son of a gun!

→ marvel. yu yu hakusho. yugioh. kingdom hearts. sailor moon. legend of zelda. +so much more. ryou/amélie!

[colorfulgradients]

colorful gradient 13868

[fyeahsailormoon]

水でもかぶって反省しなさい!

[tsukinosusagis]

M o o n  d u s t in your lungs, s t a r s in your eyes, you are a child of the c o s m o s, and ruler of the s k i e s

[arlesiana-deactivated20171105]

A black kid was shot dead by Brazilian police in Rio de Janeiro on thursday. Could you guys fucking pretend you care about anything that does not happen in the US or in the Europe and make this fucking viral????

His name was Eduardo de Jesus Ferreira, he was sit near his house at the Complexo do Alemão, reading, when he was shot dead by a cop that later said he thought the boy was holding a gun (it was in fact a smartphone). Said cop later treatned Eduardo’s mom.

Eduardo was just a boy; he had only a decade of life and probably many dreams that will never come true because he was a poor black kid, standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, and because there is a Black Genocide happening in Brazil for centuries and nobody seems to give a FUCK about it. He was killed; his mom, Terezinha, has lost her son and, as she said, “she wouldn’t care if that cop killed her because he had already ended her life”.

PLESE GUYS… MAKE THIS VIRAL.

PLEASE.

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS TO LIVE IN A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE  BRUTALLY KILLED EVERYDAY AND THEN FORGOTTEN THREE DAYS LATER, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE POOR OR BLACK.

[thechanelmuse]

On top of that, there were hundreds of people out there marching for justice for that little boy and the police started using tear gas and stun grenades on those protesters. Same ol’ bullshit, just different countries…

[hawaiiancoconut]

[gifharrypotter]

the more you care, the more you have to lose.

[spaceexp]

What it would look like if the Orion Nebula was a distance of 4 light years away.

[sentimental-apathy]

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

[mommy4sissyslut]

Now I’m so pissed off that it isn’t

[mypubliclands]

A few of our favorite moonlight shots over BLM-managed land.  

Photos and time-lapse photography by Bob Wick, BLM

[observando]

If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform a million realities.

Maya Angelou (via observando)

[inushige]

「MARCH」/「チヤキ」の作品 [pixiv] #pixitail

[jehuty]

[observando]

Because horror on Earth is real and it is every day. It is like a flower or like the sun; it cannot be contained.

Alice Sebold (via observando)

[paranoidgaze]

i’m so glad you’re alive. 

when i saw you post that instagram post about what happened to you, i felt my heart stop for a few moments and i had to force myself to reread the post again. 

i’m so glad you’re alive. I haven’t prayed in a long time but I knelt down and thanked God that you’re at home now, safe and sound. relaxing with Alejandra and with your family. I’m so glad you’re alive. at the same time. when i read your instagram post: I had an epiphany. an epiphany that still has me thinking: what the hell happened? when did i stop knowing the person who I used to call my best friend?

I’m so glad you’re alive.

the last text i ever sent to you was January 1st, @ 12:07am. we were wishing each other a happy New Years and telling each other how we’re going to make awesome memories together. the last time we ever had a real, long conversation was probably before that: back on Twitter somehow, before i deactivated my old account.

i’m so glad you’re alive.

the last thing I ever said to you was “as long as you’re in my life, I know it’s going to be a great new year :’)”

i truly meant those words. I just. I don’t know what happened. i didn’t mean to go back on them. when I started blocking out everyone in my small, friend group. 

 i’m so glad you’re alive. 

 during the time I had stopped talking with everyone, isolated myself, i had a nervous, mental breakdown. my parents had enough of me just being afraid of going back to school and just living of life of “constantly waking up, slumping around the house, going to work, and repeating the same thing over and over again.” (what they failed to realize all the things I’ve done for them during this time, from doing everything around the house, to taking care of my sisters, for letting them borrow more money from me without ever giving it back) at this point, they had kicked me out of the house for a solid 3 days. I stayed with my aunt during this time. 

 i almost killed myself, while staying st her house. 

on the 2nd night I stayed over, i had sunk at an all time low. I don’t remember what had come to my mind that day, but I do remember my little cousin walking in on me when i was etching more cuts on the inside of my legs. she screamed and I remember my aunt coming in, took one look at my bleeding leg and started yelling at me in Spanish. 

 my aunt sent me back home, the afternoon after, calling me “ill.” being mad at my parents for having me “grow up this way”. saying I needed to go seek some professional help. 

 my parents were angry at the fact i let my depression be known outside of the immediate family. despite my aunt’s words, they didn’t do a thing. dad thought locking me in my room and restricting my laptop/phone privileges was a good idea. mom cried and asked why I was still this “like this”. they pretty much ignored me for two weeks, while i isolated myself from the outside world. the only time i ever came out from the house was for work and even there, everyone noticed a change in my demeanor. I stopped talking with anyone. I would only give one word responses and I would get irritable if anyone asked what was wrong. 

 I never smiled anymore. 

 it wasn’t until that night. that night when my friend Daisy begged me, literally begged me to go out with her and some of our other work friends to Denny’s. I looked at her like she was a mad woman. I didn’t understand how someone like her could still have hope for me. Hope that I would reform back into that person I once was. 

 Eventually, I said yes to shut her up. What I planned to do, at first, was to drive off home after following her car for a short distance. But I guess Daisy suspected the same idea or smth like that. She forced me and our friend Sam to take her car to Denny’s and I was so pissed. When we got there, I didn’t talk for the first half hour. I was too angry. Too tired to even want to have any sort of social interaction. 

 After an hour, I guess my friends called for an intervention. because the way I looked up from staring at my barely touched plate of fries the entire time, Daisy looked at me and said “you’re unhappy. I get it. But don’t think none of us have noticed.” 

 I cried that night. I think. The hardest I’ve ever cried, in such a long time. I felt my heart drop into my stomach, when I fucking embarrassed myself and cried into both Daisy’s and Brandon’s chests, at Denny’s, after telling them what had happened to me. About me breaking down. Cutting up my legs. Giving up my dream to ever go back to school. How my parents portrayed me as this failure who they just want out of their lives for good. how much i despise myself.

I wasn’t the only one who cried. Surprisingly. Daisy cried. Sam cried. Mayra fucking hit my shoulder but cried and said “If you died, I would’ve searched through heaven just to bring you back to earth.” Even Brandon sobbed at how broken I looked. 

 That night, I got home around 1:30am. After admitting everything, i finally felt some sort of silver lining. I felt. A turning point. And I don’t regret that night. Ever. 

 At the same time, that night was the last night I ever texted Jerry. He said “your friends miss you.” I knew he meant you, himself, Alejandra, Escalante and Zach. But I couldn’t bare myself to say anything. I felt too. Bad. 

i’m so glad you’re alive.

I. Don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I just. Really wanted to let this all spill out. And explain myself why I haven’t decided to contact you. Or any of the old friends in general. 

I didn’t want to have to explain what had happened to me. But, at the same time, I have guilt. Guilt for just abandoning you guys. For no fucking reason. I know I did it for me, but also not to have you guys carry that burden of me being at my lowest point. but that was so selfish of me to even do so. I wish I had let you guys in, instead of block myself out from you all. Please don’t think I haven’t thought about you guys. I do. Every single damn day. But I don’t know how to even talk to you guys like everything's fine and back to normal. Cause it's not. 

I want to fucking tell you, specifically you, how much I love you and how im so fucking sorry i was a shit best friend to you. I know I should've been there for you. I know that I could've made more of an effort to talk to you. To tell you that I am here and still thinking about you. To comfort you, to ignore work for you, I could've done something to show you that you'd always be my best friend. 

to be honest... i still consider you my best friend. i know that I've gotten so much closer with Daisy and Sam. In fact. I thank them for helping me through this process because if they weren't there for me, I would've honestly tried to kill myself again. Maybe even cut something more vital than a leg. Could've gone back to my wrists again. They really are two of my closest friends. 

But. You were always my best friend. But. I know I'm not yours anymore. And to be honest. I'm glad I'm not. Because you don't don't deserve someone like me. Despite us not talking, I'm just. Really glad I still follow you on Instagram, on here and on Twitter. Even I don't use 'em as much as I used to, I have something to see how you're doing. I'm so glad you have two wonderful best friends, Nathan and Alejandra. I don't know Nathan but I know the both of them will always be there for you and I'm so grateful the three of you are best friends. 

I. Want to text you and see how you're doing. But. How do I do that without actually wanting to say "I'm so fucking sorry for leaving, I'm a shit person and you have every right not to respond to me" 

Aha. Ahhh.... 

I'm so glad you're alive. 

I'm so glad you're okay. I don't even know if you'll ever read this. If you do, I understand that you don't want me in your life anymore. To keep things the way it currently is. 

I don't even know if you hate me. If you do, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart. But I fully understand. 

If you don't, I'm still sorry. From here on out.... I'm going to apologize to the rest of the friend group. What I did was truly horrible and I just want them to know why I did what I did. 

But I wanted to apologise to you first because I never intended for this to go this far... With any of you... 

I'm so glad you're alive. 

I know you'll grow up... into a wonderful author... poet... writer some day... You've always had that about you. 

I'm so glad you're alive... So so glad..

[bakurasgaydar]

[prettypnk-deactivated20150426]

[apohllo]

YOU ARE HERE: | LISTEN |

the kind of existential mix you listen to while you lean your head sadly against a rain-stained window // requested by endofamelia + dortlich 

(use headphones)

[degreeincuriosity]