Passing Church Notes

Comics and notes from growing up in the Korean American church

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The Typical Korean Church Story — Tom Talks

If you grew up in a small Korean church, I can probably guess your story - because it's probably similar to many others

[christianscanrelate-blog]

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Korean-American churches seeing exodus of young worshippers

Church was once the center of community for Koreans in California, but younger generations are seeking support in the broader society.

It’d be interesting to find out what the actual numbers are in regards to the “silent exodus” ie. how many of those who leave the Korean church find a new congregation and how many just stop going to church altogether?

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The reasons why people decide to leave or stay after a church split can be varied which each side thinking they are in the right. But regardless of which side you are on, the ones who stay or the ones who leave; a church split is always painful and can bring out the worst in people. 

When our church split (not once but twice) and we lost that community, I took it really hard. The first time, a little more than a third of the congregation left to form a new church effectively reducing our numbers (ironically it was still within a 5 mile radius in the same town which resulted in some awkwardness whenever we ran into a past member at a local burger king or grocery store). The adults numbers were reduced by a third while the youth group was reduced by almost half. We still saw the other kids from the YG because we went to the same joint retreats every year, but I learned that their church was also struggling and every time I couldn’t help but think, how nice it would be if were were still together under one church? 

We tried our best to move forward, however the church never seemed to recover in terms of membership, passion, and vitality. Eventually the families who had young kids left altogether to find a different church. 

Whenever someone left I felt hurt, abandoned, and betrayed and wondered what were their real motivations for leaving. Oh sure we had some people say that they felt that “God was leading them into another direction” but didn’t it seem convenient that the direction happened to be towards the mega church with +1,000 members?

To add to that,  every couple of years the elders for whatever brilliant reason would decide that the best way to ‘revitalize’ the church was to replace the lead pastor (a decision that at the I was most upset about because somehow all the PKs (Pastor’s kids) ended up being around the same age as me and they were some of the best friendships I ever had). Every time this cycle happened of bringing a new pastor in- getting close and forming new friendships with new kids - watching the elders force the pastor to leave - saying goodbye -- and having to start all over again with  the new pastor, the PK’s, and JDSN was incredibly frustrating. 

But for some reason my family never left and we stayed throughout the changes and it’s something I’m still trying to figure out looking back all these years, why did we stay?  

And now here I am, years later looking back and wondering whether I should stay or go. I’m learning that maybe the first two splits have affected me more than I thought, and that these feelings of bitterness and resentment are still being harbored deep inside, threatening how I form new friendships and relationships as an adult. 

Maybe there is no clear cut right or wrong reason why people leave or stay, maybe the reasons are as varied and complex as the people themselves and it’s different for each person and the situation and life stage they are in. I don’t know what else to do other than to watch and to wait, so I guess I’ll have to wait it out. But I hope that one day, God will use this story of brokenness and redeem it for His glory. 

-Elim

[elimrae]

I’ve been thinking a lot these days about what it means to serve and the youth ministry that we had. Back then I thought of it as a responsibility, a chore. Being one of the few college students who remained in our home church, I found myself suddenly in a leadership position I wasn’t prepared for when our church split and a lot of the staff left. I didn’t realize at the time what an incredible opportunity it was to show God’s love and direction, and I have a lot of lingering regrets on whether I was good enough, prepared enough, humble enough as a leader. However I know this ministry is ultimately in His hands and I’ve learned that we are utterly dependent on God and His grace. As long as the Word was taught, His name was praised, and love communicated, we did our part and can have no regrets.

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When you work with kids and teens in youth ministry, it it such a joy to see how each one of them is different and how their own unique personalities, temperaments, and talents show through. My hope is that we can truly love and protect these kids and cultivate a warm safe environment where they are free to express their doubts and questions regarding their faith. 

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To be continued...

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[humansofnewyork]

“The Korean American community is very tight-knit. From the outside it can sometimes look like inwardness or selfishness, but it’s primarily based on survival. When you’re an immigrant, feeding your children and paying your rent comes before integrating with society. And the support to do those things normally comes from within the community. For Korean Americans, the community mainly revolves around the church. Korean immigrants will go to church even if they aren’t religious. Because that’s where the community is. It’s where people speak their language. It’s where they can find information, and a network, and jobs, and people to cook them meals when they’re sick. It can sometimes seem like an unwillingness to integrate. But the closeness of the community is really about trying to survive.” ———————————————- James is the Executive Director of the MinKwon Center for Community Action 민권센터 in Flushing Queens, which seeks to educate and organize marginalized members of the Korean American community.

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People you meet at a Youth Retreat

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There’s something about eating cup ramen at 11PM at night and talking about life with your small group that gets to me.  Retreats take a considerable amount of planning, coordination, and resources so thank you to all the leaders and people behind the scenes who make it work every year!

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So.. my intentions as part of the welcoming committee may have been less than honorable. The next time you see a cute guy or girl at church remember that they are your brother or sister in Christ. Let's think purely and love appropriately as God intended. 

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.

-Galatians 3:26-27

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I remember the first time there was a big fight at church. The hushed whispers between the kids in the youth group when our teacher grimly told us to stay in our classrooms and not go anywhere until she said so. The feeling of excitement and guilt when my friend and I said we were just going to the bathroom but sneaked out and stealthily made our way upstairs to the main sanctuary to see what was going on.

The first time I saw the once respected elders and deacons display uncontrollable rage and the look of stunned silence on my friends face when he saw that his once normally mild mannered dad was part of the faction that was yelling accusations at the pastor. The altercation between two little old ladies that became so aggressive that multiple people had to get involved to break them up. The first time that I thought to myself are these people really Christian? What the heck was happening to our once peaceful church?

Contrary to the holier than thou perception some might have,  the church is full of  sinners and imperfect people who are in need of God’s mercy and grace as much as anywhere else in the world. With that being said maybe it was inevitable that misunderstandings and disagreements ensued. Based on my personal experience and the stories I’ve heard from others, these are just some of the situations that resulted in fighting in the our circle of churches: 

The elders for whatever reason decide they don’t like the current pastor so they covertly try to rally support to kick the pastor out

The older members of the church were getting superstitious because of the newly installed PowerPoint projection screen that was blocking the view of the huge cross on the wall.

The congregation couldn’t come to an agreement on the logistics of trying to set up a new worship service with contemporary music

The little misunderstandings, when we can forgive one another in love and try to come to an agreement, we can move on. But other times when the hurt feelings and resentment lingers on and people react by gossiping, taking sides, and harboring bitterness in their hearts, then the division widened and ultimately resulted in a faction splitting from the church to form their own.

I’m sad to say I’ve seen too much of this happening in my circle of churches and the part that’s the hardest is having to say goodbye to your friends. Friends whose families were involved in the other side of the argument and friends whose lives were uprooted just because their father was the pastor. I had mistakenly thought that once the troublemaking side of the church left, things would get back to normal and they did for a while. But the arguments that are now springing up are reminiscent of that one Sunday years ago and it makes me wonder if maybe they never left in the first place, or if we were the troublemakers all along.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures

James 4: 1-3 (NIV)