunt and I don’t want predators finding them.

human: holy shit these buggers are cute. Nothing will happen to them.

cat: I am going to climb on your lap now and you are going to love me.

human: I’m ok with this.

[sailor--spoon]

HEY JUST TO REMIND EVERYONE: CATS DOMESTICATED THEMSELVES AND WE ARE JUST LUCKY THAT THEY CHOSE TO HAVE US IN THEIR LIVES

[microcroft]

kinda mad because op managed to summarize the domestication of cats in a single post what it took me a 10+ page research paper to explain

[shortshifter]

Superliminal- a fun size perspective game!

[wereralph]

how the fuck do you even BEGIN to code this

[shithowdy]

“polls show that 34% of americans will vote for–”

what polls? whomst is being polled? i have never once in my life been polled. what is the sample size? what is the sample demographic? is it really 34% of americans or is it 34% of americans who answer random numbers on their landline??? poll this dick

[thegnomedruid]

As a statistician, these are EXACTLY the questions you should ask when interpreting a poll.

In fact, you shouldn’t HAVE to ask. A data scientist doing their JOB will provide that information UP FRONT. How the random sample was taken, who was polled, and what demographics were potentially left out of the poll.

If that information isn’t there, don’t trust it.

[starapture]

rotoscope ☼ ☽

[starapture]